[Blueberrybook]

Ugh, had a couple discussions with H about my overspending and how I cannot stop it like he can. Which turned into a conversation about MI and if I am using the MI to my advantage to not hold down a job, etc.

People without MI just don’t get it. They don’t understand how one person can have MI but still be able to work and pretty much function normally in society while another cannot.

I wish MI and MI pain were visible, at least to your immediate family. H doesn’t understand how if I am having a super long panic attack, I can hardly function, but yet I still do feel if I were having that panic attack, and I had to act immediately or my daughter would die, I feel like I could act to save her life. I think he got a bit upset/concerned when I explained to him that there are times that I just dissociate all together to keep going on. I guess that’s the right word? Like sometimes you feel like you are watching your life happen like a movie?

And MI is so complicated. One drug can work for one person with a given diagnosis and not another. How sometimes meds work and sometimes they stop working. Then, you throw in multiple MI diagnoses, perhaps with something like fibromyalgia that affects your mental health too (brain fog, depression, anxiety, pain all over that makes your skin hurt the instant water hits it from the shower), then throw in a physical illness that needs medication such as my stomach med, Protonix, and things get complicated fast.

If only others could see it. It is a disability and yet because only your actions show, you look perfectly healthy, but you are not. How even though H feels he must go forward through everything for our family’s sake, why can’t I when he has the added burden of work and not an easy job at that? There are times when I am only just barely keeping it together, just on the precipice of needing to go IP. Why can’t I just plow ahead? I don’t know. Why can’t I? I wouldn’t choose to have MI just like I’d never wish perforated ulcer surgery on anyone. It is a God-awful surgery, more painful than a person can imagine, and that pain is visible in staples, in a 4 inch long scar I will have to live with the rest of my life. You can’t looks at that scar and not doubt I had some major surgery done in there.

But H can’t see MI. Can’t understand while even with high anxiety, he can take time, watch a show on TV and keep up with it or get lost in a book, why can’t I?

I wish MI were visible, and having so many MI diagnoses sucks so bad, especially the stupid ED. Though right now it’s panic disorder vying for the top spot of things bothering me along with BP. But the stupid ED is relentless too...don’t forget I’m still here! OMG, you did not exercise today, here comes morbid obesity!

If only others could see...

[luvyrself]

I so agree. My husband and son totally don’t get it and my brother has no patience for it. I can stay balanced for long stretches, but major stress kicks me into mixed states and rapid cycling. My aunt died recently and my mom is starting to experience Alz-at least she’s 95 and can afford the best care. But whew, I’m all over the place. I feel like putting an indicator on my forehead here at home, but he still wouldn’t know what to do. I would Have to write a handbook which isn’t a bad idea. NAMI has family meetings in the larger cities.
I need to write a coping list for me for depression, a coping list for hypomania, and a coping list for mixed.I think you mentioned the other day that you might be hypom or mixed lately, so I guess we’re in this together . I am lucky w my general health tho. We love you, you do seem to be doing better. You are definitely a fighter.

I thought of tattooing DID and Bipolar on my forehead....but just can’t.

Maybe just small lettering in or over each eyebrow?

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I thought of tattooing DID and Bipolar on my forehead....but just can’t.

LOL...though a lot of people would read it, conclude you are a danger to society and should be put on a government watchlist. That is what a person in my community posted on Nextdoor regarding people with MI diagnoses when students were trying to have a school walk-out after that Florida school shooting last year. And I could not believe how many people posted that was exactly what we should do. He got over 100 thanks for that post.

The stigma & ignorance of having MI in this society is beyond comprehension.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by luvyrself

I so agree. My husband and son totally don’t get it and my brother has no patience for it. I can stay balanced for long stretches, but major stress kicks me into mixed states and rapid cycling. My aunt died recently and my mom is starting to experience Alz-at least she’s 95 and can afford the best care. But whew, I’m all over the place. I feel like putting an indicator on my forehead here at home, but he still wouldn’t know what to do. I would Have to write a handbook which isn’t a bad idea. NAMI has family meetings in the larger cities.
I need to write a coping list for me for depression, a coping list for hypomania, and a coping list for mixed.I think you mentioned the other day that you might be hypom or mixed lately, so I guess we’re in this together . I am lucky w my general health tho. We love you, you do seem to be doing better. You are definitely a fighter.

I keep trying to remind myself I'm tough and a fighter. I have been through so much crap in my life. I came back from severe anorexia with little else than trazodone for sleep & tons of Paxil (the Paxil drug rep must have got to the pdoc, he gave me so many samples, it was as if I'd died and gone to Paxil heaven); I saw a free county pdoc that left much to be desired (I mean, if you can hide that you weigh as little as I did from a pdoc who doesn't bother weigh you, though even an average person on the street could look at you and guess you had either an eating disorder or cancer, you can bet you are not seeing the greatest pdoc in the world). It still baffles me how that pdoc could treat me and not tell ASAP this was a likely ED case sitting before him, he didn't even need to weigh me to know he should have gotten me to the hospital STAT but yeah, it happened. It is still the toughest thing I have ever done in my life. So, yeah. I have to keep on fighting, even if it's tough and it sucks. I was so much worse off weight-wise then, and God let me find the strength somewhere to claw myself back up. Now I've got to catch myself before I fall anywhere near that, climb up, use everything I've got to get myself back to a healthier weight, with a much worse case of BP than I had back then, thanks to Paxil-fiend doc diagnosing me with major depression and no pdoc ever rediagnoising me for over 10 years, so I had a nice run on tons of SSRIs, panic disorder gets to hop on the bus too, but I'll keep on fighting.

[Victoria'smom]

My husband gets BP but only his symptoms. He has gotten use to the logic leaps I can take. He likes me (hypo)manic. He can even deal with the psychosis but me depressed baffles him. He tries to remind me how good we have it, hugs me and sometimes cries for me. I lay in bed completely non responsive at times. He doesn't deal with "ana" well at all. He views it as me literally cheating on him when I'm not actively fighting my ED.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

My husband gets BP but only his symptoms. He has gotten use to the logic leaps I can take. He likes me (hypo)manic. He can even deal with the psychosis but me depressed baffles him. He tries to remind me how good we have it, hugs me and sometimes cries for me. I lay in bed completely non responsive at times. He doesn't deal with "ana" well at all. He views it as me literally cheating on him when I'm not actively fighting my ED.

I also think my husband likes me best when I am hypomanic. But I really don't know where the line between hypomanic and normal start for me. Maybe lack of sleep on meds? But I've had a hard time sleeping my whole life.

As for "ana" he tends to pretend not to see it since mine is different in that I eat normally; it is just normal eating does not cover all the calories I burn through exercise. Though this time it's a little weird. I wanted to be able to keep my weight at a certain number and not go lower. Now I've passed the number and want to gain but feel like I might gain weight too fast, surpass where I want to stop and become fat. In the past, I'd reach the goal and always set another lower goal. I don't know why this time is different. I think a dieticians/nutritionists may be covered by my insurance plan. Since I run out my deductible, it would be free to find a dietician though I'd need one who specializes in eating disorders, not things like weight loss, or controlling your diet for diabetes or another illness. If the insurance covers it, I will put in a call.

[Faltering]

My boyfriend of four years thinks bipolar is basically a personality flaw. I believe my mental illness is the reason he doesn't want to get married. Now I feel I'll never find someone who understands.

[*Laurie*]

I totally hear you. My husband (although he has severe OCD himself) will not (notice I didn't say cannot) understand that mental illness is not a choice. It's not about if people ask God enough times and with enough faith, the mental illness will go away.

I have stopped discussing my medication treatment with my husband. I am absolutely fed up with hearing his, "So...do you think you'll ever be able to stop taking medication...." - especially when he desperately needs to be on meds himself!

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I totally hear you. My husband (although he has severe OCD himself) will not (notice I didn't say cannot) understand that mental illness is not a choice. It's not about if people ask God enough times and with enough faith, the mental illness will go away.

I have stopped discussing my medication treatment with my husband. I am absolutely fed up with hearing his, "So...do you think you'll ever be able to stop taking medication...." - especially when he desperately needs to be on meds himself!

I so understand. Except it's with my parents. Dad has disorganized speech, acts out in sleep, hears voices while asleep and so on. Mom... better not talk about her, made me disabled and now tells me it's my fault I am disabled andI should exercise for two hours and follow her order to be a top-ranking police official (which, by the way, is harder than cracking the MCAT, as you've to give a very tough exam, then go through physical interview, then training and then 7 days a week, all weeks a month job) and I am a foolish person for trying to pursue my passion in science, as nobody fears scientists and doctors. Also, the purpose of life is to have a job. ALSO, living normally makes you a weak person incapable of holding a job.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I totally hear you. My husband (although he has severe OCD himself) will not (notice I didn't say cannot) understand that mental illness is not a choice. It's not about if people ask God enough times and with enough faith, the mental illness will go away.

I have stopped discussing my medication treatment with my husband. I am absolutely fed up with hearing his, "So...do you think you'll ever be able to stop taking medication...." - especially when he desperately needs to be on meds himself!

My husband is the same way. He just wants me off all medication and will tell me he thinks that's my problem. He's never seen me off all medication much except when pregnant, and then there are hormones galore, at least there was for me. An easy pregnancy physically but not at all mentally.

[venusss]

Put limit on your card. Seriously. And learn to be disgusted by world of consume. It works.


Although I sometimes end up without pair of shoes, because I always postpone buying shoes. Usually my attempts to buy shoes end up in ranting "I WANT SHOES THAT ARE PRETTY AND GO WITH SKIRTS BUT YOU CAN GO ON LONG PROTEST MARCHES UPHILL IN THEM." Nobody understands that either.

[Fuzzybear]