I'm too focused on and upset about people implying that I'm non-personable. It's eating at me... because now I'm realizing that perhaps many people feel this way about me. ("Flat affect and flat vocal tone" was one comment. But people have said similar things to me in the past. e.g., "You don't seem too excited.")

I was also accused of being un-sociable, but I mostly don't have anything to say to anybody, so why am I going to say anything? So I don't speak a lot. I give brief answers unless I know somebody well enough and they are interested in talking with me for a while--in which case, I'm often talkative. But even then, sometimes I just say a few words and that's it. (Depends on how I'm feeling that day.) Plus, sometimes I say things that people perceive as "bizarre," which puts them off, so I'm afraid of that happening.

I don't know why I'm this way (e.g., if it's BP related or not), but it hurts for people to be accusatory like this. I want to be left alone. Just because I usually don't show any emotion whatsoever (and I literally 100% mean having a straight face even when I'm very upset), it doesn't mean that I don't feel anything. Hell, if you tell me a joke that I actually like, I almost always have to force a smile and force a chuckle. Also, a lack of inflections in my voice doesn't mean I dislike you or that you bore me.

Anyway, I can write long and frequent posts in this forum because I can relate to nearly everybody here. And unlike real life, "forum life" allows me to give myself breaks whenever I need/want them. I don't have to engage in a conversation where I have to stay in one place and come up with responses on the spot. I can sit, think about it, then write.

Obviously people are noticing these things, which makes me feel so... not genuine. I don't know what I'm saying, but I had to let it out.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I think it is really hard to read or hear evaluations of ourselves. I've had several from my therapist for SSDI or voc rehab and even though he warned me I still felt sad reading what he said. I also had an OT evaluation from voc rehab and it was probably even more difficult because I am an OT and so I knew exactly what she meant.

But those things don't matter really. They are maybe things you want to work on in therapy. Or you don't. I mostly haven't spent a lot of time on them except for trying hard to learn to make eye contact and to appear happy when I am happy as my therapist thought I was pretty negative for a while and I don't think I am; I think I was flat and that's what he saw in the flatness. So I fight to be less flat and things are better.

Just don't take it too personally. An evaluation is about finding the negatives probably more than the positives. You know the positives about yourself. YOu are smart, caring, a dedicated worker, etc. Those are what matter.

[Wild Coyote]

Hey Blue!

I can relate somewhat. People often comment that I don't talk enough.

Like you, I talk when I have something to say. Sometimes, I have little to say.

I am on Abilify which has added some rather flat affect and/or some delayed response in facial expressions, as well.

I have been getting a complex about this, as there are frequent remarks about my lack of "talking." Sometimes, I do not find the talk around me very interesting, which only adds to the mix.

I have wondered how some people might respond if I tell them I feel they talk too much?

Sorry you seem to be getting similar feedback.


WC

[bizi]

It sounds like you are insecure with yourself and maybe shy???
I get insecure with myself when I have to talk to anyone my age.
I work with the elderly and I love to talk with them.I can ask about WW2 and stuff related to their generation and not talk about myself too too much.
Try asking questions...other people like to talk.
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bizi

It sounds like you are insecure with yourself and maybe shy???
I get insecure with myself when I have to talk to anyone my age.
I work with the elderly and I love to talk with them.I can ask about WW2 and stuff related to their generation and not talk about myself too too much.
Try asking questions...other people like to talk.
bizi

Asking questions is a great tip!

WC

[pirilin]

The more you pay attention to the people, the worse it will be for you.
You have to remember that you are the most important person in the universe.
Without you, there's nothing.
Pay attention to the ones that pay your rent and disregard the rest.

Most people have an inferiority complex, and waste no opportunity in trying to bring someone down to their level. That makes them happy. Don't play their game.

Cheers.

[Unrigged64072835]

I don't talk that much either. I can't do chit-chat. It just bores the hell out of me.

I talk to my husband and daughter, who understand me. I can laugh with them.

Other people--there be some nice ones but I have a mean looking face so they don't talk to me.

i've been called "boring"

so what if I am?

I might be boring to a lot of people because I've not shared a lot of experiences in life

but I'm interesting in other ways- we all are

I don't care what people think of me in the end, because in the end, I'm not changing for anyone

if you don't like me, it's your problem- not mine

[Cocosurviving]

Blue,

I can relate to this very well. I first started hearing these comments from managers. Most of you that have been around my post know I will advocate for myself and others. I explained this.....I come to work to work not to make friends. I have friends outside of work. This was way before I was diagnosed and on meds. I noticed after being on Lithium I was a little more nonsensitive. My daughters would tell me things and be upset by my lack of emotions. I try to focus on their excitement level now so I can clue in on when to smile extra and say something nice. But I’m not doing it for anyone else. I like me just as I am. Everyone does not have to be all extra bubbly and goofy.

[Blueberrybook]

I wonder could you be almost on the autism spectrum? My daughter is that way a LOT, and I think she just missed autism on the Asperger's side. She is not autistic, but she cannot handle social situations at all, especially things like "frenemies" (she is 10 yr. old) just hurt her feelings to her very core.

On the other hand, I am introverted, and I hate and suck at social situations. I'd rather not go to any at all except close family birthday parties my mom or sisters will throw for my daughter's cousins. Those are just attended by my parents (admittedly, I have no relationship with my father though now I am 99% sure he is un-diagnosed Aspergers, people realize within 2 minutes of talking to him that he is just not normal at all; everyone has thought this my husband, my sisters' boyfriends and husbands, 2 of my aunts' new husbands on going into their 2nd marriages), my sisters, my nieces and nephews, the 2 of my 3 aunts I get along decently with, and my grandmother. Other events, reunions, kid class birthday parties my daughter is invited to from school, social events my husband gets invited to (weddings & such), ugh. I am so anxious, nervous and panicky, just hate it. When it was the fashion in the mid-to-late 1990s, a couple of pdocs said I had social anxiety disorder. I think it's just anxiety & panic attacks in general and hating social situations.

I always worry and have worried about what other people think of me, even when I was in elementary school, I worried all the time about what my teachers and most of my classmates thought about me, and it has gotten worse with age. By high school, I worried what EVERYONE, teachers & all of my classmates thought of me. I have now forced myself into 2 social situations I can handle - a library book club (both men & women attend) and a neighbor book club (women only). I have a love of reading, so I have at least one thing in common with them. I also have a goal of being active in my daughter's school PTO all year, beyond the first meeting, which is usually the way it works with me even though the PTO meetings are poorly attended, 20 people or so, and that is counting the school principal, a teacher, and sometimes the school counselor if an upcoming event involves her, or in the case last year, after Hurricane Harvey, which affected many families with children attending my daughter's school. I also need to bite the bullet and attend a support group for bipolar/depression at a church near me (not religious, they just meet there). And I've found one of my high school classmates works and lives not that far from me. I graduated in a small class (109 students) from a small school and as a result knew most of my classmates. I often even ate lunch in a group including this woman when we shared lunch periods. My high school had 2 lunch periods, but they all encompassed 9th through 12th grade. I really want to reach out to this woman and go for coffee or tea or something, just meet and see how it goes from there, but I worry what she will think of me, and how I will handle myself, that I will just say stupid stuff...sigh. Just know you are not alone.

Has what you described been your baseline mood/tendencies throughout your life? If so, I'd address that with your psychiatrist and therapist. If not, then something obviously changed for some reason. Identifying the reason can help you work to change or accept it.

I have has some periods when I was as you describe, but my baseline is actually quite hyperthymic. For me, depression, dealing with some trauma, and/or working through periods of social anxiety were likely the cause.