[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by cln1812

Oh, but they always ask if you are Hispanic or Latino, which makes me suspect there is extra help if you are.

Or maybe the next question is, "Can you prove that you are in this country legally?"

If you are white (or black: one of the few black privileges!) they don't ask.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

What's a gi? Wikipedia doesn't know.

martial arts "uniform"

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

What's a gi? Wikipedia doesn't know.

It is what judo players wear.

[yellow_fleurs]

It's towards the end of my period, so I should have some relief, but I am still having really dark thoughts. They are the same, maybe even worse and feel hostile towards me sometimes. I am tired.

[wildflowerchild25]

It. Is. Hot. My house is still 78 degrees because the air conditioning can’t keeo up. We only have a 5000 btu unit to cool the entire downstairs. It’s bearable in my room with the fan pointed directly on me so I’m ok for now but tomorrow is more of the same. I didn’t go anywhere today because it was so hot. My SIL is coming up tomorrow to go to an Indian food buffet with me because she’s never had Indian food before. It should be fun.

My friend shared the second grade school supply list with me. There’s like 20 items on the list! And a few can only be found in staples. I was hoping to get all my shopping done at target because I have a store credit card there. I guess I’ll have to pay up front for everything! I’m not going two places in this heat.

I’m going to wait till Friday to take my son to get shoes and a backpack and stuff. It’s only supposed to be 75 degrees on Friday thank goodness. I love the heat don’t get me wrong but by the end of summer even I have had enough. I can’t imagine living down south, except I’d love to in the winter time. Maybe I’ll be a snowbird when I retire!

Mood has been stable for about a week now after a dip into a very minor depression for four days.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Or maybe the next question is, "Can you prove that you are in this country legally?"

If you are white (or black: one of the few black privileges!) they don't ask.

No, actually, they ask if you can legally work in the U.S. first and then about felony charges. Then, they ask up to 4 times about being Hispanic or Latino, etc. They ask about other races too, but those just the same as White, those races being, what ethincity you consider yourself, spouse/partner/ and child/childern. I am not prejudiced though it feels like all races need an equal opportunity here, and it feels as though even if Hispanics do not have an equal funding, they may get free help navigating through this boatload of confusing questions which other races do not.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Or maybe the next question is, "Can you prove that you are in this country legally?"

If you are white (or black: one of the few black privileges!) they don't ask.

Actually if it wasn’t for settlers “NO” Blacks would be in the USA! Do you need a flipping history lesson!!! It was my favorite subject. There are no Black privileges have you watched the f....ing news lately??? The police are killing Blacks left and right but I’m sure you don’t see that white.... I’m mean right???? There was a police officer in Texas that just got convicted of murder of an unarmed Black teen Jordan Edwards.

I see my psychiatrist today. I love seeing him, because I adore him, but I wish I had something more positive to say to him. I have not really been feeling that well lately. I've been in bed most of the time, with little energy, and have abandoned some "step forward" type plans. I don't exactly think I'm depressed. I don't feel "depressed". I feel just low energy, unmotivated, or as they say in Czech "fnuk". Or even double "fnuk". "Fnuk" is a word that has no good equivalent in English. It isn't quite "blah", because the word conveys a feeling shi*ty type feeling, but not specifically physically, but more mentally and attitude. I guess shi*ty is the closest word.

Sometimes I get so sick of "almost" making some progress, but then not. It's frustrating, and getting way old. There are times when I wonder sometimes what my psychiatrist thinks about this tendency. Very often when he sees me my mood is very "up", then "down", then "up", then "up" again, then "down". Boo!

[Blueberrybook]

I'm here, sick of the system. Tired of places supposed to help that don't. Of people who promise to call or email back and never do. Just feeling tired & overwhelmed

[bizi]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I'm here, sick of the system. Tired of places supposed to help that don't. Of people who promise to call or email back and never do. Just feeling tired & overwhelmed

Have you been sleeping at night?
sorry it is so hard to navigate help.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[Moose72]

Talking with peter. Im having a colonoscopy and "upper" on the 6th and they called to arrange my blood thinner- eliquis. My gi os in the shop getting shortened. Having a nice conversation with Caleb today. E are such good friends. Pdoc just won't call me back. This is the end. I guess this is the end- I magically feel better now.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by cln1812

I'm here, sick of the system. Tired of places supposed to help that don't. Of people who promise to call or email back and never do. Just feeling tired & overwhelmed

I am right there with ya sista!

[4psUche]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

Today was super busy. I had my re-eval with the psychology. She’s going to request my hospital records and see what the notes say. My assignment is to track my moods for the next six weeks. After I picked my daughter up from school I scheduled an appointment with our allergy clinic. My left eye was causing me severe pain. The doctor said it was my allergies and I had an eye infection. He called me in two prescription eye drops and some prednisone. Their really nice and gave me a few samples. Once I made it to the car I opened the sample up. I have not been bothered the eye allergies since I lived in Nashville. My pharmacy was on it today. They text and said my prescription were ready.

Hi Cocosurviving,
I'm new here (like just introduced myself and it hasn't been approved yet new) and I just wanted to say that your post is one of the first that caught my eye. I'm glad that your doctors are so responsive and caring, but to be honest, what really grabbed my attention was the quote that you have on your signature (I think it's a signature at least, again.. painfully new). "I will die with it, but I refuse to die from it," was exactly what I needed to read this morning. Thanks for the pick me up!

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

Actually if it wasn’t for settlers “NO” Blacks would be in the USA! Do you need a flipping history lesson!!! It was my favorite subject. There are no Black privileges have you watched the f....ing news lately??? The police are killing Blacks left and right but I’m sure you don’t see that white.... I’m mean right???? There was a police officer in Texas that just got convicted of murder of an unarmed Black teen Jordan Edwards.

Sorry to hear that, Coco. I fully understand your position. Eric Garner especially was one of the saddest cases I'd ever seen in a long time. That camera footage really put everything in perspective.

I wish we could all live in harmony, judgment free. Perhaps we will achieve it in the future, as more and more people continue to become progressive like they are now. We may not see this during our lifetime, but I think things are slowly getting better as more people become intolerant of hatefulness.

I am not black myself—im white Hispanic, technically—but i agree with you. It's very sad.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Sorry to hear that, Coco. I fully understand your position. Eric Garner especially was one of the saddest cases I'd ever seen in a long time. That camera footage really put everything in perspective.

I wish we could all live in harmony, judgment free. Perhaps we will achieve it in the future, as more and more people continue to become progressive like they are now. We may not see this during our lifetime, but I think things are slowly getting better as more people become intolerant of hatefulness.

I am not black myself—im white Hispanic, technically—but i agree with you. It's very sad.

I agree with you. I hope that in my grandkids lifetime there is change. All this summer different states Black people have been harassed at their complex swimming pool. They were smart and recorded the whole thing. Then put in on FB. But basically a white tenant that pays rent just like they do would walk up to them and say “I’ve never seen you before let me see your lease”. Then the white tenants in EACH case would call the police. The police would have the Black tenants provide that they were actual tenants! The last video I saw happened in Memphis, TN. I do not understand why it bothers some white people to see minorities enjoying theirselves. If do not want to swim with minorities join a country club.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by bizi

Have you been sleeping at night?
sorry it is so hard to navigate help.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Yeah, usually around 6 hr. though I probably need more. Not that bad by bipolar standards. I think after lunch, I am going to take my anxiety meds with the low dose Seroquel & lie down, try to take a nap. I'm very depressed today, feel on the edge of a meltdown. Nobody, nobody, nobody in this whole area seems to want to help us or be able to. Red tape is everywhere. The government forms exhaust me, and I probably wouldn't qualify for aid with my husband's income any way. But when you've had $12,000 in medical bills you have to pay, $2800 air conditioning repair bills with I think an additional $500 bill later on because the blower was always on and didn't shut off, raising the electric bill to over $300, 2 car repair bills totaling around $1000 (we own our own cars but they are old - 1995 and 2007), vet bills to get the cats my daughter loves their annual vaccines, needing dental crowns, God a teacher's salary does nothing to hack into that considering you still have a mortgage, crappy health insurance, vision insurance (my daughter & I have awful eyesight), auto insurance, utilities, electric bill, groceries, gas, internet, cell phones (though we've dropped to a very basic low cost plan), medication, needing to buy lawn tools because you can no longer afford to pay people to mow the lawn, it adds up so fast.

These days I'm very frustrated and depressed. It's hard to be a good wife & mother feeling like this. I hate it. Apparently, I'm seeing the pdoc Sept. 5 although they wrote Sept. 11 on the reminder card, which I still have and does say Sept. 11. However, I got an autoremind email reminder from the clinic to go in Sept. 5 at 10 AM. Maybe it was something scheduled in advance? I doubt it, but I guess it could have happened. The rate I'm feeling though, I'll go in on the 5th and cancel the 11th if I need to.

Sorry for being so down all the time and no support to anyone here.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Cocosurviving

I agree with you. I hope that in my grandkids lifetime there is change. All this summer different states Black people have been harassed at their complex swimming pool. They were smart and recorded the whole thing. Then put in on FB. But basically a white tenant that pays rent just like they do would walk up to them and say “I’ve never seen you before let me see your lease”. Then the white tenants in EACH case would call the police. The police would have the Black tenants provide that they were actual tenants! The last video I saw happened in Memphis, TN. I do not understand why it bothers some white people to see minorities enjoying theirselves. If do not want to swim with minorities join a country club.

It would be the opposite here. My neighborhood is mostly black or hispanic and I'm white and the minority.

[Daonnachd]

Prejudice and racism absolutely boil my blood. We are all equal. Nobody listens to me when I try to change the world, though.

Today I see my T. We’ll probably talk about my mum’s situation for part of the time, this Friday’s ECT for the rest.

[Nammu]

Yeah when I get psychoticly manic I'm all about saving the trees and creating a world of harmony, nobody listens to me either.

Hugs Daonnachd, may the hour go well

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moose72

It would be the opposite here. My neighborhood is mostly black or hispanic and I'm white and the minority.

Similar with me except our neighborhood is mostly Hispanic, just a few black, some white, but most of the white people tend to be the original owners of the houses when they were built in the 1960s, and many are moving out as they age. Some white people move in, especially if you want a cheaper single home, young families wanting a starter house. Lots of houses here are for sale or rent. The market is glutted. Every street has 2-3 homes on it for sale or rent, 3 on our street alone. We've lived here 14 years, and I've never seen the market so bad. My daughter's school I'd say is nearly 95% Hispanic, then white, then black, then a few Asian races.

But where I grew up...it was nearly all white though there was a black section of town. My mother remembers the school district being de-segregated when she was in the 3rd grade, but they were very poor (my grandparents), it didn't make much an impression on her. We hardly went anywhere growing up except to my maternal grandparents' house, and all our relatives were white. One time, we went to the local grocery store, and a black man was there. I'd seen & accepted black people due to having black students in my classes at school. But my youngest sister hadn't been anywhere or ever seen a black person before. She piped up in a loud voice, "Mommy, that man's skin is dark! Why is he black?" I remember my poor mom was humiliated and trying to shush my sister, which wasn't happening. My mom told the man my sister had never seen a black person before. Thankfully, this was one of the kindest men around, and he gently explained to my sister that God made people in all different colors, and He loved them all the same. Years later, my father was laid off from his job and decided to start his own business at home. This man, Pete, was his name was, happened to be my father's very first customer. My parents framed and hung the dollar bill he paid them as it was the first dollar the business had made. Pete was a frequent customer of my father's over the years (my dad fixed things - TVs, VCRs, tractors, cars, etc.), and he was my youngest sister's favorite customer; since my father had a home business, there were plenty of opportunities to talk to & interact with customers. Pete never minded hanging out with her or the rest of us just talking even if it bit into his time. Sadly, he passed away around a year ago, and it really hit my mom hard, she'd gone to the funeral, and was sobbing on the phone talking about it. He was a very kind & good man, especially being faced with my youngest sister popping up with a remark that was/could be interpreted as very racist.

Of course, growing up in that small town, racism abounded, even in places where it shouldn't, like a church Sunday school. One of my mother's best friends in high school was black (probably the only black student in the grade), and she later became a teacher. She was my 4th grade teacher, my favorite teacher I ever had; she was just a wonderful person. It wasn't until years later I thought, "She must have had it so hard." Being in a class first de-segregated and then later going back to work for that very same school district. She didn't teach about racism or tell us her story, but I wish she had. I think those were the days before MLK Day was celebrated as a national holiday, so we didn't even learn about it in school though they teach it now in my daughter's school starting in first grade.

The world can be a crazy place. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Coco. Racism is such a nasty thing

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by cln1812

Yeah, usually around 6 hr. though I probably need more. Not that bad by bipolar standards. I think after lunch, I am going to take my anxiety meds with the low dose Seroquel & lie down, try to take a nap. I'm very depressed today, feel on the edge of a meltdown. Nobody, nobody, nobody in this whole area seems to want to help us or be able to. Red tape is everywhere. The government forms exhaust me, and I probably wouldn't qualify for aid with my husband's income any way. But when you've had $12,000 in medical bills you have to pay, $2800 air conditioning repair bills with I think an additional $500 bill later on because the blower was always on and didn't shut off, raising the electric bill to over $300, 2 car repair bills totaling around $1000 (we own our own cars but they are old - 1995 and 2007), vet bills to get the cats my daughter loves their annual vaccines, needing dental crowns, God a teacher's salary does nothing to hack into that considering you still have a mortgage, crappy health insurance, vision insurance (my daughter & I have awful eyesight), auto insurance, utilities, electric bill, groceries, gas, internet, cell phones (though we've dropped to a very basic low cost plan), medication, needing to buy lawn tools because you can no longer afford to pay people to mow the lawn, it adds up so fast.



These days I'm very frustrated and depressed. It's hard to be a good wife & mother feeling like this. I hate it. Apparently, I'm seeing the pdoc Sept. 5 although they wrote Sept. 11 on the reminder card, which I still have and does say Sept. 11. However, I got an autoremind email reminder from the clinic to go in Sept. 5 at 10 AM. Maybe it was something scheduled in advance? I doubt it, but I guess it could have happened. The rate I'm feeling though, I'll go in on the 5th and cancel the 11th if I need to.


Sorry for being so down all the time and no support to anyone here.

You need to break your problems down and list top one versus ones that can wait.

You got hit with a lot that put you in a
hole ... I have been there.

So now instead of your focus on that .... work forward, your constant worry about what happened isn’t helping you.

Just one thing jumped out ( many more) ,,,, For one Your cats can wait on there shots not a priority. The down cost on there food ? the difference will feed you for a few days at least.

Anyway I do think push has come to shove , you have called everyone you can and either they have no resources or you just never hear from them. Even if you qualify getting SSI it can take a long time.

Go get any kind of job you can , your expending enormous amount of energy towards finding free help , put that energy into a part time job , it will at least feed you and your family, and likely occupy your mind and it will decrease your hopeless feeling.

You have to do something proactive to help yourself and family

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by 4psUche

Hi Cocosurviving,
I'm new here (like just introduced myself and it hasn't been approved yet new) and I just wanted to say that your post is one of the first that caught my eye. I'm glad that your doctors are so responsive and caring, but to be honest, what really grabbed my attention was the quote that you have on your signature (I think it's a signature at least, again.. painfully new). "I will die with it, but I refuse to die from it," was exactly what I needed to read this morning. Thanks for the pick me up!

Hello there,

Welcome to PC!

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by Moose72

It would be the opposite here. My neighborhood is mostly black or hispanic and I'm white and the minority.

That’s interesting. My whole life I attended all white schools so for college I decided to attend an HBCU (Historically Black College University). At first I HATED IT because they played rap music all around campus and I hate rap music. Then I adjusted and began to find my place. I met a lady and she was white. We became best friends. I called her for help with work one day and she was not talkative. I asked her was going on and she told me she had bipolar disorder. This was way before I was diagnosed. I listened to her and kept her talking for three hours. Then she seemed much better and her husband had came home from work. At the end of our call she said “right before you called I was about to commit suicide”.

My mom and step-dad bought a house when I was seven. I remember being in elementary school coming home and someone wrote the “N-word” on my step-dad’s truck. He drove semi trucks for a living. We were the only Black family in the neighborhood back then for years. The whole neighborhood was white.
Where I live now is in the country it’s mostly white but in my building there is a Native America couple. Then two Asian couples.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by cln1812

Similar with me except our neighborhood is mostly Hispanic, just a few black, some white, but most of the white people tend to be the original owners of the houses when they were built in the 1960s, and many are moving out as they age. Some white people move in, especially if you want a cheaper single home, young families wanting a starter house. Lots of houses here are for sale or rent. The market is glutted. Every street has 2-3 homes on it for sale or rent, 3 on our street alone. We've lived here 14 years, and I've never seen the market so bad. My daughter's school I'd say is nearly 95% Hispanic, then white, then black, then a few Asian races.

But where I grew up...it was nearly all white though there was a black section of town. My mother remembers the school district being de-segregated when she was in the 3rd grade, but they were very poor (my grandparents), it didn't make much an impression on her. We hardly went anywhere growing up except to my maternal grandparents' house, and all our relatives were white. One time, we went to the local grocery store, and a black man was there. I'd seen & accepted black people due to having black students in my classes at school. But my youngest sister hadn't been anywhere or ever seen a black person before. She piped up in a loud voice, "Mommy, that man's skin is dark! Why is he black?" I remember my poor mom was humiliated and trying to shush my sister, which wasn't happening. My mom told the man my sister had never seen a black person before. Thankfully, this was one of the kindest men around, and he gently explained to my sister that God made people in all different colors, and He loved them all the same. Years later, my father was laid off from his job and decided to start his own business at home. This man, Pete, was his name was, happened to be my father's very first customer. My parents framed and hung the dollar bill he paid them as it was the first dollar the business had made. Pete was a frequent customer of my father's over the years (my dad fixed things - TVs, VCRs, tractors, cars, etc.), and he was my youngest sister's favorite customer; since my father had a home business, there were plenty of opportunities to talk to & interact with customers. Pete never minded hanging out with her or the rest of us just talking even if it bit into his time. Sadly, he passed away around a year ago, and it really hit my mom hard, she'd gone to the funeral, and was sobbing on the phone talking about it. He was a very kind & good man, especially being faced with my youngest sister popping up with a remark that was/could be interpreted as very racist.

Of course, growing up in that small town, racism abounded, even in places where it shouldn't, like a church Sunday school. One of my mother's best friends in high school was black (probably the only black student in the grade), and she later became a teacher. She was my 4th grade teacher, my favorite teacher I ever had; she was just a wonderful person. It wasn't until years later I thought, "She must have had it so hard." Being in a class first de-segregated and then later going back to work for that very same school district. She didn't teach about racism or tell us her story, but I wish she had. I think those were the days before MLK Day was celebrated as a national holiday, so we didn't even learn about it in school though they teach it now in my daughter's school starting in first grade.

The world can be a crazy place. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Coco. Racism is such a nasty thing

That is such a wonderful story..... thank you for sharing it with me. I remember many years ago when Blacks were fighting to get MLK Day. I can not remember what grade I was in however I was in elementary school. My mother came to my school and told my teacher that I would be leaving because “today” is the day that should be celebrated for Dr. Martin Luther King. By that day of the next year it had became a National holiday.

[zijax]

I went off Vraylar cold turkey because I couldn't lose weight. Bad idea. I have been angry. I feel like I've been on a 4 day binge...nothing has gotten done. I took it yesterday and slept all day. Today I feel great! I'm back in the world. Nothing seems impossible. I'm rushing around trying to get everything done before my son comes to visit from college because I'm afraid I'll have another bad day and not be able to do anything.