Medical records and sharing them with your significant other

My husband and I will have been married 14 years on August 4. We have a 10 year old daughter.

He is a teacher and so is off over the summer. One of his big projects has been organizing our files. At some point, he ran into old medical records of his (he has had some back surgeries and related PT, other minor issues), which made him decide to organize our medical records and get ones we are missing.

It is crazy. He asked that I see about getting medical records from my retiring pdoc (the one who changed my diagnosis from major depression to bipolar and the new pdoc I am seeing at the same practice). If I do get them, it will likely cost a fortune as I have been going there over 10 years, and the file with my old pdoc had to be 4 or 5 inches thick.

It probably is a good idea to have those records, but it’s the craziest thing. I have filled out all sorts of releases over the years, allowing the doctors and office to communicate with my husband or to give him access to medical info of mine if needed. Only once over the years did he need a one on one with my pdoc, and I was there, I knew what she said.

The thing is, even though I have not seen them, those records feel extremely private. I don’t know what all I talked about over the years, including my relationship with my husband, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, eating disorder stuff, my feelings postpartum, etc. Even if I can afford to get the records, I am not sure I want my husband to see them. They are just so personal, the only people I want to actually see them are my pdocs and me.

It’s just crazy. I wouldn’t care a bit if he read my records from our family doctor, from my rheumatologist, all the detailed pages of unofficial medical records I could print out detailing my recent hospitalization for a perforated ulcer.

Is it normal to want to keep my psych records to myself and not share them with him?

I have seen some of my psych files and it reads like "omg I did that?? That was me??" They areprivate. That said i put a few of mine on my bipolar blog to illustrate the seriousness of our illness.

Admit to nothing. Deny everything, and make accusations.

I have my records and keep them hidden. You're right, they are private.

Although my records don't go into much detail. Just high level summaries of what we talked about but it's enough to raise questions if my wife of 26 years were to read them.

I might eventually destroy them even though they were expensive to get. I don't want to eventually have to answer questions about the darker times of my life.

To me those are private.

Plus why would he want a stack that high in your filing cabinet ???

I’d just say it’s to expensive and hope he drops it , if not I’d probably be blunt and say that it’s personal and private for you..... what do you want for dinner ??? Deflect it !

at my last pdoc office they wanted 50 cents per page ... as a copying and handling fee ... thats a lot of jack ... I really would never want mine unless needed for ssi or such ...

I certainly see the value of collecting psych history records. They are valuable for future doctors, potential disability applications, and perhaps other purposes. But would more of a summary suffice, rather than the micro details of daily sessions? I imagine that some session notes are just brief notes.

I have had therapists write up summaries of a couple of pages or so in the past. Sometimes they charged for them, sometimes not. Definitely hundreds of pages photocopied will cost a lot. What is the value of each individual page vs. a summary?

When I applied for SSDI over 8 years ago, I had to obtain copies of hospital records. I also obtained some records from Partial Hospitalization Programs and Intensive Outpatient Programs. The hospital records were more summaries. The PHP and IOP records were voluminous, and included lots of questionnaires and notes, some typed/printed and some handwritten. Half of the stuff made little sense or was illegible. Really, the summaries were surely what Social Security read. I doubt they looked at every single blood test result. Those papers photocopied turned out to be a sad waste of trees.

Recently I needed some records from a reg doc, they charged 10 bucks and it was on a CD. So I have them and I guess if they could do that or a usb drive. Put it somewhere that husband doesnt know of.

I called my office and asked how much they charge. They have to get back to me as some of the older records have gone into a storage facility. The person who'd know the cost wasn't there, but I did ask the receptionist to pass along a message that we're in dire straights financially, I had an expensive medical hospitalization & can't work, our only income is from my husband, who teaches high school, and they certainly do not pay teachers much, but enough that we make too much money for me to get disability; however, I felt it was important to get the old info before my old pdoc fully retired. (Sigh...so many people retiring lately. My 2 favorite librarians retired as well, one already, the other next month.) Sucks. I asked if anything can be done to help out on the cost, please would they do it. My message is supposed to be passed along and they said hopefully, I will hear back tomorrow.

The good thing (I guess?) is that hubby seems to realize this stuff is extremely private to me without even telling me. He said I should be the one to go through it and note significant events in his system, which he will show me. He claimed not to have the time to do it and that he would likely not understand it, but I think really, he realized I was uncomfortable with the thought of him going through the stuff, that it's almost like reading a diary or something to me. I do think it would be helpful. I was on so many medications in the past, plus my pdoc I had for 10 years is retiring, but when I first met with her, I remembered more clearly things about past hospitalizations and diagnoses, stuff that happened when I was in college & graduate school, and she may have been able to procure some stuff from the county health care system I used while in graduate school. I made so little money in grad school, I could not opt in to get health insurance if I wanted to have a place to live anywhere near the university that was semi-safe (though not totally as I was an unintended gunshot victim there, probably because though the place was gated, the gates were always left open and often broken for months).

So...we'll see. I'd like to have it, if I can afford it.

I am glad he understands and you are figuring out something that works for you. It seems valuable to have that information to track your mental health/treatment. I often wonder if I would want to read my records, honestly, or if it would upset me. At the same time, it seems like I should know everything about my condition and progress etc.

Aside from doing an SSDI application, I can't imagine why on earth you'd need them. To read? That's triggering just waiting to happen. For other providers? That's what ROIs are for. Sign one and the docs take care of the rest. Why burden yourself with being a middleman with a giant stack of papers? It would make no sense to me not even considering incurring cost for them(!) Not to mention storage space too.

And yes, I agree. They are private stuff.

I wouldn't even keep a list of things more detailed than a list of dates.. When I took such and such a drug, maybe side effects and when I changed. Doctors' names and dates I saw them and then maybe diagnoses. How would anything else be useful for files?


Most couples have fights now and then and there is personal psychological information I wouldn't want even my husband to have. It would be easy for something detailed and private to be used as a weapon in a fight. It can be something you've changed or disagree with, but still it's there in black and white and decreed by a "professional".. No matter how regretful he might be later. It's out there and can't be taken back.

It's not at all the same thing as his keeping files of when he had his broken leg set at Mercy Hospital.

We have my husband's psych records. Unopened filed away encase we need then. There's no rule that says they have to be opened.

That is a good point. Nothing says I need to look at them.

My medical records were collected for my disability application 20 years ago. There were two big binders worth. I was stunned by one of the psychiatric assessments. It was so insightful! The doctor was a superb writer! He saw me so clearly and described me so well! He really paid attention! At the time, i dismissed him as passive. Then he wrote this astonishingly sensitive assessment! It was the only worthwhile thing in the whole collection.

I was destitute and off meds when i was interviewed by him. Off meds i am just one big run-on sentence. He wrote, "She spoke in an overly-detailed great flow of words that was sometimes difficult to interrupt." Haha! So true but nobody had the courage to say such a thing!

He wrote, "Her intelligence, which is her big advantage, may also be a disadvantage as she may outsmart any therapeutic endeavor." Lol! He's so right! If i don't want to do something i'll research it and turn it inside out until i have a reason not to do it!

So it was worth reading my records just to see that one assessment which i treasure.

But sharing them with your husband? No. They are your personal and private records.

As much as I loved and trusted my husband, I would never have wanted to have copies of my psychiatrists' notes laying around the house. I don't even want to know all that stuff...I think it would be upsetting, maybe even triggering. Besides, I'm gonna die someday and I don't want my kids to know how crazy I really was!

The difference is you and your husband both have a mental illness. People without a mental illness are more likely in an argument to use something in the past against the person with the mental illness. Something like what’s in those files.