[Blueberrybook]

I hate the time from now until around the end of January. I hate the holidays. I don't hate my family, for the most part, though I have an aunt & uncle I don't care for much and my father is just beyond messed up (I think he has Aspergers but it goes even beyond that, maybe is combined with ADHD, and delusions of himself somehow knowing the divine truth behind everything and also a Bible thumper ). I am Christian and believe in God, but I don't need a Bible thumper telling me my MI problems are due from not believing in God enough or that H's work problems are due to us not going to church often enough.

So we have Thanksgiving. A school birthday for my daughter. Her birthday is Dec. 14, ironically the same day as my father's birthday, a celebration the 3 of us at home for her birthday, a family Christmas & birthday with all the relatives, extended relatives, generally the annual fight between 2 of my aunts (my mom's older & younger sisters), sometimes drama caused by the oldest aunt's husband too, should something not be to his liking. All of which causes my maternal grandmother great upset. I mean, geez, at 85, just let her be happy, don't bring your drama out to upset her. My grandmother still lives on her own, has slowed a lot this last year, mind sharp as always, finally gave up driving (has glaucoma needing operation ASAP), but still keeps chickens, gardens a little. I hope to age half as well as she has. But she has had such a hard life; she deserves to enjoy this period of her life without being drawn into petty drama.

I HATE the constant Christmas music playing in the stores. They play it so much, I think I now officially hate all Christmas music. It's so expensive, gifts for everyone, even though we limit the Christmas gifts only to the kids 18 and under, that is still 5 nieces/nephews to buy for, plus birthday & Christmas for my daughter, and when finances are so tight, this is very stressful. All the gatherings stress me out. I hate Christmas parties. The end of December will be the 1 year anniversary of my mother-in-law's passing, hard on H, not helped that the funeral was so delayed (Jan. 8, MIL passed Dec. 28) because of the holidays.

New Year's doesn't get any better. Everyone is making a resolution to lose weight, and I have an ED, so I feel like I need to have a weight loss resolution as well and feel guilty that I do not. Everyone posts all their weight loss stats, exercise, diets, calories, ad nauseum all over Facebook. Weight loss ads dominate TV and the radio and are even more prominent in women's magazines. Thank God most of it ends by the end of February.

Oh, and I can't say I am exactly thrilled to be turning 41 in January either, then February brings up the anniversary of my ulcer perforation, which has to also be one of the most traumatic and painful times of my life.

I'm something of a Grinch.

I don't like the holidays either. I really don't care about receiving presents and hate buying them. Christmas stuff is already showing up in stores. I already saw a Christmas tree showing in someone's window. I don't mind decorations or Christmas music, but no more than a few days before Christmas to a couple days after New Year's.

Family stress has made my husband and I go to Florida for a number of years for Thanksgiving. Alone. Christmas Eve we spend alone and Christmas is with my siblings, nephew, dad, and his girlfriend. It's always uncomfortable.

I'm not particularly religious, but I'd like to recognize the religious aspects of Christmas to a degree. Thanksgiving should be a day of thanks. I'd feel better if we were welcoming new people to our country and not having them unfairly demonized.

[MsSchadenfreude]

I don't hate it, but there are definitely things that stress me out as I think about certain things coming around this time of year... there are moments I get sad thoughts, but I feel that most of the time, I can snuff those out now.

I love The Grinch cartoon, and Home Alone so I'm looking forward to letting myself have some evenings to watch classics and be the kid I am at heart. It's a Wonderful Life is one we will watch as well. Good underlying mental health message in that one actually.

On my side of the family, we are all giving money to the foodbanks, instead of giving gifts. We're going to focus on just enjoying good food & wine, and playing board games.

[MsSchadenfreude]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

I'm not particularly religious, but I'd like to recognize the religious aspects of Christmas to a degree. Thanksgiving should be a day of thanks. I'd feel better if we were welcoming new people to our country and not having them unfairly demonized.

Maybe this thread triggered my cynical side (Grinch!)....

I respect your feelings. Not sure if I'm in the minority based on what I see all over the news, but I pretty much never feel anything about all the people trying to come in to this country. I do feel for the American people in my community, and other towns across America, who are living in poverty. People trying to illegally cross the border, I just can't feel sympathy towards. We have plenty of problems in America, with our own citizens. Everyone running here, instead of also working together to fix their own communities around the world, is illogical to me.

[Sunflower123]

I don’t hate the holidays but there are added stressors this time of year that I don’t need. My sister and I have a strained relationship and that makes holidays tricky and uncomfortable when mom wants all of her children together. I got lucky in one aspect. I absolutely despise shopping of any kind and my 19 year old daughter loves to shop so I give her the money and she gets the best presents.

The Christmas environment (music included) often makes me sad. To me, it invites one to buy into some ideal magical season that may not be realistic. I am usually struggling this time of year so I notice how far I am from a magical season.

Having said that, I think I’ll be ok this year. I hope you are as well.

[Lefty Seven]

Why hate the holidays when you can ignore them? We don't do birthdays, either. Nobody wants me to get excited about anything.

[wiretwister]

don't hate them ... just brings back memories ... my ip was at thanksgiving .... my father died on new year .... christmas always brings new socks ... so it's ok ....

[TheSeaCat]

Not really a holiday person either, I've had to much stuff in my life to truly love the holiday's anymore. It always brings relatives who wonder why I refuse to have children. They also wonder why my parents put up with my issues, when I was there age I would have been kicked out. Not to to mention mother had a cancerous brain tumor removed a week before Christmas. I also worked retail for a few years and right after Halloween came the dreaded Christmas music. I swear I heard Last Christmas 20 million times that year.

New Year just makes me want to drink; you always think it's going to be a good year and then something inevitably happens. I used to love the Holiday's as a child now I wish we just skip Hallothanksmas entirely.

You aren't the only Grinch here, I'm proud to be the dog.

[yellow_fleurs]

I find them bittersweet. They can bring back both happy and sad memories for me, and also I get depressed every winter so I kind of associate Christmas with being depressed in a way. I do love that it's a reason to see family and enjoy some of the festivities. We started some new traditions since my sister had kids and I have grown to enjoy that. Some years I have wanted to skip them altogether because it can make me sad. So, it's complicated for me.

[Blueberrybook]

Possible trigger:

I had a sexual assault/rape happen in early December at a massage parlor (a nice looking place, not seedy) when I was in my early 30s. The way things happened, the assistant DA refused to press charges. The police messed things up, and it ended up being my word against his. By that point, I had lost a lot of weight from the stress of the incident, not even trying, so I suppose I looked frail, as you might expect after such an incident. They refused to even take it to a grand jury. Apparently, they thought my frailty made me a poor witness to the grand jury, making the case too iffy. I didn’t know it at the time, but the DA was very sick (died soon after), and of course, all the assistant DAs wanted the job. Wins look better than cases that go nowhere.

So that on top of everything else makes me hate December even more, not even getting listened to, the police messing up and admitting it, but oh, well, too bad, so sad.

[CrT0811]

I used to not be so hip on them either. I would begin my fall with the obligatory manic frenzy and tank out before thanksgiving. Then my Mom died in October of 2010. Thank everything holy, I had just gotten married to the true love of my lives that prior August. While I thought it would be horrible...instead...it was easier. I wasn’t that close to either parent in any meaningful way for too many reasons to go into detail right now; but, it intrigued me how so much of my anxiety regarding what I felt as expectations on me, simply vanished. Since then, we have had pretty laid back holidays other than the year my sister AKA (Mom clone), decided to be dramatically offended by my highly satirical son in law. Well, to be fair, they do not get along, but, she just went into total theatrics and packed her and her (DAD clone) husband and left. Strange, eyebrow raised looks circled the room for a few seconds, then shrugs, and...merriment continued. So, I’m still investigating why so much was lifted with her death but it won’t bother me much if I never know for certain. I loved her. She was there even when she probably shouldn’t have been but now she’s moved on and so shall I.

I might suggest to talk to your hubby about making new, more laid back traditions. If the outside family is opposed, I say, FEAFEFE. Ahem...( f them and feed them fish eggs). You say it like this, in an outrageous French accent.... “Fee ah Fee Fee....Mon Chere’!” And turn around on your toes, then leave the room in a histrionic huff. I promise they will leave you alone after that.

[Pookyl]

I don’t hate them but boy do they stress me. I can only get through Christmas etc with Valium.
Last year I was released from the psych hospital on 23rd Dec so I had a legitimate reason to skip the big rellie do.

[wildflowerchild25]

They make Me lonely. Thanksgiving is fine except I have to deal with my incredibly rude uncle and his incredibly rude boys. This year I’m going to my in laws in Tennessee instead so at least there’s that. But Christmas always makes me sad. It was my husband’s favorite holiday. He loved buying gifts for people, especially our son. I hate buying gifts because I never know what to give anyone. Even my son, he’s so tech oriented now he hardly plays with toys anymore. I always feel so stressed out during Christmas because I have to do everything by myself. I just wish I had help.

Last Christmas was particularly bad as I was coming out of a severe depressive psychotic episode. I didn’t feel better until dec 21 so I put everything off till then. It was a mad scramble to get everything together in the end. There was a lot of crying and yelling at my husband. This year I’m not depressed (knock on wood) but I am just incredibly lonely.

That being said I do like seeing the Christmas lights. There’s a holiday light show near me at a farm that I like to take my son to. We didn’t manage to go last year because I was so depressed but I’m hoping we go again this year.

[liveforsummer]

Don’t hate them but they do create a lot of anxiety. I haven’t hosted any holidays the last couple of years. Simply couldn’t cope with the thought of planning.

[*Laurie*]

Dreading them. I love the decorations (lights), the music is fine. But I know that this year I won't be actually celebrating T-giving, Hanukah, Christmas, or my birthday. The older people in my family are dead, my son and his gf will be traveling to Japan, and for some reason that is completely unknown to me, my daughter has decided she despises me and has stopped speaking to me. It has something to do with her husband hating his mother and strongly influencing my obviously extremely impressionable daughter to hate me.

My husband and I don't live together, and are more apt to argue than enjoy.


The only thing I can think of doing for the holiday season is having my hair done. It's pathetic, really.

[BipolaRNurse]

I still love the holidays, but I miss the old days when my husband and I hosted them in our big house on the hill. I think I miss him more at this time of year than at any other time. He was so big into the gift-giving thing and would squirrel away money all through the year, no matter how little of it we had way back in the day, and buy the kids and me wonderful presents. It made him so happy to see the looks on our faces when we opened them up...damn, I miss him so much!!!

The kids do the holidays now, and while I also miss the old traditions like going to Christmas Eve Mass and then home for hot cocoa and Christmas movies, they do a nice job of making the holiday merry. I go to church early in the morning, and when I get home we open presents and then get the holiday dinner ready. My son-in-law gets a huge prime rib every year and we usually have 12-15 people over. My son inherited my love of holiday decorating and he starts the day after Thanksgiving. It's funny, he just rearranged the living room furniture today in anticipation of putting up the Christmas tree in a couple of weeks.

[Blueberrybook]

While I was jogging this morning, I actually saw 1 house already decorated outside for Christmas.

The only thing I really miss about Christmas is the candlelight service our church had on Christmas Eve, where it ends with no light but everyone holding candles and people filing out one by one singing "Silent Night". Often under a clear black sky, where stars were visible and the moon depending on its phase. One year when I was in high school that service with the candles and outside singing really hit me, and if I'd ever doubted there was a God, I felt His presence so strongly over all of us singing with candles outside under a clear black sky full of stars, I never doubted again.

Not saying this is everyone's type of experience or that you need to be religious; I am just relating something that happened to me. Maybe it was God or maybe just stuff going on in my mind, who knows?

Sorry about the hypergraphia.

My point is I miss the small church candlelight service we attended every Christmas Eve night while I was growing up, and that is pretty much all I miss of the holidays.

Hate the decorated houses, the music in the stores, the expense, decorating the Christmas tree, just everything. I hate all the commercialization, the happy or fake happy pictures all over Facebook, the expectations that everyone should enjoy the holidays and be at the height of happiness spending time with (usually) all your family and extended family.

And, OMG, they stress me out so much, pretty much from Thanksgiving to New Year and even to the end of January.

[Tryingtobehappy5]

Im so sorry about your bad experiences at this time of year I can see how that would affect you alot.

I love seeing my kids so excited and having enough of a reason(in my mind) to allow myself to have something nice that isnt a necessity. We also like to go out to see the christmas lights.

Other than that I hate it. The kids are getting older and wanting bigger things "from santa" that we just cant do. Even just getting the presents is stressful because we live in a small town far from any city. My family is messed up and I dread the fact that I might be invited somewhere. I also hate that I usually dont get invited. So I cant win, I hate it either way. When we are around family I end up having a breakdown usually so its not enjoyable for me anymore and I just turn down the invitations but I still wish I was wanted enough to receive one if that makes sense.

Our thanksgiving is over and I just ignored it. My husband took the kids out for supper and brought me some while I was at work and that was perfect. Of course it was annoying having people constantly ask what my plans were and Im sure the same thing will start closer to christmas again.

I suppose I will try a little harder at Christmas but I feel like it is almost too much to handle every year so I will try to keep it minimal.

Holidays don't bother me much, November is always the hardest month for me

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

While I was jogging this morning, I actually saw 1 house already decorated outside for Christmas.

The only thing I really miss about Christmas is the candlelight service our church had on Christmas Eve, where it ends with no light but everyone holding candles and people filing out one by one singing "Silent Night". Often under a clear black sky, where stars were visible and the moon depending on its phase. One year when I was in high school that service with the candles and outside singing really hit me, and if I'd ever doubted there was a God, I felt His presence so strongly over all of us singing with candles outside under a clear black sky full of stars, I never doubted again.

Not saying this is everyone's type of experience or that you need to be religious; I am just relating something that happened to me. Maybe it was God or maybe just stuff going on in my mind, who knows?

Sorry about the hypergraphia.

My point is I miss the small church candlelight service we attended every Christmas Eve night while I was growing up, and that is pretty much all I miss of the holidays.

Hate the decorated houses, the music in the stores, the expense, decorating the Christmas tree, just everything. I hate all the commercialization, the happy or fake happy pictures all over Facebook, the expectations that everyone should enjoy the holidays and be at the height of happiness spending time with (usually) all your family and extended family.

And, OMG, they stress me out so much, pretty much from Thanksgiving to New Year and even to the end of January.

The fake effing Facebook pics...oh, that's the real torture. It might get ugly this year. I might just be inclined to ask, "Were you really all so happy that day, or is it just for the picture?" I've been vile lately.

[Miss Laura]

I don't celebrate Thanksgiving as I'm in Scotland. But I do hate New Years. But I equally like it. We celebrate Hogmanay (New Year's Eve) which is quite traditional in Scotland. Then I get depressed. I go into a depression for about a week most times it's just mild depression nothing I can't handle.

I adore Christmas but it equally stresses me out. I get quite uptight having to deal with the happiness all the time when I'm sad and the constant busy-ness of the town centre. The constant remembering things and lists upon lists gets quite exhausting.

I'm hyper like Tigger but sad like Eyeore when it's this time of year. I can't catch a break

[scatterbrained04]

Thanksgiving and New Years I don't really mind too much. But Christmas is very stressful. For one, putting up and taking down the tree is a lot of work. Financially it's very tough, and I feel bad that I can't afford to buy for anyone other than my son typically. Worst of all is the shopping. I have a tendency to get panic attacks while shopping more than any other time. I don't do well with crowded spaces. I much prefer to order online if I can. I used to love Christmas shopping before I had all these anxiety issues.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

The fake effing Facebook pics...oh, that's the real torture. It might get ugly this year. I might just be inclined to ask, "Were you really all so happy that day, or is it just for the picture?" I've been vile lately.

LOL...that would be a good one! I just can't believe all those people, families with kids (I can't even keep 1 kid happy all the time, and there are people with 3 or 4 kids happy, more if relatives come over & there are cousins), relative gatherings can all be so wonderful and happy. But that's the fakeness of Facebook you have to deal with. Of course, if I wrote that, I'd be sure to lower my FB friends base. I have never once gotten a good picture of my daughter with her 5 cousins. Only the 12 year old cooperates; all the others do what they want.

[CrT0811]

I know what I’m about to say is in every self help book out there...but there may be a reason for that.

I spent a too long portion of my life (hating) this or that or them. The more things I hated, the more things I found to hate. It was an ever increasing mass of angering triggers.

Once I made up my mind to begin trying to FIX my brain, I stumbled into the quantum not long before that woman whose name I can never recall, released her geniusly marketed book, “The Secret”. I still get the urge to kick myself for not starting with metaphysical genre books instead of fiction...but I ain’t done livin’ yet so... Anyway.

I researched theories on what our thoughts actually are. There is obviously energy transfer involved. That is measurable and firm science fact. The question is “why?”. Why would we need to produce a rather significant amount of energy just to create a random idea completely devoid of any nervous or skeletal/muscular system messages to move or assume a needed function? The energy spent is as high or even higher than some fight or flight messages. There had to be a reason why strong, triggered emotional responses produced such huge spikes in energy transfer. Could it be we were unconsciously sending signals to (something) that existed “out THERE somewhere” that was singularly designed to respond to these messages?

This intrigued me. I decided to test this with some good old binary style experiments and log the results. I started with broad concepts such as strong opposing thoughts like hate versus love. For a 24 hour period I would think about things I hated. Just let my ego run wild with inner dialogue of everything that pissed me off. I tried to maintain an emotional cloak of hate and anger which was easy for me to do back then. After that 24 hours, I would try my best to stay as neutral as possible, logging everything that happened to me and around me for the next 72 hours. I’d follow this with a break of 48 hours for a “return to baseline norms” or as close to that state as a yet undiagnosed BP mind could get. Next, I switched it around to love and made the conscious effort to keep my thoughts as love centered as possible for the same chunk of time, followed by the recording of data, then back to baseline.

I was shocked at the results. For the 72 hours after a concentrated effort to maintain a singular emotional pattern, everything from physical energy levels to how people responded to me or even what songs came up on the radio, reflected or even mirrored my emotional cues. It was so striking I remember thinking I had somehow misread what I’d recorded and considered starting over because this was just too intense with almost no extraneous data. But...I kept going and the same pattern kept repeating. I started to get increasingly specific- thinking about things like chocolate for 24 hours, recording how many events and references occurred around me relating to chocolate there were in the three days following the thought “broadcast”. I always got the same type of results. I remember feeling like I was in the process of discovering something akin to a universal cure to everything, lol.

Anyway...this propelled me to slowly start to train my mind to be as positive as possible when I was able to control it. Not long after this I met my husband, gained the strength to walk into a psychiatric clinic and not turn around, running out like my hair was on fire, and...submit my first manuscript thus changing my life in ways I can never find accurate words to describe. All from just shifting my thoughts.

So...all that verbiage to say this. Try it. Follow those parameters and journal what happens. Get as specific as you want. It actually becomes fun. I still do it just to get a kick out of how it never (doesn’t) work if you really put effort into it. Start with low impact things like colors or animals. Think about blue things and keep up with everything from overhead conversations to what advertisements you see. There is, what I call the “pink elephant” effect where because you think of a thing, the more you notice that thing around you; but, other people, radio stations, adverts and other things you should logically not have any influence over are not affected by this effect. It becomes a positively centered reinforcement after awhile. The more you do it, the better it works. Where it was once second nature for me to automatically go straight to a hate filled, angering place when stimulated by things happening around me; now, my gut response nearly always leans towards the positive.

Life is not about what happens to you. It’s about how you respond to what happens around you.

Ok, off the podium I go...carry on and, Happy Holidays... I mean that sincerely.

[~Christina]

For years I hated the holidays as I lost my father in December in 1997 and my mom in January of 2003 .... far far too early.

I realized that hating the holidays did nothing but hurt me.

About 5 years ago I decided enough was enough I refused to bring other family members and friends down and YES it was bringing them down.

Has it been easy ? No

Every day is a gift I know I know overused .... but I truly believe that every day counts ... I will never be this age again , today is a day I still have my Husband and Daughter etc etc down the list it goes.

The only thing that bothers me is the Christmas songs coming so soon. The use to me be so special and mysterious growing up. Since I seldom have money to go spend I’m not out in stores shopping so I avoid the music and save a ton of money lol

Anyway that’s my story and I’m sticking too it.