[MJLouise]

I've had trouble getting out of bed for months. I kept hoping i'd pull out of this depressive episode on my own I was totally off meds convinced the psychiatrict hospital and then three separate psychiatrists I saw from 2002-2010 were all wrong. I forgot i told myself I would never be one of those bipolar people who go off their meds because they think their fine and don't need them. I've spent years since convinced something else was wrong with me. Now i cant believe I went off med's. I had my psychiatry apt yesterday a and we talked about option we could take right now to get me through the next week she doesn't want to start lithium till shes sure i'm not having seizures. But I feel like I'm treading water and exhausted and about to go under.

She said most people would be in a hospital during an episode like this and told me i should just tell my kids in a mild way whats going on so they know im a form of sick because they keep asking to have friends over and do all these thing but I can't get out of bed. My husband has basically taken over housework after his regular work and he's tired too. The psych said my insurance will pay for an aid to come help in my home during the day but im too embarrassed. She said i should tell my mother in law whos coming over christmas because them she'll have more of an "I'm here to help" attitude than a " Take care of me as a guest " attitude.

1. I'm embarrassed my kids might bring it up at school or to their friends
2. I don't want to worry them. I feel like telling them I need a break and am not feeling great should be enough.
3. If I was dying from cancer and in chemo or needed a heart transplant I'd still feel odd having an aid in my home helping but I would def feel awful and shamed and embarrassed sleeping and having an aid help with stuff all day because of depression. I know it would help relieve my husband but I cant bring myself to do that.
4. Im good at pretending im okay for about 20 min then crashing and not being functional the rest of the day. This has gotten me by okay so far this school year.
5. My mother in law is a great loving person but she's a southerner who gossips about all the other family members- kind and polite with a big mouth.

When my kids were little and i was on med's and stable i had bipolar held against me and had friends walk slowly and politely away.
I think this still hurts me.

I have a friend who's bipolar who started medicine 2 years ago and i wanted to be open and talk to her but at the time I was still convinced i was fine and had narcolepsy or a connective tissue disorder or cancer and didn't want to bring up the bipolar disorder diagnosis in my past because why tell her when I was okay and didn't "REALLY" have it<---or so i felt at the time. Now I feel like if I tell her she going to be hurt I let her go through her diagnosis and getting on med's this whole time without t rusting her with my own delicate info. She's like a sister to me.

Good news is my psych yesterday started me immediately on buproprion she said it wont interfere with the EEG and she doesn't think it will make me manic. It is already kicking in- not sure why its working so fast maybe its a placebo effect of having a light at the end of a tunnel but I don't feel strong enough to swim out of the riptide Im just barely holding my head above the water 50 ft from shore but I'm thinking a little more clearly and my focus is better.

I was surprised she allowed this my old psych insisted i be on a mood stabilizer before any antidepressant. Is wellbutrin- buprobrion different in this regard?

-Louise

[Wild Coyote]

It's too easy to stay in denial sometimes. Now that you are ready for meds, I truly hope they work well for you.

I am glad to read your pdoc is being careful about prescribing.
Many people here take Wellbutrin.
Is your diagnosis BPI or BP II ?

I live with BPII and have often used Wellbutrin (bupropion) w/o a mood stabilizer. However, my new pdoc is into mood stabilizers and put me back on one because I was having a mixed episode w/agitation.

Your concerns about sharing your diagnosis are certainly very valid.
I would have (do have) very similar concerns.

As for having someone come in and help, I have the same feelings. I do have a house cleaner who comes in to do the heavier cleaning, once every 5 weeks or so. Yes, I feel very guilty when she is here cleaning. Yet, I love the job she does and its such a relief!

If you are not ready to share your diagnosis, why not tell your family you are ill and it's not sorted out as to your diagnosis? Many different conditions have severe fatigue as a symptom. This way, you do not have to share your official diagnosis until you are ready to do so.

I am glad you are here at PC.
We will do our best to show support.

I hope you feel better soon.


WC

[MJLouise]

Yeah hiring a cleaner may be a little easier for me to accept vs an aid through my insurance. maybe thats something that would be worth the extra cash for us. It would be awkward but not as much as a home health aid.

Thanks for ideas and kind words. I think it would def be easier to just sick but found a medication that works and I should be doing better after a while. I just know thats going to also cause a lot of speculation. Maybe I'll dip my toes in and see how starting up the conversation goes.

[MJLouise]

My diagnosis is Bipolar type II with mostly severe depression and sometimes hypomanic episodes

I think before this severe depression right now thats ive been in since january- i was going from half the year as hypo manic to half the year mildly depressed and living like that for years unmedicated.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by MJLouise

My diagnosis is Bipolar type II with mostly severe depression and sometimes hypomanic episodes

I think before this severe depression right now thats ive been in since january- i was going from half the year as hypo manic to half the year mildly depressed and living like that for years unmedicated.

I live with BPII with mostly severe depression, too. I experience very little hypomania... unless it's agitation.

My depressions are long, too.

I hope the Wellbutrin helps! I have found it helpful in the past.

Keep us posted on how you are doing?


WC

Hi MJLouise. I understand all of your concerns. I've also been there where I was in bed all day long depressed. Actually, I still spend a bit too much time in bed since it's my comfort nook.

I don't have any children, but I think that they would likely not talk about it much, if at all, at school if you told them not to. I think some kids can be private about such things.

I hope your medications will help you out of your depression. I have read that Wellbutrin tends to be less apt to cause switches to hypomania/mania than other categories of antidepressants. I hope it helps you and lives up to that reputation.

Years before the worst of my bipolar disorder struck, I had been working full-time. We decided to hire a housekeeper to come twice per month to do the heavier cleaning. That spared us hours each weekend. We were slow cleaners. She is fast and thorough. When I became ill my husband kept her because I struggled to do anything. It was good to have that service, and to spare my husband. In recent years, we can barely afford her services but we retain them anyway. Such cleaning is still often intimidating for me. Again, a clean house is good for my mental well-being. Hubby and I do keep the house reasonable in between, but that's plenty to do. I'm not always clearly sick looking anymore, but I don't worry what she thinks. Maybe she thinks I work from home. If not, it's not really her concern. She's nice and she's happy for the work.

[MJLouise]

Yeah I think a house cleaner would ease the burden on my husband right now too maybe even more than having it for me it would help him. Thanks its good to hear others who have gone through this. I'll update on my meds, today is day 2 of wellbutrin and i woke up really nauseous but my head is a bit more clear and a few crackers later its a side effect i can handle which is great- im thinking this and lithium will pull me out of it I just wish I could get it all to work faster. its hard waiting for meds to kick in =(

[Wild Coyote]

I would feel a bit hopeless w/o my house cleaning lady to help out.
It may very well be a stress-buster for both you and your husband.

It sounds like maybe Wellbutrin is working for you, so far.
You may not always experience nausea w/ Wellbutrin. If you do, maybe taking it with food will be helpful?

I hope you feel better soon!


WC

[Pookyl]

Something we are considering is a home food delivery service. My cooking has gone to pot since my diagnosis.
There is also a free non specific service that I can access but haven’t yet because “it’s been created by the government for people who are severely mentally ill just like you”.
Even though I know I’m unwell I’m still in denial often especially mid episode. My response to the above well meaning dr was “pfft. I’m not severely unwell”.
I hope you feel better soon.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Something we are considering is a home food delivery service. My cooking has gone to pot since my diagnosis.
There is also a free non specific service that I can access but haven’t yet because “it’s been created by the government for people who are severely mentally ill just like you”.
Even though I know I’m unwell I’m still in denial often especially mid episode. My response to the above well meaning dr was “pfft. I’m not severely unwell”.
I hope you feel better soon.

I hope you don't mind my sharing a recent post I have written Re: Getting meals and Crock Pot recipes?

"Many of us have varied degrees of difficulty getting meals.

I have found it much easier to use my Crock Pot. I add ingredients in the morning and enjoy a hot meal at dinner time. This is especially appealing for hot meals in cooler weather.

I have started a thread under "Recipes and Healthy Living" in which we can share our favorite Crock Pot recipes. We can either type out the recipes and/or share links.

I hope you will participate.


WC "

If this interests you, the "Recipes and Healthy Living" category is under "Distractions."


WC

[MJLouise]

oh great idea WC !!!!