How do I know if it's Bipolar or something else?

I don't think I really fit the classic definition of Bipolar. But I have done some really impulsive things. Some stuff that doesn't quite fit being "just" depressed.

Just going from the symptoms list:

I do NOT have any of these:
- Inflated self-esteem
- Decreased need for sleep
- Racing thoughts
- Distractibility

However, I DO get really impulsive sometimes. And my moods go from really depressed to just irritable and upset, very quickly. But I never really get "high" or "up".

When I am impulsive, I do crazy things and I'm not myself. I go on food binges. I meet strange men for sex. I spend a lot of money.

Those are supposedly "red flags" for bipolar....but I don't fit any of the other things. Just the impulsiveness, and the depression side.

How do I know what it really is? Is it possible to be bipolar if I don't have the other symptoms?

I have never really had trouble sleeping - either too much or too little. That is supposed to be a symptom with depression or bipolar, but I don't have it. What does that mean?

One of my craziest "episodes" happened a few weeks after I first started on antidepressants. Could it be that the meds pushed me into a manic state, but I am not really manic without the meds? If so....how would it be treated? How would I treat the depression?

Hey Razzle. Welcome.

I would tell your doctor all of the things you have just posted here. Some of it may be difficult to say, but you just gotta do it. Hopefully then you will get a solid diagnosis. Sure sounds like some type of Bipolar.

As far as symptoms go - I would say that it is different for everyone.
Not everyone has the same combinations of symptoms. Some are luckier than others.

I can relate to your kind of Bipolar. I get the irritability then crash into deep depression. I will occasionally get racing thoughts and auditory hallucinations as well. I have never had a manic episode.

Get diagnosed. Get treated. Stay treated.

really good advice Relienk.

As far as your question about the meds pushing you into a manic phase: that is very possible if you have some form of bipolar and take an antidepressent. In that case you can be treated just like anyone who's bipolar, with a mood stabalizer. A book I'm reading is pretty good as far as talking about other types of bipolar other than the classic bipolar type I. It is called "Why Am I Still Depressed?"

Well my first appointment was last night. I think it went okay. I was nervous, staring at the floor a lot...but that's me.

I did explain the 'episode' two years ago, after I had been on anti-depressants for about a month, and I spent tons of money, called in sick to work and basically lost my job, went online and met a bunch of guys in person that I barely even knew, and I ate tons and tons of food.

But I also explained that I really don't notice any changes in my sleep, or any really "high" feelings. I never really get happy anymore, I'm always depressed. I don't get the racing thoughts or anything.

Anyway, it was just a one-hour first appointment, we will have to get more into it eventually. He did give me some mood charts to chart how my moods are every day and see if there is a trend and try and notice some triggers. That should be good.

I did fail to tell him about what I've done recently. I can't blame this on meds,since I'm not on any. but I cheated again. And this time, it wasn't just a one-nighter....well, so far I've only met the guy once, but we keep chatting. Planning to meet again in April. What the hell am I doing??? I'm married, with a 2 year old. We're building a house. Why why why why why would i throw it all away, again? I don't know if I can even call this "impulsiveness" or if I"m just donig bad stuff and trying to blame it on an illness.

Ugh..anyway...I just need to get the guts up to tell the therapist about that next week.

i no this isnt as big a deal as having a kid and building a house but i get wat u mean when u say u feel like your throwing it all away and u wonder if your blaming it on an illness.
I lost all my friends 3years ago and now i had my whole life built back up again and feel like im going to lose everyone again because of my behaviour and feelings

I also don't have trouble with sleep. I've had grandiose thoughts before and have had sex chats with many guys online before. I've been impulsive too, OD'd and cut and stuff.

Sometimes I will feel deeply depressed, and then just as quickly I'll feel elated.

I don't have bipolar. I have a borderline personality disorder.

Ok, so the therapist gave me a mood chart and I'm supposed to track my moods every day, morning & evening, just two spots for each day. I know this is just a basic thing....but ok, what if my moods change within the hour, or within the minute???!!!

That's why I'm not sure if I'm really bipolar. It doesn't go up and up and up for weeks - I can be extremely depressed one minute, just fine but emotionless the next, and angry at the world two seconds later and ready to strangle someone. My moods change very fast.

I never really get "happy" or 'elated" or "high". Just angry and irritable and tense. And then immediately guilty ashamed and depressed, and blaming myself for everything.

Like this weekend - my husband actually got the weekend off (he usually works), and we went on a little getaway and visited some friends Saturday. It was fun, really. But even at this really awesome wild animal park - it was amazing - but I just couldn't be really "excited" about anything. It was cool, really, but just nothing excites me anymore.

And then we didn't really plan anything for after that - we werent' sure how long our friends would be in town. So I didn't really plan much for Saturday night & Sunday - we just knew we wanted to stay in that area (about 2-3 hours from home) and just "do stuff" together as a family.

Well, Saturday night, we couldn't find anything to do. Drove around aimlessly. Finally wound up at a city park, just let my 2-year-old run around & play.

It was so cute to see my husband with her, he is like a child himself sometiems. He climbed all over the playground with her, took her down the slides, even the fireman's pole. It was adorable. But even then, I couldn't just be HAPPY for one second. Why can't I just be happy????!!! NO, I had to focus on worrying that she'd fall off the play equipment, or fall of the swing (she did, twice), or that she'd run away and get hit by a car...why do i always worry about stuff, why can't I just relax and have fun?

Then just a bunch of other things - looking for a motel, trying to figure out where to go for dinner - I would just get really mad and upset at my husband so quickly, and then the next minute be apologizing for everything and blaming myself for the entire weekend being a bust. Target was closed - well - it was Easter. I had no idea. we were going to exchange some shoes that didn't fit. Well, instead of just moving on...I got all upset that I had ruined the whole weekend and nothing was going to work and blah blah blah.

Then one more thing. While we were driving around, we noticed some RV's - and he started talking about how he wants to buy an RV trailer in a few years, so we can go on family road trips. We were also talking about going on a Disney cruise when our kid(s) are old enough. We are talking about all this stuff in the future, with us still together.

But then....I really don't think we are going to be together that long! We fight a lot. He doesn't love me anymore. I'm not sure I love him anymore. I've cheated in the past....and I'm doing it again. What the hell am I thinking??!! One minute, I'm planning my future with him, with the house on the corner with the picket fence, the 2.5 children and a dog, road trips to Yellowstone and family vacations to disneyland. But then the next day, I'm online trolling the chat rooms to meet guys. Because, even with all that talk about a nice little future together...I don't feel any love from him. So I go out looking for some horny stranger to pretend like I'm loveable.

I know my husband loves me but I just can't see it. I just keep thinking that I'm a horrible person and I've done such horrible things and I'm so fat and ugly that he can't possibly love me. And then I validate that by the fact that he never wants to be with me anymore.

Ugh...what the hell is wrong with me??!! I don't know what to think anymore. I just want to be normal. I just want to be HAPPY for once. Why can't I feel that? I have millions of emotions...but happiness is one that I just can not feel.

Just chart as best as you can. Try and think about how you were feeling the most. So if you had more angry times put that or if you spent more time depressed put that.

One more question. When should I ask about meds, and go to a psychiatrist too?

I'm only seeing a psychologist so far.

If I'm not Bipolar, but they put me on Bipolar meds....what would happen? What are the side-effects?

I'm scared because the anti-depressants made me worse instead of better, and my docs then did not listen. I don't want that to happen again.

That is one of the signs.... anti-depressants making you go manic.

if you aren't bipolar, i don't believe the meds would harm you. lithium and lamictal can help those who are depressed and lamictal also helps PTSD and borderline personality disorder. I'm not sure about depakote/epival or the other anticonvulsants used.

Actually, there are issues concerning Bipolar meds if you don't need them. Lithium is not an easy drug to be on. You have to be monitored for blood levels frequently because lithium toxicity can be deadly. Lithium is also filtered through the kidneys, so that you need to be concerned about your kidney function and have that monitored. Additionally, lithium affects the thyroid. Most people on Lithium for long times wind up taking thyroid medication as well. Lithium causes weight gain and other annoying symtpoms.

Tegretol and Depekote have their own side effects that can be troublesome. Tegretol also requires blood monitoring because it can cause your white blood cells to decrease causing your immunity to decrease.

These medications are not to be taken lightly and the decision to be put on them should be considered after the p-doc has a full history. I would not wish to be on these meds. They help me ALOT but the side effects are bothersome.

As for anti-depressants, they vary. They have less issues than Bipolar meds, but they do have side effects, mostly GI related.

I've been given two shots in the arm (two different times) for migraines of Tegretol.

I'm just scared to get on the wrong meds again. The anti-depressants really messed me up, but the doctors wouldn't listen to me!! And the one of my lovely therapists wound up making me go off Effexor cold-turkey.....that sure was fun

I just really don't fit the bill for Bipolar except for the impulsiveness. But since I reacted to the anti-depressants, does that just automatically make me Bipolar? I am really confused.

Having a bad reaction to anti-depressants is not automatically mean you are bipolar but it is a strong indicator that you may be. I'm on Lamictal for bipolar type II which is what you probably are if you are bipolar. You don't talk about any extreme mania so if you have experienced mania it is probably hypomania "little mania" which is easier to not notice.

So far the only side effect I've had with the Lamictal is some headaches for the first couple days. It would be benificial to see a psychiatrist to see about a diagnosis and if I were you I would look for one who specializes or is quite familiar with Bipolar Type II. They would be the best to notice hypomania. Also if you are Borderline you may also be prescribed Bipolar meds so if that is the case the meds would not be a bad thing.

A good book to read regardless is "Why am I still depressed?" it talks about Bipolar type II, cyclothymia (a milder version of bipolar) and what is called soft bipolar (which is not in the DSM yet). The book has a lot of helpful information.

Oh, by the way, I'm also taking Trileptal at night which helps me sleep. That was a big problem for me and now I fall asleep rather quickly.