Bipolar Questions Version 4

I deeply miss my mother and youngest nephew, both of whom my family lost prematurely. I've reached acceptance of these losses, but it still makes me sad. It took years for me to even be able to look at my mother's picture and smile and remember good times. In the beginning, I could only feel pain. I think about both these loved ones every day and that helps. I also miss my paternal grandfather a lot, even though we lost him over 38 years ago. He was very special to me. He was the first loved one I ever lost in my life. That marked a slight end to my childhood idealism.

Are your depressions and/hypo(manic) episodes shorter than before bipolar meds?

Nothing seems to have changed in the six years since diagnosis on the most part although in the last two months my hypomania is lasting longer and depression shorter. That has to be good. However, the latest hypomania has gone on three weeks and almost hit mania. I am really not sure where I am at on the scale right now.

Do you ever get extremely obsessive when hypo/manic?

yes.

the budgie phase.... I think that's all that needs to be said on that one.

how long was your last stay in hospital

I don't really remember, I think it was a little over a week.

How old were you when you realized something was wrong, or someone else realized it for you?

14 years old, but I had my first very severe episode at about 15/16. At 14, I was put on an anti anxiety medication by my GP. At 15/16 my school ordered my parents to send me for therapy. I almost flunked a grade and had a somewhat traumatic thing happen at school because of my mental illness. For a brief period, I thought I had schizophrenia. I also developed an obsession with Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. In the end, my guidance counselor urged my mother to send me to a private school. She did. During that time, I also became hyper-religious and joined the Catholic church (RCIA, baptism, confirmation, even gave a disinhibited speech to the huge congregation - Ugh!!!!!) My parents weren't religious and were non participating First Baptists. I didn't realize the hyper-religious period was mood related until years later. I didn't receive any official diagnosis that I know of at that time. It was back in the mid 1980s.

What finally pushed you to a psychiatrist?

What gives you hope?

I guess just that everything has a beginning, and everything has an end

I was once told:

if it's not okay, it's not the end. I've held on to that because I think their's a lot of truth in that and things will get better, it's just not knowing when.

people on this forum sharing their experiences/ other people (celebrities for example) coming out about their experiences

new research/ meds etc constantly being tested/ tried out. who knows what the future holds for anyone.

are you a coffee or a tea person

Coffee, hands down.

In retrospect, what has been worse for you: manic episodes or depressive ones?

Manic episodes have by far caused the most damage in my life.

What is your longest manic episode?

I don't really know as manic quickly becomes mixed for me.

Have you or do you have your dream job?

I work in the same field as my dream job, but I don’t have the education to get it yet.

What is/are your goals?

Try to be reasonably content most of the time, enjoy simple pleasures and humorous things a lot, have a real blast on occasion, and when met with challenges and sadness/grief find support, strength, determination, and patience to get past them and/or cope. I'll go wherever all of this leads me.

Have any of your priorities changed over the last 5 to 10 years?

They've become more health oriented, both physical and mental. I can't achieve much else if my health isn't sorted.

What is your favorite comfort food?

it keeps changing

right now, it's kit-cats (the best type of chocolate), but cookies work too- chocolate chip especially (and gummy bears)

do you often find yourself getting in to debates or arguments?. if so what topics usually start it off

Not arguments, but I enjoy debating politics and social issues.

Did you make any New Years Resolutions? Did you stick to them?

I did not make any official resolutions. Well....I did tell myself I would stop taking my iPad to bed - and that lasted a week. In my defense, I trust the alarm on my iPad more than my phone or alarm clock, so I feel compelled to have it nearby.

Q:
If you are trapped in by the weather today, how are you spending your time?

If you aren’t trapped in, have you ever had severe weather that made it so you couldn’t leave the house?

I'm not trapped in today. It's cold outside, but sunny. If I bundled up I could definitely be doing some things outdoors and around town. I'm not, though. Bad me. The trap is more my lack of motivation and reluctance to spend any money, which going out sometimes makes me do.

Yes, to your second question. My state gets some severe weather on occasion, including "Nor-Easters". We have had to deal with hurricanes during which roads were closed and power lines were down and branches and trees might be falling. I guess one could go outside, but it would be possibly dangerous or uncomfortable. Ditto for severe snow storms.

Q: What is a positive characteristic you have that is all you, and has nothing to do with bipolar disorder hypomania or mania? Have you ever temporarily lost that characteristic when very ill?

I'll give you two: intelligence and determination. And yes, I have "lost" determination at least when I am very ill.

Same question: What is a positive characteristic you have that is all you, and has nothing to do with bipolar disorder hypomania or mania?

I am compassionate and empathetic.

What do you like most about yourself?

I am mostly laid back and just go with what ever's going on.

what's your star sign and do you read the horoscopes?

I'm a Taurus, but I don't really believe in horoscopes, or the like.

When you were a young person, or if you still are, who was/is your dream person? For example, an artist or celebrity, or neighbor, or classmate, etc.

It changed a lot. Usually I respected people who were smart and did good in some way.

Do you have any strange fears?

No but once, during a severe episode, I thought if I saw a psychiatrist I would lose my salvation. It delayed my getting help. I thought it was either mental illness or spiritual warfare and couldn’t be both.

What is your dream job?

Monetizing phonemes.

Q: does the diagnosis matter to you? If you were being treated the same and had all symptoms controlled, would it matter to you if it were called bipolar vs. MDD vs. personality disorder vs. PTSD vs. anxiety vs. etc?

I think some of the personality disorders carry a stigma so I’d rather not be diagnosed with one of them. But BP or MDD doesn’t matter if the treatment is working.

What would your dream vacation be?