Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Sorry, Blue.
I was hoping you were feeling better.
So glad you see pdoc tomorrow.
I hope you'll keep us posted.

WC

I didn't mention anything to my pdoc about the depression. I am/was afraid of what he was going to do with my meds. I want an increase in Lexapro with NO change in APs, but I was afraid he would change my AP and didn't want to shoot myself in the foot because I already told him about the voices bothering me (which I know are fake). Well, I didn't say they were bothering me, but I passively mentioned them. I don't want my AP changed, and fortunately, he said it was ok to have occasional voices, music, and sounds according to him. I do not have delusions to worry about. I just get voices etc once a week for a few minutes to an hour. No biggie.

[Blue_Bird]

Went to the gym and cycled for half an hour to burn of some energy. Felt in the verge of having a really bad panic attack for the first 10 or so minutes. Not sure why, but it eventually went away thankfully

[beauflow]

s

----
I had a bad dream.. not a memory dream but upsetting dream...
I mentioned some where at some time, I use an alternative treatment... I haven't been doing my oil for a week... idk why I do this to me.. it's like, "are you sure you have anything wrong"...
I misplaced the bottle that's partially why.

Yesterday, I proposed to my sister and father that we have a Christmas brunch instead of a Christmas dinner this year. Both of them seemed quite receptive to the idea. I asked that they discuss the idea with my brother, who lives with my dad and always does the primary cooking (Sis and I bring things, too). My arguments for a brunch vs. a dinner (to my sister) were as follows:

* Dad would be less drunk then
* Less work for my brother
* A nice change in food items
* Possibly (though not certain) eliminate my dad's girlfriend from the event, especially if Dad takes her out to dinner that night
* Not require as long of a stay time
* Mean that I can take my evening meds on time since I'd be home for dinner
* Allow my sister to spend Christmas dinner with her husband, who never goes to my dad's house for dinner
* Cheaper overall
* Less stressful

If my brunch idea works out, maybe that could become my family's new Christmas day tradition. I know that I'm often the one in the family with ideas for changes, but I never dictate things and my siblings, especially my brother are assertive enough to reject ideas.

Dad said it's fine to still have it at his house. I think that's best for various reasons.

Those who remember my issues with my dad, I've obviously started talking to him again. A couple weeks back he called me twice (once vmx, once hubby answered) desperate to talk with me. He apologized to me to my husband, though not me, but he must have said he loved me six times, twice to hubby and four times to me. I talked to him and just made pleasant conversation on "other" topics. I'm not a grudge holder, nor am I stubborn. However, my ideas for Christmas will hopefully ease the extreme stress and triggers. These past two years have been rough for my family.

[Nammu]

Bird dancer I hope the brunch idea works out, it certainly sounds like a winning idea!

[beauflow]

s I really give kudos and props to those that try with seeing others, and trying with mending relationships....

But always remember self care I know we're all different... s

[Moose72]

I have been feeling odd emotionally after dropping seroquel. Grinning at nothing. Feeling happy and sad at the same time. Everyone wants to know why Im grinning like the cheshire cat.

[Sunflower123]

I feel a bit better today. Could be because the day is still young and I have plans to get off this couch.

My daughter leaves at 5:00 A.M. tomorrow for her camping trip. I’m surprisingly ok with being out of contact with her for 6 days although this will be the first time we’ve been incommunicado. I hope she has a wonderful time. I’ve planned a wonderful week as well with designated worry times and plan to have a good time myself.

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

honestly I fdeel like ****

most of it's down to the fact I had my shower and that never lifts my mood- just makes me feel gross (seeing my body and stuff just freaks me), and honestly my mood's not been great either.
I've had this " what ever" attitude for the past few days. I did my food shopping today because I had too, but that's all I did- I sat in my bedroom, curtains closed, listening to teacup travels (classical music cd)

you know when your mood's not great when you don't even want light in your room

[yellow_fleurs]

Just got back from my work trip. It went pretty well. I isolated some of the time between sessions, but also challenged myself to be social and go out with people. I was pleasantly surprised that I actually felt better most of the time. My depression has had me isolating and that is just a terrible cycle. I think the idea of doing things anyway, including self care and socializing, is super important. My brain is not going to believe it's ready or imagine it going well in that state, so I just have to do it anyways. Dang sometimes I just wish I could trade it in for a new one haha.
Feeling a bit low and anxious now, but hopefully will feel better after some rest. Tomorrow I have therapy. I hope we can decide on some things for me to work on in additional to the mindfulness packet. I am working on trusting this therapist. I have only seen her a few times, but I like her and think it could work out pretty well. In the past I had some experiences (not with therapists) that have made it more difficult for me to trust and so I am a bit guarded. In the afternoon I have plans with a friend which will be fun.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

My sister came over today and took mum to the doctor, picked up some probiotic yogurt and my library book for me. Was really nice. I wrapped three gifts now I need more wrapping paper and gift bags to do the rest of them, so a trip to the dollar store is in my future.

Sounds like a great day

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Bipolar stable. Anxiety through the roof. Every time my bipolar is better my anxiety is worse. I don’t know why??

Agoraphobia is bad. My hubby tried to encourage me to go out by giving me cash to buy clothes but it didn’t work.

I’m sorry your struggling , there are some days I literally can’t/won’t leave the house.

Those are the days my husband could offer me 500 bucks to go to Ulta or Target and I’d refuse.

Hope your anxiety lessens

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Wander

On Tuesday after a big trigger my dormant PTSD (for over two years) kicked back into full gear. For a time I lost contact with reality and became actively homocidal for reasons I won't go into. This year has been a particularly tough year with poor physical and mental health along with some deep losses. I manage to pull myself back into reality but have struggled ever since with rage, grief and constant dissociation. My T thinks bipolar is fueling this and I am at risk of a psychotic break but my pdoc thinks it is only trauma and has referred me to yoga specific for trauma to help me ground myself.


A few years ago a perfect storm similar to this did lead to a psychotic break which is why my T is so concerned and my current pdoc wasn't around at that time so is not aware of it. Now they are both going on leave until mid January so I will just have to hold on and try to stay grounded till then. This comes a few weeks after stabilising from a horror mixed episode that landed me IP for a month involving ECT which seemed to calm things down. I thought I was finally stabilising and now this. Sigh ... This year has been illness after illness. No wonder I am full of rage. Well that plus a huge amount of past trauma resurfacing. AAAGGGHHHH!!!

So sorry to see you struggle so much.

I won’t see my T for a month between his vacation and mine. I do know I can call his voicemail , his voice is likely enough to calm me down if I destabilize. Maybe you can do that also??

Do you have a plan if you just come unglued?

Stay safe

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I didn't mention anything to my pdoc about the depression. I am/was afraid of what he was going to do with my meds. I want an increase in Lexapro with NO change in APs, but I was afraid he would change my AP and didn't want to shoot myself in the foot because I already told him about the voices bothering me (which I know are fake). Well, I didn't say they were bothering me, but I passively mentioned them. I don't want my AP changed, and fortunately, he said it was ok to have occasional voices, music, and sounds according to him. I do not have delusions to worry about. I just get voices etc once a week for a few minutes to an hour. No biggie.

You sound more grounded today

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Yesterday, I proposed to my sister and father that we have a Christmas brunch instead of a Christmas dinner this year. Both of them seemed quite receptive to the idea. I asked that they discuss the idea with my brother, who lives with my dad and always does the primary cooking (Sis and I bring things, too). My arguments for a brunch vs. a dinner (to my sister) were as follows:


* Dad would be less drunk then

* Less work for my brother

* A nice change in food items

* Possibly (though not certain) eliminate my dad's girlfriend from the event, especially if Dad takes her out to dinner that night

* Not require as long of a stay time

* Mean that I can take my evening meds on time since I'd be home for dinner

* Allow my sister to spend Christmas dinner with her husband, who never goes to my dad's house for dinner

* Cheaper overall

* Less stressful


If my brunch idea works out, maybe that could become my family's new Christmas day tradition. I know that I'm often the one in the family with ideas for changes, but I never dictate things and my siblings, especially my brother are assertive enough to reject ideas.


Dad said it's fine to still have it at his house. I think that's best for various reasons.


Those who remember my issues with my dad, I've obviously started talking to him again. A couple weeks back he called me twice (once vmx, once hubby answered) desperate to talk with me. He apologized to me to my husband, though not me, but he must have said he loved me six times, twice to hubby and four times to me. I talked to him and just made pleasant conversation on "other" topics. I'm not a grudge holder, nor am I stubborn. However, my ideas for Christmas will hopefully ease the extreme stress and triggers. These past two years have been rough for my family.

Sounds like a fantastic idea !!!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I have been feeling odd emotionally after dropping seroquel. Grinning at nothing. Feeling happy and sad at the same time. Everyone wants to know why Im grinning like the cheshire cat.

How is your sleep ? Smiling is a good thing

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I feel a bit better today. Could be because the day is still young and I have plans to get off this couch.


My daughter leaves at 5:00 A.M. tomorrow for her camping trip. I’m surprisingly ok with being out of contact with her for 6 days although this will be the first time we’ve been incommunicado. I hope she has a wonderful time. I’ve planned a wonderful week as well with designated worry times and plan to have a good time myself.


I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

I hope she has a wonderful time.

Glad you planned out a week that will help you avoid more anxiety than need be.

I’m seeing my grown daughter at Christmas time in Florida we no longer “talk” daily she has a very busy life , but we send almost daily short texts. Today she has horrible storms hitting so of course I sent a “ be careful “ text.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

Just got back from my work trip. It went pretty well. I isolated some of the time between sessions, but also challenged myself to be social and go out with people. I was pleasantly surprised that I actually felt better most of the time. My depression has had me isolating and that is just a terrible cycle. I think the idea of doing things anyway, including self care and socializing, is super important. My brain is not going to believe it's ready or imagine it going well in that state, so I just have to do it anyways. Dang sometimes I just wish I could trade it in for a new one haha.

Feeling a bit low and anxious now, but hopefully will feel better after some rest. Tomorrow I have therapy. I hope we can decide on some things for me to work on in additional to the mindfulness packet. I am working on trusting this therapist. I have only seen her a few times, but I like her and think it could work out pretty well. In the past I had some experiences (not with therapists) that have made it more difficult for me to trust and so I am a bit guarded. In the afternoon I have plans with a friend which will be fun.

Sounds like a good trip. It is hard to go out and socialize. I have really just one friend I hang out with but between Bipolar and my Chronic pain it’s hard to follow through for plans.

I’m glad your T seems like a good fit.

[~Christina]

Happy Friday !

Rainy dreary day here , seems the norm lately. Tis winter in middle Tennessee so it’s expected.

I have cleaned daily of course , all my self care and gave myself a pedicure. I put on a holograph nail polish I think it looks fantastic lol

Making chicken wraps for dinner so easy easy.

I’m having a hard time with chronic pain today (whine over)

Hugs to all that might want one

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

How is your sleep ? Smiling is a good thing

Sleep is ok. Lots oof dreams that seem really real lately. Re: smiling its so out of the blue that I think others think Im up to something!

Today Ive been reading my book- All Creatures Great and Small; I started it yesterday. Im already 43 pages in. Ive read this at least twice before but not for years . its a fun read.

[Wild Coyote]

Grandmother passed this morning. She'd had a long and a good life. She was very loved and very admired and respected. Quite a gal!

I am totally exhausted today. Saw pdoc and she thinks I am on a downswing.
She wants me to increase my Lamictal; yet, I feel very sedated on it as it is. I have to think it over, even though she has called in the script for higher doses.

I am soooo exhausted!

Uggh!

Love to All!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Happy Friday !

Rainy dreary day here , seems the norm lately. Tis winter in middle Tennessee so it’s expected.

I have cleaned daily of course , all my self care and gave myself a pedicure. I put on a holograph nail polish I think it looks fantastic lol

Making chicken wraps for dinner so easy easy.

I’m having a hard time with chronic pain today (whine over)

Hugs to all that might want one

I am sorry you are suffering with pain.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Grandmother passed this morning. She'd had a long and a good life. She was very loved and very admired and respected. Quite a gal!

I am totally exhausted today. Saw pdoc and she thinks I am on a downswing.
She wants me to increase my Lamictal; yet, I feel very sedated on it as it is. I have to think it over, even though she has called in the script for higher doses.

I am soooo exhausted!

Uggh!

Love to All!

WC

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, WC. Please take care of yourself.
(((Hugs)))

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I feel a bit better today. Could be because the day is still young and I have plans to get off this couch.

My daughter leaves at 5:00 A.M. tomorrow for her camping trip. I’m surprisingly ok with being out of contact with her for 6 days although this will be the first time we’ve been incommunicado. I hope she has a wonderful time. I’ve planned a wonderful week as well with designated worry times and plan to have a good time myself.

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

It's great you have plans for yourself!
I like "designated worry times." I designate times to worry, too, when I find myself getting caught up in worrying.

I hope you have a fun weekend!

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, WC. Please take care of yourself.
(((Hugs)))

How sweet!
Thank you, xRavenX!


WC