[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm starting seroquel tonight

Good luck!

[Aurelius710]

Treated myself to an early birthday present and saw a movie musical involving 80s power ballads and the zombie apocalypse! Afterwards, I found a store selling the soundtrack and sang along the hour car ride home.

On a practical note, it's more of the same (schoolwork). Woke up later than I intended, but I have no appointments of any kind, so I should be able to focus solely on the work. Just have to get to the library. Ha ha!

Tired and rundown AF. Been out sick the last couple of days from work. *Should* be today also, but being the third day, I'd need a Dr.'s note, and frankly I can't go spending who knows how much to get one. So here I am. No way I'll make it through though. #^#}^% I'm so tired....
Just want to crawl under table.

[hopeless2015]

Got up and came to work, glad I did because it gets me out of my head. But, my boss told me she's leaving today, I'm really happy for her, but nervous about who will replace her and when. I've only been at this department 2 months now and shes a great boss, so we'll see what transpires. Super busy so day should go fast.

Hugs to all

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Tired and rundown AF. Been out sick the last couple of days from work. *Should* be today also, but being the third day, I'd need a Dr.'s note, and frankly I can't go spending who knows how much to get one. So here I am. No way I'll make it through though. #^#}^% I'm so tired....
Just want to crawl under table.

I hope you get some rest and feel better soon.

[Sunflower123]

We have cleaners at the house today and they are using Pinesol. It’s the same scent as the Pinesol the babysitter who used to beat me when I was five used. I’m physically sick over it and very agitated. That was over 40 years ago. What in the world is going on?

[Nammu]

Smells are powerful triggers.

[tecomsin]

I am struggling with a guilty conscience. There are things that I never told another living soul, nor could I, not even my psychiatrist because I wouldn't want to jeopardize my freedom based on confidentiality laws.

I remember doing things while in a dysphoric, delusional manic state. I thought I was serving a 'higher purpose'.

I've mulled over starting an anonymous journal or writing emails to myself but I don't trust that gmail is really confidential nor is any other web site. So I will take these things to my grave.

I think it is easier to write about wrong that have been done to one's self than wrongs that the individual has done. I see a lot of the former here but less of the latter, esp really wrong things, that may be illegal for instance or just morally . wrong.

[MissDenim]

I'm so, so, mad! They made the appointment today and when I went there, they said, "Oh, she only comes every other Friday. This is not one of those Fridays." So, I had to reschedule my appointment to next Friday, a whole week later! So instead of three weeks, it will be four weeks! Maybe this time, I'll write down my thoughts so I don't forget them when I go in there. Four weeks is a long time! And sometimes she talks a lot. Sometimes, I let her because I don't have much to say, but this time, I have a lot to say!

[Moose72]

Saw pdoc today. She said i was doing very well and im only on rexulti now and seroquel though she said the seroquel isnt at a theroputic dose. So im surviving well on just rexulti. Doesnt want to see me for two months! Also ive been preparing for my trip tuesfay morning. Getting trial sizes and collecting clothes etc. My mom is coming over with my suitcase in the morning to help me pack.

[Unrigged64072835]

Long week. Since we'll be stuck here for a real long while as we pay off this home loan we're going to utilize the bedrooms upstairs. One will be extra storage and the other will be a sewing/craft room. We picked up another large table to put the sewing machines on this afternoon. Once the bedrooms are cleaned we can move stuff in and around. My husband wants to put in a new bathroom in the basement since the plumbing is already there. I'm like groaning, not until next year! I have things I want to do and plans to make this year.

I did a lot of cooking breakfast foods and freezing them this week. I also made cookies but they're already gone. This weekend is taking down the holiday decorations. Then it's cleaning the house from top to bottom. Joy. At least I'm getting my hair done tomorrow but this is a new stylist so we'll see.

Ready for bed, so goodnight and hope everyone has a better day.

[Pookyl]

Have beaten my pb for stability. I’ve now been been stable/episode free for 9 weeks.

[Pookyl]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Saw pdoc today. She said i was doing very well and im only on rexulti now and seroquel though she said the seroquel isnt at a theroputic dose. So im surviving well on just rexulti. Doesnt want to see me for two months! Also ive been preparing for my trip tuesfay morning. Getting trial sizes and collecting clothes etc. My mom is coming over with my suitcase in the morning to help me pack.

My dr said meds don’t necessarily need to be a therapeutic dose to work.
My valproate isn’t at a therapeutic dose. But it makes a huge difference to my wellness. I’m very suicidal without valproate.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone not much to update about; I am happy that is Friday and M and I got dinner after work and we are still planning on hanging out tomorrow, we are of course keeping it away from work; it's bad enough that all our coworkers saw the kissing on New Year's. We had a nice discussing of where this is going and had a nice make out session on my front doorstep. He asked me to be his girlfriend; I mean we have kinda sorta been dating since November if you consider the movie and dinner dates; holding hands; movie theater snuggles. I have a really good feeling about this relationship and it's nice to be dating a man who doesn't screw around when it comes to relationships; not to mention I feel safe and comfortable around him.

The new doc and nurse are adjusting just fabulously they go for EMR training next week; I think the same day I see the dentist after work so they are both getting close; obviously it's been kind of a chore trying to get doc switched over our office; it's still looking like February before he's allowed to officially practice. I am so thrilled that it working out so great.

Hugs to everyone

[jmariah001]

Doing okay at the moment mentally. IOP has been helping. Now if I can just get this cold to go away. The doc put me on antibiotics and a cough suppressant. I've had this cold for 3 weeks now. A lot of coughing. It has been keeping me up at night. I hope the no sleep doesn't trigger an episode. Like mania for instance. I hope everyone had a good New Years. Mine was okay. I was sick so I didn't do anything besides stay home. Just relaxing right now with some music playing. Tried sleeping earlier but the coughing woke me up. Maybe I should go try again. It is 7:30am my time. Oh well. Whenever I collapse I do.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

We have cleaners at the house today and they are using Pinesol. It’s the same scent as the Pinesol the babysitter who used to beat me when I was five used. I’m physically sick over it and very agitated. That was over 40 years ago. What in the world is going on?

I am so sorry you are going through this.
I agree with Nammu about scents/odors being powerful triggers.
Sounds like the way you were treated by the sitter was very toxic to you; understandably so.

I have found the odor of Pinesol lingers for awhile.

How are you doing today?

Thinking of you.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by jmariah001

Doing okay at the moment mentally. IOP has been helping. Now if I can just get this cold to go away. The doc put me on antibiotics and a cough suppressant. I've had this cold for 3 weeks now. A lot of coughing. It has been keeping me up at night. I hope the no sleep doesn't trigger an episode. Like mania for instance. I hope everyone had a good New Years. Mine was okay. I was sick so I didn't do anything besides stay home. Just relaxing right now with some music playing. Tried sleeping earlier but the coughing woke me up. Maybe I should go try again. It is 7:30am my time. Oh well. Whenever I collapse I do.

It's great you find IOP helpful!

So sorry you are experiencing a lingering cold. Sounds like you and your doctor are on top of it.

Please continue taking good care!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

I am struggling with a guilty conscience. There are things that I never told another living soul, nor could I, not even my psychiatrist because I wouldn't want to jeopardize my freedom based on confidentiality laws.

I remember doing things while in a dysphoric, delusional manic state. I thought I was serving a 'higher purpose'.

I've mulled over starting an anonymous journal or writing emails to myself but I don't trust that gmail is really confidential nor is any other web site. So I will take these things to my grave.

I think it is easier to write about wrong that have been done to one's self than wrongs that the individual has done. I see a lot of the former here but less of the latter, esp really wrong things, that may be illegal for instance or just morally . wrong.

So sorry you are having a rough time.
Sometimes there's nothing truly helpful we can do except to forgive ourselves and to strive to do better in the future.
Self compassion, when we can manage it, can be very helpful.
Thinking of you.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Pookyl

Have beaten my pb for stability. I’ve now been been stable/episode free for 9 weeks.

Congrats!
Must be a great feeling.
Feeling more hopeful about future stability?
I am very happy for you!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Saw pdoc today. She said i was doing very well and im only on rexulti now and seroquel though she said the seroquel isnt at a theroputic dose. So im surviving well on just rexulti. Doesnt want to see me for two months! Also ive been preparing for my trip tuesfay morning. Getting trial sizes and collecting clothes etc. My mom is coming over with my suitcase in the morning to help me pack.

I am glad you have found Rexulti helpful.
I hope your trip goes well!

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm starting seroquel tonight

How did it go the first night?
I hope you find Seroquel helpful.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Tired and rundown AF. Been out sick the last couple of days from work. *Should* be today also, but being the third day, I'd need a Dr.'s note, and frankly I can't go spending who knows how much to get one. So here I am. No way I'll make it through though. #^#}^% I'm so tired....
Just want to crawl under table.

I hope you can get some good rest over the weekend.
Thinking of you.

WC

[Wild Coyote]

I have had 3 very busy days in a row. I usually try for every other day, as I often need a day to recover after each day of a lot of activity.
Needless to say, I am very tired and need a break. I am hoping I'll get that break today.

I am encouraged by those experiencing stability.

I am sorry so many are struggling.

Love to All!

WC

[tecomsin]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

So sorry you are having a rough time.
Sometimes there's nothing truly helpful we can do except to forgive ourselves and to strive to do better in the future.
Self compassion, when we can manage it, can be very helpful.
Thinking of you.

WC

Thanks so much WC for this response and the care you take to respond to everyone on this thread. My anguish is a little bit better today.

I was reading yesterday about a bicyclist who ran a traffic light and ended up hitting and killing an elderly man who was crossing in a pedestrian zone under the light. He was finally charged, but only with running red light. They could have thrown the book at the young cyclist but he will have to live forever with the memory of that fatal collision and that he took the life of another person.

Not sure why but that story had a big effect on me.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by tecomsin

Thanks so much WC for this response and the care you take to respond to everyone on this thread. My anguish is a little bit better today.

I was reading yesterday about a bicyclist who ran a traffic light and ended up hitting and killing an elderly man who was crossing in a pedestrian zone under the light. He was finally charged, but only with running red light. They could have thrown the book at the young cyclist but he will have to live forever with the memory of that fatal collision and that he took the life of another person.

Not sure why but that story had a big effect on me.

Yes, sometimes our regrets are more than enough "punishment." Additionally, we often do not show ourselves as much compassion as others afford us.

I hope you can reach a place of inner peace.


WC