[diamondprincess]

If you already have kids, would you go back in time and not have any if you were diagnosed with bipolar earlier? And if you don't have kids, do you still want them despite having bipolar?

[Travelinglady]

I have two wonderful grown children and would not want to lose them for anything. Would I have had them had I known I was bipolar? It's hard to say. I think it would depend on how my husband felt about it. By the way, he's bipolar also. So far our children show no symptoms. And if they do, then it can be treated.

I'm middle-aged now. I never had children, despite 22+ years of marriage, and will not be having them.

I don't know if I would have even had children if I hadn't been hospitalized multiple times and then disabled. I have a feeling that a significant part of that was because I never really had a particularly strong urge to have any. Neither did my husband. It's hard to say if that might have changed with time if I hadn't become very ill. I'll never know. I do not consider my childlessness a regret.

I'm sure that despite above, if I had had children when I was in my 20s, I'd surely never have regretted them. I mean, you love your child immediately. I can't imagine not loving your child. Even when things get severely tough, a parent has that love (hopefully) and the child has their life. I'm happy my parents had me. I have appreciated so many things in life despite my hardships.

I would never discourage anyone from having children unless they were prone to abusing them. I think a potential parent does have to weigh some factors into such a decision, but capacity to love is the most important thing.

[mogwai]

I want to foster/adopt kids. If I were capable of having biological children, I still would despite the risks because I know I could raise them in a supportive loving environment. Everyone passes on all sorts of predispositions for different things. I think the quality of the parenting is the most important thing.

[~Christina]

I have a 26 year old daughter. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 43

So I can’t imagine life with out her.

My daughter also Bipolar she has decided to not have any kids.

[Nammu]

I wasn't diganoised till after I had my daughter. I would not go back and change that. My daughter is also bipolar and has had two kids and she would not change that either.

[Victoria'smom]

I have one son, he was planned. He has “issues”. I did not bond to him early. I went through his infancy being the best damn “babysitter” ever. I was excellent to him no one knew. Well my husband did. It was pure hell. I was afraid to tell anyone. So I was really really sick with psychosis and depression. When he was 8 months old I almost just picked up and left and was manic for a while blaming his father/my husband for everything. My eating disorder got worse and worse. I tried to get help (my world was falling apart) and no one would help, my bmi wasn’t low enough. My husband’s family eventually moved in so I wasn’t ever alone with my son. Before that my husband wouldn’t even let me watch my son to run to the store. As time went on my son and I grew close. He was about 5 when my husband started to let me stay alone with him. He was about 4 when I got help, spoiler alert it made me mixed as hell. I was better without medication.

Two- three years later I got real help, in fear that my husband’s therapist would hospitalize me. In my mind if I had a therapist she couldn’t hospitalize me.

All that said I wouldn’t change him for the world. I would have fought for help when I was younger. You’re way ahead of me. You have help through a pregnancy and birth. It’s been a rough road but we are super happy. If I knew before he would have issues and how hard it would be, on everyone I would have still had him.

[Pookyl]

I have a 22 & a 21 year old. I was diagnosed at 43yrs of age. If I’d known in my early 20’s that I would have Bipolar one day, I would’ve never had children.
That being said, given that I don’t live in a hypothetical world, it is what it is.
I love my children. I wouldn’t change anything although I do feel some guilt at some of the mental fragilities they’ve inherited.

[yellow_fleurs]

No kids, and probably will not have any. I love them, it just doesn't fit in with my plans, although I might change my mind and adopt in the future when older. I also see myself fostering. I love being an aunt to my niece/nephews, and an honorary aunt to all of my friends' kids. Also, I have been dealing with physical/mental health issues since I was a teenager, and do not feel that has been under control well enough for me to feel comfortable with adding a child to my life.

[Wild Coyote]

My H and I both live with BPII. We'd always preferred to adopt and/or to have foster children. We had a girl for 10 years as a "foster." She was very traumatized and more, so we'd had our hands full.

She has been reunited with her family of origin, which was one of her major goals. We have supported this goal and even had her biological mother over to our home repeatedly to help facilitate a reunion with her family.

She'd tried our patience and gave us a few near heart attacks! lol! We'd loved her just as she was!

I would not have my own children. I have several difficult medical conditions and would not want a child to suffer, too.

Best wises with children!


WC

[pirilin]

Wife#1 had two. Wife#2 had 1. I'm sure I have fathered a few more. At least 2.

She had her daughter at age 19. I was 20.
She was born on Oct 20 1971. The most important holiday for me.
Not bipolar. A fighter.
I married thanks to a cretin catholic priest, that insisted that kids solidify the marriage. BS.

The son came a few years down the line. June 26 19..... She wanted a boy.
She got a genius. Over 180IQ. Dr in math and physics. Math Professor of an IVY league University.
I think he's gay.
He dared to use the F word with me. Something very common amonst his peers.
I couldn't catch up with him. He's also fast. I wanted to split his nose.
We haven't spoke in years. A shame he wears my two names.
No bipolarism to talk about here either.

Second wife had a boy at age 17 with her 1st husband.
Wanted the girl. Waited 10 years for me to impregnate her.
I new the result. A dislexic, not too smart, extremely good looking boy.
My genes compensated to a point. His mother was so beautiful she couldn't be smart.
He was raised by his mother. I left her when she was pregnant.
Even though I had ample visitation, and he costed me a fortune in schooling, toys and gifts.
I ran away with a married woman 10 years older. My actual and last, wife of 29 years.

There. 2 kids too many.
I'm still paying child support for the handsome one. A trick from his mother. I don't owe a penny.
I was paying her directly. More than the court determined. Big mistake. He's almost thirty.
Him and I fought about that, and of course he took his mother's side.
May The Superior Power concede him twice what he wishes for me.

If I could go back in time, I would have the girl only.
We have drifted apart since I ran after her brother.
But she can do no wrong. No matter what.
I love her almost as much as I love myself.

Cheers.

[Row Jimmy]

I already have enough, thanks very much. My wife and I were just talking tonight about being able to afford college. My oldest will be going soon.......and then there are more.

[TheSeaCat]

No, not at all. I don't have an issue with children per say. I love my cousins dearly and I am usually the one who takes them to do fun things. I guess I'd rather be the fun 'Aunt' than a mother. I also wouldn't want to pass my illness to them. The boyfriend has really bad asthma and neither one of us wanted children. I know I'm in my mid twenties and everyone I meet likes to remind me I'm young, but I knew in my heart from an early age that I just do not want children. I've been judged by several people for not wanting children.

I got enough issues without worrying about a baby; kudos to those of you with children. You guys rock!

[Shadesofdark]

I was diagnosed before we had kids, and no I would not go back and change things. Having my 28yr old son and 24 year old daughter was the best thing that ever happened to me. I would do anything for them. They are my reason for living. Being a parent has been the hardest but most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. I would never do it over.

I don't want kids.

I can barely look after myself... it would be so unfair to put my kids through it- they'd deserve better treatment.

plus apart from when they are newborn (holding a newborn in your arms is so sweet), kids are a handful

[BipolaRNurse]

I have four beautiful grown children whom I never would have had if I'd known I had bipolar disorder back in the day. I'm so thankful I didn't, because these kids are the best thing (besides my late husband) that ever happened to me. Each of them is precious and unique in his or her own right, and they're my favorite people on earth. Thank God I didn't know I was sick; I'd have missed out on life's greatest adventure. I don't judge anyone at all for not wanting children...but I'm oh, so glad I had mine.

I'll add that I am really freaked out by changing a diaper

I know it seems stupid, because that's what all babies do- it's their natural thing, but I just...... yuck.

[Sunflower123]

I have a 19 year old daughter and being a mother has brought such a richness and depth to my life. I can not imagine life withou her. I was diagnosed shortly after she was born. I decided not to have a second child in part due to my diagnosis. Would I have had her had I known...it’s hard to say. I’m so glad I did though. She does not show any signs of the illness.

[Polibeth]

I already had two kids before my diagnosis and of course I love them so there's that.

However, they each have their issues (probable bipolar in daughter, autism in son) and I'd love to spare them that but alas, they have to deal.

Daughter is doing great - son is a work in progress

[Row Jimmy]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I'll add that I am really freaked out by changing a diaper

I know it seems stupid, because that's what all babies do- it's their natural thing, but I just...... yuck.

Changing the diapers isn't the challenge, it's paying for them that's traumatic

[scatterbrained04]

I have a 13yo son. I had him before I was diagnosed. He has ADHD and some other issues. Too young to know if he'll have BP. I wouldn't trade him for the world though. I guess on one hand, had I known the risk, I may not have had kids. BUT I'm very glad I did because I couldn't imagine a world without my son. There are so many joys of parenting.

[raspberrytorte]

My daughter was a surprise. We hadn't planned on having children. I love my daughter but find being a parent stressful and hard, even if she's a great kid and well behaved. I don't feel like I was cut out to be a mom. All of the stress of parenting just makes my MI worse.

[Scooter9]

I have kids - aged 26 and 21. I got diagnosed after we had them.

Knowing that I have bipolar before I had my kids wouldn't have changed anything - I still would have started a family. Genetics are strange, you're not guaranteed to inherit a particular trait, plus you have your partner's genetics in play too.

Being a parent is fulfilling, hard, fun, sad, funny, and life-changing.

I don't have bipolar but I do have BPD.. I have four kids (all grown up now) I wouldn't change having them at all, In fact I just couldn't imagine my life without them.

1 of them has ASD and selective mutism, also my other daughter has ASD. It has been a struggle but they all mean the world to me.

I was diagnosed with BPD 10 years after my youngest was born.

[Blueberrybook]

We planned to have my daughter around the time I was 27. The BP had hit, but I hadn't yet realized it was BP, just thought it was major depression with some wild shopping sprees, crazy sex (but it was with my husband and we were newlyweds).

I actually didn't want kids to start. Even in high school and stuff. But then that biological clock started ticking...I tapered off the meds with the doctor's help; well, other than birth control pills, you don't really need a taper on those. My cycles evened out (and I also realized the pill made my mood at least 10 times worse than without it (so I never went back on it). I did about a 6 month detox with a pdoc's help, namely, first getting me off the meds he & the OB felt were most dangerous for a fetus. I got pregnant the 2nd month trying, the first month with good timing though.

It was not easy. By the end, I was taking all sorts of herbal stuff, mostly for sleep. It's already hard to sleep 8 months pregnant, let alone when you have sleep issues. I was on Zoloft and Xanax from the OB by the end of the pregnancy, and he told me to get myself set up with a pdoc I could see by the time I was 6 weeks postpartum (all that before the baby even came). In retrospect, that was good advice, I wasn't on a huge waiting list, and I found a wonderful pdoc.

Even though my daughter is not (and never has been), easy to parent, I don't regret it. H & I planned it. She's so smart, and for all the trouble and anxiety she brings, she also brings joy, innocence, energy. It is amazing the things she can accomplish. She does have a lot of challenging sensory issues (I believe these may be inherited from me through my father, who if he isn't on the autism spectrum, I'd keel over in shock). Some of these issues she has overcome and others not, but we are lucky it is sensory processing disorder. She makes friends, plays with kids her age (though that took nearly the entire year of kindergarten to happen).

And though I do get disrespect and attitude what with puberty, there are also times when she is empathic, comforting, understanding, funny, well-behaved.

I wouldn't change it. We did try for a sibling and ended up with secondary infertility. It happens. Nothing wrong with either of us, no reason we couldn't have another child. But now I think God knew what He was doing when he gave us only one. He knew the one was all we could handle!

I do worry about my daughter inheriting BP or mental illness. My mom's side of the family it riddled with it. Some of my biggest triggers though are things my daughter has not and hopefully with not have to experience. My husband is a wonderful father to her; she will never doubt that what she doing is not good enough for him, the way I still doubt it with my own dad. She does have a bit of a quirky personality, but I am sure this is from H and hopes that means she did not inherit all my mental health tendencies.

As I said, my mom's family it full of MI issues. My mom herself probably has depression, anxiety and an eating disorder (binge eating). She gave birth to 3 girls, me, my middle, sister, and my youngest sister. I was the only one to end up with MI issues even though I know my middle sister took a look of verbal abuse from her first serious boyfriend in high school and college & that she had some other traumas as well. Both my sisters grew up with the same angry, disapproving Asperger's type father, though my middle sister let it roll off her back and he had improved somewhat be the time my parents were raising my youngest sister. So even his sucky fathering didn't affect us the same.

Don't know if I just got the wong genes, all the wrong life experiences, or what. I am often jealous my sisters do not have to deal with this.