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Old Apr 15, 2018, 11:44 AM
Christopher1990's Avatar
Christopher1990 Christopher1990 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 467
My last episode lasted over 6 months, and landed me in jail and state hospital. I lost about a year of my life because I stopped taking my meds and thought I could self medicate and be alright.
Well, I was wrong again.
lost everything this time.
Job, car, friends, girl.
I'm lucky that my parents have taken me back in their house.

They think I am doing great and that's that. Physically, I look fine compared to past.

But, inside I feel Empty. Like my whole spirit or soul has left me with my former self. My meds are maxed on doses and I am sleeping like 12 hours a night.
I should be back on SSDI next month. But nobody around me thinks I should work right now. Myself, Id like a part time job and maybe go back to school for my b.a.
All of this has me feeling and believing I am permanently disabled.

I still have to make appointment with T for some serious questions.

I know its going to take a long time to regain my strength and confidence and regain my life back.

Right now, I am lost.

Thanks for reading.
Hugs from:
Anonymous45023, Shazerac, Unrigged64072835, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25
Thanks for this!
Shazerac, Wild Coyote

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  #2  
Old Apr 15, 2018, 11:51 AM
piano97 piano97 is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 473
I'm so sorry Christopher. I'm glad to hear you have good family support. That is so important. I understand the 'empty' feeling. Do make a T appointment. This will take some time. There is no rush, let your mind and body have time to heal. Keep in good touch with your doctor too. Sometimes sleeping 12 hours is needed. Do not feel bad about SSDI, and do not rush into working again. You are not alone and that you are seeking support is a great thing.
Thanks for this!
Shazerac, Wild Coyote
  #3  
Old Apr 15, 2018, 11:52 AM
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Shazerac Shazerac is offline
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Member Since: May 2015
Location: earth
Posts: 3,029
You’ve really put yourself through the wringer.

Welcome back by the way. I’m sorry you lost it all. I would be feeling empty too. Thank you for sharing your story. It is other people’s willingness to open up and tell all that has probably saved me from the same fate. I go through periods where I think “I’m fine! I don’t need these stinkin Meds.” I want to stop taking them and drastically reduce dosages. It never goes well.

I only try med reductions now with my Pdocs consent and supervision.
__________________


Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day!

"Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 -
Seroquel 100
Celexa 20 mg
Xanax .5 mg prn
Modafanil 100 mg

Thanks for this!
Christopher1990, Wild Coyote
  #4  
Old Apr 15, 2018, 01:49 PM
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Wild Coyote Wild Coyote is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 12,735
Welcome back, Christopher!

I am sorry for all you've gone through.
You've survived a lot of losses and it will take time to grieve, to adapt and to move forward.

I also want to thank you for sharing your story.

Please take exceptionally good care!


WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.
Thanks for this!
Christopher1990
  #5  
Old Apr 15, 2018, 02:53 PM
Unrigged64072835 Unrigged64072835 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Under the noise floor
Posts: 18,579
Hello, Christopher, and welcome back!

I think more people have been in your situation than not. It's hard to start all over.

Hope you can gain some insight so you don't put yourself in that position again.

Thanks for this!
Christopher1990
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