Title says it all. Today I am free! Yesterday saw (ex)BF off. Cleaned the unit and got the very last things. I am now 100% in my new place (and just finished "nesting" the final items) and CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!!!!! All the time! (Except work time of course... ) Wow.

I celebrated last night (shower, bowl, watched Trilogy [The Cure concert dvd] just luxuriating and reveling in Robert Smith's genius. Blissed out.) It was exactly what I wanted to do. 100%. And my room is decorated 100% me. Trust me, that's a pretty big shift. I love it so much.

Had a T appt today with someone new. I couldn't stop smiling (but not in a hypo way) telling about it. She said she was so proud of me. So am I(!) (That's normally very hard to say.) We also talked about self-care going forward.

I've always thought the expression, "this is the first day of the rest of your life" was pretty hokey. Today it really meant something and nearly brought me to tears.

Just wanted to put this out there for anyone who has followed my saga.

I haven't been this happy in a very long time.

[~Christina]

I am over the moon happy for you !!!

You can now live a much better fulfilling life on your terms !!

You deserve it all !!!!

Yes be proud , very proud of yourself !

* doing black flips of joy for you *

[Wild Coyote]

Fantastic!
I am doing my happy dance for you!

You are a very wise and courageous person!

You deserve a lot of credit AND you deserve a happy life!

With Admiration,

Wc

[hopeless2015]

I'm so happy for you innerzone..be proud

[Faltering]

You deserve that happiness. You have been so strong and brave throughout.

[bizi]

yay!!!!!
So happy for you.
This work is so hard, you are worthy of this effort!
bizi

Yay innerzone, you deserve to be happy

Thanks everyone.
Haha, I celebrated the same way last night. (Guess I've been wanting to do that for awhile(!))

I'm getting waves of emotion and tearing up sometimes. Not in a sad way, but in an emotional overload way. In fact, I never cried a single sad tear throughout. Felt some sadness, you know, over time lost, the final acceptance that it was never going to be like it was at the beginning (getting love-bombed, which I didn't know of at the time), the impending loss of my hanging out watching and commenting on dvds partner, things like that.

Now I need to start writing down some self-care strategies. Thinking of things I haven't done in forever, have wanted to do, but haven't... Like I've been thinking of going to some MeetUp, but no idea which one(s). I hoped one would be a match musical taste-wise, but no such luck. Maybe some art?

It's almost like I need to recall what my interests even are(!) Well, not exactly -- I *did* maintain some, but not to the extent I should have. Everything got eclipsed. It feels like I have so much more TIME now(!) There were spells (like his sleeping for days) where I had a lot of time, but it was different. There was an emotional cloud hanging over it. No cloud now.

[clydeblack]

Congrats!!! That's a huge step and you will make so many more!

[Sunflower123]

So happy for you!! You deserve it!!

[Blueberrybook]

Congratulations! You definitely did the right thing for yourself.

You DESERVE to celebrate!

[BipolaRNurse]

Awww, I'm so happy for you!!! You deserve good things in your life and this has been a long time coming. Enjoy your newfound happiness!!

glad you're happy. that's great!

(((hugs))))

[bizi]

how is it going?
(((HUGS))))
bizi

[Wild Coyote]

I have also been wondering how you are doing, Innerzone?
I hope you have been doing well and are having some fun!

WC

I'm doing great! I even joined 2 meet up groups, though I haven't attended yet. It feels like I have more time in a day. Last night I was drawing, which I haven't done in a very long time. It's said to be good to start doing things that fell away, and I agree. Not *just* watching dvds every night. I'm going to another concert in a week and a half, and really looking forward to that. Oh! I also feel like my finances are more in control. That really struck me -- it's 100% up to me where it goes! (Imagine that! My money is really mine!)

I just feel so much lighter. No more wondering what the next drama will he, no more coercion, no more feeling like a doormat. Boundaries were SO hard! It seemed any way I'd want to enforce something, it'd have a bad repercussion for me. Drove me up a wall. I read a book about self-care in this context (coming out of abusive situation). I'm also making a list of all the things that were bad so I don't forget. Never forget. Sweet talk won't cut it. (He somehow holds out hope that this is temporary. (!))

So yeah, good.

[Wild Coyote]

Wonderful!


WC

[bizi]

Thanks for the update. You sound good.
bizi

[Sunflower123]

I’m so glad things are working out for you.

[~Christina]

IZ !!!

I am so flipping happy to read this and knowing your world is opening up to you again and you will continue to flourish and grow and be damn happy to boot!!!

I bet you are an inspiration for others that are in a situation like you were in , showing how a person can change there situation.

Woot woot

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I bet you are an inspiration for others that are in a situation like you were in , showing how a person can change there situation.

Thanks, I really, really hope so. I would not have believed this was even possible, let alone awesome for years. I know how hard it can be, especially when one has those glimmers of the past -- like, oh, it will be good now, or it will get better. It doesn't. I say that with 9 years of wishing and wanting to believe that(!)

I had a LONG time of knowing it wasn't good for me, that it was emotional abuse (with narcissism to boot), but not knowing how to get off the train. Because despite it all, I still loved him. Or at least cared a great deal. I also hesitated because I really don't have any friends, so support was pretty much just my T (and I'd say here, but I was so ashamed I couldn't talk about it).

To anyone who is in a similar situation -- let me assure you-- it is SOOOO much better out!!!!!