[Miss Laura]

I'm wondering if any of you are as territorial as I am. I have this friend who says she's bipolar. Now I'm not one for being *****y but I don't think she does but what do I know. She's been annoying me and I'm at this stage where I don't know what to believe when she is telling me things. She has actually told me she thinks in ill and thinks I have Schizophrenia. My actual friends think she is lying as I'm doing good other than sever anxiety I'm doing good well that they know. I'm hiding a lot but that's another story.

Anyways I go to a monthly support group. She has never in her 2 years of being diagnosed wanted to come until 2 weeks ago. She refers to bipolar as "it" which annoys me. I don't go every month as well I care for my Mum. So I said I don't go every month so can't commit to going with her as that's what she wants. The meeting is tonight and I'm wanting to go. But I'm worried she'll be there. I share stuff there that I don't tell people about. I feel like I can open up to people there where as in my normal life I can't. If she goes I'm not going to be able to speak up. I feel I'm territorial for some reason.

[amicus_curiae]

I don’t think that diagnoses from non-professionals are legitimate. I would never say that X is schizophrenic.

Anxiety is something that you can work on, if you wish, without medication.

I think that you should tell her how you feel and suggest that she find her ‘own’ group, specializing in Bipolar Disorders.

Good luck.

Maybe she won't be there. Or does the group sometimes split off into two groups if it's large? My local DBSA usually does. You could go to the other group than her.

If you doubt she has bipolar disorder maybe things she might share will change your view on that. Or maybe if she isn't she'll get a better idea of the realities of the disorder. Maybe she is experiencing some strife and looking for answers. I hope if she comes she benefits in some way. Perhaps you'll grow more comfortable with her, or her visit will be a one time deal.

[Miss Laura]

There are a lot of things I question regarding her. I have spoken to 3 friends about her and they think she is lying and that I need to watch what I say to her as it's like she is taking on my anxieties as her own. Then there is a situation regarding being a child and looking after an ill parent again I question her stories. I really don't know what to believe. But my friends think she is actually making me ill as she's telling me I'm ill I'm questioning everything so I'm highly paranoid. I wish I could just break ties with her but it's complicated. And I don't have it in me to dismiss people.

The group is just one group. There are up yo 30 ish members. I haven't spoken to her and I won't tell her in going as I'm stressed out as it is. She adds to my stresses

It kind of sounds like something may be amiss with her. Who knows what it is. If she comes to the group, perhaps you could talk to the group facilitator about the issue during a break or afterwards (or via email).

Must this person be in your life? If she is in a class or work, just separate yourself from her. If she won't leave you alone, perhaps take her aside and let her know in a serious but uncruel way, that she is triggering (or whatever) and you'd appreciate distance from her.

If she needs help, someone should encourage her to seek a doctor or therapist.

[Miss Laura]

I really wish I could have her out of my life but we go back since we were kids so about 25 years. She lives right where my parents live so I have to see her. It would be ackward if I ended the "friendship"... however she is making me ill so I have to do something but I'm scared I hurt her. It's my anxieties that are egging my paranoia on regarding her. My friends said just to stop messaging her but I feel thus would be rude. I'm not very comfortable in this situation

[~Christina]

A old woman I took in a couple years ago wanted to see my T and I was like oh no you f’ing wont. Not that my T would have , but I flipped immediately.

She needs to back off. You should be able to go and get help from the group instead of having to not talk , i am so sorry you apparently have lost the help you may have gotten because of her

Her calling BP “ it” ugh ugh ugh

What good does she bring to your life?

I hope your mom is doing better

[Tucson]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

I'm wondering if any of you are as territorial as I am. I have this friend who says she's bipolar. Now I'm not one for being *****y but I don't think she does but what do I know. She's been annoying me and I'm at this stage where I don't know what to believe when she is telling me things. She has actually told me she thinks in ill and thinks I have eSchizophrenia. cMy actual friends think she is lying as I'm doing good other than sever anxiety I'm doing good well that they know. I'm hiding a lot but that's another story.

[snip]

She thinks you are schizophrenic? Where did that come from? I do not mean to marginalize schizophrenics, but in your particular situation, I find her behavior very amusing with that comment she made to you. You cannot take her seriously. Think of her this way. Everytime she opens her mouth, no actual words come out, just allot of noise. Think of the Marx brothers with Harpo blowing his horn. However, I can understand why you are upset. Mindlessness and the resulting mayhem for you,

Here is my suggestion. I would go to group. If she is there, do not say anything about yourself that is personal. When you find her not there, then you can share with the others in the group. You still can listen to the group, for there may be something you can learn. You still can relate to them as friends despite her being there. Ignore her. I suspect she will not go to that group of yours very long. I think when the others figure her out, they will also not take her that seriously and may even ignore her. Ths would be just them being human. FWIW

[Cocosurviving]

This friend of yours is she a licensed psychiatrist ? Or a licensed psychologist? The fact that she refers to bipolar as “it” let’s me know the answer is no. I never tell people who to be friends with. Me personally I look at if the friendship is “healthily”.

Good luck

Edit: I had a best friend of 18 years. Then once I was diagnosed she was not around for me. I took the hint and ended the friendship. I do not miss her. I will never contact her except if her mother or one of her kids dies.

[*Laurie*]

There are about 30 members in your group? I'm curious, how long is each group? It seems to me that with so many members, hardly anyone would have a chance to speak. If there is more than one facilitator I wonder if, as Birdie suggested, the group could be split into 2 (or even 3)?


As for your "friend" - I feel for you. I have a friend who is, in many ways, very dear to me. We met when we were five years old and are now 55. So, a 50 year friendship. There are too many times, however, when we simply don't connect well at all. Three weeks ago was one of those times and I just could not communicate with my friend any more. I know she's terribly hurt, but as of yet I have not missed her. I'm in such a quandary about what to do. Throwing away a long-time friendship is not so easy.

[Victoria'smom]

I would just go and not talk if she's there. Referring to BP as "it" maybe because she's not comfortable with the name. Every time she says "it" remind her "You mean bipolar right?". I refer to bipolar as it, my crazy, my issue anything I rarely call it BP.

[Miss Laura]

Hey guys thanks for your replies. I went to group and didn't tell her I was going.

The group is a self referring group that caters for the whole of my area. I live in a city. It's brand new only been going 2 years. We have 2 facilitators who are volunteers and both have studied Psychology yo Master degrees at the local Uni. We get roughly 20 people each month but have had 30 previously we go in dribs and drabs. We run for 2 hours (7-9pm). There isn't enough resources to be split. We introduce ourselves if new people are there. Hear important info for the coming months like guest speakers etc. Then we go around and say our pit (negative) and peak (positive) of the month. If no speakers are in we then have about an hour or so to talk about anything bipolar related. Like meds or therapy etc. The facilitators are really good and will keep you on topic etc but are also good at offering advice. Like last night we were talking about emotions and looked to them to tell us if non bipolar people ever feel like this so we could compare notes. At the end of the 2 hours we go around saying if there is anything we are looking forward to in the upcoming month.

My friend.... She says she was diagnosed by a Psychologist. Now in my country it's a Psychiatrist who would diagnose you would be referred to the Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) wait like 2-4 minths for a Psychiatrist. Get your diagnosis then be under the Mental Health Team as an outpatient. Where she got diagnosed was at a centre for Psychology. So I thought maybe she got confused by the names so explained who they were and for an hour was like yeah a Psychologist diagnosed me. I got frustrated and kinda went a bit mental and she then said no a Psychiatrist was there in her session with the Psychologist. This would not happen. I have spoke to mental health professionals and they sided with me. Hey GP has apparently referred her to CMHT but then said to her 2 weeks later I've upped your med so see how you go then I'll refer you to CMHT. I confronted her and she denies saying this. I'm confused. Also things she says I don't believe. Like she says she got her Mum sectioned under the mental health act when she was 5 and 10 years old. Spoke to a friend who's a social worker and she said thus would never happen. To get someone sectioned you have to be an adult or at least 16 years old. I was like yeah I thought so. She had family members here ie her Dad. So he would of had a say in it.

As for her diagnosing me she's not a mental health profession so in any capacity. She says I'm Schizophrenic cause I guess you would say I'm in Psychosis as I hearing, seeing things and talking to people I see when I'm on my own. Rather than saying to me get it checked out by my team she's went straight for Schizophrenia. She made me call the crisis team a few months back cause I was manic and when people say that I'm like I must be ill I'm not very independent I need people to have my back if I'm ill. So I called up and was told I sound fine. I said I thought I was but a friend said I needed to call up.

Lastly.... I am a Befriender for a mental health charity. I have done it 5 years. She has known this and gas never once said she thinks it would be ideal for her. A month ago she sent me a message saying can you help with setting me in the right direction with Befriending. I thought she meant to volunteer. Then she said no it's for me. I was like oh right I don't really think you need it. She got a bit defensive. I said Befriending is for people who are socially isolated. Ironically I'm in this category now as my anxieties are making leaving the house impossible and I have nothing other than an appointment weekly that I go to. I'm socially isolated but I don't think I need this support. My other friends would disagree though. She works full time and travels nearly an hour both ways 6 days a week to work. She also volunteers her time once a week working with young girls. How is she isolated. I explained this to her and she got upset with me. My friends think she's looking for attention. She had a meeting the other day with the Befriending service and will be matched up to a Befriender soon. I don't get it. Either she's lying to people about her situation or I'm very cynical.

Either way I'm massively confused about how well I'm actually doing. What is going on with her. What's right and what's not.

My actual friends are both in professional roles (Social Worker and Nurse) so I can trust them btw.

[~Christina]

What does this person bring to your life ? I mean if shes this selfish and pushy why deal with her? She sounds like a PITA and you have enough on your plate...

I would consider removing her from life ... But thats just my opinion.

Glad she didnt go to group

[Miss Laura]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

What does this person bring to your life ? I mean if shes this selfish and pushy why deal with her? She sounds like a PITA and you have enough on your plate...

I would consider removing her from life ... But thats just my opinion.

Glad she didnt go to group

Tbh.... Nothing. I rarely see her but she talks to me every day in messenger on facebook. I don't like upsetting people so I put up with several "friends" who are I hate to say it annoying cause I just can't see people upset. I see where your coming from I'm lowering the amount of time I chat to her as I'm frustrated with her.

Yeah so am I, I was thinking if she came along I would of made an excuse to go home from the group. Like I'm unwell or something. I don't know if I'm being territorial or not. I mean she has the right to be there if she has bipolar but.... well you know my thoughts.

My Mum is doing ok btw guys I forgot to answer that question. She has had a few falls in the house lately. But is ok. Her speech isn't getting any better and every day she must be screaming at us on the inside as it's a guessing game. She's getting intense speech therapy 3 times a month now

[Healing daily]

Your post made me register to this site after years of just reading. I just want to encourage you to let her go, for your own good. She is gaslighting you. Last year,I had to end my friendship with my best friend after constant psychological abuse from this person. I was always afraid to be mean despite the fact that this person always used my weaknesses against me; manipulated me; and even expose my private struggles with other people. This person also tells me that he/she is depressed and suicidal despite not getting formally diagnosed. I help with getting this person a free psychiatrist but this person always refused. As such I always minded this person's struggles more than my own, and despite having episodes myself due to this person's abusive behavior, I neglected my own health for this person's sake.

Dear Miss Laura, please let go of your toxic "friend." It will be painful, but it will be painful all the more if you choose to hold on. You will see this person in your neighborhood, it will be awkward, but it's so rewarding to be free from your chains. This person will keep on gaslighting you if you don't let her go, because as long as you have connection, she knows she has power over you.

Let her go and don't look back.

It will be hard especially with mutual friends who will make ways just for you to to reconcile, but ask them for respect. For the sake of your stability, you need to cut off emotional vampires.

Let her go and even if others won't understand, you owe it yourself. Please do.

The more you don't want to upset anyone including your emotional predators that drain you, the more you will end up depressed. There's a quote that says "if you try to please everyone, the only person you will not please is yourself."

I'm sorry if I sound pushy but I really hope you free yourself from her. God bless you. You deserve better. All the best to your mom.