[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by Wander

Is Ambian also called Stillnox? If so the Stillnox sleepers down here in Aus made me hallucinate, and not even sleep that well. Apparently it is dangerous stuff. People even 'sleep drive'.

Yup same stuff.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

My brother and I went to say goodbye to our father yesterday. We got there to a surprise. Monday they were preparing the paperwork to remove life support. Tuesday he woke from the coma and is alert and trying to talk (mouth words; they aren't making sense as far as anyone could tell).

It was really weird. He looks old and frail. I took time to say to him what I wanted/needed to say for all these years. I have no idea if he understood me. He squeezed my hand while I talked but when I met his eyes as I left they were as scary as ever. I am choosing to believe he understood.

They are starting rehab and hope he'll be able to move to a nursing home in a month or 2.

I'm exhausted. The trip was 14 hours yesterday plus 2 hours Tuesday and 2 hours today. I got to my motel at 11:30 last night.

I feel weird, like everyone will assume I've been exaggerating his condition. I haven't; I've been going on what I was told. I know medically he isn't likely to live a long time but he also wasn't supposed to live so it's hard to believe any other guesses. I didn't call today; tomorrow I'll have more questions.

so bizarre....

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

So my husband made reservations for a hotel in Savannah GA in April as a huge surprise for me as I’m tired of just going to see the kids. A couple weeks ago.

They took out the money today !!!!!!! Most do payment day of check in, not this place. So our bank account is dripping in red.

Our bank is an hour away I’m going to deposit money after my Pdoc appt tomorrow.

This has screwed everything up. We still have some things set up to pull out end of the month so we have to figure out just what needs to go in.

Living on SSDI is just living in poverty, scrimping by and praying nothing breaks.

Neither of us can work he’s on oxygen and I have my fibromyalgia PsA and chronic fatigue and messy Bipolar.

We just have to decide what things we can sell and hope we can get a decent amount of $ for it.

Another plucking day in my life. I feel a rage bubbling up.

I tried to respond to you last night and PC's server hamster went on strike and couldn't respond. I'm sorry the hotel did that to you; can you call the hotel and explain the situation or call the travel company? That has happened to me granted I was charged twice for not staying because they couldn't find my reservation. I had to call corporate to get the issue fixed; not to mention most computer based reservations are good up until the day you go; so you should have free cancellation.

I am so sorry about SSDI not giving you a livable wage and i'm sorry that you are feeling rage; how about a nice hug to settle things?

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone; I hope everyone had a good Thursday. I'm busy with work as usual; granted I love the project I am working on; granted I have always loved interior design so it's like right in my alley.

I ended up taking lunch to my psych to figure out healthy boundaries given this odd relationship; which he told me not to worry and that's he has never committed anyone with my type of Bipolar and if I ever did need IP which he doubts I ever will since I have the lesser form and it's high functioning; I still have no idea honestly but I've realized that I just need to realize I'm not going to have healthy boundaries with him. He also took the time of lunch to ask how my med adjustment was doing which I honestly cannot tell a difference between XR and my good friend IR. I'm still falling asleep fifteen minutes after I take it and waking up ready to tackle the day; so it's doing something right.

My stomach is also pretty dodgy most of the day and it is really acting up tonight.

Hugs to everyone

[wildflowerchild25]

I felt really fragile today. Like I could cry at any moment. I guarantee it’s PMS. But I was specifically having anxiety about the weather. It was warmish but it was pouring and I looked ahead to the forecast and it’s supposed to be freezing cold again starting Saturday. I was freaking out, thinking about how in the hell am I going to make it until spring like this. I’m really struggling. But I calmed down with the distraction of work. Then I made a nice dinner for RS and me (mini chicken pot pies). My son couldn’t wait until dinner so he had just plain chicken. I had a great night cuddling and talking with RS so I’m even calmer now. But I’m still struggling with thinking about making it through the winter. I wish I could take a vacation to Florida. When I’m retired (if I ever get to retire) I want to be a snow bird.

In other news I have a toothache. Since my mom was just in the ER for an infected tooth I plan to call the dentist tomorrow and hopefully get in on Monday. Which sucks because I absolutely hate the dentist, probably why I have a toothache. I’m sure it’s probably got at least a cavity, if not needing a root canal. At least I have dental insurance now.

[Lefty Seven]

I just caught a public nuisance charge while walking in Waikiki wearing my OFF MY MEDS T-shirt. The arresting officer was a very tall, very blonde transsexual who was hot, which was sexually confusing. I'll probably wear the shirt when I appear in court. There goes my pristine criminal record.

I thought this was America, man.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hello everyone; I hope everyone had a good Thursday. I'm busy with work as usual; granted I love the project I am working on; granted I have always loved interior design so it's like right in my alley.

I ended up taking lunch to my psych to figure out healthy boundaries given this odd relationship; which he told me not to worry and that's he has never committed anyone with my type of Bipolar and if I ever did need IP which he doubts I ever will since I have the lesser form and it's high functioning; I still have no idea honestly but I've realized that I just need to realize I'm not going to have healthy boundaries with him. He also took the time of lunch to ask how my med adjustment was doing which I honestly cannot tell a difference between XR and my good friend IR. I'm still falling asleep fifteen minutes after I take it and waking up ready to tackle the day; so it's doing something right.

My stomach is also pretty dodgy most of the day and it is really acting up tonight.

Hugs to everyone

That does sound a bit complicated with the psych. Are you comfortable enough with the situation to keep seeing him? Hope you feel better!

[TheSeaCat]

Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs

That does sound a bit complicated with the psych. Are you comfortable enough with the situation to keep seeing him? Hope you feel better!

I am; then again he's the only one who actually bothered to listen to what I was saying; besides it's hard to find a good psych and if what he says is true then I shouldn't worry about being friends. I hope this stomach bug passes quickly.

[Wander]

Time to get drunk.

chronic pain is certainly taking over today

I did manage to shower, (like I try to every friday), but that's my limit for today.

after I have finished here, I am going to sit on my bed, watch bizardvark, and just be greatful it's friday and that another week's finished.
random thought:

if people call friday the end of the week, why is saturday and sunday called a weekend

[Wander]

Wow. Was up and ready to drink. Suddenly I’ve crashed. Like BAD. I feel dangerously violent. If my ex-husband wasn’t with me I would’ve been in trouble. Now I’m terrified. It’s happening again. There is no hope left with medical treatment. It’s a long weekend anyway so not able to contact pdoc/T. I just realised I never recovered since the horror mixed episode I had Sep/Oct. I was hospitalised for a month and had ECT. My mind is out of control. I have to heal myself. I’m scared. I will lose everything if I can’t stop this downward spiral. Including my mind.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry for everyone who's struggling I hope you'll all feel better soon. Please don't give up. Things can get better. Try to hang on. I'm here for everyone who wants to talk. Sending many hugs to everyone

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I felt really fragile today. Like I could cry at any moment. I guarantee it’s PMS. But I was specifically having anxiety about the weather. It was warmish but it was pouring and I looked ahead to the forecast and it’s supposed to be freezing cold again starting Saturday. I was freaking out, thinking about how in the hell am I going to make it until spring like this. I’m really struggling. But I calmed down with the distraction of work. Then I made a nice dinner for RS and me (mini chicken pot pies). My son couldn’t wait until dinner so he had just plain chicken. I had a great night cuddling and talking with RS so I’m even calmer now. But I’m still struggling with thinking about making it through the winter. I wish I could take a vacation to Florida. When I’m retired (if I ever get to retire) I want to be a snow bird.

In other news I have a toothache. Since my mom was just in the ER for an infected tooth I plan to call the dentist tomorrow and hopefully get in on Monday. Which sucks because I absolutely hate the dentist, probably why I have a toothache. I’m sure it’s probably got at least a cavity, if not needing a root canal. At least I have dental insurance now.

Yesterday was odd, weather-wise, but I kind of liked the rain. I believe we live in the same state. I wish winter was over, too.

I'm glad you have dental insurance. I don't and spent over $3,000 on two root canals, various x-rays, etc. recently. The root canals weren't bad at all, though. I thought the endodontist who did mine was great. I'd definitely recommend her.

Spent all of yesterday crying and all of this morning screaming

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

My brother and I went to say goodbye to our father yesterday. We got there to a surprise. Monday they were preparing the paperwork to remove life support. Tuesday he woke from the coma and is alert and trying to talk (mouth words; they aren't making sense as far as anyone could tell).

It was really weird. He looks old and frail. I took time to say to him what I wanted/needed to say for all these years. I have no idea if he understood me. He squeezed my hand while I talked but when I met his eyes as I left they were as scary as ever. I am choosing to believe he understood.

They are starting rehab and hope he'll be able to move to a nursing home in a month or 2.

I'm exhausted. The trip was 14 hours yesterday plus 2 hours Tuesday and 2 hours today. I got to my motel at 11:30 last night.

I feel weird, like everyone will assume I've been exaggerating his condition. I haven't; I've been going on what I was told. I know medically he isn't likely to live a long time but he also wasn't supposed to live so it's hard to believe any other guesses. I didn't call today; tomorrow I'll have more questions.

so bizarre....

Oh BeyondtheRainbow, I am at a loss for words. How very difficult and strange that must be for you. You are in my thoughts. Please try to remember to do some nice things for yourself. You are really going through the ringer.

Got a volunteer position I went for, so that's cool. On the (paying) job front I have an interview, and am supposed to call for a phone interview on another job, but I'm just not feeling it today. Need to step up regardless. Got rejected on another, but at least they let me know. I respect that.

Also, having a shopping challenge. I think I know what I want, but can't find it. Sure, I *could* do online, but it's the kind of thing fit is critical for and I don't want to deal with a lot of back and forth bs. It may come to that though. Sigh.

Having trouble motivating today.

Yesterday seemed like a reprieve from a week of not feeling good mood-wise, but today that reprieve ended. It's definitely possible that this weekend may be good. Very often when I start to get out of a slump it's one day better, than slump again. Two days better, return to slight slump. Then maybe three OK days, then a really good one, then maybe it's a really good sign. I'll see if that pattern applies this time around.

I've had "stable" time this year, but not exactly motivated stable time since July 2018. Yea, some days here and there, but not long-lasting, unless you count my Christmas cookie baking bonanza, which lasted almost a few weeks. Maybe three weeks ago, I felt passionate about studying French for almost a week. But that petered out.

Throughout my life, the end of February, March, or April usually marks an upswing in my mood. It's fairly reliable. But that upswing often rises a little too far, especially if stress is involved. I'm getting mighty sick of being on doses of 500 mg to 650 mg of Seroquel XR. If an upswing does occur, it's possible that my dose could go even higher than that range. I've been dreaming of getting down to at least 450 mg, but is a dose that low in my future? I don't know.

[wildflowerchild25]

Kept my son home from school again today. He was up a couple of times every hour last night complaining and crying about his stuffy nose. I barely got any sleep and woke up with a massive headache so it was as much for me as it was for him. I really hope he doesn’t get sick again for awhile because I can’t miss work again for awhile. I should have never taken those days off when depressed. I wish I hadn’t.

I just found out that my father in law who has terminal cancer only has a couple of months left to live. That’s terrible. The only good thing is they are moving back here from Tennessee next weekend so he can live his last days close to family. I thought maybe we would never see him again if they didn’t come back. My mother in law has to tell him he’s dying. What an awful position to be in. I love him. My son and I will miss him terribly when he’s gone.

At least it was a nice day out today. Cold but sunny so the cold wasn’t as bad.

[TheSeaCat]

Hello everyone and a very happy Friday. I hope everyone had a good friday. We were very short handed at work today and I ended up having to fill in as a receptionist; which I have to do from time to time; one was out sick and we are already working with a missing recptionist anyway. Work was fine no major problems; I'm pretty sure I had a 24 hour stomach bug because I felt fine when I woke up.

After work I ended up getting my nieces and taking them Valentine's Card shopping for school; that and it had been a little bit since I had them; we got the cards which reminds me of how different adults and children celebrate this holiday. We went shopping and then we all went out to eat. It was nice hanging out with the monsters.

Tomorrow is date day as usual; I don't know what the plan is but whatever it is very nice spending time with him.

Hugs to everyone

I'm undoing a lot of the decisions i made while hm late last year. I had decided i would watch TV on my tablet and put my giant flat screen in the closet and had a nice desk. But watching on my tablet was too claustrophobic and wearing earbuds all the time was disorienting. So i put my TV back out here and am enjoying it.

I've found a nice online radio station i like. Listening while laying down with my eyes closed is a nice sedentary activity to do while depressed. I didn't shower again today and feel filthy and i had a gory food binge too. It's the dead of Winter tho so i don't expect much.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Wander

Wow. Was up and ready to drink. Suddenly I’ve crashed. Like BAD. I feel dangerously violent. If my ex-husband wasn’t with me I would’ve been in trouble. Now I’m terrified. It’s happening again. There is no hope left with medical treatment. It’s a long weekend anyway so not able to contact pdoc/T. I just realised I never recovered since the horror mixed episode I had Sep/Oct. I was hospitalised for a month and had ECT. My mind is out of control. I have to heal myself. I’m scared. I will lose everything if I can’t stop this downward spiral. Including my mind.

Would you consider resuming ECT? I have a treatment every four weeks and that keeps me fairly stable.

[Wander]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Would you consider resuming ECT? I have a treatment every four weeks and that keeps me fairly stable.

Thanks for the idea. At the moment I am very suspicious of medical treatment. No matter what I have tried it has failed. In fact I think it is a system of control. For me the 10 Bifrontal ECT's I had last year only erased my memory of the entire year, outside of a few moments. No real improvement has been seen by me. I appreciate your input but this is where I am at now.

[pirilin]

Garage sale Day one:

The bad dog, Whiskey, ate a just bought, cushion.
And was going for the 2nd when my wife found out.
Both were dark blue. Apparently he dislikes that particular color.
There were six cushions, and only two dark blue.
It was my fault, of course.
I did close the backyard door with the dogs outside.

I should have put him in his cage, she said.
But I had a "customer" waiting in the garage.

And he bites. 18 times on 15 people.
I think he has antisocial personality.
Always mean. And uncontrollable rage against the world,
Specially if he doesn't get to meet who's at the door. To bite 'em.
He's a Dachshound and fights dogs twice or three times his size.
Something wrong with that boy.

Anyway, the sale started with a loss.
I was late to open the door, so a few "prospects" went by.

I placed a few signs like at 10, and a few people by.
Less than ten cars in the whole day. We closed at 4:00PM.
Even if I was sleeping at 3:00PM.

I sold 97 bucks of my stuff. My poor wife, .75 cents of hers.

She has out the most beautiful Chritsmas(sp) ornaments I've seen.
Three boxes tha she has never put out during the season.
She will make a killing in November.

The highlight of the day, a bag-lady-in-a-bicycle.
With two car mirrows attached to her helmet with tie downs.
The whole bicycle full of junk in several compartments.

She's looking at one of my wife's ornaments. Three gourgeous balls.
Brand new in the box. They must have costed way over 10 dollars.
My wife asks .25 cents, and she asks if the prices were negotiable.
I jumped in and said SOLD. And bought the balls from my wife.
I paid 25 cents each, even if she wanted 25 cents for the three.
That was her only sale.
I sold them in less than an hour, for four dollars.
She "called" some imaginary friend in a toy phone, and thankfully left.

Let's see if I want to sell today. And get the real stuff out.
I hate to sell. Buying is my thing.

Cheers.

[Guiness187055]

I can't take this not sleeping anymore. Every effn night I get up around 3am. No matter what I take or what I do. I go to bed after midnight hoping I will be tired enough to sleep. But no nothing can be easy with my life FML

still in a lot of chronic pain.

getting dressed today was an absolute nightmare and I lost my patience with my back on several ocasions (I know, I'm so bad!)

music on now and just chilling. probably should do something and make the most of the day... but do what, exactly.

it's not like I really want to do anything