[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Headed home ! Hate the long trip but will enjoy being back home , I get tired of my suitcase.

Will really miss our friends.

Have a safe trip home!

WC

[Blueberrybook]

Hard day today. Not CPS stuff.

Marriage stuff. Our finances are in ruins. We are going to lose our house unless a miracle occurs. H sees I can't work, if he were married to a mate who did work, these issues wouldn't come up. Also, he would like me to be a better housekeeper, but OMG, if he understood depression & bipolar & mixed, he might get it. If I get a good day, it's a wild card thrown out there. He says he loves me and then he says the housekeeping stuff. But with severe depression, maybe he could keep an immaculate house, but I just can't. And pile on the panic disorder, the eating disorder, PTSD, God, I've go so much baggage to lug around.

Divorce word came out a lot, and, God I don't know what to do, how I can save myself to save this marriage. It seems like he wants me to get a job, get us a financial solution, and there just isn't. He thinks we are past the point of marriage counselling and even if he had a divorce, met someone with a job, it still wouldn't save the house. He feels I will lose it then and end up in the psych hospital.

I don't know what to tell him. I don't know how it would affect me, losing the house, being homeless. I'd rather still be married & a family, but God knows. H took off the day from work to rest (he is tired & depressed) and then we spent basically all day discussing this. My eyes hurt from crying so much. I wish he knew what this damned BP does to me, what it feels like, how meds have side effects even you you don't complain about them, like dry mouth (so bad you suddenly find yourself unable to speak), tinnitus, headache. He just seems me using them as an easy out, and yeah, at night I do. I want the Seroquel to knock me out ASAP, give me some sleep & peace. I honestly think he may know depression, but he doesn't know bipolar and he definitely doesn't know mixed. He doesn't think I should take medication, and yet without it, I weighed 80 lb., wasn't sleeping for days, was SH, took a bunch of pills (not hoping to die, just to fall asleep, but I woke up like 24 hr. later on my apartment carpet in a pool of vomit. I hadn't really cared if I died of not. Not I'm caring about dying while asleep less and less; I am wanting to die in my sleep every night.

Not in a good place. Eyes tired from crying. Have to put on good front for daughter.

I feel sick.

Something is not right with me right now, but I don’t know what. I didn’t go in to work today, and I don’t think I will tomorrow either. I feel like I’m on the verge of attacking anyone that even looks at me wrong. I keep having these crazed rants in my living room with coworkers over not-huge-deal things that happened last week. Like full on, heart thumping, ugly faced, cursing rants. I haven’t had this happen since about this time in 2015 — and it ended with me in IP. I’d rather not go down that road again, but it’s freaky how similar it all feels.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Hard day today. Not CPS stuff.

Marriage stuff. Our finances are in ruins. We are going to lose our house unless a miracle occurs. H sees I can't work, if he were married to a mate who did work, these issues wouldn't come up. Also, he would like me to be a better housekeeper, but OMG, if he understood depression & bipolar & mixed, he might get it. If I get a good day, it's a wild card thrown out there. He says he loves me and then he says the housekeeping stuff. But with severe depression, maybe he could keep an immaculate house, but I just can't. And pile on the panic disorder, the eating disorder, PTSD, God, I've go so much baggage to lug around.

Divorce word came out a lot, and, God I don't know what to do, how I can save myself to save this marriage. It seems like he wants me to get a job, get us a financial solution, and there just isn't. He thinks we are past the point of marriage counselling and even if he had a divorce, met someone with a job, it still wouldn't save the house. He feels I will lose it then and end up in the psych hospital.

I don't know what to tell him. I don't know how it would affect me, losing the house, being homeless. I'd rather still be married & a family, but God knows. H took off the day from work to rest (he is tired & depressed) and then we spent basically all day discussing this. My eyes hurt from crying so much. I wish he knew what this damned BP does to me, what it feels like, how meds have side effects even you you don't complain about them, like dry mouth (so bad you suddenly find yourself unable to speak), tinnitus, headache. He just seems me using them as an easy out, and yeah, at night I do. I want the Seroquel to knock me out ASAP, give me some sleep & peace. I honestly think he may know depression, but he doesn't know bipolar and he definitely doesn't know mixed. He doesn't think I should take medication, and yet without it, I weighed 80 lb., wasn't sleeping for days, was SH, took a bunch of pills (not hoping to die, just to fall asleep, but I woke up like 24 hr. later on my apartment carpet in a pool of vomit. I hadn't really cared if I died of not. Not I'm caring about dying while asleep less and less; I am wanting to die in my sleep every night.

Not in a good place. Eyes tired from crying. Have to put on good front for daughter.

I feel sick.

Sounds like a VERY TOUGH day! I hope you and H can keep talking, in time. I hope you can sleep in peace tonight. Might it be helpful for you and your doctor to talk to h?
Thinking of you.

WC

[wildflowerchild25]

I was feeling quite depressed for most of the day. I went to my spine dr in the AM and we repeated the injections. I really hope they work for longer than two weeks this time. He seems confident they will. I hope so. He didn’t say what the next move was if they don’t but in the past he’s mentioned the surgery so I know that’s it. I hope I don’t have to get there.

I’m so depressed about my work situation as well. I’m disappointed I lost that job and I’m getting more and more scared about finding another job. Like even if I do, can I actually work? I’m stable now except for this situational depression but I’m so scared work will throw me into an episode no matter what the job is. But I hate not working. So I don’t know what to do. I mean I know what to do, just keep applying until something comes up and give it my best. I’m just scared. I don’t want to fail again.

One good thing is my boyfriend called me and we are ok. He wanted to make sure I knew he still wanted to talk to me so that’s why he called. I’m glad he did. I feel better about that aspect of my life now. I probably won’t be able to see him for another week but that’s ok. Just knowing he doesn’t want to end things helps.

I hope I get out of this funk soon.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by IRememberMyFirstBee

Something is not right with me right now, but I don’t know what. I didn’t go in to work today, and I don’t think I will tomorrow either. I feel like I’m on the verge of attacking anyone that even looks at me wrong. I keep having these crazed rants in my living room with coworkers over not-huge-deal things that happened last week. Like full on, heart thumping, ugly faced, cursing rants. I haven’t had this happen since about this time in 2015 — and it ended with me in IP. I’d rather not go down that road again, but it’s freaky how similar it all feels.

I am sorry you are going through this. I hope you feel better soon.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I was feeling quite depressed for most of the day. I went to my spine dr in the AM and we repeated the injections. I really hope they work for longer than two weeks this time. He seems confident they will. I hope so. He didn’t say what the next move was if they don’t but in the past he’s mentioned the surgery so I know that’s it. I hope I don’t have to get there.

I’m so depressed about my work situation as well. I’m disappointed I lost that job and I’m getting more and more scared about finding another job. Like even if I do, can I actually work? I’m stable now except for this situational depression but I’m so scared work will throw me into an episode no matter what the job is. But I hate not working. So I don’t know what to do. I mean I know what to do, just keep applying until something comes up and give it my best. I’m just scared. I don’t want to fail again.

One good thing is my boyfriend called me and we are ok. He wanted to make sure I knew he still wanted to talk to me so that’s why he called. I’m glad he did. I feel better about that aspect of my life now. I probably won’t be able to see him for another week but that’s ok. Just knowing he doesn’t want to end things helps.

I hope I get out of this funk soon.

I hope you catch a break soon.

WC

Originally Posted by HunnyBunny5

I just wanted to say hi, I'm a new member and trying to interact with people who get the "world" I live in.

Not yet sure how it all works, last forum I was part of what babycenter with my pregnancies. So bare with me if I end up in a wrong place, don't have the right words, or not fully clued in to it all.

Any tips would be awesome.

Hi, HunnyBunny5! Welcome to the forums! You'll soon be in the swing of things here.

Really tired. Packing is daunting not because of so much stuff (most of little crap is BF's) as it's a very small space to work in. And having to get more boxes. THIS is a time when I wouldn't mind having a car, lol.

Still a lot of anxiety. MY stuff will be moved this weekend. It's getting HIM moved out that concerns me more. I need that deposit back. It will happen, it'll just be a big PITA (since I will be setting up in my new place, coming back to help him with his stuff and working. Phew!) I can't wait for everything to be settled in.

*******
BBB, I'm so sorry. That is hard stuff.
IRememberMyFirstBee, I hope you can pull out of your current state and feel better soon.
wildflowerchild, something will come around. Sending confidence your way.
Everyone! Lots of hugs.... Keeping up somewhat, but always check in on this thread, so you are all in my thoughts.

[TheSeaCat]

Today was a pretty decent day, last night I took the new dose of medication and have felt mostly stable. Went for a 1 mile walk followed by a nice hot shower; and best of all am halfway finished with a stupid test my fdoc ordered. The boyfriend just keeps laughing at the obsurity of the test. Overall I’m pretty happy with everything, the only thing I didn’t do is pick a new insurance plan. Anyway I hope everyone is doing well and I’m sorry for everyone dealing with a tough day and want to offer you .

[pirilin]

I'm not back back. But I read almost every day.
Keep on doing super. But I can't stop spending.
The plastic will tell me when to stop.
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

[Pookyl]

Feeling slightly better. Still have back pain but it’s pain I can handle - for now.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I finally got my cat in the vet today and he has a severe oral infection. We did a virus panel that won't be back for a few days and he had a shot of antibiotics. He came home on pain meds and steroids (booo......he hates them).

The pain med seems to have drastically increased his comfort but also seems to be making him hallucinate or something. He has stood at the water dish and splashed the contents over himself and my floor 2-3 times. I set up another water bowl and am keeping the levels low to avoid some mess. He acts like he can't tell what is in there and then he finds it and wants to play in it.

I'm hoping he'll sleep so I'm trying to not leave my bedroom until he really settles. Tomorrow I'll call and see if we need a lower dose.

I'm scared for him. He's only a year old and this is his 3rd bad infection in a month.

I lost both my prior cats only weeks apart and the plan was that kittens would be healthy. His health is scaring me and I can't stand losing another cat.

I know some of you have much bigger problems but this what is breaking my heart today.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I finally got my cat in the vet today and he has a severe oral infection. We did a virus panel that won't be back for a few days and he had a shot of antibiotics. He came home on pain meds and steroids (booo......he hates them).

The pain med seems to have drastically increased his comfort but also seems to be making him hallucinate or something. He has stood at the water dish and splashed the contents over himself and my floor 2-3 times. I set up another water bowl and am keeping the levels low to avoid some mess. He acts like he can't tell what is in there and then he finds it and wants to play in it.

I'm hoping he'll sleep so I'm trying to not leave my bedroom until he really settles. Tomorrow I'll call and see if we need a lower dose.

I'm scared for him. He's only a year old and this is his 3rd bad infection in a month.

I lost both my prior cats only weeks apart and the plan was that kittens would be healthy. His health is scaring me and I can't stand losing another cat.

I know some of you have much bigger problems but this what is breaking my heart today.

So sorry, it's very hard when our fur babies are ill.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I finally got my cat in the vet today and he has a severe oral infection. We did a virus panel that won't be back for a few days and he had a shot of antibiotics. He came home on pain meds and steroids (booo......he hates them).

The pain med seems to have drastically increased his comfort but also seems to be making him hallucinate or something. He has stood at the water dish and splashed the contents over himself and my floor 2-3 times. I set up another water bowl and am keeping the levels low to avoid some mess. He acts like he can't tell what is in there and then he finds it and wants to play in it.

I'm hoping he'll sleep so I'm trying to not leave my bedroom until he really settles. Tomorrow I'll call and see if we need a lower dose.

I'm scared for him. He's only a year old and this is his 3rd bad infection in a month.

I lost both my prior cats only weeks apart and the plan was that kittens would be healthy. His health is scaring me and I can't stand losing another cat.

I know some of you have much bigger problems but this what is breaking my heart today.

This is a very important matter!

I am sorry you and your cat are having a rough time. It all sounds frightening! I hope you both sleep peacefully tonight.


WC

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I finally got my cat in the vet today and he has a severe oral infection. We did a virus panel that won't be back for a few days and he had a shot of antibiotics. He came home on pain meds and steroids (booo......he hates them).

The pain med seems to have drastically increased his comfort but also seems to be making him hallucinate or something. He has stood at the water dish and splashed the contents over himself and my floor 2-3 times. I set up another water bowl and am keeping the levels low to avoid some mess. He acts like he can't tell what is in there and then he finds it and wants to play in it.

I'm hoping he'll sleep so I'm trying to not leave my bedroom until he really settles. Tomorrow I'll call and see if we need a lower dose.

I'm scared for him. He's only a year old and this is his 3rd bad infection in a month.

I lost both my prior cats only weeks apart and the plan was that kittens would be healthy. His health is scaring me and I can't stand losing another cat.

I know some of you have much bigger problems but this what is breaking my heart today.

Oh dear I am so sorry your little kitty is going through that. I hope all goes well and I am sending my thoughts your way.

[Polibeth]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I finally got my cat in the vet today and he has a severe oral infection. We did a virus panel that won't be back for a few days and he had a shot of antibiotics. He came home on pain meds and steroids (booo......he hates them).

The pain med seems to have drastically increased his comfort but also seems to be making him hallucinate or something. He has stood at the water dish and splashed the contents over himself and my floor 2-3 times. I set up another water bowl and am keeping the levels low to avoid some mess. He acts like he can't tell what is in there and then he finds it and wants to play in it.

I'm hoping he'll sleep so I'm trying to not leave my bedroom until he really settles. Tomorrow I'll call and see if we need a lower dose.

I'm scared for him. He's only a year old and this is his 3rd bad infection in a month.

I lost both my prior cats only weeks apart and the plan was that kittens would be healthy. His health is scaring me and I can't stand losing another cat.

I know some of you have much bigger problems but this what is breaking my heart today.

As a fellow kitten mama I totally understand your fears. Two of my three cats were ill to the point of being hospitalized in the past year (one was only 5 years old and the other was only 1 year old) and it was very difficult but both made a full recovery. I wish the same for your kitties.

@BeyondTheRainbow:

Cats, dogs, fish etc. are family members. No one wants to or deserves to see a family member hurt and in pain.

Animals show us unconditional love and that's what makes them amazing. Whether you're up, down, or in between, they will always show you that same love. Always. That's why they're so special and dear to us, and why we go to extreme lengths to make sure they're safe, healthy, and happy.

I hope your little one gets better soon. You're obviously a good mom to him and I'm sure he can see that.

I had a difficult time getting up this morning, but did manage to put a quick breakfast on the table and make hubby a nice lunch to take to work.

All of a sudden in the last 45 mins or so I've developed a little anxiety. I guess it's anticipatory anxiety. I see my psychiatrist in about 45 mins. Normally I love seeing him, but I feel kind of dissatisfied that he brushed off my complaints of likely benzo withdrawal. Also, I wish he'd lower my Seroquel XR a little, but I doubt he will.

Sometimes my psychiatrist acts so stiff. It would be nice if he was pleasant today. I have my monthly. The first days were actually pretty pleasant, but today I'm kind of boo feeling.

[tecomsin]

My cat didn't poo for 3 days so I had decided to call the vet if she didn't poo by the 4th. But she made a little one so she wasn't all stopped up. Today, two days later there's a big poo in the litter box. I have been giving her more wet food so she doesn't have to eat the dry food left out. I think it is because we turned the heat on and she hasn't adjusted by drinking more.

Originally Posted by tecomsin

My cat didn't poo for 3 days so I had decided to call the vet if she didn't poo by the 4th. But she made a little one so she wasn't all stopped up. Today, two days later there's a big poo in the litter box. I have been giving her more wet food so she doesn't have to eat the dry food left out. I think it is because we turned the heat on and she hasn't adjusted by drinking more.

That's good you were able to help her with her bowel movements. I hope your kitty stays healthy.

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I had a difficult time getting up this morning, but did manage to put a quick breakfast on the table and make hubby a nice lunch to take to work.

All of a sudden in the last 45 mins or so I've developed a little anxiety. I guess it's anticipatory anxiety. I see my psychiatrist in about 45 mins. Normally I love seeing him, but I feel kind of dissatisfied that he brushed off my complaints of likely benzo withdrawal. Also, I wish he'd lower my Seroquel XR a little, but I doubt he will.

Sometimes my psychiatrist acts so stiff. It would be nice if he was pleasant today. I have my monthly. The first days were actually pretty pleasant, but today I'm kind of boo feeling.

I get anxious for any doctor's appointment. I usually get scared of the unknown. Like, "what is she/he going to do to me???" Though, sometimes I get scared that my dr will be disappointed in me for something I did/didn't do.

Sorry you're anxious, but I can relate in some way.

[Scooter9]

I have been feeling low for the past several days and haven't felt like writing.

Went to Niagara Falls on Sunday... it's a 2 hour drive for us. Took the relative that's in a wheelchair along just to get her out of the home she's in for the day.

It was a nice day but we only ended up at the falls for about a half hour before we turned around and left. I took a longer more scenic route on the way back.

I'm waiting for some result with the modafinil, but I have a feeling this drug isn't going to work out. Maybe I'm just impatient... it's just been 9 days.

[Daonnachd]

I moved my son into the dorm this morning before going to work. He’s pretty nonchalant. I’m a bit wound up and stressed.
After work I meet with my T. I’m anxious about that because she’ll ascribe the stress to my son’s moving out. I don’t think it’s as simple as that.

Thanks, bluebicycle!

Actually, my psychiatrist appointment was not that bad in the end. Though he still doubts my benzo withdrawal, he said that he has been proven wrong in the past. I told him I went back on the Ativan, but only 0.25 mg instead of back to 0.5 mg. I told him I was splitting my 1 mg pills into four pieces. He wrote me a prescription for 0.5 mg pills today so that I need only split them in half, and maybe I could even split that pill in quarters after some weeks to get to 0.13 mg before going off again.

I went to the pharmacy with the prescription my psychiatrist gave me. The pharmacist looked at it and said pdoc printed (from computer) the quantity to be filled as 0, when it was supposed to be 30. The pharmacist had to call my psychiatrist to confirm the real quantity. I'll have to return to the pharmacy tomorrow. I was a little frustrated so I decided to go to the ice cream parlor across the street. I ordered an amaretto ice cream with a Mounds chocolate bar blend in. It was pretty darned yummy! Then I went to Surf Taco and bought chicken enchiladas to take home for myself for dinner later. Hubby's going out for dinner with his buddies.

As I wrote, my psychiatrist wasn't so stiff today. Well, he was in the beginning, but not at the end. I told him that yesterday and the day before I felt quite good, but today not as much. I said I wasn't depressed at all, but feeling "fňuk". I explained that the word "fňuk" is a Czech word my Czech husband taught me. It is a word that I have not yet found an English equivalent for. I've thought maybe "blah" or "Ugh" or "Boo" or "Phooey" or "Blehhh", but they are definitely not the right words. Fňuk can not only be a description of a feeling, but also an exclamation Fňuk! I sort of had to physically do an impression of a "fňuk" look for him (fňuk rhymes with look). He said he knew exactly what I meant. I challenged him to think about it and try to come up with the translation.