[251turnaround]

Hi all.

I've been dealing with some weird scary thoughts lately. The other night at work I got the idea in my head that my bosses were trying to have me killed by sending me to an aisle to pick up something. It was a really strange request. I knew something was up. I went the other way around and looked down the aisle to find no box. To make matters worse, I felt like the music was telling me to stay away from my bosses as they were dangerous. I tried my best to avoid them until my shift was over. Something was up and I didn't like it. Then yesterday I felt like customers were spying on me, watching my movements.

It's really scary and I want it to go away but I don't know how. There has to be some coping strategies for these thoughts, right? I try reminding myself it's not real but it's really difficult.

[Blueberrybook]

Yikes, sorry I can't help you. That bad, I'd probably have to go IP, at least see your pdoc or therapist.

I am fortunate in the fact that I've only had a couple of episodes with psychotic features, and one of them I'm not sure counts since I was high on pain meds & in severe pain after emergency surgery; it wasn't voices though, but hallucinations that lasted on again, off again for 2-3 days (still there between sleep and wake). Another time, I couldn't distinguish what was reality and what was not and kept telling people I didn't know if what I was seeing or saying was real (it was, I just couldn't tell it at the time). I had hallucinations another time, but that was an accidental double take of my morning meds, so that doesn't really count either. I don't really hear voices. A lot of the time, I hear birds singing where there are none to be found, but that is not really intrusive or scary.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by 251turnaround

Hi all.

I've been dealing with some weird scary thoughts lately. The other night at work I got the idea in my head that my bosses were trying to have me killed by sending me to an aisle to pick up something. It was a really strange request. I knew something was up. I went the other way around and looked down the aisle to find no box. To make matters worse, I felt like the music was telling me to stay away from my bosses as they were dangerous. I tried my best to avoid them until my shift was over. Something was up and I didn't like it. Then yesterday I felt like customers were spying on me, watching my movements.

It's really scary and I want it to go away but I don't know how. There has to be some coping strategies for these thoughts, right? I try reminding myself it's not real but it's really difficult.

That sounds so scary, I am sorry you are dealing with this. It seems a little more serious then the intrusive thoughts like I have had, because sounds like there could psychosis involved. Please be careful and talk to your doctor. I think it is too much to handle on your own. Are you alone? Maybe being around people you trust right now could be grounding and help keep you safe until you can get some help.

[251turnaround]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

That sounds so scary, I am sorry you are dealing with this. It seems a little more serious then the intrusive thoughts like I have had, because sounds like there could psychosis involved. Please be careful and talk to your doctor. I think it is too much to handle on your own. Are you alone? Maybe being around people you trust right now could be grounding and help keep you safe until you can get some help.

I'm ok right now I think but I don't trust my pdoc. He's going to say I'm making it up I think. I'm not manic or depressed right now so I don't know if it's a psychosis thing because I can recognize and neutralize the thoughts though. Doesn't psychosis have to be eating your mind to where you don't realize it?

Also I live at home right now with people I can trust, and they can help keep things in check I think.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by 251turnaround

I'm ok right now I think but I don't trust my pdoc. He's going to say I'm making it up I think. I'm not manic or depressed right now so I don't know if it's a psychosis thing because I can recognize and neutralize the thoughts though. Doesn't psychosis have to be eating your mind to where you don't realize it?

Also I live at home right now with people I can trust, and they can help keep things in check I think.

Good, I am glad you are with people. I don't want to try to do any diagnosing as I am not qualified of course, but it sounds like you are experiencing some paranoia/delusions, so maybe you are having the early signs and could take care of it before you lose insight. Or at least see if you can find out what is going on with the help of a professional. Psychosis or not it sounds very distressing and like you need support. Do you usually not trust your pdoc, and has he said you are making things up before? You should be able to trust him, and if you cannot that sounds like a problem that could affect your care. Any chance you are feeling less trusting of people in general right now?

[251turnaround]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Good, I am glad you are with people. I don't want to try to do any diagnosing as I am not qualified of course, but it sounds like you are experiencing some paranoia/delusions, so maybe you are having the early signs and could take care of it before you lose insight. Or at least see if you can find out what is going on with the help of a professional. Psychosis or not it sounds very distressing and like you need support. Do you usually not trust your pdoc, and has he said you are making things up before? You should be able to trust him, and if you cannot that sounds like a problem that could affect your care. Any chance you are feeling less trusting of people in general right now?

I don't know. I really don't. I feel like I am making this up, though, but the thoughts just enter my head. I can't totally get them out. I can beat them back a bit though.

I have no reason to be distrustful of people, really. But I feel fine most of the time?

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by 251turnaround

I don't know. I really don't. I feel like I am making this up, though, but the thoughts just enter my head. I can't totally get them out. I can beat them back a bit though.

I have no reason to be distrustful of people, really. But I feel fine most of the time?

While I have not experienced the same thing you are experiencing, I relate to the struggle you mention about trying to beat back the thoughts and they just enter your head. I have had those kind of thoughts, and it is really confusing. I also thought I was making them up or something, but then realized I was not safe later when I was doing better. I don't think you are making up your experiences. Please reach out so you can stay safe..maybe to a trusted friend or family member if you are afraid to talk to your pdoc right away? One thing to consider is that if your pdoc doesn't believe you it could be time for a new pdoc, but if he does then he can help. Worst case you are where you are now, and haven't lost anything by trying to ask for help.