[wildflowerchild25]

I have been feeling well for almost three weeks now. This is excellent on the one hand for obvious reasons. However, now I have to think about going back to work. It’s my one source of anxiety at this point.

I absolutely feel like I CANNOT go back there. I can’t be a math teacher. I can’t deal with my *****y co-teacher. I can’t deal with angry parents and evaluations and everything that comes along with it. But I feel like I have no other option. I don’t know how long it will take to find a new job (looking at admin assistant jobs) because I don’t have experience in anything but education. I only have enough savings to last me another six weeks or so, just enough to last until my fmla runs out. So I have to go back to get paid. I also need to keep my insurance as long as possible. I’m on rexulti now, no generic for that, can’t afford it without insurance.

I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking about trying to go back earlier, like feb 1, so I have a month of fmla left. I want to ask hr if it’s possible to apply for intermittent fmla. That way I will be able to take time off again if I need to. I’m trying to psych myself up; if I go back feb 1, there’s only 3.5 months left in the school year. I’ll only have to deal with it for three and a half months. Maybe I can make it. That way I can save more money and resign at the end of the year, if they don’t fire me. My certificate is expiring anyway so I’m out of teaching at the end of the year anyway.

What do you think? I think I MIGHT be able to handle it for only 3.5 months, especially if I have a month’s worth of intermittent fmla to take. Then I’ll be able to keep my insurance and save money and start getting my resume together. I won’t have the added stress of grad school (withdrew from the program) so I might be able to handle it.

[Nammu]

Sounds like a plan. ((((((((Hug)))))))))

[possum220]

Wondering if it might be helpful to talk to your supervisor at the school and see if there are ways to minimize the impact of going back. There will be good and hard things about returning. Is a note from your doctor stating what duties that you can do and others that would be too taxing at this point be helpful?

The school does have a duty of care and hr should be able to ease you back in.

Fwiw, I'm on rexulti too, but I'm living off samples since my insurance won't cover it.

In essence, my insurance argues that the med "is only approved for scizophrenia and major depressive disorder," which means they're not even considering off-label use of it. So I presume they're just giving reasons to avoid paying it (since it's expensive), even though I can't take any pines (quetiapine, olanzapine, asenapine, clozapine...) since they increase my cholesterol. And I've tried abilify and latuda already. So the only options left (besides rexulti) are typicals, but my pdoc won't prescribe typicals. That leaves me with rexulti.

But anyways, enough rambling... My point is that I'm sure you can work something out with your pdoc, as most pdocs seem to be cool about it. They know it's hard to afford meds sometimes, and they know that your body chemistry well enough, or so to speak. That's why mine is being nice about it.

I'm not saying to give up with the teaching situation, but just saying that there are ways around the insurance bullsh_t if worst comes to worst.

As far as money goes, worst case, substitute teaching. It's a good fall back imo if you are willing to consider renewing your certificate/license. And the best part about substitute teaching is that you don't necessarily have to work everyday. So you can do substitute teaching while you find an admin assistant job

[wildflowerchild25]

I couldn’t do substitute teaching, that would be more stressful I feel than regular teaching as I know how kids treat substitutes lol. Hell they treat me like a sub when the main teacher isn’t there and it isn’t nice. But thanks for the suggestion. The problems with my certificate is that I’ve already renewed it the maximum number of times. I was supposed to have gotten my schooling done by now but BP got in the way. But that’s neither here nor there; I don’t want to be a teacher anymore anyway.

I think I’m going to give it a shot as long as I can get intermittent fmla. If I can at least take a mental health day here or there without getting yelled at then I think I might be able to make it. I really have no other choice. I know I won’t find a job in six weeks. I just need to scrimp and save as much as possible to hold me over. If I’m really lucky, they will fire me again and I can get unemployment.

I guess that’s the attitude I’m going to take; I don’t have to worry about excelling, just doing right by the students.

[Sunflower123]

Sounds like a good plan - using intermittent FML and trying to make it for 3.5 months. Good luck and best wishes.

[~Christina]

Yes use the Mental health days as often as you can..

I do think that teaching is just to much for you.. Gah I could never handle that job at all.. So little respect shown to teachers. Ugh just Ugh..

A admin position would probably be fantastic ! It will allow you to find more stability.

You hun deserve a much needed break...... you have always fought long and hard.. time to rest

[wildflowerchild25]

Every day I get more anxious about this. I haven’t emailed HR yet to say I’m coming back. I have to think about how to word it because I need to ask for accommodations as well, i.e. intermittent fmla. I’m afraid they will refuse. I don’t have much money left, not enough to take me to the end of February.

It just makes me sick to think about going back to that environment, where I don’t know anything at all and can’t help any of the kids and just stand there for 87 minutes while my co teacher stares me down. I will probably be able to continue with my one on one math training but what for? I just can’t grasp math. I feel so bad that I took this position. I thought I could learn the math quickly but I can’t, my brain doesn’t work that way.

Then they will expect me to go over the homework and do the do now. I will just have to say that I’m not comfortable with it. That’s the only thing I can do. I can’t handle standing up there feeling like I’m going to screw up and my co teacher will make fun of me behind my back to the other math teachers.

I know I’m freaking myself out and that most of this is in my head...but I just don’t know. I’m going to have to do the best I can.

[xRavenx]

You know yourself best. I think you have a good plan, and it is a strength that you know when it is a bad environment for you. Giving yourself the time you need is important. That is a form of self-care and helps prevent you from hospitalizations or from getting into an even worse state mentally, even though you are already feeling burnt out. I'm hoping this is a way you can try to reframe a negative situation and look at it in a little more of a positive way....if that makes sense. Take care of yourself.

[seoultous]

I seriously feel for you. This is a tough decision. Don't hesitate to get your pdoc involved. If s/he says you need intermittent FMLA then it is going to go over better than you asking. I wouldn't write HR without a supporting letter from your pdoc.

Just experience talking. Good luck.

[bluemountains]

I am so much like you, only the elementary version. I don't allow my principal to know what is going on when I am out, only HR, because I am sure she would use this as another thing to use against me. She already uses whatever she can to make my already difficult life a living hell.
Here are some ideas I have used for myself. I have manipulated the fmla days. My pdoc and t are always very cooperative with this because they believe that my job really hurts my mental health. But right now, I can't see beyond the money my family needs.
Like you, I am trying to figure out a way to get out while not losing too much. I am sure I am older and closer to the end of having to be there because I have my own children to get through college before I can seriously consider getting a less stressful job. Have you considered applying to a private school? Perhaps their timeline for finishing your certification needs will be different depending on their needs? If it is like the schools here, the pay is less, but maybe that means less stress. The same goes for charter schools. I worked in one for several years, and the requirements were the same, but I think there was a year's leniency for new teachers to get updated on their certifications. They just had to work at TA pay during that time.
I know you work at the middle or high school level, but have you thought about moving down to the young ones, the preschoolers? I have also done this for a short time. They are cute. It's fun, but you have to have LOTS of energy! It might be good if you are this type of person.
I have taught in more than one state, and the current one I teach in has no respect for teachers. I am surprised that those without problems can survive, and I have no idea how I am making it except with lots of tears and stretches of days either in the hospital or at home with daily visits to my t or pdoc until I am strong enough to face it all again.
I am so sorry you are in such a bad place. Probably the teachers you work with aren't talking about you as much as you think. At least that has been my experience. I hope it is the same for you.
Good Luck and I hope you find quick relief
Bluemountains

[wildflowerchild25]

I feel like any teachers my position Would be too much for me. Just the thought of planning lessons and executing them makes me anxious. My job at the private school for behaviorally disordered kids was the most lenient on the lessons front but the trade off was being cursed at and threatened etc all day long. I just want out of education altogether. That means I will have to live with my mom for the foreseeable future but it is what it is. Thankfully I only have one child and my grandparents have set up a college trust fund for him so I don’t have to worry about getting him through college.

I emailed HR today about how I would go about applying for intermittent fmla. Hoping to hear back soon. My concern is I’m starting with a new pdoc on January 31 as my old one is no longer at the practice. I dont know if she would approve of writing a note right off the bat. But I’ve been with my therapist for a couple of years now so she would. I just don’t know if they’d accept that. It might need to be a doctor.

I feel like a lot of the problems I have at work are in my head and if I wasn’t so critical of myself it wouldn’t be as bad. But at the same time I know that this is just too much for me. I just hope I can make it the 4.5 months until the end of the year (see, I miscalculated in the original post - I’m terrible!).

[bluemountains]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I feel like any teachers my position Would be too much for me. Just the thought of planning lessons and executing them makes me anxious. My job at the private school for behaviorally disordered kids was the most lenient on the lessons front but the trade off was being cursed at and threatened etc all day long. I just want out of education altogether. That means I will have to live with my mom for the foreseeable future but it is what it is. Thankfully I only have one child and my grandparents have set up a college trust fund for him so I don’t have to worry about getting him through college.

I emailed HR today about how I would go about applying for intermittent fmla. Hoping to hear back soon. My concern is I’m starting with a new pdoc on January 31 as my old one is no longer at the practice. I dont know if she would approve of writing a note right off the bat. But I’ve been with my therapist for a couple of years now so she would. I just don’t know if they’d accept that. It might need to be a doctor.

I feel like a lot of the problems I have at work are in my head and if I wasn’t so critical of myself it wouldn’t be as bad. But at the same time I know that this is just too much for me. I just hope I can make it the 4.5 months until the end of the year (see, I miscalculated in the original post - I’m terrible!).

I'm glad you have a plan in motion. I completely understand wanting to get away from what you are doing now. You are hopeful, and that's good. 4.5 months isn't that long, so I know you can do it.
One thing I have figured out is that no matter how perfect my plans are, they aren't going to please the people I am trying to impress, so I have let up a bit on getting to work so early and trying to do so much work at home. I don't change in the eyes of anyone, good or bad, either way. My number one priority is my students, and they are the only people I feel guilty about if I think I have made a mistake or could have done better. When the hours run out for the other stuff-paper/computer work, meetings, etc.....oh well!
Hang in there, keep us posted, pm me if you'd like!
Bluemountains