[Jeka]

How can I get tested to know if I am bipolar? Bipolar runs in my family, and I cant go to a doctor to get tested, I have very little money, and what money I do have goes to my bills, but I really think there is something wrong with me, and I want help, but everything in this world cost so much money....

But I get these ruts of depression, that I will be stuck in for like weeks on end and then somewhere in the depression I will have a fit of rage that is sometimes almost impossible to control, and recently the fits of rage have been extreme, I even tried to kill my boyfriend, but he stopped me, and instead of calming down I waited til he went to sleep and called the cops and said that he beat me, which that got me evicted from my apartment for three days, once i returned I promised to get better, but I only went off again like a lose cannon, I took his laptop and smashed it into pieces, I am lucky he is still with me, but I have been working real hard on my rage, trying to control it. But sometimes my rage I take out on me, I have been cutting myself again. I dont know what to do anymore, its like my parents dont support me, because they think " mental disorders " arent real, and i dont know how to talk to them about what is going on, and my boyfriend thinks if I just dont believe there is a problem it will go away, and I have been doing that my whole life and now look at me!

I have medical insurance and want to know if I have some sort of outlet or help I can get, I dont have a lot of money, so please help me out, give me some kind of advice, I am a lost soul here.

[MyBestKids2]

Hi jeka

Welcome to PC. I am sorry things have been going so badly for you. Without support, things just seem so much more difficult. You stated you have medical insurance, but you can't go to a doctor. Only a psychiatrist and/or some therapists could assess your symptoms for a proper diagnosis. Are there any county clinics in your area that accept reduced fee/sliding scale fee payments?

Please keep us updated and don't hesitate to PM me if you have any questions or concerns


Dee

[RelientK]

Hi Jeka. Welcome to the forum.

I read your entire post and I have some thoughts for you.

I think you should visit here and post often to get immediate support that you need. People here are great and very helpful.

There is some genetic testing for Bipolar, but it is controversial as it only address a few of the gene markers associated with Bipolar. The cost is about $300-400 and is not covered by any insurance.

I would recommend that you see a psychiatrist and possibly a therapist too. I am a little skeptical about therapists for Bipolar, but that's only because I had one tell me - "don't feel that way". The Psychiatrist can diagnose you and begin some kind of treatment.

If money is a factor, lots of Psychiatrists have "samples" that they can give you. I have learned on this forum that there are also some programs out there that discount drugs or give them to you.

One thing I think you can do for yourself is reevaluate how you handle your anger. I know people tend towards the most convenient way of expressing their anger, but it is really something you have the ability to control and redirect no matter how angry you are. Sometimes it is as simple as just admitting out loud that you are furious/angry/upset/sad. That way people know to give you space until you cool off. I understand that violence feels good too - but you could go for a walk instead or punch your pillows or scream into them. I have tried this and it works.

Good luck with everything. I hope you get the answers you need.