[stahrgeyzer]

Feeling happy and energized for a change

[Wild Coyote]

The forum board is moving very fast; it's difficult to locate the PC friends asking for support. I hope I have responded to you.

I hope everyone has a restful/peaceful night.

WC

[xRavenx]

I had someone close to me make me feel like crap about stuff I can't help. Now, I feel especially insecure. It sucks when you are doing well with distracting yourself from negative thoughts about yourself, and then it's super triggering. I feel all the things I've been stuffing down are coming to the surface. I just feel really depressed and don't even want to think about the future. Everything just seems to overwhelming, and I am just not liking myself very much. I had problems with that to begin with, and it's really bad now.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Saw the doc......he spent lots of time with me and listened. I do like him a lot but I may not like his answer. He is going to consult with a pdoc before deciding about the AP. Been on it for 5 years and my only side effect is weight gain....I know if I quit, just like I've quit all the other APs I'll lose weight with no effort and that will reverse the metabolic syndrome. But yeah it makes him nervous. The mental health system in this area is terrible and if I destabilize there's not much of a net. Sooo that really does give me pause.

Yes, it's a tough decision. I had lost 55 lbs, but am gaining it back on Abilify.
I cannot go without the Abilify and stay alive, unless I find a helpful substitute for Abilify. I have tried a lot of meds and... don't have many more to try. The drugs causing weight gain often cannot be replaced.

Thinking of you.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by SheilaKathy

Having a problem feeling the "crazies" a bit, which is what I think is a mixed episode. I feel like jumping out of my skin!

Have you gotten any relief? I hope so.
Please take care.

WC

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Yes, it's a tough decision. I had lost 55 lbs, but am gaining it back on Abilify.
I cannot go without the Abilify and stay alive, unless I find a helpful substitute for Abilify. I have tried a lot of meds and... don't have many more to try. The drugs causing weight gain often cannot be replaced.

Thinking of you.

WC

Part of the problem is that I want to eat the way I can when I'm not on an AP. I like my sweets. I suspect that it will take hard work and lots of exercise to lose the weight and I don't want to do that, the more weight I've gained the lawyer I ge and the easier I sweat....I hate sweating. I want magic!!! I want stability and my body back.

[stahrgeyzer]

Feeling too much mix feelings. Too much energy. Too much sadness. Too much paranoia. Too much anger!!!!!

[bizi]

Do you have a therapist or friend to talk to?
((((HUGS))))
sounds like an episode. who helps you when you are like this?
bizi

[BPQuestions]

Ive been a little manic lately and have made a few bad decisions. Looks like Ill be talking to my pdoc sooner than later. But its still a damn fine day!!

[Unrigged64072835]

(((((Everyone)))))

Didn't sleep well and still nursing a headache. At least I studied for the final for a while.

My emotions are doing flip-flops over stopping my old T, so I'm just trying to remain calm for the time being. I find that inspirational stuff helps, along with calming music and writing poetry.

[leomama]

I woke up in the middle of the night from a dream about finding a lost rabbit and not being able to create a home for it before going to work.

[hopeless2015]

Not doing so well today. Hugs everyone!

[Victoria'smom]

Well my son's pdoc has him down as history of depression and anxiety. So now we have to go back to the drawing board about his autism dx. It'll be great if he doesn't qualify for the Dx anymore but we haven't really seen much improvement on his social side. In actuality he's withdrawing more and more. We have to remind him to talk to his friends. On the upside he's promised 3 month of med compliance.

I see my pdoc tomorrow. I have to tell him I'm skipping doses so I'll have enough for my trip in April-June. I worry I'll have another psychotic break and this time my parents will realize.

[Moreta]

Today was a good day. I feel a bit spacey though, but that happens when I try to do a lot. Volunteering went well. The drs office called while I was volunteering and they said my chest xray was clear. Now I can stop being a ball of anxiety. phew. man it's been a week. Tomorrow I'm just gonna chill and go see black panther and possibly eat too much candy.

[leomama]

Got my lab work done, have to yet another appointment regarding a voucher for housing that I'm not sure would be in my best interest to accept, had a horrible dream in the middle of the night about finding a sick rabbit and not being able to care for it. Was mistreated by a supervisor at work today but had a talk about with my manager, and am optimistic the situation could improve.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Part of the problem is that I want to eat the way I can when I'm not on an AP. I like my sweets. I suspect that it will take hard work and lots of exercise to lose the weight and I don't want to do that, the more weight I've gained the lawyer I ge and the easier I sweat....I hate sweating. I want magic!!! I want stability and my body back.

I’m totally with you on this!!! I’ve come to realize that I will have to be on a weight gainer AP as weight neutral (for me) don’t work and no AP doesn’t work either. I don’t have the energy to work out (probably also from the AP) and when I’m not In a good mood I don’t care what I eat. I wish I just wasn’t as hungry!!! But unfortunately there is no magic for weight loss and stability!

[Wild Coyote]

Not the best day. Accidentally messed up meds this morning, taking 2 x as much as usual. ZZZzzzz. Could not stay awake.

Love to All!

WC

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m reeeeeally trying not to lose my ****. I’m so ****ing irritable right now. I came home and the house was a total mess. Which makes me pissed with my son because it’s his ****ing mess. He’s so ******* messy I HATE IT. I know he’s only 7 but I’ve been making him clean his **** since he was like two. He won’t do it without me telling him to. I KNOW he’s only 7 so I’m really trying not to take out my bad mood on him but I am tired and all I wanted to do was relax and I can’t because I have to clean.

I also found out that if I take an intermittent FMLA day at work I have to get my doctor to write a note for it. I was kind of expecting this but I can’t see my pdoc every time I need to take a day. I’m not sure if my therapist would work. Like what exactly does the note have to say, that I had an appointment or just that it was recommended I take a day off? I’ll have to ask HR. It just really annoys me because it’s just added stress and the purpose of the fmla days were to reduce stress.

Uuuugh I’m so ****ing angry!!!!! At the whole world!!!

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Not the best day. Accidentally messed up meds this morning, taking 2 x as much as usual. ZZZzzzz. Could not stay awake.

Love to All!

WC

My thoughts are with you my friend!! I recently did the same thing and was SO worried about it too! Hang in there, just make it through till tonight, and then sleep sweetly and peacefully when you do.

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I’m reeeeeally trying not to lose my ****. I’m so ****ing irritable right now. I came home and the house was a total mess. Which makes me pissed with my son because it’s his ****ing mess. He’s so ******* messy I HATE IT. I know he’s only 7 but I’ve been making him clean his **** since he was like two. He won’t do it without me telling him to. I KNOW he’s only 7 so I’m really trying not to take out my bad mood on him but I am tired and all I wanted to do was relax and I can’t because I have to clean.

I also found out that if I take an intermittent FMLA day at work I have to get my doctor to write a note for it. I was kind of expecting this but I can’t see my pdoc every time I need to take a day. I’m not sure if my therapist would work. Like what exactly does the note have to say, that I had an appointment or just that it was recommended I take a day off? I’ll have to ask HR. It just really annoys me because it’s just added stress and the purpose of the fmla days were to reduce stress.

Uuuugh I’m so ****ing angry!!!!! At the whole world!!!

I feel you wildflowerchild25. Hang in there stay strong. I KNOW how hard it is to clean up after someone, when all you want to do is just rest and relax. The only thing I couid offer that you do, is to just take a break, and block out everyone and everything, even if it is for 10 or 15 mintues, to breahe deeply and calmly to just relax your heart and soul. Sending plenty of hugs!

As for me, I am flying sky high. I am probably expereincing hypomania, but I feel good, and my pdoc said that having some hypomania doesn't mean you're on a one way trip to the hospital. I do have to remember to take it easy, and not over exert myself. Being on the internet is like falling in such a black hole. So many places to click, so many discussions to be a part of! All this connecting is such the "perfect storm" for a person with bipolar, it is like a catalyst to our manic nature.

[Tucson]

I am OK. I visited the next door neighbor to visit his mother. She has done allot for me even though she exaggerates this allot about what she has done. Her son can be a handful. He is 59 years old and living with his mother. Much of the time he just sits back, not helping his mother at all who is taking care of him, and does nothing except watch YouTube videos and the like. I have seen him mentally unstable, even though he will never believe or admit this. So I do my best at avoiding him. If his mother only can to get him the proper medication. I am sure he would be much better off. She does not believe that there is anything wrong with her son. Oh well.

My daughter is now legally an adult. She herself has been a handful as a rebellious teenager. She is not ready for adulthood even now. She does not understand that the age itself does not determine if she can be considered an adult and handle life that way. There is much more to this that she does not understand. I sometimes worry about her.

[99fairies]

Between the pain and now depression, I haven't gotten out of bed all day.

[Pookyl]

So I’m still hypomanic which looked at objectively is interesting because I don’t normally do hypomania.
But I’m definitely starting to slowly but surely rapid cycle downwards. I’m worried, I don’t think I can survive another extended mixed mood with SI thrown into the mix.

[giddykitty]

I apologize I just can't even read another post right now. Does anyone even read mine? (I wouldn't :P Oh! don't listen to me!) I'm just having a very stressful day. I WANT to catch up and read like EVERYTHING, partly because i want to stay distracted... I did something that risks getting my heart broken again...and I'm on edge waiting the news. I came on this site because of the "internet addictions" thread, and I'm afraid of getting that again, just because I'm using it to pacify my pain...I'm gonna try to take advantage of the home company I have though now, but...

well, can I ask a kinda personal question?? Does anyone else struggle with "intimacy"-like, does anyone get anxious because their partner wants to...you know...but you just don't feel like it or are afraid to make a commitment and well, frankly be disappointed or disappoint them?? I mean, the literal intimacy was getting better in recent weeks, was getting that spark back, but I guess I just still have this habit of fear...plus, I'm just so out of my mind, forgetting **** a lot lately, that I feel like it might distract me. Silly me though, it probably would clarify things for me. ha! *sigh* Anyone else struggling?? thanks for listening!

[Tucson]

I read your posts, giddykitty. I also have problems with intimacy. I functioned the best in a relationship that does not much involve intimacy. Quite frankly, I do not fully understand what is intimacy, and what kinds work in a relationship. I know this is a sad commentary on myself. You know? This is the first time I have thought about this. Enough discussion on this topic.

Lately I have been going to a restaurant for coffee or water while surfing the Internet. I do this when I feel a bit lonely. This also gives me something to do , and somewhere to go. Sometimes I meet a person there who I have seen there in the past. So I talk to him.

[wildflowerchild25]

I am simultaneously exhausted yet hyped. I’m sitting here yawning but at the same time I want to dance. Definitely on the hypomanic side of things today but probably only for a few hours, Then I’ll Calm down. Tends to be how it goes, especially if I’m working or cleaning or whatever. But I’m happy hypo today bc it’s Friday and I only have to deal with work for 5.5 more hours! Then I get to go home and do whatever.

I’m really tired of the mood swings though. I just want to be consistently stable like I was in January and like I was for a year and a ****ing half before I had to stop invega. Swinging back and forth so wildly is exhausting.