[piano97]

Feels like I'm getting depressed now, woke up this morning after quite a bit of sleep, just feels like energy got pulled out of me and empty now. I was on the upside for a few or more months, hindsight it was gradual and like running up a series of stairs. Now I'm walking back down all those stairs I guess. 'what goes up must come down'. Which I always balk at when someone says that if I'm on the 'up side'.

This is the 3rd 'stepdown' in past couple weeks. Can/could literally feel it. First one felt good and was grounding I guess, second one OK, sleep coming back more. Didn't feel 'depressed', felt more level.

Today feels like I crossed the line. I've been getting a lot of exercise and that is insulation. My house is clean, that's insulation.

I'm sleeping a lot more, and progressively more. Which is 7-8 hours now but was way less than that for long time and were some times when I didn't sleep at all or only a few hours. Was up at 3-4am several weeks in a row maybe longer. Hindsight I think sleep hours plummetted in September. I had the hypomanic 'buzz' which is kinda a wonderful feeling. Till it gets uncomfortable and agitating, insight goes away, and things eventually went totally off the rails on the upside.

Guess this is normal to come down gradually. Just hope I didn't really cross the line and about to get worse or stuck in a depression.

So if I keep exercising daily, doing best to not isolate, hygiene things, hopefully can keep it under wraps and not slide more. But I can feel a huge energy shift from yesterday to the downside. This has been happening gradually for about a couple weeks and remember 2 other days were there was a big shift down, but those didn't feel like this.

[Wild Coyote]

I totally understand. I could have written this post today.
I feel like I am spiraling downward every day.

Please take care.

WC

[downandlonely]

You are doing good self care things like exercise and cleaning. These are things I should do and don't.

Do you see a psychiatrist? It might be a good idea to inform him or her about how you're feeling.

[piano97]

Slept a lot again last night. I don't know if depression now, or is just from taking seroquel consistently. I'm just dialed down a few more notches now. I feel and look tired. energy zapped and just slow in general but doesn't mean 'it' is coming and staying. "It" being major depression, which I'm realizing last couple days I'm really scared of. It's nasty. I haven't had it bad in about a year.

I've exercised pretty much daily for several months now and that is about as protective/preventative as I can think of. Granted I was barely sleeping then but it's a firm habit now. I can't control a lot of things but I can control whether or not I go for a 20 minute walk 2x day even if it's really slow. I can handle that.

[liveforsummer]

Wow, like WC I could have written this myself. A switch flipped the last 24 hours. I’ve gone from overthinking everything, anxiety, poor sleep tho staying in bed way longer than usual and this morning my heads saying enough. I can’t do this anymore which can sometimes be a good thing because then I release some of it but this feels more like giving up control and the self loathing is creeping in with the want to escape and not come out of bed at all. Ugh sorry to add to the glumness.
I think keeping up your exercising is great, try to keep at it!

[MickeyCheeky]

You're doing a great job, piano97. You're taking care of yourself and trying to not isolate too much, something I'm often guilty of. So keep it up and be proud of yourself! I hope you'll feel better soon. Let us know how it goes. You can also talk to me if you want. Sending many hugs to you