[Blueberrybook]

So the therapist I had the appointment scheduled with today texted me yesterday asking if I was still going to come to the appointment. I told her yes but figured I'd ask her how she felt about doing therapy for me with the ED, the ED situation not great, but still enough away from hospitalization. She pretty much told me, no, she could work with me, but that I should try therapy first with someone who specializes in EDs. So I'm going to give the one located close to me a call when she gets back on Sept. 17. I am reasonably sure there are therapists not far from my pdoc, but if I have to go once a week, it's about a 45 minute drive versus a 20 minute drive. IDK, maybe I'll look up reviews from some in that area. I practically am seeing the pdoc a lot lately. My next appointment with him is tomorrow.

I am starting to feel like therapists need to put a disclaimer in their profile: "I'd rather not see ED clients."

Well, "I'd rather not see ED clients" doesn't apply to this situation. The therapist wants the best for you because she knows she might be able to help, but she wants you to get the best help you can. For example, my therapist does not specialize in psychosis, but she helps me a ton even though I might get better help with someone else for that. So that doesn't mean the therapist can't or doesn't want too help with ED imo.

Life is all about compromises though. I don't think anyone will find a perfect therapist for their needs. So if ED is most important to you, then find an ED therapist. If ED is not most important, then find a non-ED therapist. But just because a therapist wants you to see someone else first doesn't mean they're not the right fit, if that makes sense.

I don't think a 45 min drive is all that bad, and that's coming from someone who used to live in Boston and be a 10 min walk away from help.

I think it's worth a shot. Remember, YOUR mental and physical health are far more important than driving 20 mins vs 45 mins. You want to live as happy as you can. And if that means 45 min drives, then so be it.

Anyway, I don't want to sound harsh, as that is not my intent at all. I want you to get the BEST help you can because you deserve it after everything you're going through. Life has not treated you fairly and you deserve better.

[Blueberrybook]

Well, for today I'm just done for. The insurance website will say the therapist does ED and then you call and they don't take clients with EDs. Or they have moved, like a 2 hour drive away, but it wasn't updated on the insurance site. I have been at it 1.5 hr. I tried calling my insurance company, and they were having server issues.

The ED is not the most important thing to me right now. Right now, it's stress management (though the ED is very affected by that), panic disorder & BP along with the ED. I don't know, I've been calling the area around the pdoc too and the hospital. I thought the hospital itself might have something, but no. I had figured it would be big enough to. Maybe you need a special code word to get in. IDK, I see my pdoc tomorrow. Maybe he or the front desk might be able to give me a list. If not, I will call the PCP's assistant and ask about it. I am tired of looking at websites. Oh, and there would be some that might work, but they don't take insurance. Ugh!

When I first started therapy when I was in college, I got a therapist who knew I had an ED and other issues, namely depression & anxiety; I had not yet gotten full blown panic disorder too. But she worked on everything. It was not an I'll treat you, but...type situation. Now, that seems to be all there is. I did use one therapist not far from the pdoc clinic a couple years ago who was that way, but I saw her several months, and I never got a connection with her or a feeling that she cared about my problems, just that this was her job, and she was doing it.

IDK, the state may have some low cost resources nearby though I am not going to use their MHMRA program again. The Houston area one was awful, sit around way past your appointment time, see the pdoc 2 minutes, get your tons of meds and go. Maybe they offered counseling, I can't remember. They might have, but I wouldn't have had time to do it especially with such unpredictable wait times since I was a graduate student and an RA/TA. It's not like I could dash off to therapy, know that I would be back in a reasonable time to get some work done in the lab or have to teach a course as well as the courses I was required to take.

I feel like I've been run over by a truck.

[Victoria'smom]

I would try a community health place. Usually they're pretty good at getting you in in a short amount of time (a month) and they don't discriminate very often. You may get transferred to the supervisor. I really wish you kept your appointment and talked about this in person. If you lay out all your problems out before seeing the person or even the first session they're going to shy away. I feel the community health center will help you more because they are use to complex cases and rocky situations like you facing homelessness and CPS. Talk to your pdoc tomorrow about who s/he suggests.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I would try a community health place. Usually they're pretty good at getting you in in a short amount of time (a month) and they don't discriminate very often. You may get transferred to the supervisor. I really wish you kept your appointment and talked about this in person. If you lay out all your problems out before seeing the person or even the first session they're going to shy away. I feel the community health center will help you more because they are use to complex cases and rocky situations like you facing homelessness and CPS. Talk to your pdoc tomorrow about who s/he suggests.

Well, it might be fortunate that I didn't keep the appointment in that she is too close to the ED problem. In other words, she told me her son has exactly the same ED issue I do. She gave me names of ED therapists, but both were well into areas of Houston I just get too panicky to drive in, and at one of the locations finding parking was apparently a hassle. I definitely do not want that.

I think my PCP's office has a social worker. I'll try her tomorrow & see if she can help me with getting a therapist. I've got to let it go for today; it's taken a lot out of me. I'm just drained.

[Victoria'smom]

Is there a bus system so you don't have to drive into the city? It may be longer but you wouldn't have to deal with parking or driving.

[Victoria'smom]

The ED is not the most important thing to me right now. Then I wouldn't mention it until they do.

I never got a connection with her or a feeling that she cared about my problems, just that this was her job, and she was doing it I've never had a connection with any of my therapists. I think it doesn't matter the connection if they are good at their job. What matters is if you show up on time to all your appointments and try. I think that's harder to do without a connection. However the one I thought was a complete ***** and the one I thought was "squishy" helped me the best because I didn't care if what I said affected them. I said what needed to be said.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Is there a bus system so you don't have to drive into the city? It may be longer but you wouldn't have to deal with parking or driving.

Ha! Don't I wish! The nearest bus site with regular running buses is a 45 minute drive in the opposite direction (from Houston), and it is a traffic-jammed route.

There is a county bus that goes into Houston, but I can't use that one. It only comes around 7:30 AM and returns around 5:30 - 6 PM. Good if you're working in Houston, I suppose, but not so good if you don't need to hang around downtown all day. It doesn't even have proper waiting stops, just a couple signs here & there. If you didn't know where the signs were or haven't lived here a long time, you wouldn't even know about it. There is no seating, sometimes not even a sidewalk, where people stand and wait. Not too many people do use it, but occasionally I see a person waiting at the stop. That was how I found out about them. I would think, "How weird, that person is just standing at the side of the road in the middle of grass." After awhile I noticed the signs about those couple of places being stops for the county bus route.

[*Laurie*]

I'm so sorry that you're having a very hard time finding a therapist. I've been incredibly lucky...out of the (at least) ten therapists I've had appointments with, 2 were people I actually felt a bond with. The rest were...meh...and of those "meh" therapists, 3 ended up being genuinely hurtful to my situation.

It's my understand that if someone is in therapy to do real work, there needs to be a feeling of a close bond with the therapist, because that establishes transference.

I can imagine that having an ED is a hell to live with, as it's something like OCD, in certain ways - OCD being notoriously difficult to treat.

It's dinner time where you are; you're correct. You've done the work today. Try and have a nice evening.

[Blueberrybook]

I have an appt. with pdoc at 11:15. I know he wants me in therapy. So did the last pdoc, my best one. I did best with the first one at the university health care system, but I had much less garbage to drag around to therapy as well.

I'm going to ask pdoc if he can recommend therapists in the area, or if he is not supposed to steer me towards one or doesn't feel that he should, just the names of a few therapists in the area. It is so, so close to the hospital, I know they must have therapists nearby and probably good ones in the mix. Maybe the hospital would at least get a list. But most of the lists have therapists in Houston, which I mainly don't want to drive to except places with Houston addresses you would not have guessed they had a Houston address. Case in point, pdoc has a Houston address & is close to a non-Houston city, same with my PCP (different "Houston" address area from pdoc's near another city), the same thing with NASA (surprising for some but not when you consider they need land), the hospital I was in. So addresses near NASA are hard to just pick out unless they are on roads that tend to have names related to NASA or space. (NASA is not very far from the hospital I mentioned). I actually do not mind driving to NASA. Pdoc is very close to NASA. There are tons of pdoc's, pediatricians, dentists, medical specialists in that whole area. If a therapist has a Houston address, I first have to look it up to see if they are closer to Houston proper, downtown, the University of Houston, heading to Sugar Land, a city that used to have next to nothing but a sugar plant and now is practically Houston too, with the traffic as well. Mostly the Houston addresses are in places I don't want to go, but the area around the hospital is fine. My daughter's pediatrician is there and so is gastro-doc, but I have to find it on a map first, which doesn't help when you are already frustrated.

So pdoc first today. I noticed last night taking my pills, I was out of Buspar so didn't take it last night or this morning. God knows how long I have been out of it. Yesterday was the last day of the pill boxes I filled for the week. I know I must have had it the first day or I would have called pdoc. It is on mail order, but the arrival estimate is Sept. 12-17, and I will run out of Seroquel too if that meds arrive after Sept. 14. I do not think that is doing me any favors in the way of anxiety though at least I have read that mostly stopping Buspar doesn't have withdrawal effects unless you wan to count heightened anxiety.

Hopefully, I will have the strength to call around about therapists today. It's hard too. I called a therapist actually in my city; she answered the phone . I didn't tell her about the ED, just mentioned bipolar, stress/anxiety/panic. She asked me what medication I was on, and she was like oh, no go see your pdoc and get that adjusted without even knowing the half of my problems. She especially seemed to dislike the Seroquel. So scratch that one. I put Seroquel & Lamictal & probably Klonopin among the best of the meds that help me.

[*Laurie*]

Asking pdoc for a referral is a great idea!