[Armos]

Hello all. How is everyone doing? I'm not sure if this is in the right forum. But if it isn't. Please feel free to move it to the correct forum it belongs in. And I am sorry if I am bringing up an old post. I haven't used this site for awhile I think. I don't know. Well. I've been diagnose with bipolar and depression and I have been struggling with it all month. I've been having problems with my bipolar since December because I was constipated and kept worrying about it nonstop. I know this sounds silly. But now my doctor has gave me treatment. Everyone says I always like to worry, etc. My stress and anxiety has been through the roof. My moodswings have been acting up, etc. I just don't know what to do anymore. I went in last week to see my doctor. He said I've been having manic episodes. And it's scaring me because I haven't gotten much sleep. I did sleep pretty well last night though. But I've been having strange dreams like nightmares, vivid dreams, etc. I've been on Depekote/Volponic Acid for years now. He just uped the dose. 250mg. One in the morning and two at night. Now I have to take two in the morning and two at night. I don't know when all this will wear off. It's starting to scare me a bit.

A couple of weeks ago I thought I was hearing things. I thought maybe my mind has been playing tricks on me due from not sleeping well. And this isn't the first time this has happened to be too. Minus hearing things. I was going through the same phase in summer 2015 and it wasn't a fun experience at all. I am with my counselor and I just started therapy again. Everything was fine after 2015 and so on. So maybe I'm just going crazy? I don't know. My anxiety is keeping me from going out side and enjoying life. And a past couple nights, this ONLY happens when I'm about to nod off to sleep. I always hear loud thoughts. Not voices but just thoughts. No talking, no one saying my name, etc. Just like a thud noise, etc. I don't know if its from stress, etc. I can't find a psychologist that can properly diagnose me because I have traditional medicaid and most psychologists these days want out of pocket money. My doctor has prescribed me almost every medicine I can think of that can help me with my bipolar. And with the sounds I've been hearing am I just loosing it? I've never had issues with these at all. And I am 26 years old. Turning 27 in 4 months. I FINALLY managed to get a job and I have this stuff I gotta worry about. I am going to the doctor tomorrow and I am afraid that if I tell him what's going on now he'll have me committed or something. Bipolar depression runs in my mom side of the family. And my cousin shes dealing with the same stuff I have. So it's tough.

I am literally scared right now, thinking my life will be ruined if I tell my doctor about the loud thoughts I've been hearing, etc. And the nightmares I've been experiencing. I am hoping I'm not going to die or anything because I'm still 26 and never had a girlfriend in my life. The new dosage of my medicine seems to be helping a bit though. But I am just worried about my life is all. And my hearing has been sensitive due to the anxiety. So if a pin drops I jump. And I don't know what to do if the sounds come back again. Especially if I try to fall asleep. I've managed to go to bed at 11:30PM last night, woke up at 6:30am this morning. Though I had a rough time to wake up again. Sorry for the long post. Just getting tired of this. I've been bullied all my life too. so it's rough for me. I've been having dreams/nightmares of being bullied too. So this is rough to deal with. So I'm hoping this stuff will work out. Again sorry if I posted this in the wrong forum. I am a person who tends to over react to silly things. But the sounds from my thoughts are starting to worry me a bit though. As I said they only happen when I try to fall asleep though. I've been doing mindfulness meditation, etc. My doctor said if I'm still going through Mania problems he might have to think of something else if the medicine isn't working. So that's why I'm afraid. Thank you for the help. I've never been this miserable in my life. T_T Again if this post is in the wrong forum please feel free to move it. Thank you.

[Wild Coyote]

You have posted in the correct forum.

I have BPII, so I don't deal with mania.

I do, at times, experience high anxiety and noise sensitivity. It can be quite bothersome.

I am sorry you are going through a difficult time. I an glad you are working with a therapist and hope doing so is helpful to you.

Seeing the doctor tomorrow? I'd suggest telling him the truth. he may be able to help?

I am sure others will be along to comment in a more helpful manner.

Please keep us updated on how you are doing?

Take care!

WC

[*Laurie*]

Hi, I'm so glad you're seeing the doctor tomorrow. It sounds exhauting to be going through what you're experiencing. I truly don't think s/he will hospitalize you for the symptoms you've described.

[emgreen]

I'm sorry you're experiencing those symptoms...But as Lurie mentioned, at least you have a doctors appointment tomorrow. I hope your pdoc can put things in order soon. Good luck.

[Guiness187055]

Hopefully another med adjustment and all will be well again.

[Armos]

Thank you. ^_^ I am new to the forums still. Been really jumpy and edgy for the past couple weeks. Been trying mindfulness meditation. Etc. I'm somethings thinking what happened to me to get this way? :P Also dealing with stress headaches so I'm not sure if that's a part of Bipolar or not. I am looking into a new psychiatrist as well. So if they take my insurance I'll keep you guys updated. Hopefully this will pass soon and I can think normally again. My family is telling me to stay on the medicine hence my uncle being on it too and it helps him. My cousin deals with the same thing I am and she gets mania episodes sometimes. I don't really know how long these last. xD Hopefully the doctor will help me feel better again. I think i did the math and he dosed them to 500mg. 250mg two in the morning and two at night. I am thinking he might have to dose it again. I've been on the medicine for about 8 years I think. Never had any problems with it at all. So I am hoping I can start thinking straight with out being jumpy all the time. Been going on for 3 weeks I think? Do you guys have any tips on how to sleep better with coping with it? My visions been acting up so most likely it's the anxiety. Will tell that to my doctor tomorrow. ) Along with focusing and concentrating" EDIT:

[zijax]

That's awesome you're doing mindfulness meditation. When I remember, I stay in the NOW moment as much as possible. It has been proven that living in the present moment leads to greater compassion for ourselves and others.

[Armos]

Originally Posted by zijax

That's awesome you're doing mindfulness meditation. When I remember, I stay in the NOW moment as much as possible. It has been proven that living in the present moment leads to greater compassion for ourselves and others.

Yep. Totally agree. I recently found out from MyChart that I was experiencing a Hypomania episode. So hopefully that will last. Along getting out side and taking my meds. Sheesh all the luck I have. Well I'm gonna go to sleep. Hopefully my new sleeping cycle will get everything back on track. Thank you all for being nice. And have a good day/night. Zzzz.

[cinnamonstick]

Originally Posted by Armos

Hello all. How is everyone doing? I'm not sure if this is in the right forum. But if it isn't. Please feel free to move it to the correct forum it belongs in. And I am sorry if I am bringing up an old post. I haven't used this site for awhile I think. I don't know. Well. I've been diagnose with bipolar and depression and I have been struggling with it all month. I've been having problems with my bipolar since December because I was constipated and kept worrying about it nonstop. I know this sounds silly. But now my doctor has gave me treatment. Everyone says I always like to worry, etc. My stress and anxiety has been through the roof. My moodswings have been acting up, etc. I just don't know what to do anymore. I went in last week to see my doctor. He said I've been having manic episodes. And it's scaring me because I haven't gotten much sleep. I did sleep pretty well last night though. But I've been having strange dreams like nightmares, vivid dreams, etc. I've been on Depekote/Volponic Acid for years now. He just uped the dose. 250mg. One in the morning and two at night. Now I have to take two in the morning and two at night. I don't know when all this will wear off. It's starting to scare me a bit.

A couple of weeks ago I thought I was hearing things. I thought maybe my mind has been playing tricks on me due from not sleeping well. And this isn't the first time this has happened to be too. Minus hearing things. I was going through the same phase in summer 2015 and it wasn't a fun experience at all. I am with my counselor and I just started therapy again. Everything was fine after 2015 and so on. So maybe I'm just going crazy? I don't know. My anxiety is keeping me from going out side and enjoying life. And a past couple nights, this ONLY happens when I'm about to nod off to sleep. I always hear loud thoughts. Not voices but just thoughts. No talking, no one saying my name, etc. Just like a thud noise, etc. I don't know if its from stress, etc. I can't find a psychologist that can properly diagnose me because I have traditional medicaid and most psychologists these days want out of pocket money. My doctor has prescribed me almost every medicine I can think of that can help me with my bipolar. And with the sounds I've been hearing am I just loosing it? I've never had issues with these at all. And I am 26 years old. Turning 27 in 4 months. I FINALLY managed to get a job and I have this stuff I gotta worry about. I am going to the doctor tomorrow and I am afraid that if I tell him what's going on now he'll have me committed or something. Bipolar depression runs in my mom side of the family. And my cousin shes dealing with the same stuff I have. So it's tough.

I am literally scared right now, thinking my life will be ruined if I tell my doctor about the loud thoughts I've been hearing, etc. And the nightmares I've been experiencing. I am hoping I'm not going to die or anything because I'm still 26 and never had a girlfriend in my life. The new dosage of my medicine seems to be helping a bit though. But I am just worried about my life is all. And my hearing has been sensitive due to the anxiety. So if a pin drops I jump. And I don't know what to do if the sounds come back again. Especially if I try to fall asleep. I've managed to go to bed at 11:30PM last night, woke up at 6:30am this morning. Though I had a rough time to wake up again. Sorry for the long post. Just getting tired of this. I've been bullied all my life too. so it's rough for me. I've been having dreams/nightmares of being bullied too. So this is rough to deal with. So I'm hoping this stuff will work out. Again sorry if I posted this in the wrong forum. I am a person who tends to over react to silly things. But the sounds from my thoughts are starting to worry me a bit though. As I said they only happen when I try to fall asleep though. I've been doing mindfulness meditation, etc. My doctor said if I'm still going through Mania problems he might have to think of something else if the medicine isn't working. So that's why I'm afraid. Thank you for the help. I've never been this miserable in my life. T_T Again if this post is in the wrong forum please feel free to move it. Thank you.

I am so sorry you are feeling so awful. I hear the loud noises too. I believe it is stress induced. I also get them right before I fall asleep. The nightmares could be due to your meds, but perhaps something triggered you thinking about your previous bullying, thus the nightmares. Easily startled sounds a little like PTSD...you have friends on the forum

[Armos]

Hi guys just wanted to get back on an update... I don't know what's been going on with me lately. My mind has been racing again. It's the 26th, almost the 27th US time. I don't know if I'm going through allot of stress or anxiety. I've been completely drained. Up all night again till 5am. It's really a mess. I try and try to fall asleep. I have intake for a new therapist tomorrow too at 11:30am. I don't know what to do. I am taking my dekepote as prescribed too. I feel like I got some energy so I don't know if it's from the mania or not. Don't know how long Hypomania lasts.

Doctor told me it should last for week for a few days. It has not. It's making me feel really frustrated. And at night I feel really anxious. Too afraid to fall asleep, etc. At this point I am really afraid that I will be locked up in the psychward. Because he wants to do a check up on me. And people like me don't have the correct insurance to see a good psychiatrist. I am on traditional medicaid so it sucks. How ever I'm seeing pretty good people who support and treat people with bipolar. I don't know what's going through my head right now either.

I haven't slept healthy for awhile. I want to go to sleep but I can't. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me with the noises still too. My mind feels like its on autopilot. I've been doing guided meditations on YouTube. I feel a bunch of tension in my shoulders and my neck and my temples. I feel high amounts of anxiety too. Sometimes when I hear my thoughts they are inside my head. I don't literally hear voices though. But I'm trying to convince I am but I am not. Just rapid thinking going on from what my doctor told me today.

So I don't know what to do to chill my brain out. And my nerves. I think might know the cause of my mania and what caused me to be like this. But I don't know if I can fight it off and tell it to back off. I'm getting headaches and it sucks. Like for example. Last night when I tried to fall asleep. I almost nodded out. Heard a girl giggling as I woke up from a guided meditation. Never had that happened before. So scared the crap outta me. "Sorry for language" I'm not sure if I was passing through sleep paralysis or if its just auditory hallucinations. But this stuff only happens at night. I don't get them that much though.

I don't know what the difference is between Bipolar Effective Disorder and Bipolar I and II. I have a friend who hears voices all the time and he says its just my anxiety messing with me pretty bad and playing tricks on me. I am to the point where I am too afraid to fall asleep. I am too scared to take sleeping aids too. From me being depressed I am afraid it might actually kill me. I am also scared that my doctor might have me hospitalized too. I just feel like my mind is spiraling out of control from worrying and having anxiety for too long. I feel like my life is ruined since poor people like me can't get any help I need. I also tried using EFT "Emotional Freedom Technique" I don't think that helped either. And if I do sleep at a normal time. I wake up at 2pm if I go to sleep at 10:30pm or 11:40pm. I NEVER had this problem before with mania when I got off my medicine. Could I still be experiencing withdraw symptoms?

All this started was my doctor made me get off the medicine for the rash medicine. And it would affect my liver if I took both. But when I got on the other medicine I felt like I was having signs of depression for being off the meds. So I don't know what the heck is going on with me. I'm afraid that I will be a danger to my self or my family. But I am not. I know I'm not crazy. I'm just scared. I am sorry for making this long post. You can't believe how many medicines my doctor has prescribed to me to treat my Bipolar.

I've been on Zoloft, Seroquel, Abilify, Paxil, Respridone, "Had allergic reaction to Paxil and Zoloft" etc. Almost allot of them. None of them helped. Does anyone know of a medication that might be beneficial for me so I can get my life on track again? Sorry guys. I just feel like a mess. And when I hear my thoughts, I think they are voices trying to talk to me but they do not literally sound like voices. They just sound like inner thoughts. So I hope I'm still sane. Sorry if I sound like I'm worrying. Because I've been told by my mom, dad, grandma, uncle, etc that I worry WAAAY too much. Could worrying be the cause of my problems? Sorry again. And I don't have delusions either. Haven't experienced them, but when I do fall back to sleep, I feel like I am going back into a dream pretty quick and it looks pretty vivid. Thanks in advice. And I have also been havinf Tinnitus in my right ear. Almost sounds like a radio,hissing noise that's been bothering me for awhile. Not sure if my problems are related to that or not Thanks. xD ^_^ My parents are starting to worry about me. So sorry guys. Also do you guys think I'm reading too much into it and making me feel worse than I already am? Thank you.