[wildflowerchild25]

Good new is the addition of sinemet (side effect med) is helping with blurred vision and restlessness. Tremor still there but very slight. I just hope the IOP pdoc will prescribe. I’m using and old prescription from December. I also found out there is an IOP from the same hospital right in my town instead of half hour away. With gas as much as it is I wasn’t looking forward to driving that much. Calling tomorrow to see if I can switch.

[giddykitty]

I feel it hard to post here when I'm on the depressed side.
But, had a good weekend. Tomorrow it's back to the grind. I'm a little anxious, but this weekend helped counter a lot of anxiety. Hopefully, I can mostly stay ahead of it, as long as I don't get fatigue again. *fingers crossed

[Wildflower06]

Not sure if I have bipolar; I have a doctors appointment booked in and hopefully will be able to get an answer. I have several symptoms of bipolar but I’m not always up and down like a lot of people stereotype from people with bipolar. So I’m not sure!

[dsmith]

Hi all.

Today I’m feeling lousy, as usual, after a late night of carousing – about 8 drinks, followed by late night Netflix binging.

I don’t know why I drink. I go to parties or social gatherings, and feel completely awkward and out of my element. A few glasses of wine later, and I am very comfortable and able to effortlessly mingle and tear it up on the dance floor. A great time all in all.

Then comes the next morning. And the next. And then the one after that.

Saturday morning was a wash; I usually meet with people from my Church for breakfast, and then a group of Spanish speakers to improve my ability with the language. Unfortunately, since I didn’t sleep till 2:30am, I was totally spent and disinterested in any kind of socializing.

Yesterday was the same; I went to Church and basically surfed the Web the whole time. My family and I went to a burger joint afterward, and then I frittered away the rest of the day binge watching Breaking Bad on Netflix.

Life is just passing me by. It’s like that poem by W.H. Auden from way back:
In headaches and in worry
Vaguely life leaks away
And Time will have his fancy
Tomorrow or today

[pirilin]

Watering plants. They really appreciate it. Not like some other living creatures.

[pirilin]

Watering plants. Removing a big stump (2 feet across) and deweeding by hand.
My life is complete now that I have dependents again. And they don't bark for food.

I'm okay. I went for a long walk over two hills this morning and now I'm on here at the library. I can't come on very often because I need to get to the library to post for now. I have been having trouble eating and sleeping lately, just not hungry and, although I'm tired, I wake up every day at 2:30am so I only get 3 hours of sleep. It's really upsetting, and my pdoc is angry at me and just wants to put me on an antipsychotic. I don't need an antipsychotic, I just need something to help me stay asleep.

I'm also upset about being kicked out/ran out of group. On one hand I want to go back because they have been really helpful, but on the other I don't want to see my murderer again. Maybe I'll wait a couple weeks?

[Unrigged64072835]

The main things that helped from PT this morning were the TENS unit and the heating pad. I could almost wear that heating pad all day.

Daughter's boyfriend's mother texted me--she wants to meet with us this evening. I'll have to make dinner early. She's anxious about Thursday, and so am I.

Mood is nervous.

[Daonnachd]

I just got home from seeing my psychiatrist. With the ECT doing so well, we're reducing my Wellbutrin. I hope this works.

[dsmith]

Originally Posted by vertigo

I just got home from seeing my psychiatrist. With the ECT doing so well, we're reducing my Wellbutrin. I hope this works.

Good to hear. How have you liked ECT? Do you know how many more sessions you have?

I got about 8 treatments, and then monthly for a total of 12. It made me very disoriented and foggy, and gave me severe neck and shoulder pains. However, my wife said it was a lifesaver because it got me out of a deep depression when other approaches (i.e., Latuda) failed.

Best of luck to you. It's been about 1.5 yrs since my diagnosis. I never realized how long the road to recovery would be.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by dsmith

Good to hear. How have you liked ECT? Do you know how many more sessions you have?

I got about 8 treatments, and then monthly for a total of 12. It made me very disoriented and foggy, and gave me severe neck and shoulder pains. However, my wife said it was a lifesaver because it got me out of a deep depression when other approaches (i.e., Latuda) failed.

Best of luck to you. It's been about 1.5 yrs since my diagnosis. I never realized how long the road to recovery would be.

I'm the poster child for ECT. I'm getting maintenance treatments. I started in 2015, so I'm somewhere around 70, I think.

I'm with you. It was definitely a lifesaver. I go every four or five weeks, and I like it because it means I'm going to feel better.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by vertigo

I just got home from seeing my psychiatrist. With the ECT doing so well, we're reducing my Wellbutrin. I hope this works.

I hope it works, too!

(((((( vertigo ))))))

Always nice to hear from you!


WC

[wildflowerchild25]

I ate two actual meals today so that’s a win. I even made dinner. A quick dinner but still. I slept A LOT though. I slept until 10:30 am then laid there again until 11:15. Took my son to his allergist appointment, came home at 2, slept two and a half more hours. I’ve set myself up to not sleep tonight until 2am. I have to be up at 7:15am for group so that’s no good. I was depressed earlier today I guess that’s why I slept so much. But I woke up refreshed and baseline so I guess it’s all good.

[Wild Coyote]

A very tiring day. Had lots to attend to and then took my mother to the doctor's, a follow-up visit on her recent injuries from falling down the stairs. Her healing is headed in the right direction, thankfully!

Had to call a car dealership and tell them to leave her alone. They were trying to rip her off... again! I have witnessed sooo many people trying to rip off my elderly mother... just because she's elderly! It's infuriating!!!

Had auditory illusions (PTSD) while out today. Kinda strange, but made it through.

Love to all!

WC

[Cocosurviving]

Today I had a pdoc appt. Two months ago I was given a new pdoc. Well today I was not told I would have a new pdoc. She did not introduce her self to me. We discussed meds and thought it best for me not to take a antidepressant. The new pdoc ask if I had been having problems sleeping. I told her my sleeping had actually been real good. She asked if I had had any mania. I told her no. Then she asked why I was taking Prozac? I told her depression and anger. She said medication does not help with anger. Then she asked if I went to church? I told her no I’m not religious. She told me she was a Mormon.

I took a nap after my appt. Then cooked tacos for dinner.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

Today I had a pdoc appt. Two months ago I was given a new pdoc. Well today I was not told I would have a new pdoc. She did not introduce her self to me. We discussed meds and thought it best for me not to take a antidepressant. The new pdoc ask if I had been having problems sleeping. I told her my sleeping had actually been real good. She asked if I had had any mania. I told her no. Then she asked why I was taking Prozac? I told her depression and anger. She said medication does not help with anger. Then she asked if I went to church? I told her no I’m not religious. She told me she was a Mormon.

I took a nap after my appt. Then cooked tacos for dinner.

Oh no! How inappropriate to ask about religion! And the rest of it too! I hope you can get things sorted out. I wouldn’t be able to stay with an overly religious provider personally. Nothing against religion, just not my thing, and if it was pushed on me I’d be upset.

Ummmmm. Tacos.....

Been stabile awhile....last few months I was on a high.....still need to see a dr about getting a tweak....prescription ran out and need to real soon.

[xRavenx]

Hi everyone. It's been a little bit since I've checked in.... I thought things might be getting better, but slowly, I've fallen. I think ill start writing here again. I've felt myself get increasingly irritable and argumentative with people over the past 2 weeks. It's gotten worse. I am up crying and can't stop thinking about the future, death, fear of more loss... I won't elaborate too much on that, because I don't want to trigger. At the same time, I've been planning a trip, but my mood went from kinda hypo to mixed/depressed. I don't know how I'm going to work tomorrow. I'm up at 1 Am crying and can't sleep at all. I tried..... Anyway, hugs to all.

[Tucson]

It is 1 AM and I still am awake. I have eaten as much as I could to meet my daily target of 2090 calories. So tomorrow, I need to arrange my diet with higher calorie foods so I can actually finish my daily menu of food. I am very full now. I cannot eat any more food. It is very important to me to meet my daily calorie count. So I just will come up short this time.

I was going on a job interview this Wednesday. However, just now through an email, I let them know that I can only work part time. I was going to wait for the interview to tell them this, but I decided to tell my prospective employer now. This is the professional thing to do. I value maintaining my integrity.

Lately I have been staying up late. I do not know why I am doing this.

[giddykitty]

Still don't know or can't remember what to say...stuff feeling less important. I don't mean you folks, I just mean me and my ****. I apologize. It's just the depression talking. It's odd. This is a different time of the month to be having depression, which seems to favor the bipolar diagnosis. Although, I had been experiencing low BP too, so maybe something with that is the cause. Oddly, my hormone levels looked normal though. Sigh so I just don't know what the hell is the matter.

Edit: oh yes. So I awoke at like 345am and was wide awake, but I still somehow managed to go back to sleep. I've been needing naps everyday tho, but not necessarily from depression, but just feeling completely zonked out. I also have had this sinus congestion return, so maybe I'm just lousy from all this.

For the first time in a while I feel on edge. I'm not doing much. I don't feel content not doing much, but I don't feel like doing anything. Does that make any sense?

It's a beautiful day outside, but I don't want to go outside. I have a hunger that is hard to satisfy. I've been dieting, and doing great, but it is almost like I want something really naughty, like a donut. But would that really do the trick? I'd be willing to just treat myself to it as long as that was it.

Update to my post above. I did go out to a cafe. There I had a shot of espresso and a cherry cheese Danish (not on my diet). Then I went to the grocery store and bought some berries. I'm home now. I just took an "as needed" Ativan. I already feel slightly better even though the Ativan probably hasn't even officially kicked in yet. I'll be good for the rest of the day, I hope.

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Update to my post above. I did go out to a cafe. There I had a shot of espresso and a cherry cheese Danish (not on my diet). Then I went to the grocery store and bought some berries. I'm home now. I just took an "as needed" Ativan. I already feel slightly better even though the Ativan probably hasn't even officially kicked in yet. I'll be good for the rest of the day, I hope.

I feel very much on edge for the first time in a week, or so, as well. I did get out to a noon AA meeting, but left immediately after, not wishing to speak with any of my friends. It's beatiiful here today, too, but I think I'm in for the day. I'm kind of feeling paranoid...took two klonopin, but still feel anxious for the first time in a week. I thought I was done with that episode.

As far as diet goes, with the warm weather I've been trying to put on some of my summer clothes & it's not working out. I was sedentary all winter & put on a ton of weight...which also makes me feel anxious, guilty, & enormous. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home from my meeting, ostensibly to find something sinful to eat the anxiety away, but was feeling too paranoid to stay. All things considered, perhaps that's not a bad thing. I'm hoping that having taken klonopin #2 I'll be able to sleep the afternoon away. In short, I'm not feeling (or acting) healthy in any sense of the word today. I've gotta get my shite together.

[Unrigged64072835]

Oh ugh...daughter added a couple more things that are going to make this upcoming meeting even more stress. I told her to take care of herself first.

Saw trauma T this morning. Apparently I already know enough grounding and coping skills so she is moving up the EMDR to maybe the middle of this month. She also mentioned EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique--also known as Tapping). I'm not too keen on it but I will give it a shot. She wants me to read Brene Brown's "Daring Greatly". So I have some homework to do.

Did a little more housecleaning today, but that was about it.

Mood is nervous but manageable.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Oh ugh...daughter added a couple more things that are going to make this upcoming meeting even more stress. I told her to take care of herself first.

Saw trauma T this morning. Apparently I already know enough grounding and coping skills so she is moving up the EMDR to maybe the middle of this month. She also mentioned EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique--also known as Tapping). I'm not too keen on it but I will give it a shot. She wants me to read Brene Brown's "Daring Greatly". So I have some homework to do.

Did a little more housecleaning today, but that was about it.

Mood is nervous but manageable.

I am happy for you!
EFT has been very successful for some of my friends. It has no adverse effects. I hope EFT and EMDR work for you!
I enjoy Brene Brown.

I am very hopeful you are on a healing path!


WC