[Wild Coyote]

I am having lots of anxious and negative feelings. My pdoc is also my therapist. We have worked together for 20 years now. He is retiring shortly. He'd announced this a year ago. He has consistently reassured me he would be able to find a great replacement, saying so many people owe him favors, etc., etc. No worries! Just a month ago, he was still reassuring me it will all go without a hitch!

He retires in 4 weeks. Still cannot find a pdoc. I am not talking a pdoc/therapist. Just someone to prescribe. Cannot find one with an opening. He does not expect to find anyone now.

He is very sincere. There is a shortage of pdocs in this region. We even have a teaching hospital nearby. I'd think one could be found in a year though?

My PCP cannot take over prescribing because he is also retiring this year! His replacement doc won't know me at all.



Love to all!

WC

[wildflowerchild25]

Seriously irritable today. Kind of depressed and hopeless. Kind of feel like hurting myself. Nothing too extreme. HATED group this morning. Found out that the program is very short term and people only stay for two to three weeks. Big change from my other program which is six to twelve weeks. I’m kind of upset by that even though I hated it. I don’t think I’ll be ready in two weeks. Or even three. Still struggling with depression. Fml.

[Cocosurviving]

My day has been decent. I’m still trying to bounce back after being on a terrible medicine. I’ve been sleeping a lot since taking that medicine. Today I took a short nap. I have a early morning meeting tomorrow. I need to get up in time to eat breakfast and walk the dog. Luckily we still had tacos leftover from me cooking yesterday

[Tucson]

I am alive. I should be more active in finding a job. I spent too much money on a new wardrobe. Not good. I cannot fit into my old wardrobe due to my weight loss. So at least I will be using the new one. I have been exersizing every other day. I stopped off at a restaurant on my route for water and a quick rest. I cannot use Latuda anymore. The side effects were pretty bad. Light headed, dizzy, problems with balance, memory problems, and blurry vision. So I am now not on any mood stabilizer except for Lamictal. I am on two antidepressants, one very stimulating, Buproprion. So I hope it will work out until I see him in a month.

I wish I could live on a deserted planet. But why do we do it? I mean, wish.

[giddykitty]

I'm sleeping a lot too. I didn't take a nap yesterday, but fell asleep about 1030. Bedtime is about 12 and I've gotta take meds before that, so I wake up for half hour then sleep again. My sleep is getting more interrupted. Could be a sign of mood shifting, or could just be pms.. Maybe both? Anyway, the naps have become almost a daily thing now, sometimes afternoon, plus the early bedtime, for about two weeks (or at least one). I think the sinus congestion is having to do with it. Do I have seasonal allergies now??! I wish my doctor would return soon. Might have to get a new one and that is a scary thought. Most locals are not as good or accommodating. *Sigh I hope this wasn't personal and he ditched me! Why must I think that way? Because everyone else thinks I'm too much.

I had been almost perfect with my new diet these past almost 4 weeks. I lost almost 8 pounds. Then yesterday an anxiety came over me and I had an extreme urge to self-medicate with food. I didn't totally overdo it, but I definitely exceeded my daily calories. Then today I've done the same thing. I feel like I'm slipping from this. Then soon I'll go on vacation. I hadn't planned to track my eating during my vacation, but wanted to be sure I ate mindfully. I just hope that I do eat mindfully while I'm away, and that when I return I resume the diet more faithfully.

For a while my stress levels were very low and I found great motivation. That's what got me off to such a good start with the diet. Stress is coming over me like a cloud now, and even when I return I have some things I need to do that I hadn't originally planned to do. My new therapist has suddenly stopped practicing. I only just found her at the end of February. Now I have to look for yet another new therapist. I have to admit that I'm so disappointed with this bad luck. I almost feel like not seeing a therapist for a while, but I know I must. My psychiatrist even requires it. The problem is that one calls 10 suckers and maybe gets 1 call back. They are so unprofessional that they don't even give you the courtesy of calling back and saying that they aren't accepting new clients. Or that you aren't what they want in a client. I'd respect that a lot more.

[Guiness187055]

Got all the parts of my computer in except the graphics card. Plan on building it on Saturday. Had an endocrendologist appt this morning for my diabetes. My diabetes has been out of control lately so he prescribed a new type of insulin. Hope fully that works. Hope everyone is having a good day

[Unrigged64072835]

Finally received my monitor calibrator. Will work on that tomorrow morning.

Bought a large lasagna for tomorrow night. Considering we're going to drop a bomb on the kids the least we could do is feed them.

Had PT today. My shoulders hurt. Have to go in Friday.

A bunch of little disappointments here and there. I'm letting them pass.

Mood is okay.

[Wild Coyote]

I am trying to stay okay in mood; yet, having lots of flashbacks for some reason. I cannot imagine the trigger for this.

I was hoping to get more done today!

Love to all!

WC

[FallDuskTrain]

I am hurting a lot. My rapid cycling is worse today. I am crying uncontrollably and i am ashamed of myself.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( FallDuskTrain ))))))

May you feel surrounded by Love.


WC

With my latest med dosages, I seem to puke (and ****) if I go more than 36 hours without taking my meds.

I was feeling fine all day and decided to leave work early because it was nice out. I got home around 2:30pm and made some pizza from scratch. Ate it at 3:40 and puked it up around
4... approx 3 mins after having to take a ****.

Why the hell am I so dependent on these meds? It's become dangerous for me to go off them. And this time I will admit was my fault because I was too lazy to take them.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

I am hurting a lot. My rapid cycling is worse today. I am crying uncontrollably and i am ashamed of myself.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Sending you a hug

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

With my latest med dosages, I seem to puke (and ****) if I go more than 36 hours without taking my meds.

I was feeling fine all day and decided to leave work early because it was nice out. I got home around 2:30pm and made some pizza from scratch. Ate it at 3:40 and puked it up around
4... approx 3 mins after having to take a ****.

Why the hell am I so dependent on these meds? It's become dangerous for me to go off them. And this time I will admit was my fault because I was too lazy to take them.

That would give me incentive to not miss a dose, I think.

I have that type of a reaction if I miss a dose of morphine. It seems your body is very dependent upon your meds.


WC

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

I am hurting a lot. My rapid cycling is worse today. I am crying uncontrollably and i am ashamed of myself.

I'm so sorry. Just remember it will pass. be gentle with yourself today.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m doing better today. Forced myself to hit the gym after I took my son to the bus. I accidentally set my workout to extra hard and didn’t notice till I was part way through lol. Decided just to go with it and was totally worn out by the end but I had a lot more energy. I didn’t sleep at all today. Got super bored though. I need a job. I’m afraid I can’t handle a job but I need one. I hate sitting in the house all day, especially because I don’t have money to do anything as I have to save. Which I’m doing well with. Told my son we are down to eating out only on Friday for dinner and Saturday for lunch OR dinner, not both. Otherwise we are eating at home. I just gotta get my *** to make dinner that he will like.

NV came up today. I was so happy to see him finally after like three weeks. He was very happy to see me too. He played me a very sweet song. Starset: halo. All about how the writer will always be there for someone. I like to think he meant it to be about me and him. He’s been so sweet through this whole thing. I’m hoping I will be stable very soon. I don’t want to **** things up too bad.

Might go to another tattoo artist tomorrow to see if she is ok tattooing over scars and if she can draw something up for me. I don’t have time to wait for my regular artist anymore since very soon I won’t have the money.

[giddykitty]

I'm taking the others advice for myself right now because I'm in a very dark place for me. Oh it's this damn anxiety. I need to be medicated but I refuse the one that might make me sick. Thing is, that won't solve my problems. Anxiety or not, they will still be there...

Man, I feel like a total ***! My husband is struggling at work and he can't get a break. Why am I *****ing?! Because I can't escape it. It follows me.

[downandlonely]

Hi all,

I had a decent day today. In the morning I was very sleepy and wanted to leave work early, but I pushed through and am proud that I did.

[Cocosurviving]

Last night I went to bed at 9 PM and woke up at 6:30 AM. I ate breakfast and fixed my daughter some breakfast. Went to a 8 AM meeting it went well. Then took my grandmother to run a few errands. Went home and walked my dog. Relaxed until it was time to pick up my daughter. Tonight and tomorrow there are suppose to be storms in my area. There’s a tornado watch right now fingers crossed.

[pirilin]

Living on the edge. This is living!.

[Pookyl]

Manic. Mainly super happy. But small part of me annoyed because I know that the inevitable crash is coming.

[scatterbrained04]

Doing alright these days. My mood isn't tanking every few days like it was. Have some life stuff that maybe has me a bit down and frustrated. Trying to pull myself together. Depression has a funny way of getting you into some bad life habits. My sleep is also still messed up. Wake up around 3-3:30am every morning, so I'm too pooped in the evenings to do stuff a lot of the time.

7pm-7am I suffer immensely
7am-7pm I'm as stable as an equilateral triangle
I have to go in and do paperwork for my new job in a little bit. I want to try and work more hours, but I'm afraid of a 2016 repeat (severe manic/psychotic episode).

Possible trigger:

someone told me again I'd lost weight, and this is really bothering me

so much so I am desperate to put it back on (even though I don't feel I've lost any), and that's making me feel really depressed.

on top of that, it's a sunny day- which is depressing me more, 0 hours sleep last night, and absolutely nothing at all to show for today.

it's now the afternoon and I've done **** all today

it's embarrassing really (I often get embarrassed about it), but what can you do.