anyone else speak/write without a filter?

Lately, it feels like my mind has no filter, not only writing (not talking only PC, email, texts, etc. too), talking too. I've ended up unintentionally saying things that upset H & my daughter, but I really did not mean to hurt their feelings. I said it without thinking about it. I cannot seem to not speak the first thing that comes to mind a lot of the time. IDK, if it's racing thoughts, stress, mood rollercoaster or what?

Anyone else with this problem, past or present? Have you been able to control it a bit more?

In the past, I experienced long periods of hypomanias that sometimes rose to full manias. Impulsity was a major symptom for me during those times, especially when it came to what flowed from my mouth, or fingers, to a lesser degree. Throughout my life I have generally been an assertive and expansive type person. That's part of my personality, but mood elevation amplifies it. That's lost me friends, prevented some new ones, created scenes in public, made me seem very odd (wild)/over-the-top/flirtatious, resulted in disciplinary counselings, scared a therapist into quitting me, nearly got me fired, and led a pharmacist to nearly call the police on me. It was mostly all way "over the top" stuff or me expressing my desires, opinions and frustrations too openly and/or aggressively.

In more recent years, my insight into the above (and self control) has improved, but in the past it was very little and often absent far after-the-fact. Grandiosity/elevated self esteem during hypomanias/manias was often a contributing factor.

Here I'm under the moderators care and control. That prevents me from typing constant stupidities.
At home, La Bruja is always tending to her 5 year old, who's chronologically 68.
Out in the real world, I say whatever comes out of my mouth.
Most of the time, they don't understand what I said.
Sometimes, I don't even understand what I meant.

I'm not a gold coin or miss sympathy.
Besides, I have an excuse. I'm not well, remember.

Lots of therapy. Finally feeling listened to. Finally figuring my life out. Also working on it one day at a time. Maybe try A.R.T.S. Anonymous? There is info online.

I usually type without thinking. I use to type to one of my old therapists. It worked really well for me. I did not allow myself to re-read or proof read.

((((Blueberrybook)))) I don't know if it sounds stupid, but perhaps try to count to ten before saying something? Do you think that may work?

I have tried this before. When I remember to do it, it works great. Other times, I forget or am very impulsive.

I suppose I could just type it in Word or something. I don't have an email for my therapist. I will ask her about it tomorrow. She may not give out an email, I don't know.

Never heard of A.R.T.S. I'll look into it though.

Fortunately, I don't think it is grandiosity. If I have self-esteem at all, it's pretty much stomped to the ground. But, yes, I did send an email that got me sent to the psych ER via police car and into a CPS investigation, none of which helped anyone in my family.

I don't have an email for my therapist I didn't either. I just brought the letters with me. She offered emailing but I didn't want them in my file.

That's good to know. I don't think I'd want it in my file either.

Yeah that would never work for me. It would feel artificial and make me even madder or whatever!

When hypomanic, I am wide open. I am a lot better at it when not hypomanic, but I still have a lot of thoughts that most people would consider abnormal. It's been over a year since I have had a full on hypomanic episode thanks to lamictal, but I have had a few low grade episodes that were dampened. Thinking and talking too fast/much can get me into stream of consciousness, which is a real danger zone.

One problem I have always had is that I don't like wasting time on bad ideas. If I am pitching a solution to the rest of the team, I want them to try to poke holes in it and will readily abandon an idea when someone points out a problem. This makes me good at my job. I expect the same from others and I am blunt about it. A lot of people take that as a personal attack.

It's called verbal diarrhea. A by-product of celebral diarrhea.

Cheers.

Yes. Drugs and keeping myself busy. In school, many of my teachers actually gave me more work (both the good kind and punishment like writing, "I will not talk in class" hundreds of times.) I suspect that I was even given more work at work on at least one occassion to keep me too busy to bug management with my concerns. There are consequences that come with no self control.....

For me it’s a sign of being either hypo or manic. Therefore I treat it as such with prn’s etc.

This is a good point--feeling ignored or when people invalidate the obvious or don't really listen does make it worse. When people listen you either starting thinking more rationally or feel like you made your point.

But there are times where maybe it's just a bipolar mania.

I used to be that girl that would tell you exactly what was on her mind without another thought. I know better now to always think before I speak and that some things are way better to be internalized. Now if I'm hypo that is another bear altogether I tend to be a lot more open and talkative the moment I notice I start oversharing or talking to people I don't usually talk to it's time to have my medication played with.

Yes, this is the problem I have: especially drawing the line between invalidation and hypomania/mania.

Bipolar can be so confusing and frustrating

I think right now I bounce so much between hypomania and depression, it is just hard to control things. I am not even sure it's a med thing, maybe something I can address in therapy. Not only is it a stressful time of year: the holidays, my daughter's birthday, anniversary of my mother-in-law's 1 year passing away (hitting H hard now), and a hard anniversary of a very bad moment of my life. So I just wonder maybe stress is making life extra hard right now. Even before my daughter was born, before the anniversary of this bad event, before MIL's death, I found it a hard time. Too many false pictures of glorious happiness, as if there is no conflict & holidays are perfect is hard for me, always has been.

LOL...Definitely what I feel is happening to me lately...

I understand. Usually, I am not very blunt; it's just the way I am. But having no filter, especially around H & my daughter, is very bad. It's one thing to have it online where you don't really know people IRL and another to have it IRL...ugh.

when I go to write or speak, my first thought isn't honestly, I need to watch what I say or write- if someone's offended, they can take it up with me later (I'd rather them take it up with me personally than wine about it and do things to ensure they don't hear from me)

I love to cuss. in the real world (outside PC), I do cuss a hell of a lot (and I have my favorite cuss words, too!). I even do it on PC, not to an extreme, but I do do it and know I'm doing it (I just don't give a monkeys)

Right now, nearly all my thoughts race, which is a problem. Sometimes, they slow down, but that is usually the period H is at work, my daughter at school.