[5150DirtDiva]

Does anyone feel like they do not have the capacity to truly love?

I often feel more attached to things than humans. I have a terribly difficult time connecting with humans. Always have.

I heard a song that says, "I can tell you one thing, but I'm gonna tell you two
You are gonna love me, and I might like you."

I feel very empty that these lyrics resonate with me.

[SorryShaped]

This is a part of what I'm going through right now. Love?
I don't know if I'm capable. Everyone I've ever loved, I've also trusted. Everyone breaks that trust and hurts me. I suppose in that I've loved them, meant they had the opportunity to hurt me, but there are certainly those I never loved that continually hurt me as badly.
I think love should be a two way thing, but it isn't in reality. Loving means giving openly of yourself, without desire for returned affection.
In that definition, I've never loved anyone. I've always expected them to love me, but they don't. Their behaviours certainly don't show it. I'll be alone forever or wind up with someone else that kills me mentally because I don't truly experience love.
I don't like my logic cycles one bit. I just depressed myself there, a lot!

[Tucson]

I have never loved anyone, or even have been affectionate, toward past girlfriends. This even applied to my ex wife during my marriage to her. It was more of a needy relationship, one that reeks of codependency. However, I did allow myself to fall in love with the mother of my child, despite her having difficulties expressing her emotions. Many years later, I still have not become over my love for her. Also she does not want to be together with me. However, we are like oil and water. When I shake things up, we are very good together. However, we quickly separate. So goes the pitfalls of a love relationship gone bad.

[xRavenx]

I feel completely emotionally unavailable. I have no desire to be in a relationship right now. Sometimes I feel like I am "supposed" to feel some kind of desire to attach to someone and share love (society expectations), but it's just not there. I've always been on the un-trusting side, even when I have been in relationships.

As soon as I was getting better with that, things seemed to fall apart. Now, I am becoming increasingly apathetic, where the idea of being with someone suffocates me. I don't even feel like dating anyone or having a fling. In the past, no strings attached arrangements have been appealing, as a fun release, without having to get emotionally involved. However, lately, that doesn't even interest me at all.

It would be nice to feel different, but I am honestly not in the mood to try any time soon. I am more content being on my own and just having a few friends to talk to here and there and a couple of family members. Even with them, I keep some distance. As far as relationships, being by myself feels free. Why force something where my heart isn't in it to begin with, I figure? It's just takes too much effort to involve myself with anyone, and I don't want to put that person through any kind of hurt or waste their time.

Falling in love is an incredibly intense experience for me because it also makes me manic. Staying in love is dull, tho.

[Guiness187055]

I don't think I have ever truly been able to love with or without meds.

I feel that I can’t—as if I don’t have the capacity or ability to develop feelings for someone.

I don’t have the energy anymore anyway. My job takes everything I’ve got.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by key tones

I feel that I can’t—as if I don’t have the capacity or ability to develop feelings for someone.

I don’t have the energy anymore anyway. My job takes everything I’ve got.

You better be careful, because that's usually when the Universe says "oh yeah? Watch this!"

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

You better be careful, because that's usually when the Universe says "oh yeah? Watch this!"

Oh my gosh, you crack me up!

<thinking>

I’m going to hide...

[RomanJames2014]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I feel completely emotionally unavailable. I have no desire to be in a relationship right now. Sometimes I feel like I am "supposed" to feel some kind of desire to attach to someone and share love (society expectations), but it's just not there. I've always been on the un-trusting side, even when I have been in relationships.


As soon as I was getting better with that, things seemed to fall apart. Now, I am becoming increasingly apathetic, where the idea of being with someone suffocates me. I don't even feel like dating anyone or having a fling. In the past, no strings attached arrangements have been appealing, as a fun release, without having to get emotionally involved. However, lately, that doesn't even interest me at all.


It would be nice to feel different, but I am honestly not in the mood to try any time soon. I am more content being on my own and just having a few friends to talk to here and there and a couple of family members. Even with them, I keep some distance. As far as relationships, being by myself feels free. Why force something where my heart isn't in it to begin with, I figure? It's just takes too much effort to involve myself with anyone, and I don't want to put that person through any kind of hurt or waste their time.

I am the same. I’m very lonely and would like nothing more than a significant other. The only problem is is that I don’t want a significant other. I feel like I just can’t lose focus on my life right now and personally, I don’t want to be accountable to someone else.

I easily feel suffocated and become stubborn so it’s better I just live among furry friends.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by key tones

I feel that I can’t—as if I don’t have the capacity or ability to develop feelings for someone.

I don’t have the energy anymore anyway. My job takes everything I’ve got.

My job completely sucks the life out of me. That definitely plays a role in my complete lack of motivation and energy to get myself involved. In fact, I don't have the energy to do much of anything.

[Nola0250]

I think I have a good capacity to love. What I don't have, is the ability to choose good people to love.

[pirilin]

I fall in love every weekend.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Nola0250

I think I have a good capacity to love. What I don't have, is the ability to choose good people to love.

Same. Exactly the same.

[wildflowerchild25]

I feel like losing my father at such a young age and then my husband more recently has damaged me beyond repair. I’d love to truly love another man again, but I’m not sure I can take the risk that he won’t be ripped away from me.

I also feel like my ability to empathize with other people has been damaged. I used to be very compassionate and caring. Now I’m just a shell. A robot. If someone “close” to me is upset over something I feign concern, but in my mind I’m screaming “so the **** what! Get the **** over it!” And I don’t know why. I hate it. I wish I wasn’t like this. I don’t know when or why I turned off my ability to care. It was before my husband died, although that surely hasn’t helped. Might have been around the time I became symptomatic with bipolar again. But I wish I were normal and still loved people.

[SorryShaped]

I think you're still in the grieving process. It will be difficult to change things until you finish that

I feel incapable of love, emotional intimacy, and trust too.

[Nola0250]

Originally Posted by Nola0250

I think I have a good capacity to love. What I don't have, is the ability to choose good people to love.

This is me, too. I have a huge capacity to love. And I have chosen the worst people over the years to love at least in part due to hypomania, and when it became clear I made a wrong choice in a more normal mood I would stay and try to fix it (codependent), and then become depressed.

Right now I need to focus on me and I relate to another comment on here: I want a significant other, and I really don't want a significant other.

Being newly diagnosed, the path has been rocky but I've had some brief spurts of feeling more normal and I'm hoping once the meds are titrated properly, I'll be capable of having more sustained meaningful relationships with people who are good for me. Unfortunately I have a feeling there are few out there who will meet that profile. At the very least, I can learn to love and respect myself better.