[bizi]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I have definitely crashed and it is a hard crash.

Ok goals: shower. Go grocery shopping. Finish laundry. Make dinner. Not necessarily in that order. I think I can handle that. Just forget cleaning, it’s not necessary right now. If I can do it great but if not oh well.

Siiiigh...

This sounds reasonable.
sorry for the crash.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I have definitely crashed and it is a hard crash. There was no slow descent from mania to depression. I almost feel like I did years ago when I was unmedicated. I feel like my meds are doing absolutely jack ****. I don’t know what to do. The mixed episode was uncomfortable as hell but I guess the meds worked a little because I didn’t get the intense SI/SH thoughts. But now the SH thoughts at least are coming fast and furious. But no SI thoughts, at least there’s that.

I’m struggling to find the motivation to shower, which NEEDS to happen today for various reasons. I just want to lay here and cry. The house is a mess, there’s a **** ton of laundry.

Ok goals: shower. Go grocery shopping. Finish laundry. Make dinner. Not necessarily in that order. I think I can handle that. Just forget cleaning, it’s not necessary right now. If I can do it great but if not oh well.

Siiiigh...

(((((( wildflowerchild ))))))

Thinking of you.

WC

Been having a lot of anxiety lately. I've been able to bathe without another anxiety attack, but I have to today and I'm nervous about it.

My sisters haven't really been available lately. I miss my mom. So, so much. March 15th she will be gone 11 yrs. I'm still worried about my son. Long story. ...

My sister who is drinking herself to death is still drinking all the time and barely eating. She lives with my other sister. There's not much I can do, they're in Oregon.

Got to get groceries today. Really don't want to...I'll survive.

[leomama]

Finally talking to my mom on the phone . Asking her if anyone in our family was dx with bp or manic depressive. She is telling all kinds of stories about my grandpa going to the state asylum and my maternal grandmother married her second cousin.

[LadyShadow]

Finally at peace. All that craziness that I dealt with last week was the wake-up call I needed to take this bipolar nonsense by the balls and FORCE myself to make real life changes. The most important change so far has been adhering to REAL self-discipline by getting to bed at a decent time, which for a natural night-owl like me was SUCH a difficult task. Like it was unbelievable.

Originally Posted by LadyShadow

Finally at peace. All that craziness that I dealt with last week was the wake-up call I needed to take this bipolar nonsense by the balls and FORCE myself to make real life changes. The most important change so far has been adhering to REAL self-discipline by getting to bed at a decent time, which for a natural night-owl like me was SUCH a difficult task. Like it was unbelievable.

Yeah, I've had that problem before. So hard to get the sleep turned around. Congrats on doing it!

[leomama]

Tired of being in a bad mood but oh well , such is life, carry on.

[wildflowerchild25]

I accomplished everything on my goals list. I even made lasagna which is pretty labor intensive. I feel oddly in control. Detached and disconnected from my emotions. Maybe that’s necessary at this time, who knows. Maybe my brain has just had enough.

I’m controlling my life through controlling my diet right now. No artificial sweeteners and the least amount of added sugars as possible. It makes me feel like I’m doing SOMETHING right.

I took an Ativan around 3pm because the anxiety thoughts were starting to return and I almost couldn’t go grocery shopping so maybe that’s why I’m so detached.

[xRavenx]

I'm having anxiety anticipating all the little things that I have to do. Even small things make me so anxious. I just want to stay in my room under the covers. Everything around me seems to trigger lately. I have that sense of urgency, like things will just fall apart unless I fix every problem lately. I just wish that I was able to cope better.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I'm having anxiety anticipating all the little things that I have to do. Even small things make me so anxious. I just want to stay in my room under the covers. Everything around me seems to trigger lately. I have that sense of urgency, like things will just fall apart unless I fix every problem lately. I just wish that I was able to cope better.

I hear you. How’s your caffeine intake? Sunshine? Sleep? Exercise? Diet? Herbs or supplements?

[leomama]

I wonder if being bipolar makes one more sensitive to bullying?

[Victoria'smom]

I'm so ****ed. I can't even follow here how the hell am I going to hold conversations tomorrow and sit for 5 hrs when I'm up every 5 seconds here. I'm suppose to make our budget for the month tomorrow. ****ing hate this.

[bizi]

AF again
I went 3.75 miles on the tred mill at planet fitness
and burned 300 calories over 70 minutes. 10 minutes on hydro massage bed.
bizi

Tara, good for you for meeting all your goals! Bizi, congrats on another day alcohol-free and exercising to boot!

I've been all over the place today. I was happy, then despair, then neutral and then despair again. I remind myself that it is Sunday, the worst day of the week and that it's late at night, the worst time of day. At least i got a laundry done. One day at a time. This too shall pass. Actually, i saw the latter tattooed in elegant script on the inner forearm of a young man on the bus last Summer. I thought it was really cool.

I wish i could write. Stories, i mean. But i can't even tell jokes aside from one-liners. I keep a journal. I write in it several times a day but it's just notes about what i did. I wish i could write creatively. I've tried to take Creative Writing at night school twice now. Once i went to one and a half classes and the other time i went to one class. I have "Poetry for Dummies" in my cupboard. I've gone to a writer's circle and tried the exercises but my writing is all concrete and wooden and embarrassing compared to the other writers' creations. Sigh!

The Nightly Despair is heavy upon me tonight.

[jacky8807]

Hoping everyone is finding some peace tonight...

I saw my Pdoc and got on some meds to try and beat the depression and s/I and overall sickness into submission. I know it takes time so I am trying to ride it through. My my my I am so damn tired though.



Jacky Jacky Jacky

[wildflowerchild25]

I was pissed as **** this morning for no reason, shaky, energized but anxious. So I took Ativan but now I’m thinking it’s not such a good idea. Now I feel like I’m falling asleep. I went out and got a coffee which I don’t usually drink to hopefully wake my *** up before class. I feel calmer but a little out of it so I hope no one can tell. I think I’m going to have to cut the .5 pill in half if I want to function at work properly.

Possible trigger:

i am tempted to take the whole bottle of Ativan. I have months worth of depakote but I don’t believe that would kill me, but the Ativan might. Probably not though. But the thought is there.

[251turnaround]

I had a pretty rough weekend. I was depressed, irritable, and battled thoughts about hurting myself. I'm glad I didn't relapse there.

I'm feeling a lot better today, maybe a little off still, but I'm also excited to see my friend in Denver this Friday.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I was pissed as **** this morning for no reason, shaky, energized but anxious. So I took Ativan but now I’m thinking it’s not such a good idea. Now I feel like I’m falling asleep. I went out and got a coffee which I don’t usually drink to hopefully wake my *** up before class. I feel calmer but a little out of it so I hope no one can tell. I think I’m going to have to cut the .5 pill in half if I want to function at work properly.

Possible trigger:

i am tempted to take the whole bottle of Ativan. I have months worth of depakote but I don’t believe that would kill me, but the Ativan might. Probably not though. But the thought is there.

I am sorry that you were tempted.....I think that taking half a dose would be better for you too.
Day at a time.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I was pissed as **** this morning for no reason, shaky, energized but anxious. So I took Ativan but now I’m thinking it’s not such a good idea. Now I feel like I’m falling asleep. I went out and got a coffee which I don’t usually drink to hopefully wake my *** up before class. I feel calmer but a little out of it so I hope no one can tell. I think I’m going to have to cut the .5 pill in half if I want to function at work properly.

Possible trigger:

i am tempted to take the whole bottle of Ativan. I have months worth of depakote but I don’t believe that would kill me, but the Ativan might. Probably not though. But the thought is there.

I am sorry you are still feeling tempted.
You have been under a lot of stress.
We are here for you.
Please stay safe.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by 251turnaround

I had a pretty rough weekend. I was depressed, irritable, and battled thoughts about hurting myself. I'm glad I didn't relapse there.

I'm feeling a lot better today, maybe a little off still, but I'm also excited to see my friend in Denver this Friday.

I sorry you'd had such a challenging weekend.
I am glad you've made it through without relapse, too.

Glad you are feeling better today!

Please be safe.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

Hoping everyone is finding some peace tonight...

I saw my Pdoc and got on some meds to try and beat the depression and s/I and overall sickness into submission. I know it takes time so I am trying to ride it through. My my my I am so damn tired though.



Jacky Jacky Jacky

(((((( Jacky ))))))

I am sorry you are going through this. Am glad you are seeking help with it.
We are here for you!


WC

[99fairies]

I feel like shhit today.

[Moreta]

I feel a little better today. My goal today is to get to the gym, aldi, and the library. I'll see how I feel. I'm just so fatigued. Maybe I should take a nap. My intestines still hurt, but I hate taking bentyl. I guess I should take some though. Ugh. I kinda want to do my nails today but they don't look bad from doing them last week, so it seems a bit pointless. Plus the stuff I use is expensive. I really want to do nothing today I'm so tired. I think I'm gonna try some more coffee to wake up. If that doesn't work, I'm gonna take a nap.

[franz kafka]

Sensing the supernatural Entity that tries to control my mind and make me hurt myself. Trying not to totally freak out but I'm honestly very concerned. It's watching me through the lights.

[pirilin]

Life is good. Nothing like being an empty nester with a bit of money left.