[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by cln1812

Similar with me except our neighborhood is mostly Hispanic, just a few black, some white, but most of the white people tend to be the original owners of the houses when they were built in the 1960s, and many are moving out as they age. Some white people move in, especially if you want a cheaper single home, young families wanting a starter house. Lots of houses here are for sale or rent. The market is glutted. Every street has 2-3 homes on it for sale or rent, 3 on our street alone. We've lived here 14 years, and I've never seen the market so bad. My daughter's school I'd say is nearly 95% Hispanic, then white, then black, then a few Asian races.

But where I grew up...it was nearly all white though there was a black section of town. My mother remembers the school district being de-segregated when she was in the 3rd grade, but they were very poor (my grandparents), it didn't make much an impression on her. We hardly went anywhere growing up except to my maternal grandparents' house, and all our relatives were white. One time, we went to the local grocery store, and a black man was there. I'd seen & accepted black people due to having black students in my classes at school. But my youngest sister hadn't been anywhere or ever seen a black person before. She piped up in a loud voice, "Mommy, that man's skin is dark! Why is he black?" I remember my poor mom was humiliated and trying to shush my sister, which wasn't happening. My mom told the man my sister had never seen a black person before. Thankfully, this was one of the kindest men around, and he gently explained to my sister that God made people in all different colors, and He loved them all the same. Years later, my father was laid off from his job and decided to start his own business at home. This man, Pete, was his name was, happened to be my father's very first customer. My parents framed and hung the dollar bill he paid them as it was the first dollar the business had made. Pete was a frequent customer of my father's over the years (my dad fixed things - TVs, VCRs, tractors, cars, etc.), and he was my youngest sister's favorite customer; since my father had a home business, there were plenty of opportunities to talk to & interact with customers. Pete never minded hanging out with her or the rest of us just talking even if it bit into his time. Sadly, he passed away around a year ago, and it really hit my mom hard, she'd gone to the funeral, and was sobbing on the phone talking about it. He was a very kind & good man, especially being faced with my youngest sister popping up with a remark that was/could be interpreted as very racist.

Of course, growing up in that small town, racism abounded, even in places where it shouldn't, like a church Sunday school. One of my mother's best friends in high school was black (probably the only black student in the grade), and she later became a teacher. She was my 4th grade teacher, my favorite teacher I ever had; she was just a wonderful person. It wasn't until years later I thought, "She must have had it so hard." Being in a class first de-segregated and then later going back to work for that very same school district. She didn't teach about racism or tell us her story, but I wish she had. I think those were the days before MLK Day was celebrated as a national holiday, so we didn't even learn about it in school though they teach it now in my daughter's school starting in first grade.

The world can be a crazy place. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Coco. Racism is such a nasty thing

I was so curious I called the school board and had them help me find the information. Lol

Ok for my daughter’s school it’s as follows:
Caucasian 61.1%
Black 5.7%
Asian 2.6%
Hispanics 9.0%
Native Americans 13.9%
Two or More Races 7.6 %

Actually my daughter would fall into the last category. She is Black and Cherokee

[Blueberrybook]

Finally, I got a call back from some social services worker. She’s supposed to call back tomorrow and see about helping me with getting some sort of case management. Apparently has to run things by her supervisor. I am supposed to to get a face to face interview scheduled. We will see. Hopefully, I will hear from her tomorrow, and maybe get things going to help. But I won’t hold my breath, the rate things have been going for me lately.

I feel like I am spiraling down the bottom of a drain , and things are coming to a head. Mostly, I look forward to going to sleep at night, so I can escape from my crappy life for a few hours. At least, I have sleep meds to knock me out.

Maybe I will be surprised tomorrow. We’ll see.

[bizi]

I hope you sleep well tonight and have some help your way tomorrow.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

[yellow_fleurs]

I am feeling bad that I am supposed to be visiting family and friends and my SO, but that I haven't felt up to doing much, and I know my moods have been difficult for my SO even if I am not taking them out on him. I don't think I am bringing any positives to my relationships right now, and even though I know people care and want to be there for me, it feels one sided and I just can't give anything. I am really lacking in any optimism or the ability to care although I am trying to push myself a little. Still making myself shower, eat. I know things may look different another day, but right now I just feel worse than before I ever sought help. Supposed to start my job next week, and while I should be excited, I mostly worry I won't be able to keep up in this mental state. I'll just have to try my best I guess.

[Scooter9]

Feeling depressed, low, withdrawn, body pains, upset that this depression has gone on for so long.

I was somewhat busy today - went to the city dump to drop off waste that they don't pick up curbside (I had to pay for it too...bring it there myself, unload it, and pay for it...what a drag!). My son helped me so I didn't hurt my back again, so I'm grateful for that.

[Camellium]

Notice you are on clonidine and propanol. Please say more about that I can also be reached at kravalisa at gmail.com

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Camellium

Notice you are on clonidine and propanol. Please say more about that I can also be reached at kravalisa at gmail.com

Not sure what you mean about the Clonidine & propranolol. I am on them for anxiety & sleep. But the Clonidine, yes, the doctor had to cut the dose down. I started doing things like going to the drive-thru ATM, making a deposit or getting my cash, driving away without my ATM card (thank God the person in the car behind me was honest and took the card into the bank). Got that lowered, then I had a problem of falling down all the time.

I took the precaution of seeing a neurologist, but she found nothing of note except for the fact that I have hyper reflexes (but I've had that my entire life). Pdoc cut the propranolol dosage down to half of what I was taking. I hope I am not jinxing myself here, but I have not had a fall since June.

[Camellium]

I feel like you. I'm on Effexor 112 .5 and so scared to get off of it. Even though it's obviously not the right antidepressant for me.

[Camellium]

I see. Thank you for answering. I've been on clonidine but I don't know if it's helping me much. I seem to have developed a tremor from for the antidepressant Effexor which I want to get off to so badly from. But it's known to have very bad side effects and I have extremely severe anxiety in fact I just went down a dose and the whole week was anxious I had to get Klonopin prescribed I don't know what I'm going to do what helps you with panic

[Blueberrybook]

Hubby also talked to BIL on the way home from work, the one married to my sister in Plano (Dallas area). BIL can possibly get him an interview in his computer coding company. My husband does not have a degree in computer programming (he has a Ph.D. in Physical Chemistry), but he is very smart (he's taught himself to code in multiple languages), got himself certified to teach computer science grades 6-12. If a job can through, it might mean him living part-time with my sister/BIL and nephews then coming back here for the weekend (housing market is glutted here, unless my husband can pull in a giant salary, there is no use uprooting here). Also, that boss does allow some telecommunication on certain projects and it would be job skills transferable to the Houston area (where we live now) should he not get the teaching job at Lamar Univeristy in Beaumont (which is what his heart wants but I'm not sure is the best thing for our family). But, according to BIL (and well, Plano is a HOT area of development in TX, in the whole U.S., actually), and he says if you lose a job in computer IT there, you can easily get another within 3 weeks. OMG. Here my husband loses a science job, and it's nearly a year before he can find something else. I hope & pray he will at least interview with BIL's company; they also give you a test which if you pass & they make you an offer starts you off at the intermediate pay level. Even the beginning pay level is $20,000 more pef year than my husband makes as a teacher. I really want him to try to give this IT stuff a shot.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Camellium

I feel like you. I'm on Effexor 112 .5 and so scared to get off of it. Even though it's obviously not the right antidepressant for me.

I've taken Effexor in the past. It is a very hard med to quit. God awful brain zaps. In the end, I was having to open the capsules and count out the little round white balls. Hardest med to go off I've ever been on (and I've pretty much taken everything under the sun & then some).

[Moose72]

Migraine. Talked on the phone a lot today- maybe that's why- to my buddy in Ohio. I'm really liking him. Hence why we talked for about 8 hours today. Yes you read that right.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Camellium

I see. Thank you for answering. I've been on clonidine but I don't know if it's helping me much. I seem to have developed a tremor from for the antidepressant Effexor which I want to get off to so badly from. But it's known to have very bad side effects and I have extremely severe anxiety in fact I just went down a dose and the whole week was anxious I had to get Klonopin prescribed I don't know what I'm going to do what helps you with panic

Effexor gave me the tremor too. Mine went away after quitting it. Pdocs still occasionally use it for me because Effexor and Wellbutrin work best for my depressive episodes. I have been mixed or rapidly cycling or both lately, hence the Wellbutrin. It helped getting off Effexor by adding another med (can’t remember it) to help with some of the brain zaps. Wasn’t 100% though.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by cln1812

Hubby also talked to BIL on the way home from work, the one married to my sister in Plano (Dallas area). BIL can possibly get him an interview in his computer coding company. My husband does not have a degree in computer programming (he has a Ph.D. in Physical Chemistry), but he is very smart (he's taught himself to code in multiple languages), got himself certified to teach computer science grades 6-12. If a job can through, it might mean him living part-time with my sister/BIL and nephews then coming back here for the weekend (housing market is glutted here, unless my husband can pull in a giant salary, there is no use uprooting here). Also, that boss does allow some telecommunication on certain projects and it would be job skills transferable to the Houston area (where we live now) should he not get the teaching job at Lamar Univeristy in Beaumont (which is what his heart wants but I'm not sure is the best thing for our family). But, according to BIL (and well, Plano is a HOT area of development in TX, in the whole U.S., actually), and he says if you lose a job in computer IT there, you can easily get another within 3 weeks. OMG. Here my husband loses a science job, and it's nearly a year before he can find something else. I hope & pray he will at least interview with BIL's company; they also give you a test which if you pass & they make you an offer starts you off at the intermediate pay level. Even the beginning pay level is $20,000 more pef year than my husband makes as a teacher. I really want him to try to give this IT stuff a shot.

Wanted to get this to you. Just learned about it a couple of hours ago. This is a program which gives grants for classroom supplies:

ThankAmericasTeachers.com

It may interest your husband?

WC

[Unrigged64072835]

My daughter passed her driving retest!!!!! Woohoo!!! She now has the old car and can drive to and from work on her own. Yes!!!

Saw the periodontist this morning. Tech says my teeth and gums look great, just do some extra brushing around my molars.

Worked out for a bit, worked on some photos and basically chilled out.

Overall a good day!

Love and hugs to everyone!

[Wild Coyote]

Still going through med adjustments.
Still trying to find the right combo for sleep, as well.
Love to All!

WC

[Cocosurviving]

This morning I attended my daughter’s IEP meeting at her new school. It went very well. Her teachers had great things to say about her. I signed my daughter A up for tutoring just in case she needs it. My daughter K is not having good luck. She was suppose to start a new job yesterday. Well someone from the company called her Monday and said they had computer problems. That the training will not begin until September 25th and will she wait until then? Then K tells me she needs help paying her rent for September. I told her I hope she had the money for her car insurance because I can not pay that too. And that I wanted to make one thing Visine Clear. If I agree to did you this rent money when you get a job and start paying me my money back. I do not want to discuss ANYTHING by text, e-mail me. K replied back and said I have no problem with that. She does not have to pay me back money I gave her for groceries or fuel and I told her that in e-mails. But rent money and car insurance has to be paid back as agreed.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

My daughter passed her driving retest!!!!! Woohoo!!! She now has the old car and can drive to and from work on her own. Yes!!!

Saw the periodontist this morning. Tech says my teeth and gums look great, just do some extra brushing around my molars.

Worked out for a bit, worked on some photos and basically chilled out.

Overall a good day!

Love and hugs to everyone!

Glad your daughter has passed her test.
Thanks for sharing about your "good day!"

WC

[Moose72]

I'm in bed reading my recent blog posts. Interesting. Its wednesday. Nothing happens on wednesday- except a marathon phone call.

NOT feeling strong today. *What is going on* is getting to me and I'm pretty down on myself. I just don't think I've got what it takes to get through. My lack of IRL support, such as friends, really isn't helping.

All day at work it was all I could think about, and I really wanted to cry. But you know how when you are just too numb to actually do it?

I have a T appt. Friday. TG, because IRL, that's IT for support. And the only place I can talk about what happened, as I haven't felt brave enough to share here. (I feel so much shame even though I am the victim and "shouldn't" because I haven't done anything wrong.)

Ok, NOW I'm crying...

Originally Posted by Innerzone

NOT feeling strong today. *What is going on* is getting to me and I'm pretty down on myself. I just don't think I've got what it takes to get through. My lack of IRL support, such as friends, really isn't helping.

All day at work it was all I could think about, and I really wanted to cry. But you know how when you are just too numb to actually do it?

I have a T appt. Friday. TG, because IRL, that's IT for support. And the only place I can talk about what happened, as I haven't felt brave enough to share here. (I feel so much shame even though I am the victim and "shouldn't" because I haven't done anything wrong.)

Ok, NOW I'm crying...

I'm sorry that you don't have much support. My therapist is my only support IRL, so I know how frustrating and upsetting it can be to have poor support.

Hopefully your therapist appointment goes well. You don't have to share here if you're not comfortable, and that's perfectly fine.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

NOT feeling strong today. *What is going on* is getting to me and I'm pretty down on myself. I just don't think I've got what it takes to get through. My lack of IRL support, such as friends, really isn't helping.

All day at work it was all I could think about, and I really wanted to cry. But you know how when you are just too numb to actually do it?

I have a T appt. Friday. TG, because IRL, that's IT for support. And the only place I can talk about what happened, as I haven't felt brave enough to share here. (I feel so much shame even though I am the victim and "shouldn't" because I haven't done anything wrong.)

Ok, NOW I'm crying...

I am very sorry for what you are going through.

I am glad you can open up to some degree, at least.
I've been (I am) concerned.
Please let me know if I can help.
Feel free to PM me anytime. No pressure.

(((((( Innerzone ))))))

Thinking of you.

WC

[Moreta]

I saw the GI dr yesterday. I have to have a colonoscopy/endoscopy. Now the trick is finding a god damn ride. They think I might have crohn's or IBD or whatever. Anyways they want to look. Fun.

I saw my therapist yesterday too. I ended up yelling at him. He goes to my church and the church just rolled out a new member database. He said he's been ignoring the emails. I was in the beta group and have been testing it out for months. Sunday I have to go to church to usher so will probably stay after church to help people set theirs up and show people how to use it. Other than that, it was a good therapy appt. haha.

Next week I'm meeting with someone about a co-op membership at a women's club. Basically you work for your membership. The post online said it would be cleaning, watering plants, opening up, closing up, things like that. I'd get to take classes for free/discount then. The membership to the club is starting next month and is either $100 or $25 a month and I just can't swing that right now, but I really want to meet new people and find like minded individuals to hang out with.

[Gabyunbound]

Went down from 20 to 5 mg of Abilify, first by mistake (my pdoc prescribed the wrong dose) and then on purpose (I kept taking it after knowing it was only 5) and now I'm back to the side effect I had the first year: getting dizzy and losing my balance when I get up quickly. I think that side effect has reared its ugly head because I recently increased it to 10. It really sucks...

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Wanted to get this to you. Just learned about it a couple of hours ago. This is a program which gives grants for classroom supplies:

ThankAmericasTeachers.com

It may interest your husband?

WC

I will pass it along to my husband. Though of course, the school admin has dumped a boatload of work on him; he's barely staying afloat, and they want him to work 4 8hr. Saturdays in the next 2 months unpaid to get GT training. He is beyond pissed because they already made him do a 5 day 8 hr unpaid training to teach AP Physics during the last week of July (technically still part of summer vacation).