[Guiness187055]

Not a bad day spent two hours on the phone with the SSDI lady. I hope I qualify. I also have an attorney so we shall see.

[Wild Coyote]

I don't know exactly what's going on. My brain seems odd since the concert, two nights ago. I did not use any substances outside of those prescribed, and just as prescribed.

Some hypomania and illusions. Sounds are very distorted esp the window fan and the clock ticking. The clock is so very loud! The window fan plays loud music (rock, rap, etc.)' it's intolerable. Have not slept yet. I take the max allowed in sleep meds and have not been able to sleep at all. Hope to sleep tonight.

This happens every time I go to a concert.

Oh well, I'd go again.

Love to all!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Daughter is having a bad day. She didn't get the job because her boyfriend works at the same store. Her cat is going stir crazy because she can't go up and down the stairs until her surgery site is healed up (re-check is next week). And one of her friends was stuck downtown with little gas and no gas money because his mother said,"Well you shouldn't be seeing your friends then." The. mother's been trying to make him stay home and study for school; he's trying to get a job so he can move out.

Needless to say after planning meals and getting groceries we're pooped. I'm making meatloaf for the fam and having a sandwich for dinner because I'm not that hungry and I don't like meatloaf. It's one of my family's favorite comfort foods, though.

So a stressful day. Plus PT that made my shoulders hurt.

Mood is between holy crap and leave me alone...

(((((( Fharraige ))))))

I hope you feel better soon!

WC

I'm in a great mood! Twice now, things i've read on this forum have got me laughing so hard i could barely breathe and in tears. I've also noted one really good sig of a Charles Bukowsky quote which really resonated with me. Really enjoying the forum today. It's such a good outlet for me as i'm too sensitive for IRL relationships. I walked in the rain with my dog twice today. I listened to Schubert's Impromptus, Opus 90 (so beautiful!) and Eminem. I watched my soaps. A bit uneasy now that it's night and my building had plumbers in to see to my kitchen drain but i'm telling myself they're professionals and bonded and would lose their job if there was any nonsense or shenanigans so i'll probably be fine. The problems of being a single woman living alone. They know i have a dog at least.

[Tucson]

I am alive. I accomplished a couple things. I walked good and hard for four miles with one ten minute stopover at a restaurant for some water. I was actually sweating by the time it was over. So this tells me that I had a good cardio workout. I am beginning to lose weight again. So I will need to increase my calories consumed each day. My dayghters high school is closing down due to state wide teacher walkouts. They hope to be open by next week. I hope she will get passing grades and graduate. It is close to the end of her senior school year for her.

I had purchased some very nice expensive shirts for cheap. The Tommy Bahama and Robert Graham make. I am quite pleased that I purchased them for a fraction of their list price. I also purchased sport coats the same way at one tenth their value. I went a little overboard with my purchases. Now I think I have it under control. Now all I need is a job interview to go to.

[Cocosurviving]

I woke up at 7 AM and it was pouring down raining. I checked on my daughter and she had a sore throat. I e-mailed her counselor that she would not be at school today. I waited for the rain to die down so I could walk our dog. Then I went back to bed. Later I woke up and thought about my AM med. I took it and watched Matlock. Later my daughter got up and we ran a few errands. I had planned to go grocery shopping this morning but not in the rain. I’ll try again tomorrow

Lately I've been hyper af. I don't know why I'm so hyper. Idk if it's mania from rexulti or what. But I'm not hearing voices or seeing things, so I dunno. I'm getting 7 hrs of sleep when I normally get 9-10, so maybe it's not mania and instead the ADHD. No idea. Otherwise, doing pretty well!

I told my therapist yesterday about my hallucinations last week. She asked if they bothered me, and I said, "no, it just weirded me out." It did make me jump when I first saw them, but I'm glad she didn't try to put me in IP for having hallucinations for such a long time. I failed to tell her about the voices

Possible trigger:

which told me to kill myself

but I paid no attention to them because I wasn't going to listen to their bullcrap.

Anyway, got a lot to do today at work because I did nothing yesterday!! I'm so ashamed of myself.

[Daonnachd]

Well, ECT again tomorrow. I don't expect it to help fight this grief. The thing is, I don't know where the grief ends and depression starts. So, I do expect to feel better by some degree tomorrow afternoon.

[Tucson]

I am alive. I am now exersizing every other day. So this means an uneventful day today. I am thinking of making trail mix as a snack through the day.

[Unrigged64072835]

Went to another park/garden today. It was nice though a bit too bright for pictures--I took some today. Found a brown garter snake in the formal garden. It was a little thing so not so creepy. I tried to move so my husband could take a picture, and it scooted back under the ground cover. Other than that the usual flowers and birds. No sign of the chipmunks yet. Will look at the pics later.

Kids are at school, then going to a friend's house. My daughter is getting her hair colored. Hope it doesn't mess up her chances of finding a job. I also hope she remembers to feed her cooped-up cat. The cat is doing better but my daughter doesn't want to let her out to the rest of the house with the cone on. Okay....

It was funny--we had planned to spend some money this month on needed things and went through the whole month without buying them. Shows where we're at...

I went through and organized some more poems for another book. Still need to put together and publish the first one.

Otherwise a quiet day.

Mood is okay--better than yesterday, anyhow.

[giddykitty]

I'm feeling really dumb right now. I keep mentioning bipolar on my blog, but in an ignorant fashion. No, what happens is that i don't always follow through with my thoughts and i'm anxious or afraid people will get the wrong idea about me. i'm just stupid and don't know what i'm saying half the time. i guess it's a good thing it's a private blog, because i can only imagine the criticisms! I just, i wanna apologize upfront. Maybe i need to fix my about page and disclaimer it that i have these tendencies. I just feel so dumb that i don't catch these things or sad that i've met with such criticism in the past and i'm anxious about my blog, which should just be a release for me. I'm not afraid of a challenge. I would like to know (well, mostly) if I'm being a total ignoramus and/or rude, but at the same time, I'm asking for a bit of forgiveness. Maybe i should just make this a blog post, or put it at the top of every post. Sigh! I know i'm overthinking, but i want to be respectful and respectable, even for a "fun" blog. I'm just venting, but if you do have thoughts, feel free to reply or PM me. Thanks!

mood is stabilizing, but I've been going through some lower episodes, probably what is sparking my insecurity. btw, does it make sense to shop when you're depressed?? or am I having mixed episodes?? i dunno. See, I'm ignorant, plus I'm medicated and I guess that's helping a little. maybe. i dunno. Sigh

[Pookyl]

A bit manic and having to take extra Seroquel which I resent. What’s wrong with a bit of mania?

[bpforever1]

I went to the same bar about two nights ago and was so tired when I came home that I slept for almost 12 hours straight. I am going back again tonight although I said I was not. I've straightened my feelings about the bar owner and will just be chill about it. He is doing his business, and I'll talk to as many people as possible at the bar. I feel ok. I like talking with people. I feel more in touch with reality when I talk with others. Next week is a holiday here but I have one class next week on Tuesday. Besides this, I am not busy. I did my administrative work already. All I have to do is prepare for next week's class which I can do on Monday. I feel fine and do take my medication daily still. It helps. I am going to be ok. At least, my father is coming next month. I look forward to his coming here.

I had a fun night out. Went and saw the play dirty dancing. Went to dinner beforehand. Have pt tomorrow. Have to get up early. Hugs to those that need them.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by rose1985

I had a fun night out. Went and saw the play dirty dancing. Went to dinner beforehand. Have pt tomorrow. Have to get up early. Hugs to those that need them.

I am so happy you have had a fun time!


WC

[Wild Coyote]

My mom lives with us. She has fallen down the stairs. She has injured her knee, has sprained her ankle and has broken 3 toes.

She was carrying a laundry basket, which she us supposed to let us do for her. Could have been worse.

It seems like she is constantly needing medical assistance now.

I hope she will heal quickly. She goes stir-crazy very quickly.

It's 3:45 am, still awake despite meds. The recent concert attendance messed me up.

Love to all!

WC

Thanks wc, . I did have fun. I'm wide awake, tv is off. Won't be on till 5 am. I fall asleep to the tv. Ugh! Took my night meds too.

So sorry about your mom. I hope she heals up soon too.

Sorry you're up too.

[Tucson]

Today is already turning out to be an interesting day. North and South Korea just signed a type of peace accord which includes the complete denuclearization of both countries. Amazing. After hearing that which I woke up to, I decided to head to iHop with my iPad for hot chocolate. So here I am at 3 AM my time.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

My mom lives with us. She has fallen down the stairs. She has injured her knee, has sprained her ankle and has broken 3 toes.

She was carrying a laundry basket, which she us supposed to let us do for her. Could have been worse.

It seems like she is constantly needing medical assistance now.

I hope she will heal quickly. She goes stir-crazy very quickly.

It's 3:45 am, still awake despite meds. The recent concert attendance messed me up.

Love to all!

WC

Sorry to hear that, wc. That sounds very painful. Hopefully she'll get better soon! When I broke my toe, it healed pretty quickly... but older people tend to heal slower.

The sucky thing is that you can't do much about broken toes in general.

[giddykitty]

Starting to feel depressed again. Ok, so maybe this is a bit of post trauma thing-but I can't help but think that what if I don't have bipolar and if not, why am I disappointed. It's not that I want to experience all the problems with it, but if that's not wrong with me, what is?! I guess the Neuro psych test will give more answers, but I just feel well, depressed from the unknown. Oh, and the post trauma. Some folks didn't seem to want me to talk about mental illness being that I don't have it or wasn't diagnosed at the time. Yeah, they treated everything I said on the topic as ignorant and disrespectful, not at all considering that maybe I was reaching out because I was suffering too! My pnurse at the time never let me explain this and she just thought maybe I have a personality disorder because I want to have bipolar. Well, maybe the way I reacted after the reprimand of my peers could be kinda borderline, but on the other hand, maybe that was justified anger. The fear of rejection though was present, even though some of these folks I didn't like for the trouble they were causing me. Anyway,...i dunno. I still somehow feel bad about all of this, and anxious and all that. Writing this helps, but then again, I still have that negative voice in my head. 'You screwed up again" meh!

Plus, I've been steadily gaining weight and that makes me really frustrated. I'm eating with my meds, not even hungry sometimes, but I'm so afraid of a stomachache or something. And of course in between I binge, occasionally. Usually the binge is only in times of high stress...i need new coping methods!! I have not smoked in over 10 years, but the temptation is very very real. Sigh

[wildflowerchild25]

Very very anxious about meeting with my principal. I have to tell them I can’t finish out my contract. I don’t know if the fact that they are likely firing me today anyway will affect unemployment benefits. If I can’t finish out my contract I may have to resign. But I might be able to resign for medical reasons or disability and get some sort of income that way. I don’t know. I wish I knew where to go to figure this all out.

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

But I might be able to resign for medical reasons or disability and get some sort of income that way. I don’t know. I wish I knew where to go to figure this all out.

Can you run it by your union rep? Is that something they do? (I really don't know as I've never been part of a union.)

[wildflowerchild25]

Because I can’t finish out my contract I am resigning of my own accord. Union rep didn’t know about unemployment but he did direct me to DVR to help me get back on my feet. They were all very nice about it. I admitted that my Illness was not physical but I did not go into detail. They were very supportive and agreed that I need to take care of myself right now and not worry about working. They weren’t mad at all. And I feel SO RELIEVED that I never have to go back there. I even threw my ID away. And gave my keys back. It’s so much better this way.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Because I can’t finish out my contract I am resigning of my own accord. Union rep didn’t know about unemployment but he did direct me to DVR to help me get back on my feet. They were all very nice about it. I admitted that my Illness was not physical but I did not go into detail. They were very supportive and agreed that I need to take care of myself right now and not worry about working. They weren’t mad at all. And I feel SO RELIEVED that I never have to go back there. I even threw my ID away. And gave my keys back. It’s so much better this way.

I know that was a weight lifted off your shoulders. I hope things work out and you get the help you need.

[Unrigged64072835]

Hugs to those that want them.

Survived PT and therapy today. Had some discussion about emotional eating, lack of intimacy, and some other stuff. My T is handling my topic-jumping pretty well.

Now I'm home with a headache and a cat whose stomach is not on schedule apparently.

We went to our local restaurant this morning. Had a bunch of RVs go by with full police escort. Not sure why; still trying to find something in local news. No luck so far.

Mood is somewhat stable. Kind of a cool-off sort of thing.