[SorryShaped]

I'm losing the battle to be happy. I rejected someone's invitation to a party. I exposed myself as uncaring when I can't get the ability to care right now. They don't understand, and I don't either. They took it as I disliked them when in truth and in better mood states, I love them. I don't have the energy to fight about it. This time of year is getting worse and I'm irritated by everything it seems. I can't find peace or comfort and I don't think I deserve either. I ponder on my death as the best release and I know that's bad thinking but it seems like the only way to feel better. I'm likely turning off my phone for a few days because I'm tired of people in general, and myself majorly. Goodbye to those that I've connected with and I don't recommend you try to find me. I'm going to hibernate, I think. I'm broken and not worth fixing

[Sunflower123]

Are you safe? I’m sorry you are struggling. I’ve been struggling with seasonal changes as well. My pdoc put me on an added AD. Could your pdoc provide you with some relief? Thinking of you.
(((( Hugs ))))

[annielovesbacon]

I feel like I'm losing a battle, too. Hugs to you.

[Fairy102]

So much of what you said is ringing true for me right now. I’ve also stopped messaging others and facebooking. I went from happy and social to sad and lonely. This disease is so alienating.
I hope your hibernation goes safely and you come out feeling strong again. As the depression is temporary but when your in it oh gosh I know how it feels like maybe it never will pass. But if there’s one garentee with bipolar its that each emotion is temporary.

[SorryShaped]

I got off my a55 and did something I said I'd do for my son today. I'm home now and I'm going to curl up in bed and be nothing for the night. There's something I wanted to do, but I'm not energetic enough for it.

[Blueberrybook]

(((Hugs))))

I hate this time of year, especially moving into Thanksgiving then it's like non-stop Christmas music playing everywhere you go...and OMG, I think because of that, I actually HATE Christmas music. Then it's holiday party here, family Christmas there, so-and-so has annual large fight with such-and-such (in my case, my mom's 2 sisters, my aunts). One of those aunts is married to a man who is also prone to causing drama if something should displease him. My daughter's birthday is then, ironically, on the same day as my messed-up father's birthday. So she gets a family party with my sisters, her cousins, my parents, aunts, grandmother, then a party with some friends from school, and usually, we celebrate just the 3 of us on her actual birthday. I'd rather just have the actual birthday small family celebration. And it's all so expensive and fake happiness too, people posting holiday stuff nonstop on Facebook, as if they really are happy. Maybe they are. Who knows?

I definitely am not.