twisting in the wind. normal reaction? mountain from molehill?

this seemed important but i don't know now. i guess it's about lack of control.

often i don't know how i feel about something untill something happens and my reaction tells me how i feel.

it's like i'm a bystander,.the event happens, and i'm up the wall- usually in anxiety bordering panic, or anger or both.

i'm not describing this well, and it actually sounds rather stupid when i write it but maybe the upshot is that i feel uncertain and that i have no control, as i don't know what's coming that may or may not be a trigger. (well duh...)

geeze, i should stop talking, i'm not making any sense.

Well I can certainly say that I have felt exactly what you describe. Like a bystander with X emotion or Y emotion watching my own life but in no way involved in it until after i have reacted which was merely a coincidence because I didnt know how I felt about the situation. Wanna know the scariest think about all this - that tended to be when I was most volatile.

I dont know if this is what you are saying but it is certainly the feeling and imagery I get from reading your post and I know that I have never found a way to successfully counteract this approach because I dont know why or how my life can be under control from something other than my own. Yet thats how it feels.

=moggles=