Cacophony

I was just watching a show on youtube about scizophrenia. I could relate to quite a bit of what they described. But the one that struck me the mostwas the description of being in a crowded place - like a restaurant or concert venue- and not being able to filter it out; all the voices and klinking of utensils come at once and yet individually all screaming at me iin their own language. A cacophony of sound. It is overwhelming.

Noone else has this experience?

I can start to get overwhelmed in noisy environments sometimes but I mostly stay away from those and live a quiet life. I also have hearing loss and find it exhausting to wear a device because it is extremely tiring to do so at the beginning and I just never got used to it. It can also be overwhelming as you say to be hit by all the sounds.

What do you do in that situation?

Hi Moose,

I have experienced what you described. To one degree I'd say that severe racing thoughts caused a similar experience. In more intense cases, psychosis.

I recall a period, years ago, when my mental state was quite dysfunctional. A few specific examples actually were in concert halls. My husband forced me to join him at concerts at times when I really shouldn't have gone. I believe I might have written about one case years ago. I'll try to find that, but may not have luck. My memory is a bit blurry about such times in psychosis. My limited recollection of at least one of those times matches what you describe as cachophony.

Wow! I actually found the journal entry I was thinking of. I used to always journal in preparation for my psychiatrist appointments. The following is an entry I wrote on March 19, 2012. That was a bit of a rough time for me.

"I've been a bit perplexed by things lately. I've noticed some strange thinking. I don't know if it is because I have too much time on my hands and my mind is playing tricks on me, or what.

About 3.5 weeks ago (for 3 days) I thought a little devil was living in my garage. It didn't scare me too much because I thought that if I didn't go in the garage I would be OK. So when I needed more soda for the fridge I sent my husband (the devil wouldn’t go after him). He knew of my fear. When I was a child I saw the devil in a mirror (in the dark) instead of my face. He glowed bright red. At the time I was at my friend’s house so I cried and begged her mother to call mine to pick me up. To this day, I sometimes wonder if that was true, but I tell myself it likely wasn't.

Last week, I went to a concert to see the NY Philharmonic play 2 Beethoven and 1 Stravinsky symphony. My mind was so immersed in thoughts that I could hardly make out the first symphony, nor much of the second because of interference. I kept seeing a man in the row in front of me turning his head towards me in the dark. He did that numerous times. I believed he heard my thoughts and that I was interrupting his ability to enjoy the concert. By the time intermission was over my thoughts weren’t as interruptive. I enjoyed the last symphony and stopped believing the man had ESP.

I know we just recently talked about my musical hallucinations and Tegretol. I hadn’t had them for quite a long time, but coincidentally, I've had about 4 as well as hearing radio DJ conversation with multiple DJs. The conversations are garbled. It was as if they were on a transistor radio.

On Thursday, something charged me up. I wrote a letter to Kay Redfield Jamison at Johns Hopkins University. At times I started getting nervous that I would receive her response in the mail that same day. That happened twice. I haven't even sent the letter. Now I'm thinking of not sending it because I'm afraid of her quick response. Some of my questions are rough, and could be interpreted as criticisms. I brought the letter in case we have time to discuss my questions. I haven’t finished revising it. There are a few things that most certainly need to be deleted. The copy I have is the first draft without revisions.

I’ve had obsessive thoughts for quite a while now (months). I’ve mentioned this before, but it is getting worse. Perhaps it is from having too much time on my hands and being lonely during the day. I don’t know. It involves dreaming up stories, replaying them over and over again. Repeating phrases. Modifying them a bit to form new scenarios, etc. Sounds innocent? The thing is, however, is that I spend hours per day having these thoughts. Is this normal for someone in my situation? Most of the time the thoughts involve the same characters. Most thoughts are highly pleasurable. They are continuing to this day."

i've had similar experiences

BirdDancer, your journal captures that experience beautifully.

I've also had musical hallucinations where i also thought someone living with me was wearing a recorder in his ear to transmit what I was saying to another group of people who told him what to say back to me. That was my first hospitalization for a mental breakdown.

I have a similar experience every time we go somewhere crowded like the mall, Galveston beaches in the summer, the zoo, even crowded stores (going grocery shopping Sunday afternoon when tons of people go), conventions, shows (went to a cat show with my H & our daughter since she loves cats), it was super crowded, Halloween trunk or treats...Just anything like that.

I cannot filter out the other voices and sometimes even think the people are talking about me. The rest of the noise I cannot filter out.

I have been this way since I was a kid. The worst was lunch at the school cafeteria, especially in high school. A lot of the time, I sat outside at the tables in very hot weather, cold weather, windy weather, just about everything but rain. I didn't help 100% as there were still students hanging around outside during lunch. I was really paranoid about being talked about then since most of those kids knew me. My high school only had 2 lunch periods: one for 9th & 10th, one for 11the & t2th. Lots of people in the grade below me knew me because my sister was in that grade and in the grade above me I'd have electives like art, PE (not really a choice, it was marching band or 2 years of PE in my school to graduate), etc., and some of them rode the bus with me. Lunch totally sucked since I had sort of friendly people I knew in high school but not real friends. I never knew who to eat with.

I'm sorry you experienced such things, too. Paranoid delusions can be very disturbing.

is

Thanks BirdDancer. My paranoid delusions increased in scope and severity with each subsequent breakdown. Last time, which was last year, I thought I was part of a global conspiracy to take over the world at that leaders of governments and spy agencies were monitoring all my communications, had video in my house and that this was my destiny as a birthright. It was the epitome of megalomanic psychosis.

It didn't help that the police started repeatedly banging on my door sometimes several times a day. The neighbors called them because i was acting odd. I had learned I had the right not to answer them but they kept coming back and I became more and more convinced of my delusions as a result.

In the end I had a dozen police cars outside my house and they broke down my door and took me away to a forensic psychiatric facility for a month where I was charged with all kinds of crimes including evading police by not stopping on the highway when one followed me, without turning on their siren. I was at that point totally paranoid about police which is why I didn't stop and just drove home.

They claimed I had run a red light, which I had not. I had just driven home and locked my door. The next day they came to arrest me.

Otherwise there would have been a photo since the light I supposedly ran has a camera on it. Eventually I was put on probation and the charges were dropped after completing a diversion program for mentally ill individuals.

The facility they had me held men and women together and was truly intimidating. I was mixed in with men who had stabbed police officers... or set fire to buildings or were meth addicts. One or two were just homeless people. It was also an eye opening experience and one that I truly hope will never be repeated. I learned that I do not have the right to not answer the police at my door even when they are shouting my name out loud and acting aggressively while carrying loaded weapons.

That was my reality. Now I take an antipsychotic everyday. Apparently someone in the complaint where I was arrested had looked into my medical files and saw i wasn't taking an AP. It was only when I got out of the facility that I consented to take an antipsychotic and tried rexulti and take it every day.

I don't mean to be derailing this thread. I would be terrified if I started hearing things again and would immediately start on Olanzapine and callmy pdoc. Sorry!

tecomsin

I had six cops at my house once, but it was a little different. I won't go into it. I think a lot of us take an antipsychotic every day. I've always taken a daily antipsychotic during my bipolar treatment this last 14+ years. Without one, I'd struggle even more severely.

Racing thoughts were present during all my manic episodes. I think they create a cacophony situation. Intensely severe racing thoughts seem to turn into a type of psychosis themselves, when reality and the present is completely unclear.

I find it hard to hear anything in noisy situations. It’s like everything is at the same volume at the same time. It can be hard to hear my husband when he’s saying something in the din.

It reassuring to hear from you BirdDancer. I also have experienced a cacophony of racing thoughts turning into a type of psychosis. I used to think that if I thought faster I was smarter. (Haha)

Suddenly I become very 'smart' and have unusual insight into the 'true' nature of reality. I can get obsessively focussed on obscure 'calculations' and work hours into the night on them.

The worst part is being deluded about one's own reality testing. It is a cruel disease in that sense. If you know you are unwell, I'd say that is a lot better than to be very unwell and not know it. It's called 'lack of insight'.
That's why I take this little pill every day.

I have what I describe as a noisy head or ‘chatty’ head when I’m unwell.
I’ve often asked my pdoc if I’m schizophrenic and she reassures me that no that’s not the case.
Currently I’m more well than I’ve been for awhile and my head is at peace.

yes there have been times when I just had to leave ... it was just too over whelming ... main reason I stay home on the weekends ... any crowded place can be too much for me ... my family just can not understand... I am not anti social ... just anti crowded place ...

it's like my brain must hear and understand every sound ... every voice ... so much coming at me so fast I just have to flee ... so I stay far away from those places .....

Yes! It doesnt happen every time but when it does its overwhelming to me.

This is an exert from a journal entry of mine that I think examples what you are describing. I have had this experience at other times during psychosis:

I was at a rehersal dinner for a friends wedding and I became lost in the sea of voices. I felt overwhelmed by the presence of darkness. I was so uncomfortable that I knew everyone noticed. I went in the bathroom and literally shook and started praying for the Lord's Spirit to fall on me. I felt him physically and thought everything would be fine. But, when I walked out, I still felt evil and could only hear noise no matter who spoke to me.