OMG, now CPS showed up!!

Blueberrybook · Sep 02, 2018, 08:13 PM

I guess that trip to the psych ER now triggered a CPS investigation as to how well my daughter is being treated. We were having a normal Sunday evening, fixing to start to eat dinner, there's a knock at the door, and it's a lady from the CPS.

OMG, I have NEVER harmed my daughter. I never would. Sure, we've had verbal arguments but never anything physical, spanked only ever once in her life, and everyone has disagreements, especially as my daughter knows how to push my buttons. So this worker then interviewed us all separately: me, my husband, my daughter. It felt like time was in slow motion that hour or so. It's amazing I wasn't throwing up, my stomach was in such knots.

She leaves, we start trying to get things back to normal, then there is a knock at the door. The CPS worker is back. She says her supervisor said I can't be alone with my daughter until they can speak to doctors to attest that I won't hurt her. WTF?! I am always alone with her before school, and I pick her up after school and am alone with her until my husband gets home. The worker asked my husband if he could "monitor" me with my daughter, but no, he can't not without taking off work and possibly risking his job (especially as the worker could not say how soon she would get these things done), and they have to do some psychological evaluation of me, and God knows how long that will take? My sister can't do it. She's got 2 kids in school, 1 at home and my other sister lives in Plano (Dallas area, a good 4-6 hour drive from here and just had ACL surgery). I called my mom in a panic asking if she can come stay over, and she finally grudgingly sort of maybe agrees with a lot of blame & repetition about how much I'm messing up her life. OMG. I had been feeling so sick to my stomach dealing with the CPS worker, and then my own mother heaps blame on top of me and won't help me out, just gives me grief.

Try to settle down again. CPS worker back at the door. Do I have the forms they gave me at dismissal from the psych ER? She takes pics of the discharge forms.

We try to start calming down again. Knock at the door AGAIN. CPS worker again. Has again talked to her supervisor, and since the doctor on the psych ER discharge form wrote that I am stable, there is no need to have me monitored while alone with my daughter.

I call my mom. Takes repeated attempts as the home phone is busy. She's not answering the 2nd line (they put that in back when dialup internet was always tying up the home/business line), but it's got no answering machine on it. Not answering her cell. Finally get hold of her, tell her she doesn't have to come over after all, and she's like "Thank God". Then, she starts in again on telling me what I should or shouldn't have done, how she knew this was going to trigger a CPS case, etc. I hung up on her. I really, really don't need guilt & blame at this moment.

Now, I'm so anxious. I guess this case is supposed to be wrapped up within 30 days according to the CPS worker. She didn't see signs my daughter was abused or afraid to be alone with me. I still have to have the CPS psychological assessment, which if they can't schedule it nearby, she said they'd send someone out to pick me up and drive me to whatever place they refer to in Houston because I told her I hate driving into Houston and most especially into downtown and the Medical Center, which was the area she was proposing.

So I guess I just didn't have enough stress already. Now I've got a stupid CPS case.

I'm practically at the point of throw me in the mental hospital and leave me there; life just gets worse and worse.

I'm not suicidal other than passively (i.e., I wouldn't care if I went to sleep tonight and didn't wake up tomorrow morning), but I don't have any active plans, ideations, etc.

Forms to navigate through to get disability in my case are hard and impossible. CPS worker said it would likely take 2 to 3 appeals before being able to get disability, if I ever AM able under these circumstances. But the government and the state want to make it so hard, you just want to give up, confusing forms, needing to submit my husband's paystubs when they are electronic, so what, we print one out off his work emails and that is proof of a paystub? They say they need a doctor to fill out a disability form as to why you can't work, but they don't give you a form, tell you where to find one, or where your doctor is to send it.

So just as I was starting to try to get back some normalcy, all this crap happens. And it is going to take my mom awhile to get back into my good graces. First, when I was taken to the psych ER, she emailed my husband offering to "take" my daughter and raise her with my dad (and my dad is all kinds of messed up, not to mention my mom defers to him 100% on everything). Then, she hesitates and doesn't offer to help me out of a tough bind and starts blaming me on top of a time I'm so seriously messed up, I probably should go to the psych hospital.

So just when you think your life can hardly suck more than it is, think again, because yes, here's more crap to deal with!!

Daonnachd · Sep 02, 2018, 08:26 PM

So glad they were satisfied you were stable.

Tucson · Sep 02, 2018, 08:40 PM

I had APS called on me twice when I took care of my mother 24/7. Neither ended becoming anything at all. I was never given any parting insteuctions either. They are normally good at figuring things out even though it is a hassle. However, since a child is involved, the case worker overreacted and did not do her homework before meeting you for the first time. If this lady’s apparent inexperience makes your problems worse, ask for another case worker. This may turn out to be worthwhile. But then it may not.

Whatever you do, go out of your way to be cooperative and helpful to the case worker. If she gives you instructions, which you can actually take as suggestions, thank her and tell her she is being helpful. This will help to more quickly conclude this matter in your favor.

I do not believe you have any worries. So try to relax. At worst the social worker will continue to be a PITA for the time being. It would help to contact your doctor to tell him what has happened, and give him the heads up for a call from CPS. BTW your mother is a real treat, isn’t she? I will be very polite here and call her “unhelpful”.

wildflowerchild25 · Sep 02, 2018, 08:41 PM

That’s so unfair! You’re being judged and discriminated against for having MI! That’s ridiculous! Hardly any of us are violent. This makes my blood boil! I hope they dismiss the case and get their heads out of their collective asses!!!

Tucson · Sep 02, 2018, 08:44 PM

^^^^^ This ^^^^^

Blueberrybook · Sep 02, 2018, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tucson

I do not believe you have any worries. So try to relax. At worst the social worker will continue to be a PITA for the time being. It would help to contact your doctor to tell him what has happened, and give him the heads up for a call from CPS. BTW your mother is a real treat, isn’t she? I will be very polite here and call her “unhelpful”.

Yep, already called the pdoc, left a voicemail, he called me back. He acted like it was an everyday type thing for him. Who knows? Maybe it is.

I also felt highly judged & discriminated against, even discounted by others because of having a mental illness. Just because I have a mental illness, it doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly start abusing my daughter...oh, but wait...I already had the mental illness before I was pregnant, should I have been put on the radar right then? Or when I started seeing a pdoc again for what I assumed was postpartum depression?

Just infuriating.

And yeah, my mom. IDK. I used to think my relationship with her was OK, and now I am thinking it is screwed up and has been for a long, long time, going all the way back to her never once standing up for me against an overbearing, angry father. Not once.

cashart10 · Sep 02, 2018, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

That’s so unfair! You’re being judged and discriminated against for having MI! That’s ridiculous! Hardly any of us are violent. This makes my blood boil! I hope they dismiss the case and get their heads out of their collective asses!!!

I’m kind of embarrassed to tell this story but I want to tell you just how much they discriminate against you for mi. CPS was called on my husband after my then 7 year old son told someone at his school that my husband kicked him into the dishwasher. My son is not a liar but we never did figure out what in the world he was talking about because my husband would never physically harm him. The case worker got that impression as well after talking to both us and him and checked him for marks and there of course weren’t any. Anyway, they ask if you have mi and of course I admitted to having bp. Well, the next day we get a call from the cps worker saying they need to call someone for collateral evidence so we gave him my sister in law’s info. When they interviewed her, they asked about MY parenting and didn’t even mention my husband when the school never mentioned a thing about me, only my husband. I was OUTRAGED! Of course, there is nothing you can do about it. Thankfully after talking to us and my sister in law the claim was unfounded and closed.

cashart10 · Sep 02, 2018, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cln1812

I guess that trip to the psych ER now triggered a CPS investigation as to how well my daughter is being treated. We were having a normal Sunday evening, fixing to start to eat dinner, there's a knock at the door, and it's a lady from the CPS.

OMG, I have NEVER harmed my daughter. I never would. Sure, we've had verbal arguments but never anything physical, spanked only ever once in her life, and everyone has disagreements, especially as my daughter knows how to push my buttons. So this worker then interviewed us all separately: me, my husband, my daughter. It felt like time was in slow motion that hour or so. It's amazing I wasn't throwing up, my stomach was in such knots.

She leaves, we start trying to get things back to normal, then there is a knock at the door. The CPS worker is back. She says her supervisor said I can't be alone with my daughter until they can speak to doctors to attest that I won't hurt her. WTF?! I am always alone with her before school, and I pick her up after school and am alone with her until my husband gets home. The worker asked my husband if he could "monitor" me with my daughter, but no, he can't not without taking off work and possibly risking his job (especially as the worker could not say how soon she would get these things done), and they have to do some psychological evaluation of me, and God knows how long that will take? My sister can't do it. She's got 2 kids in school, 1 at home and my other sister lives in Plano (Dallas area, a good 4-6 hour drive from here and just had ACL surgery). I called my mom in a panic asking if she can come stay over, and she finally grudgingly sort of maybe agrees with a lot of blame & repetition about how much I'm messing up her life. OMG. I had been feeling so sick to my stomach dealing with the CPS worker, and then my own mother heaps blame on top of me and won't help me out, just gives me grief.

Try to settle down again. CPS worker back at the door. Do I have the forms they gave me at dismissal from the psych ER? She takes pics of the discharge forms.

We try to start calming down again. Knock at the door AGAIN. CPS worker again. Has again talked to her supervisor, and since the doctor on the psych ER discharge form wrote that I am stable, there is no need to have me monitored while alone with my daughter.

I call my mom. Takes repeated attempts as the home phone is busy. She's not answering the 2nd line (they put that in back when dialup internet was always tying up the home/business line), but it's got no answering machine on it. Not answering her cell. Finally get hold of her, tell her she doesn't have to come over after all, and she's like "Thank God". Then, she starts in again on telling me what I should or shouldn't have done, how she knew this was going to trigger a CPS case, etc. I hung up on her. I really, really don't need guilt & blame at this moment.

Now, I'm so anxious. I guess this case is supposed to be wrapped up within 30 days according to the CPS worker. She didn't see signs my daughter was abused or afraid to be alone with me. I still have to have the CPS psychological assessment, which if they can't schedule it nearby, she said they'd send someone out to pick me up and drive me to whatever place they refer to in Houston because I told her I hate driving into Houston and most especially into downtown and the Medical Center, which was the area she was proposing.

So I guess I just didn't have enough stress already. Now I've got a stupid CPS case.

I'm practically at the point of throw me in the mental hospital and leave me there; life just gets worse and worse.

I'm not suicidal other than passively (i.e., I wouldn't care if I went to sleep tonight and didn't wake up tomorrow morning), but I don't have any active plans, ideations, etc.

Forms to navigate through to get disability in my case are hard and impossible. CPS worker said it would likely take 2 to 3 appeals before being able to get disability, if I ever AM able under these circumstances. But the government and the state want to make it so hard, you just want to give up, confusing forms, needing to submit my husband's paystubs when they are electronic, so what, we print one out off his work emails and that is proof of a paystub? They say they need a doctor to fill out a disability form as to why you can't work, but they don't give you a form, tell you where to find one, or where your doctor is to send it.

So just as I was starting to try to get back some normalcy, all this crap happens. And it is going to take my mom awhile to get back into my good graces. First, when I was taken to the psych ER, she emailed my husband offering to "take" my daughter and raise her with my dad (and my dad is all kinds of messed up, not to mention my mom defers to him 100% on everything). Then, she hesitates and doesn't offer to help me out of a tough bind and starts blaming me on top of a time I'm so seriously messed up, I probably should go to the psych hospital.

So just when you think your life can hardly suck more than it is, think again, because yes, here's more crap to deal with!!

I am so sorry you’re having such a difficult time. I can’t imagine going through your recent experiences! I pray things look up for you soon.

Moose72 · 01:22 PM

Oh my god! You don't need ANY of this!!! I was afraid theyd dothis tome when

Possible trigger:

I OD'd and the 911 was called and the police were called

I'm soooo sorry this happened to you and your family. Talk about discrimination.

tecomsin · Sep 02, 2018, 09:08 PM

I have a very low opinion of the coerciveness of a lot of 'social services' and your experience confirms that. I'm sorry you went through this.

Your mom also sounds incredibly unhelpful but I doubt there is much to gain by telling her that. You might want to find out what the law is in your area and if you have to let these people into your house to begin with.

bizi · Sep 02, 2018, 10:12 PM

oh how awful for you.
You did not need this additional stress....
This is so unfair.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Victoria'smom · Sep 03, 2018, 02:38 AM

and this is why people don't get help.

katydid777 · Sep 03, 2018, 05:35 AM

I am so sorry you have to go through all of this. (((((((BIG HUGS)))))))

Blueberrybook · Sep 03, 2018, 06:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

and this is why people don't get help.

Exactly. You cry out for help, and you get the CPS on your door investigating the treatment of your 10 year old child. And otherwise, social services does zilch.

Tessa (my daughter) is pretty much treated like a princess by her father, and even if I am firm with her and disagree & we argue and she is beyond upset, I send her to her room to calm down. And it's not like she doesn't have tons of toys & books in there while she is calming down.

Because of her sensory issues, she still has meltdowns at home on occasion though I think they have finally stopped at school, and they are getting fewer at home. With today being Labor Day, the CPS worker won't be able to talk to medical professionals like my psychiatrist to deem I am not a risk to my daughter.

I know I'm not the best mom out there. I know when I stay in bed all day or have crying fits or panic attacks while my daughter is home, it has to hurt her mentally. I don't do it on purpose or mean to upset her. It just happens, and thankfully, my husband often is around to comfort her or at least he can afterward once he gets home. Or if I get feeling better, I apologize to her and try to spend quality time with her. My husband told me he has talked to Tessa about my mental illness, but I am not exactly sure what he's said to her; he's just told me they have talked about it and why I don't work, but I don't know how specific he got as he is not a big fan of psych meds, psych diagnoses, or the psychiatric community in general. However, he did have to attend required training on psych issues for 2 days (for the school district) before school began to try to help kids he might think are troubled, though he said he doubts he could pick them out from one period in physics class. He said maybe his homeroom as sometimes they have the kids in homeroom for long periods depending on what is going on in school, and he has been assigned the same homeroom class since he started teaching; they were in 9th grade then but now are juniors in 11th grade. He did tell me they did an exercise that brought to home what racing thoughts are like. He said the mental illness training got him worried about me because many of the diagnoses will share characteristics only a psychiatrist could probably tell apart and then did flat out ask me if I hear voices or have hallucinations. I have only hallucinated once, while in the hospital on morphine & in unbelievable pain after ulcer surgery. I don't hear voices though there are occasions I hear birds chirping, mostly before falling asleep, but that is it, just birds and I have for some time. I have let pdocs know this and told my husband too. It could be a way of my brain calming down prior to sleep, the pdocs said. I got really scared not about me but about my daughter when she told me she often sees floating multi-colored flowers before she falls asleep; she told me just a few days after an eye exam, which was normal, just one of her glasses lenses needing a bit more powerful prescription. However, later I talked to my youngest sister, and she sees these flowers too before sleep except hers are all one color, I don't remember which.

Despite all her sensory issues, my daughter is extremely smart (a straight A student, tagged as GT - gifted & talented since kindergarten) and definitely able to realize things are going on with me that are not normal compared to her father.

What I want & need is a social advocate and not one I have to pay for either because I can't afford it. But do you think the government (at least in the super conservative state of Texas) supplies one? No, they don't. If they do exist, they are not at all easy to find, at least not if you are non-Hispanic & English is your first language. Which also seems discriminatory to me.

Blueberrybook · Sep 03, 2018, 08:09 AM

Oh, and I was even told by the CPS worker that the reason the CPS case was opened was that there might be mental health issues involved, and they had to be sure I was OK around my daughter.

Yeah, nice.

tecomsin · Sep 03, 2018, 10:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cln1812

Oh, and I was even told by the CPS worker that the reason the CPS case was opened was that there might be mental health issues involved, and they had to be sure I was OK around my daughter.

Yeah, nice.

This is 'guilty until proven innocent'. Unfortunately once your family is in the grasp of agencies like CPS, it is very hard to get out of it. If you had more money I would suggest to get the advise of a lawyer before you say any thing more to CPS. There is some general information on the web in terms of what your rights are and it is important to find out what they are.

I am not sure they are within their own regulations to investigate you for this reason alone. Are they investigating everyone in Texas who has under age children and leaves a psych ward?

I believe they have to have a specific accusation to start an investigation and enter your house. They cannot enter without your permission without a search warrant. If someone claims to be CPS says they have a warrant, ask to see it. Did you ask them if you have been accused of anything and what specifically that would be, in detail? You have a right to know exactly what you have been accused of.

A lawyer would be in the best position to guide you now in order to advance your interests.

*Laurie* · Sep 03, 2018, 10:20 AM

I had a similar situation happen to me many years ago when our children were young. My husband's therapist contacted CPS to do a wellness check on our kids. He was a conservative man, a therapist with the veteran's admin and was concerned because my husband had mentioned that we allowed our children to do art work on the walls of our home.
The worker showed up unexpectedly, but she was very kind and non-intrusive. After briefly speaking with the kids and my husband and I, she felt satisfied that the home was safe and left.

I was angry for many years about the CPS intervention. Now, when I look back I'm grateful to know that CPS did take the time and effort to make sure our children were safe in their home.

I'm sorry you have had this added stress. In my experience, it is quite jarring to have a CPS worker suddenly show up at your door. For me, it was also embarrassing.

That said, here are my concerns. You have repeatedly mentioned that you wish you would die. That is terrifying to a child. You might think she doesn't know, but I suspect otherwise.
From the information you've posted here on the forum, you have a severe eating disorder.
You have posted extensively about your concern about your daughter's behavior, and you seem to be quite concerned that you are possibly neglecting her in certain ways.

It sounds to me like your home life right now is extremely pressured. I'm pretty sure that your daughter is absorbing that family stress. I've heard people say that "children are resilient; they will come out okay". Well, that's a nice thought, and possibly a justification, but the truth is that children are usually quiet about whatever is going on in their environment. That does not, however, mean they aren't being profoundly affected.

I believe that CPS was doing their job by making sure your daughter is not in danger, considering the situation. Children come first. That needs to be respected at all times. Most probably, CPS wanted to be sure that your daughter is being properly cared for.

Polibeth · Sep 03, 2018, 10:27 AM

I was going to post almost exactly what Laurie wrote.

I understand how stressful a CPS investigation is. I've had them come out to our house 3 times over the years (though one was a nasty neighbor who made a false allegation that CPS realized right away was a joke).

However, I'm glad that they visited your house. That means they are doing their job of making sure that kids are in safe situations. It is possible that they can give you information on resources available to you in your community. You've been posting increasingly desperate posts so please avail yourself to all resources that may be available to you - even if they come from CPS.

You and your family will get through this. As I said, I understand how stressful it is but maybe something good will come out of it.

*Laurie* · Sep 03, 2018, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tecomsin

This is 'guilty until proven innocent'. Unfortunately once your family is in the grasp of agencies like CPS, it is very hard to get out of it. If you had more money I would suggest to get the advise of a lawyer before you say any thing more to CPS. There is some general information on the web in terms of what your rights are and it is important to find out what they are.

This is not necessarily true. If CPS doesn't find a reason to investigate a case, they won't contact the parents again.

I am not sure they are within their own regulations to investigate you for this reason alone. Are they investigating everyone in Texas who has under age children and leaves a psych ward?

Honestly, I believe they should...just to be absolutely sure that every child is safe in his/her home. The follow-up can be friendly and as non-invasive as possible. Referrals to needed services can be offered. For many families, those referrals can be extremely helpful.

I believe they have to have a specific accusation to start an investigation and enter your house. They cannot enter without your permission without a search warrant. If someone claims to be CPS says they have a warrant, ask to see it. Did you ask them if you have been accused of anything and what specifically that would be, in detail? You have a right to know exactly what you have been accused of.

Just by showing up, CPS has a reason to check on the well-being of a child/family. It's not so much an "accusation" as it is a wellness check.

Yes, you can deny the CPS worker access to your home. The problem with doing so is that the worker will have reason to suspect that something is being hidden. Denying the worker access to your home invites further investigation. Better to allow the worker in and permit the worker to speak with parents and child. If everything checks out okay, you will not hear from CPS again (unless there is a different reason for a check in the future).

A lawyer would be in the best position to guide you now in order to advance your interests.

If CPS has done a check and has not found any reason to pursue a case, there's no need to involve a lawyer. if, however, CPS will pursue the case, then I agree with you. A lawyer needs to be contacted.

As an aside, I agree with Polibeth. Please make use of whatever referrals, etc. you are offered or can find. They can be very helpful to you and to your family.

marvin_pa · Sep 03, 2018, 11:00 AM

It's a real double edged sword, IMO...

On one hand a CPS intervention is intended to provide preemptive protection for children & if deemed necessary & performed sensitively by staff with high levels of both common sense and diligence, is likely a good thing.

On the other, it is very potentially intrusive & upsetting to both a parent with MI and to the child. If enacted, there should be reasonable grounds to do so & there must be no presumption of risk without diligent, but sensitive investigation. Sadly, these are characteristics that I don't automatically associate with large, impersonal bureaucracies. If seeking assistance for a mental illness is to be a trigger for something like a CPS intervention, then it must be done with the well being & rights of all affected being respected, as well as with an eye to preemptive protection.

tecomsin · Sep 03, 2018, 11:02 AM

there are some really bad apples in any profession. I have personally experienced coercion and mistreatment, bullying even by cps. The best way to get them to stop and go away is to get a lawyer and insist all communication goes through them. That was my personal experience. It is very difficult to protect yourself from a fishing expedition. I wouldn't risk my child based on trusting what would happen with my case in cps. I wouldn't trust my child's future to that.

Those are personal decisions and depend on the precise circumstances. If there are specific charges that is one thing, but if it is just a general suspicion because you have a mental illness that is another.

Movingon69 · Sep 03, 2018, 12:06 PM

I can only imagine how unsettling that was and it has to compound the challenges you recently faced. I'm so sorry.

*Laurie* · Sep 03, 2018, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tecomsin

there are some really bad apples in any profession. I have personally experienced coercion and mistreatment, bullying even by cps. The best way to get them to stop and go away is to get a lawyer and insist all communication goes through them. That was my personal experience. It is very difficult to protect yourself from a fishing expedition. I wouldn't risk my child based on trusting what would happen with my case in cps. I wouldn't trust my child's future to that.

Those are personal decisions and depend on the precise circumstances. If there are specific charges that is one thing, but if it is just a general suspicion because you have a mental illness that is another.

Are you referring to the American CPS or to the Canadian one?