[giddykitty]

haven't checked in in awhile. on my last week of hosting guests. i've mixed feelings about them going. Hopefully it's not to difficult of a change.
We've plans for one last hoorah before they go. out of town trip. I'm nervous and anxious as hell about it, but excited too. Nervous because our last outing didn't go very well. Ahh well. Can't be afraid, right?

p.s. I got a book on some basic DBT principles. I know this is more for borderline personality disorder, but i think it's helpful for me too (dependant personality as well as just my anxiety and emotions). It's helpful, except that I forget to practice it. ha! like I only remember right after I read a chapter, then it's all practically gone again. i dunno

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m having surgery Tuesday for severe carpal tunnel. Feeling a little uneasy since one doctor told me the nerve is dying (I don’t think he meant to say that in front of me). Has anyone had this done? I’m not getting a whole lot of info from the surgeon on this. Wondering what to expect. I’ve researched it but I’m still uneasy.

I haven't had this done, but my mom has, even in the midst of hip surgeries. It went very easily and well for her. She had also wished she'd had it done sooner. Her hand/wrist function are better than ever. She will get the other one done as soon as she is cleared of her ongoing hip infection.

I hope this goes well for you!

WC

[yellow_fleurs]

Hope everyone is safe from the coming hurricane. I am doing okay. Still those thoughts, but overall feel like I can keep them from turning into a negative spiral. I guess this is what they were trying to teach me in CBT, but I just couldn't do it in the midst of a bad mixed episode. Going to try to keep this up. Not sleeping as much, slept like 6 hrs last night, which isn't bad but I am trying to be careful about that as I think getting 8 hrs has been keeping me more stable. I also am finding myself less distrusting of others in general. I was never fully paranoid, but I remember feeling less sure about people and their actions. For example, I am thinking more positively about my psychiatrist, and that he wants to help me, when before I was thinking he was just annoyed at me and thought I was overly emotional. Helps that I am not having rages as well, and am only a little irritable.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Hope everyone is safe from the coming hurricane. I am doing okay. Still those thoughts, but overall feel like I can keep them from turning into a negative spiral. I guess this is what they were trying to teach me in CBT, but I just couldn't do it in the midst of a bad mixed episode. Going to try to keep this up. Not sleeping as much, slept like 6 hrs last night, which isn't bad but I am trying to be careful about that as I think getting 8 hrs has been keeping me more stable. I also am finding myself less distrusting of others in general. I was never fully paranoid, but I remember feeling less sure about people and their actions. For example, I am thinking more positively about my psychiatrist, and that he wants to help me, when before I was thinking he was just annoyed at me and thought I was overly emotional. Helps that I am not having rages as well, and am only a little irritable.

I think you are very wise to focus on your sleep! I hope you continue to see improvement.

[Daonnachd]

So, I'm reading Unquiet Mind and turn a page to find something written in my hand. Apparently I have already read this. ECT must've erased both my memory of the book and of the writing. It said, "I feel like a god."

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

So, I'm reading Unquiet Mind and turn a page to find something written in my hand. Apparently I have already read this. ECT must've erased both my memory of the book and of the writing. It said, "I feel like a god."

Maybe you were manic when you wrote it?

[Moreta]

I went and got blood work this morning. Everything was normal except cholesterol and triglycerides were high but they're always high. My fasting blood sugar has gone down 17 points though. I guess cutting out most sugar has helped. I guess now I just wait for a referral to the cardiologist.

[Moose72]

I keep thinking people will or have broken into my apartment. Keep hearing things.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I keep thinking people will or have broken into my apartment. Keep hearing things.

This must be very unsettling!
I am sorry you are having to deal with this.
I hope you can get some good sleep.

WC

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Last night I fell asleep about 8 and slept until noon except for a few bathroom breaks and a 2 hour bout of diarrhea from klonopin withdrawal (which I think I have failed).

Tonight I can't sleep.

This makes no sense. Sometimes I think that no matter how careful I am with pillboxes that I sometimes mess them up anyway. Or my brain hates me.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Last night I fell asleep about 8 and slept until noon except for a few bathroom breaks and a 2 hour bout of diarrhea from klonopin withdrawal (which I think I have failed).

Tonight I can't sleep.

This makes no sense. Sometimes I think that no matter how careful I am with pillboxes that I sometimes mess them up anyway. Or my brain hates me.

I am sorry your sleep is erratic. I hope you are sleeping as I write.


WC

yesterday my anxiety was really bad- over nothing, it was just.... bad.

today I have showered but done nothing else since I feel pretty much the same I have all week

that being alive for no reason

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

yesterday my anxiety was really bad- over nothing, it was just.... bad.

today I have showered but done nothing else since I feel pretty much the same I have all week

that being alive for no reason

I have had those days, both with severe anxiety and panic attacks. And the days where I feel I'm alive for no reason, that I serve no purpose. Not suicide plans but not caring if I go to sleep and just don't wake up (from natural causes though). I just often feel I'm alive, but just taking up space and have no reason for it.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

haven't checked in in awhile. on my last week of hosting guests. i've mixed feelings about them going. Hopefully it's not to difficult of a change.
We've plans for one last hoorah before they go. out of town trip. I'm nervous and anxious as hell about it, but excited too. Nervous because our last outing didn't go very well. Ahh well. Can't be afraid, right?

p.s. I got a book on some basic DBT principles. I know this is more for borderline personality disorder, but i think it's helpful for me too (dependant personality as well as just my anxiety and emotions). It's helpful, except that I forget to practice it. ha! like I only remember right after I read a chapter, then it's all practically gone again. i dunno

DBT I think has many purposes. I don't know much about it (in fact, I didn't even hear of it until I joined this forum), but I have been researching it online now, and it seems to be the go-to therapy for eating disorders now. It's used for anxiety too, I believe. I understand about reading and completely forgetting stuff though.

Have you looked into trying to find a therapist who does DBT? I have a therapy appt. coming up today; the therapist likes to do CBT at least which basically is how I've gotten out of eating disorder relapses in the past though DBT might help me more. I need therapy fast though because of an investigation with CPS due to my mental issues, and the CBT therapist could get me in fast, so I am going to give her a good chance, unless she pulls something like one past therapist I had in college. I'd been seeing that therapist maybe 2 months when I came to an appointment (consider I had to book appointments around my university courses, so time was important to me). One time I sat there over an hour and a half waiting for her. Finally, I went to the reception desk, and the receptionist said, oh, didn't she call you? She just called telling me she decided to take off the rest of today because she got delayed by a traffic accident near the mall. Consider I lived in a college town, the population of which was highly composed of university students. It only had a few major roads with lots of lanes (no freeways in town), and unless the traffic accident had been huge enough to make the news (it wasn't), it could not have delayed her more than 30 minutes. She said she'd call her clients to cancel, the receptionist told me. (That was one of the more major streets in the city with tons of stores and places a person could pull off the road to use a cellphone.) I did have a cellphone then, she had my number (granted smartphones were not something most people could afford, but basic cellphones were out there, and most people had one, including me & the therapist). She did not call my cellphone. When I got back to my apartment, she hadn't called there either as there was no message on my answering machine. I stopped seeing that therapist because of her inconsideration, not even calling her receptionist until she was very late and decided it wasn't worth finishing the day.

I hope your trip out of town goes well.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Hope everyone is safe from the coming hurricane. I am doing okay. Still those thoughts, but overall feel like I can keep them from turning into a negative spiral. I guess this is what they were trying to teach me in CBT, but I just couldn't do it in the midst of a bad mixed episode. Going to try to keep this up. Not sleeping as much, slept like 6 hrs last night, which isn't bad but I am trying to be careful about that as I think getting 8 hrs has been keeping me more stable. I also am finding myself less distrusting of others in general. I was never fully paranoid, but I remember feeling less sure about people and their actions. For example, I am thinking more positively about my psychiatrist, and that he wants to help me, when before I was thinking he was just annoyed at me and thought I was overly emotional. Helps that I am not having rages as well, and am only a little irritable.

I'm sorry about your erratic sleep schedule. My pdoc says I have been mixed for months now, and it sucks. I tend to get 5-6 hr. of sleep at night though some nights it's less (particularly if H gets up to use the restroom or even my daughter because the hall bathroom is close; her bedroom is near ours since our house isn't that big, and she has a way of closing doors that is nearly slamming them even though she is not angry or upset).

And then, I will have a day I sleep 11-12 hours straight, especially on the weekend or holidays when I don't have to get H up for work (he just snoozes the alarm for ages, which wakes me anyway, or outright unplugs it). He is slow to get ready, and he teaches high school, which starts early; the first bell rings around 6:50 or 7 I think, and they expect the teachers to be there by then, earlier if they have morning duty, so I end up waking up early at 5 AM. The alarm gets me right up, and I usually cannot sleep after that. Unless it is a holiday or teacher workday, I have to get my daughter up around 7 AM for elementary school but 6:30 AM on Wednesdays since she decided to join the choir, and they have choir practice from 7:15 AM to 8 AM (first bell). Pdoc says I should get 8 to 10 hours sleep at night. Fat chance most nights.

I am glad you are more trusting of people, especially people like your pdoc and other people in your life.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

So, I'm reading Unquiet Mind and turn a page to find something written in my hand. Apparently I have already read this. ECT must've erased both my memory of the book and of the writing. It said, "I feel like a god."

I haven't had ECT, but I have had the same experiences with books and even movies or streaming shows on TV. We are financially strained but ended up paying for Amazon Prime for a year, so certain shows and movies have free streaming. I start one series, and I didn't remember most of it and still don't even though I have apparently already watched it. I don't even remember the big reveal of the murderer at the end of Season 1. Now, I have not watched past Season 1, but I want to watch the other seasons, and I've had to go back and re-watch all of season 1 (I'm finally nearly done with that as I do remember parts of the plot as I see them happen again on TV.) I ended up doing the same with a book I read maybe early March, and I had first read it maybe a year ago because according to the copyright, it was not out before then. I even checked online in case I had a paperback or later release, an I didn't.

It is a very disconcerting feeling.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

Got the small kitchen cart put together and initial coat of oil done. Daughter came over saying something smelled weird with the car. Husband thought it may have been something wet on the brakes. Her car is fine now. She brought Reese’s for a “peace” offering. Lol. At least he’ll enjoy them. Think we have her health insurance payment done for now. Went to the base hospital for husband’s health stuff but they’re training so all the outpatient clinics were closed at noon. There’s another event starting tomorrow so we won’t get there until next week. I have sleep doc and trauma T on Monday, and GI doc on Tuesday.

Still down. Big loss of motivation. I so want to give up but need to keep going. I’m so tired of health issues. I’m sure a lot of you folks get that. Just pain and plain discomfort, plus med side effects.

Lots of prayers for those being hit by Florence. I checked on one of my old online friends, and she’s staying put with her daughter and family. I hope they make it.

Love and hugs to everyone.

I am sorry you have so many health issues. I have a few, have to see a GI doc regularly after that perforated ulcer & surgery. I have a fear I will develop another silent ulcer as I didn't have any symptoms with that first ulcer, which was why I didn't seek treatment or even try OTC treatments.

I don't have much motivation either. I'm mixed, but sometimes I feel I am more down than mixed, though the next day, I will be up & down all day. I hate depression

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moreta

I went and got blood work this morning. Everything was normal except cholesterol and triglycerides were high but they're always high. My fasting blood sugar has gone down 17 points though. I guess cutting out most sugar has helped. I guess now I just wait for a referral to the cardiologist.

I'm glad your bloodwork was mostly normal. Did the doc give you meds to lower your cholesterol, or are they waiting until they you have cut sugar longer? If they put you on cholesterol medication, it may cause your triglycerides to shoot up. That happened to my husband. Now, he is thin but got high cholesterol in his 30's (but so did his dad, so it is likely inherited). He doesn't eat a super healthy diet but not a bad diet either. Once he started the cholesterol med, his triglycerides shot WAY up. The PCP told him to start taking fish oil pills, and that brought his triglycerides back down to normal. This is apparently not an uncommon experience when taking medication for cholesterol, so if you are on cholesterol medication or the doc puts you on it, ask about fish oil for triglycerides if you don't already take it.

I'm sorry about your needing to see a cardiologist. I hope all goes well for you.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I keep thinking people will or have broken into my apartment. Keep hearing things.

I'm so sorry. Are the psych people keeping a close watch on you? I hate to say it, but could it be you need IP?

[Polibeth]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

So, I'm reading Unquiet Mind and turn a page to find something written in my hand. Apparently I have already read this. ECT must've erased both my memory of the book and of the writing. It said, "I feel like a god."

I get ECT and I have the same problem. In fact, I told my ECT doctor that I forgot that I attended a concert in Washington DC. He asked who the band was and then told me I didn't miss anything. I start and stop books and TV shows all the time.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Last night I fell asleep about 8 and slept until noon except for a few bathroom breaks and a 2 hour bout of diarrhea from klonopin withdrawal (which I think I have failed).

Tonight I can't sleep.

This makes no sense. Sometimes I think that no matter how careful I am with pillboxes that I sometimes mess them up anyway. Or my brain hates me.

I tell myself I can just stop the Klonopin cold turkey and be fine, but I know I'm kidding myself. I'm sorry about your bathroom situation and am glad you got good sleep. Do you work, or are you at least able to go through this at home? I really need to get off the Klonopin, but my life is such a mess right now, I think trying it now would make things even worse.

I have the same problem with pillboxes. It really sucks if I don't pay attention, and I take a Seroquel 400 mg in the morning since Seroquel knocks me right into sleep 15 to 30 minutes later. It is awful if I have to be awake during the day.

[Blueberrybook]

I have an appointment with a new T at 4:30 today and am anxious about it. First, I've had problems connecting with therapists in the past. I told her I had bipolar disorder and high stress/panic disorder on the phone but did not mention the ED. Once therapists find out about that, it can turn some of them extremely hesitant to take me on. However, it is a huge advantage this therapist practices practically 5 minutes from my home. She borrows another shop in a nearby shopping center which is why I had no idea there even was a practicing therapist in that shopping center since I have driven by it every time I go into downtown & the library. It is basically behind the playground my daughter's school uses for the younger elementary grades and even has an address on the street that runs behind my back yard. She said she prefers to treat with CBT which is what helped me with the ED, and I am not sure I ever had a therapist who focused on treating mostly by one particular method. Also, keeping this appointment and going regularly should (according to my CPS caseworker) close my case without having to go to a super early 8 AM 4 to 6 hour psych assessment by a CPS psychologist. What is that? A psych assessment on the border of a police investigation, trying to break down a suspect or something?

Even though working with this therapist has been fueled by the CPS investigation, I will at least give her a chance unless she flat out tells me she will not treat me. Usually, there is a point where I try a therapist again, though, yes, I admit it would not have been exactly now. I don't think she will refuse to treat me though. I called her phone number early, expecting voicemail and got her instead. I really think I woke her up; she told me she does appointments from afternoon through evening (8 PM or so). She sounded super tired and insisted I didn't wake her, that she hadn't had her morning coffee yet, but I'm not sure, initially she really sounded as if she had been woken up or maybe had gotten out of bed less than 5 minutes ago. And she was flexible when I had to re-schedule my appt. for today from 1 PM until 4:30 PM until H could watch my daughter. My daughter threw up at school yesterday, and per district policy, has to be vomit free at least 24 hr. before she can return to school. Even though she had only thrown up shortly before the first bell, the nurse told me she cannot go to school today.

I am crossing my fingers things will work out with this therapist, that she will not mind if the CPS contacts her to see I am keeping appointments and such or that the ED will scare her off. The ED is really fed into by running and running and running first in response to stress & anxiety & panic but beyond a certain point, the ED comes back full force. I really need a healthy method of coping with the stress & panic in my life.

Though I have to admit the bipolar mixed state is not doing me any favors either.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by giddykitty

haven't checked in in awhile. on my last week of hosting guests. i've mixed feelings about them going. Hopefully it's not to difficult of a change.

We've plans for one last hoorah before they go. out of town trip. I'm nervous and anxious as hell about it, but excited too. Nervous because our last outing didn't go very well. Ahh well. Can't be afraid, right?


p.s. I got a book on some basic DBT principles. I know this is more for borderline personality disorder, but i think it's helpful for me too (dependant personality as well as just my anxiety and emotions). It's helpful, except that I forget to practice it. ha! like I only remember right after I read a chapter, then it's all practically gone again. i dunno

If you decide to get a therapist you could use either DBT, CBT or ACT. A lot of people do not know about ACT therapy. I learned some of this in the field while in college and rest in college.
Good luck.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I'm so sorry. Are the psych people keeping a close watch on you? I hate to say it, but could it be you need IP?

They call me every day. They wanted to put me ip a week+ ago and now they just do these check ins. Everybody at choir said hi and asked how my summer or I was and i had to lie and say good. If anything i am losing memory for how to change my meds that arent blisterpacked- some to put in some to take out?? I feel like staying in bed today and I just woke up.

Blueberrybook, good luck at your appointment. I understand how stressful first appointments can be. May I suggest, though, that you do mention your ED to her today. I think some therapists could see not mentioning during at least the first session as a negative sign. I think (I could be wrong) that your mixed bipolar is the most significant issue for you at this very moment. If that's true, I'd hope that would be the primary focus today, but please don't neglect to mention all of your dxs.