[Guiness187055]

I was selected to do a medical study so I had that appt this morning at 9:00. After an extra 30 minutes of feeling out paperwork and spending 30 minutes with the nurse I found out I was five years to young for the study. At least they gave me $25 for some of my time. I then went to get blood work done and went out to lunch. Now I am getting ready to go grocery shopping with the wife.

[zijax]

Want to go off meds. Don't think they're working. Moody. Will ask pdoc.first

[wildflowerchild25]

I can feel my winter depression setting in. At least I think that’s what it is. I’m over the cold and darkness and it’s only January. My appetite is getting all screwed up again. I’m not sure about sleep since I’ve been on vacation for ten days. I was staying up late and sleeping in till eleven. Today was the first day I had to get up at 7a. I went to sleep last night around midnight. That’s not enough sleep for me; I’m a ten hour type of girl. I took an hour nap when I got home from work but I’m hoping to go to sleep much earlier tonight. Like by 10:30.

I just want to curl up in my weighted blanket and sleep the day away. I just feel depressed. I’m not quite sure what to do as I can’t do anything about the weather and darkness. I’m thinking I could get a light box but I don’t really have anywhere to set it up. There’s absolutely nothing I can do about the cold.

I’m gonna see where this goes. I have a pdoc appt on February 19. I can call her to get in earlier if I need to. I wonder if I should just call and see if she might increase the lamictal to head this off. I’m gonna wait a week though. It might not get bad. If it’s just mild I can power through.

**** winter man. I hate this season.

[MissDenim]

I hate winter! I'm always freezing and when I'm freezing, my body hurts. I was also still dealing with migraines. I ended up sleeping in really late, until 3pm. I usually never do that, but I was still in pain and I did not want to get out of bed. I'm still in pain and I just want to go back to bed, but if I do, I may fall asleep, and it's way too early for that.

Hopefully, tomorrow is a better day. Hugs to all.

[Faltering]

I saw both my psychologist and pdoc today. My psychologist gave me some mindfulness strategies to help my anxiety about work and anxiety in general. My pdoc talked about doing FMLA paperwork but I think that would just make things worse at work. He increased the Adderall to keep me awake during the day. He took me off lithium. I'm happy about that. He also prescribed a thyroid medication based on my blood work. Maybe I'll be able to lose weight now.

[Lefty Seven]

In 2013 my crazy friend Anita's friend Tom destroyed our family-owned biotech recruiting consultancy. It's a long story which would bore you. In 2016, Anita told me Tom had an affair, which is remarkable because Tom's built like a Keebler elf.

According to Lefty's Vengeance Almanac, 2019 is the year I anonymously tell Tom's wife about the affair. I'm incapable of discretionary warfare, escalating directly from LEFCON 5 (ignore enemy) to LEFCON 1 (nuke enemy's marriage six years later).

The risk, of course, is that I might not be able to convince Anita that I wasn't the source of the disclosure; if the affairess is somehow disqualified and I'm the only one Anita told about the affair, she'll find something sharp and kill me with it. Nobody ever said revenge was going to be easy.

[Blueberrybook]

H starts his new job tomorrow. Hope the insurance stuff gets sorted out ASAP as right now, we don't have any.

Feeling like practically everything at once, having a hard time of it, emotionally jumbled.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's nice to hear from you today!
Happy New Year to you!

I do understand that time spent online can create problems for some people.
It'll be a treat for us anytime you decide to check-in!


WC

Thank you! This place is very supportive and has really helped me this past year during some tough times.

[wildflowerchild25]

Just found out my current pdoc is not in my new insurance network. Cue search for a new pdoc. Kill me now.

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Just found out my current pdoc is not in my new insurance network. Cue search for a new pdoc. Kill me now.

My pdoc does not take insurance. The one's in my network are horrible. I am more than glad to pay the $200 per visit to my pdoc even if I can't really afford it. You can't put a price on a good pdoc.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone long day for me as usual, work was really good coming back from the party. The new doc started today so I made him shadow M since when he is allowed to practice he will be taking over as M's supervising physician so I need those two to get along. The nurse also started today from the evil place she had just had enough and wanted a better employer and missed me a lot. M and I have agreed to keep our relationship outside of work; I mean my office will still be open and we can still talk; but it's better to keep it outside of those doors; besides after the party it's pretty obvious to the office our feelings toward each other.

I also called and found a new dentist; stupid wisdom tooth is getting ejected next week; I also get to see the Cardiologist next week and then the week after I am seeing the Psych PA; M recommended and had a rotation under; figure I should at least give it one more shot and if he wants to meddle to much I can always walk out of his office and stick with my current provider; I mean it's working well; my meds work, I'm stable, my anxiety is managed, my depression has been kicked to curb; I am doing the whole diet and exercise thing.

Hugs to everyone

[winter loneliness]

I am lonely

I'm feeling sad

today my chest of drawers got crushed- because they are broken, so it's like the natural thing to happen, but bleh....

I can't stand losing things or getting rid of things

I'm the type of person who would keep out of date crisps in the house just because the packaet is still full

I don't know... I'll be fine, just sad

[Aurelius710]

Paper, paper, paper! Hope to have it finished and turned in to my professor by this coming Monday. That will take two sources of stress off my back once that's all finished.

ECT today. I kinda like being knocked unconscious and the car ride.

[liveforsummer]

Good start to January. Feeling more optimistic. Have a plan from tapering/adjusting meds to see how low a dose I can get to while remaining stable. I’m hoping to be off of everything in the next few months. I’m journalling to keep track of things so things don’t go sideways. I hope for a year of new things, travel, laughter and splendour!
Happy belated 2019 all and hugs to those off to a rough start.

I just talked to one of my paternal uncles for the first time in years. I won't go into details why, but it was in regards to something that could possibly be beneficial to him. I feel for him and his wife. They've had a rough life as a result of my cousin's addictions, who happens to also have bipolar disorder. I'm not saying my cousin is to blame for her illness. Believe me. But an illness and associated addiction untreated early on can affect everyone in severe ways, including my cousin's children.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night sweating and with my heart racing. It scared me. I called for my night owl husband who brought me some Ativan and rubbed my back for a while. That helped. I'm not quite sure what brought that on. I got my period last night, but such occurrences are not regular with that. I did take a couple big steps yesterday. I inquired about French lessons and a volunteer job. If I do even one, let alone both, that would be a giant step forward for me. Perhaps that contributed to last night.

I may not hear back from the volunteer contact, but surely will from the French school. I think I'll need to maybe wait until next week to hear from them. It's probably still holiday break for both.

Originally Posted by winter loneliness

I am lonely

I'm sorry you're lonely, winter loneliness. I get lonely, too. Sometimes I go out places to see people, even if just to see them, though often I chat with someone at least a bit. Going places does often equal money to spend, but it need not be too much. One slice of plain pizza isn't too expensive. Nor is a small coffee or tea at a cafe.

Sometimes I wish we could have a once per week "meetup" in a thread where a time and date is set and people can join. I think that would be a little different than just the online chat, which is usually too fast and confusing for me.

[MissDenim]

I woke up with another migraine today. I'm tired of it. My mom thinks I'm straining my eyes and wants me to get new glasses. So, I guess we're going to try that first and see if the new glasses help. First, we need to find an eye doctor. What a great way to start off the new year... NOT!!!

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my therapist, finally. I've been needing to talk to her. Usually, I have an appointment with her every two weeks, but because of Christmas and New Years, it was almost 3 weeks. Usually, I can handle that just fine, but this time, it just wasn't very easy, especially with the holidays.

[wildflowerchild25]

I feel terrible today. I didn’t sleep much again, probably got to sleep around 12:30. I went to bed at 9:15 so I just tossed and turned for hours. My appetite is ****ed. Everything I think about eating makes me feel nauseous. I came close to throwing up while my student was in speech. I thought I was gonna have to run to the bathroom. I wonder if I have a stomach virus or if it’s just the depression.

I had a horrific dream right before my alarm went off this morning. I’m not going to go into details but it involved violence toward me and my son from my husband when he was in n drugs. My husband was never violent with me or my son but this was super scary. I’m still uncomfortable thinking about it.

So far I’ve had mini muffins and a protein shake today. I just drank the protein shake and now I feel queasy again. This has been going on for a couple of weeks though; so I don’t think it’s a virus. I wonder if I should go to the dr.

I’m soooo tired. I just want to sleep. I can’t imagine doing anything except curling up in a blanket but I really have to clean today. At least a little bit.

I hope this depression doesn’t last too long or get worse.

[hopeless2015]

I've not done much but sleep for 3 days now. Was supposed to go back to work yesterday but I've called in. Need to get my *** up and go tomorrow, just need to do it. Hugs to all

[Blueberrybook]

I'm doing a bit better with the ED stuff today, did a walk (not until afternoon, when the rain stopped) and not quite 3 miles.

Picked up groceries from curbside at Walmart. Got home and did a double take. I should have checked my car before leaving. I'd accidentally ordered something like a 16 lb. bag of dry cat food. I don't have a closed container big enough for that! Usually, I buy 3 lb. bags, sometimes the next size up, just over 6 lb. I'd thought my order looked expensive once I checked out and forgot to double check it to see if I'd messed up and then didn't look in the back after the employee loaded my car. Guess who will be returning a giant bag of Meow Mix to Wal-mart tomorrow? Fun times.

Mood OK, pretty decent, stablish, maybe? H started his new job today but hasn't made it home yet.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello guys not a lot to update about; work was really good I think I struck a good balance with bringing in this doc; he and M are getting along fantastically and doc doesn't seem to be mad that I am making him shadow a PA instead of another doc at the clinic he actually understands my reasoning as to why he shadowing who he is shadowing. I seem to be finding my happiness in my job; usually at this mark I start feeling like work just sucks and I can't wait to go home for the day; instead I am waking up refreshed and looking forward to work in the morning. I honestly can't remember the last time I actually looked forward to and loved my job.

This weekend M and I are having another date we are going to go out to eat and enjoy snuggling up at the movie theater; we both want to see Bumblebee. So there is my Saturday plan and probably the gym with the roommate.

I am doing a lot better with what I am putting in my body and exercising; I realize I'm never going to have my high school cheerleading body; but if I could just loose the weight Zyprexa caused me and go back to the weight I was when I first started at my old job; granted if I notice a big difference I might try and go for the body I had when I was getting my Associate's. I just want to be healthy; for so long I was dependent on the microwave and fast food; that now that I am actually caring I notice a difference; not to mention with all the water I've been drinking my skin seems so much shinier and I feel better.

Hugs to everyone

I am trying to hold it together.

someone who I've known for... maybe 6 months now has suddenly decided she wants something diffrent in her life.

this means I don't get to see her and we were really close

I found out this morning and was devistated (I even cried)

[Blue_Bird]

I'm starting seroquel tonight