[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Wander

I’m not sure what is happening. Saw my pdoc yesterday. A rushed appointment. He suggested taking Zyprexa for a few nights to settle things down but didn’t take time to ask me what is going on except hearing me briefly say I had been up and down and hallucinating. I was pissed to be honest. Feels like he wasn’t interested. Saw my T today and thankfully he listened although I was all over the place. For a few days I thought I was normal, now my thoughts are contradictory and downright weird and fast. Last night I felt so powerful and invincible. Today I still think that but also swing and think I’m losing my mind. The world around me is vivid, like a movie and I am the main character. I need to act so no one knows what is really going on for me. I feel like I’m breaking through to another dimension. I don’t know how else to explain.

My T was calm and said it would probably pass but that I should take some Haloperidol before I lose tough with reality. I asked how would I know and he said I most likely would be able to tell. I don’t want to take it and lose the magical feeling I have most of the time. T says it’s my choice but I’m risking a lot. It’s like I want to push the envelope and totally lose my mind. Even more so after seeing my pdoc. He can deal with the mess he ignored. Maybe it will pass on its own, maybe I will go crazy. I will just sit back and watch the movie. T says I’m mixed but I disagree. No depression and few mania symptoms. Never felt like this without being very unwell. Odd really.

I hope things settle down for you.
Thinking of you.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

Found out Abilify is 'pending insurance approval.' I'm not scared, I'm terrified, that it won't be approved.

I've read your thread. Very scary... and frustrating!
I hope it all goes smoothly.


WC

Vomited last night from med withdrawal. I've purposely not been taking my meds, but I had to take them last night to stop the vomiting. I think it was the Lexapro withdrawal that did it.

Don't know why I'm so inconsistent with meds, but I'm just lazy as hell. My therapist made no comment today about it.

Alsooo, this is my last appt with my current pdoc who is leaving the practice today. I get 2 months of meds and basically got a "good luck" response. I don't think I'm getting a pdoc replacement at this practice since my therapist informed me that another pdoc is leaving!! Now they're struggling to find more pdocs.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Wander

I’m not sure what is happening. Saw my pdoc yesterday. A rushed appointment. He suggested taking Zyprexa for a few nights to settle things down but didn’t take time to ask me what is going on except hearing me briefly say I had been up and down and hallucinating. I was pissed to be honest. Feels like he wasn’t interested. Saw my T today and thankfully he listened although I was all over the place. For a few days I thought I was normal, now my thoughts are contradictory and downright weird and fast. Last night I felt so powerful and invincible. Today I still think that but also swing and think I’m losing my mind. The world around me is vivid, like a movie and I am the main character. I need to act so no one knows what is really going on for me. I feel like I’m breaking through to another dimension. I don’t know how else to explain.

My T was calm and said it would probably pass but that I should take some Haloperidol before I lose tough with reality. I asked how would I know and he said I most likely would be able to tell. I don’t want to take it and lose the magical feeling I have most of the time. T says it’s my choice but I’m risking a lot. It’s like I want to push the envelope and totally lose my mind. Even more so after seeing my pdoc. He can deal with the mess he ignored. Maybe it will pass on its own, maybe I will go crazy. I will just sit back and watch the movie. T says I’m mixed but I disagree. No depression and few mania symptoms. Never felt like this without being very unwell. Odd really.

I have felt the movie thing before, twice, possibly three times, and each time I ended up psychotic. I would listen to your therapist as much as you are able to.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by bizi

what is great lent?
bizi

A 40 day fast in the church.

[leomama]

Hi I just wanted to say I hope I didn’t offend anyone. I’m really trying to manage bp drug free including prescription drugs, I’m currently titrating down lamictal.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by leomama

Hi I just wanted to say I hope I didn’t offend anyone. I’m really trying to manage bp drug free including prescription drugs, I’m currently titrating down lamictal.

(((((( leomama ))))))

[leomama]

Anyways I started a new thread about that because it’s about more then being sober for me, that’s just the start. I’ve been drug & alcohol free 12+ years. Now after having all that sober time under my belt I’m going med free as a sober person. I don’t think bp is like ptsd or a Pd , which can go into remission. I think bp is permanent.

[BPQuestions]

Its a damn fine day

[hopeless2015]

Doing ok. Got paid today so my account is back in the positive, that makes me feel better. Things are still going good at work, since my med overhaul my concentration is soooo much better. I just hope it keeps up.

HUGS to everyone!!

[Moreta]

things are fine today, just a little unmotivated and nervous. Tomorrow I start my volunteer job so just a tad nervous about that. I have to go out to the bank soon, go to food lion, go to the dollar tree, and pick up my meds. I'd really like a muffin. oh well.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Moreta

things are fine today, just a little unmotivated and nervous. Tomorrow I start my volunteer job so just a tad nervous about that. I have to go out to the bank soon, go to food lion, go to the dollar tree, and pick up my meds. I'd really like a muffin. oh well.

You mentioned you were a waitress in the chat. For how long and why did you stop? Did you have a bipolar dx at the time?

[leomama]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

Feeling better lately. Just checking in to the Matrix haha! Oh reality is annoying to me.

I can relate to that. I’m closing one chapter of my life and moving on to another. I have a lot of anger because of what I’ve been through but I’ll never be able to avenge myself with my mother so I have to come to terms with that.

[Moreta]

Originally Posted by leomama

You mentioned you were a waitress in the chat. For how long and why did you stop? Did you have a bipolar dx at the time?

I waitressed from 2003-2007. I stopped because I got an accounting job that paid more money. I've had a BP dx since 2002? it's a little fuzzy. I've been dealing with MI stuff for 17 years now and what happened when I can't always recall.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Moreta

I waitressed from 2003-2007. I stopped because I got an accounting job that paid more money. I've had a BP dx since 2002? it's a little fuzzy. I've been dealing with MI stuff for 17 years now and what happened when I can't always recall.

Are you still an accountant? I first saw a therapist in high school. I’ve been dealing with MI stuff for 27 years, although at the time I didn’t know it because my parents were in complete denial that they had may me sick.

[SheilaKathy]

I think I am having a mixed episode. I am kind of feeling blah about doing things that normally make me happy, but I am talking in a manicky fashion. I just spoke to my boss on the phone and I could tell I was driving him crazy with this, but I could not help it! I was talking a mile a minute. He kept having to but in to get his points across. UGH!!!

[Moreta]

Originally Posted by leomama

Are you still an accountant? I first saw a therapist in high school. I’ve been dealing with MI stuff for 27 years, although at the time I didn’t know it because my parents were in complete denial that they had may me sick.

I don't work right now. I hope too in the future but my brain is all messed up. I have memory and cognition issues which my pdoc says is from the psychotic breaks and nervous breakdowns I have suffered over the years. My brain is slowly healing. I'm starting to remember more and am more able to hold convos now without forgetting words. My pdoc said it takes 1-2 years for the brain to heal itself and it'll be 2 years in august since my last nervous breakdown, so maybe this year will be my year. It's lame waiting around for your brain to work again.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Moreta

I don't work right now. I hope too in the future but my brain is all messed up. I have memory and cognition issues which my pdoc says is from the psychotic breaks and nervous breakdowns I have suffered over the years. My brain is slowly healing. I'm starting to remember more and am more able to hold convos now without forgetting words. My pdoc said it takes 1-2 years for the brain to heal itself and it'll be 2 years in august since my last nervous breakdown, so maybe this year will be my year. It's lame waiting around for your brain to work again.

I was incapacitated as a parent in terms of after school child care when my daughter was in elementary school due to my divorce and subsequent ptsd. I couldn’t work for 10 years after that, so I fully understand. That was the most difficult decade of my life.
I raised a smart, hardworking young woman who graduated early from high school, has 3 jobs, and a scholarship to an outdoors leadership program, and I did it all on my own without a husband, Parents, siblings. Now it’s time for me to get back to my life.

[Zigy]

I've been feeling better since last Thursday, almost a week! My anxiety is mild and I feel a little up. There are still signs of depression but not as deep as before. Despite having a hell of a day yesterday at work. Maybe Lamictal finally started working? Or it's the change in the weather, with Spring around the corner.

[Unrigged64072835]

Yesterday was hell. Had to go to the pharmacy three times to finally get my meds except for one which is special ordered. They are not doing non-formulary now except for "medical necessity" so I won't get the high-strength melatonin my pnurse wants me to use instead of Lunesta. I have a feeling this will be a rocky road to withdraw since I've been taking Lunesta for a couple of years. My appt. with first new T went as expected--I said one line of what I needed help with and she went off for a long time about what I was experiencing and what I need to do about it. Boom, instant diagnosis and treatment off of one sentence. Plus she closed the door on my husband even though I said he could come in. I won't be going back to her. I meet second new T on Monday, so I hope that goes better.

My daughter picked up her new ID so she can receive treatment at the base hospital. Her doc called her and said she needed to have blood work drawn for her appt. next month, but they didn't put in the order to the lab. She was rather confused, but hopes it'll be resolved in the next few days.

I slept a lot today so I may have overslept, but all the hyper-ness is gone and I feel more calm. I think some of this is stress, so glad that's done for now. I need to study for my final but not today. I'm still kind of worn out.

My daughter's boyfriend forgot his work keys for the fourth time, so my husband is holding them at ransom for lots of chocolate.

Feeling better mood-wise.

[SheilaKathy]

Having a problem feeling the "crazies" a bit, which is what I think is a mixed episode. I feel like jumping out of my skin!

[bizi]

bizi is trying to improve my posture!

[leomama]

Originally Posted by SheilaKathy

Having a problem feeling the "crazies" a bit, which is what I think is a mixed episode. I feel like jumping out of my skin!

Yeah me too, but I know what's triggering it, pressure from a housing agency to make a decision about whether or not i'm going to accept a voucher that's going to raise my rent now but may possibly lower my rent in the future. Its making me feel horrible.

I suppose this is a blessing in disguise because now that I'm conscious I'm bipolar mixed moderate the feelings make more sense?

[Nammu]

Saw the doc......he spent lots of time with me and listened. I do like him a lot but I may not like his answer. He is going to consult with a pdoc before deciding about the AP. Been on it for 5 years and my only side effect is weight gain....I know if I quit, just like I've quit all the other APs I'll lose weight with no effort and that will reverse the metabolic syndrome. But yeah it makes him nervous. The mental health system in this area is terrible and if I destabilize there's not much of a net. Sooo that really does give me pause.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by bizi

bizi is trying to improve my posture!

What are you doing? I actually have a pt routine I'm supposed to do every day for this purpose because of my job. Would you like to be accountability buddies?