[Sunflower123]

Good to know about noom. I was curious about it. Not doing $140 for 6 months though.

[bizi]

Jenn,
it works out to be about $25 dollars a month.
I am not phone savy....
The keto diet sounds interesting.
they recommend:
1,500 calories
30 grams of carbs
68 grams of protein
123 grams of fat.

I can use the Free Diet Plans at SparkPeople
sight to track everything.
Maybe I can do this.
bizi
I need to stop drinking if I ever want to really lose this weight.

[bizi]

Made it AF one day last night.
There was free wine and beer at the awards ceremony, and I resisted!!!!
Great accomplishment for me. I drank water.
The food was just fair. I ate a piece of cheese and 2 slices of ham before leaving home.
There was spinach dip, some veggies and 2 small egg rolls, a piece of cold catfish and
2 small quiches and a small petite fore cake which was very good.
I ate it in the bathroom because I knew I would get it all over me!
Ate too much but hey I remained AF.
I looked so fat...sigh, I did not get this way over night.
182.6 this morning.
I would like to remain AF until memorial day, that is 2 weeks.
I can do 2 weeks.
We are going to a dinner tonight, was invited along with faculty/friends. and
at that last minute was told that we were to contribute money for the crawfish.
Who invites people over for dinner then later asks them to help pay?????
We are still going and bringing potato salad (store bought).
Woke up feeling great at 8am with the alarm, turned it off then rested for about
10 minutes and got up clear headed.
Was going to do Noom for weight loss but it is done on your phone
and I am not that good about doing stuff on my phone,
Barely got the app loaded on my phone, decided against
joining so canceled the membership right away.
I thought they had live meetings, they don't.
I know how to lose weight have done it before.
Need to not drink alcohol and Intermittant fasting, low carb.
Keto is too hard for me.
Some of the recipes look good though!
I could eat chicken salad for lunch if the menu doesn't
look good at sandras health food cafe where I eat most lunches...
This party we are going to will be a challenge to not drink due to
my social anxiety issues.
We have another end of the year party to go to tomorrow.
So another night of not cooking.
yay! Another chance to over eat.
Hope yall have a good day.
Hug your familys because you never know what the future
may bring.
thanks for reading!
bizi

[bizi]

social anxiety issues won,
I drank 3 beers at the party tonight.
bizi

[bizi]

We are actually doing something today!
Gumbo for lunch at 1130, then pick up paul to take him to the airport. He is flying out to see his girlfriend who lives in hong kong.
They canceled his first flight, was supposed to leave at 6 am now 2;30 pm.
so he is very unhappy about that. There are storms predicted all weekend, I hope that doesn't affect his travels any more... He flies from lafayette to dallas then direct flight to hong kong.


We are going out of town to see an art exhibit" impressionists" in the Shaw center in Baton Rouge.
But First we will see the old state building, supposed to look like a castle. It is open until 3pm from what the web sight says., so we will do that first. There is a brewery that we can check out and of course our favorite restaurant : (The Chimes) for dinner. Love the New orleans style BBQ shrimp that I always order.

So a full day.
The drive is about 1&1/2 hour so not too too bad.
I slept in late this morning.
Work has been slow. I have been drinking too much.

Not good.

I need to get some more clients.
The ad comes out soon in the les bon jour senior newspaper. I am running an add only once to see if I get any clients. It is $80 a pop and the paper comes out every 2 months/6 times per year.

WE are still watching episodes of LOST every night, some times 2 back to back. It is something that we do together.

WE are on the final season...it is so good.
It ran for 6 years, 120 episodes in the entire collection.
Jeff says no more after this...we have seen the entire series 4 times over the years. I waited patiently when he said this 3 years ago. lol

My rosacea is finally calming down just a few scruffy areas where there is some scabs from breakage...me popping the pimples and such. The redness is going away in one area which is good. and is very red in another area. But over all it is better.

[bizi]

My rosacea started to act up again.

This morning I have 2 new areas that

are painful and have small bumps on them.

There are at the same place as the ones

that are healing up so more redness and

pimples in a day or more.

sigh
Sleep was awful....night sweat.
Bad sleep, kept dreaming but can't remember them now.
I could not get comfortable in bed then I realized

I had forgotten to take my night meds so got up and took them.
Had stayed up and watched 2 episodes of lost.
Yesterday was a lot of fun. There was a festival of oysters as an added bonus! Had some really good ones.
The art was good, the old state capital was good.
The brew pub was small and quaint.
The chimes was great food as always.
They cook the shrimp just perfectly.
I love it!!!!!

have a great day yall!
bizi
Jeff just gave me some coffee,

am deciding if I take a shower or not.
I think not.

I will take one tomorrow morning.

I should get moving, the rains held

off yesterday to today.
Our friends plan got grounded and

cancelled due to weather.
It has been raining today and will all day.
He will have to fly out monday to hong kong.
Jeff and his friend mike are flying out to

colorado for their vacation. Paul is not going of the delay.

This time Garth did not want to go because

Paul is so obnoxious and gets hammered.
But now that he is not going.....

Jeff asked garth wanted to go but he had made other plans
well have to go.
bizi

[bizi]

We went out to eat at a Vietnamese noodle house tonight
for brisket pho. It was very good.
Had these little sandwiches for an appetizer and
lemon drop martinis which were very good.
I am stuffed!!!!
bizi

[bizi]

I am getting ready to rake up a few leaves from the magnolia tree in the back yard, front yard too, that is if I don't get blisters from raking and have enough yard barrels to fill up.
Then I am going to go see Doris my friend that is if she is up for a visit. Before then I think I will go look at an antique store, I have not done that in ages. I don't need a thing but it is fun to go look every now and then.
For lunch, we had our usual trip to chris' po boys. I had the chicken and sausage gumbo and jeff had half a muffalotto, Had a couple of really small bites. It was delicious! Of course my gumbo was great, lots of meat and a great roux.

Jeff has his gig tonight with the 20 piece big band. They play this dance every other month. It doesn't pay well at all, the musicians love the band/ music and play any way. They play from 7-10. Not sure what I am doing....
Don't know what we will do for dinner as we are both full from our latish lunch. We should eat the talapia which is lite.
I need to get going if I am to do all that I want to do. It is humid outside and 90 degrees. Hot and humidity is expected for the week. It is nice and cool in the house.
Have a great memorial weekend.
bizi

[bizi]

We are having a couple of people over tomorrow for memorial day. they are coming at 5pm we will have pork chops and chicken, corn on the cob and green salad and fruit and then abigail is bringing a home baked apple pie.
Jeff is BBQ ing, mike is bring his own meat to throw on the grill.
it is supposed to be hot tomorrow, 90's, hello summer. hardly any spring.
It is almost june!
I hope you have a nice monday...
a lot of people have off work off I presume??
bizi ___

Nope, working. I was going to say, yum, I'll be right over. But that's entirely too hot for me...

[bizi]

I am sorry you have to work....maybe you can sneak out early?
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Usual time. It's all the same to me holiday-wise. I don't do anything for most holidays, so it's neither here nor there for me. No biggie.

(Though it *is* a very challenging week as I'm having to cover for the person normally in charge -- you know, who pretty much knows what she's doing, whereas I'm still pretty much a moron. LOL. It's ok, I just am not really cut out for this mega-corporate b.s. anyway. So I got another job. Start in a couple weeks. 5 people.)

[bizi]

Good luck this week....
I am glad to hear that you have another job lined up, one not so stressful I hope. Will you give a months notice?
just curious.
bizi

A month? Hell, no! This is just a retail clerk thing. High turnover. Two weeks. Which is about 2 weeks longer than I want to be there.

[bizi]

2 weeks hopefully will go by quickly. Do you have any sick time?vacation time built up? Is the new job full time?
Will it be stressful for you?
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Nah, I'm on the schedule already. Only about 3 hours of sick time anyway. The other is full time. That will be new for me (haven't worked full time in about 25 years). I'm kind of nervous, but I think it'll be alright. I have experience, just a little rusty. Stressful? Guess we'll find out. I met my coworkers the other day and they seem very nice.

[bizi]

Great!
Glad that you met some of them already.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

[bizi]

Well I met with my pdoc today.....
Dr.O is going to hook me up with a substance abuse counselor. She is with the center called victory and they utilize a 12 step program which I do not want to use and pdoc knows that.
sigh
Also, she too is cutting out my klonipin.

She said it is just not right her prescribing it since I drink.

I am at .5mg at night but wants me to go to .25mg at night for 3 weeks then discontinue that. I think that is too quick.

I have enough to taper it slower than that.

Like 1/2 and 1/4 pill=.375mg x2 weeks

then .25mg x 2 weeks

then .125mg x 2 weeks

then discontinue. That is 6 weeks, not 3.

She wants me to start taking the regular melatonin one hour before bed time(let it dissolve in my mouth first then swallow)

then take the long acting one right at bedtime.

She thinks the zyprexa should make me sleepy enough.

I am nervous about this.
I have been on klonipin for almost 2 decades! and regular melatonin never helped me before.
I guess I have to at least try.
Jeff is gone until saturday.

On a different note: I accidentally met up with a "meet up" group of women who let me join them while I was at fat pats.

It is a social group that go out to dinner/a meal twice a month. There were 10 of us and they were very nice and friendly. Some were drinking beer others just drank water. And the woman right across from me was eating her burger with out the bun. I asked her if she was doing a low carb diet and she was. So maybe I could join these ladies and do something different. Hey I might even make a friend!
The organizer of the group helped me get the app on my phone...I would have never been able to do that so I thanked her.

Her name is Nina. I met a jennifer and a molly. Don't know the rest of the gals names. Nina seemed to be the oldest in the group.
Will see how that goes.
bizi
who is doing a load of scrubs and it is beeping at me...it is done drying!

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I admire that you never give up with fighting the alcohol. I know it has to be so hard but you keep on fighting. Go Bizi!

[bizi]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I admire that you never give up with fighting the alcohol. I know it has to be so hard but you keep on fighting. Go Bizi!

Thank you rainbow. I have gained so much weight it is scary.
obese now and really hate it.
thank you for the compliment.
bizi

[bizi]

Used to take benadryl at night for 2 years then it stopped working.

Wonder if I could take/try that again?
I don't like chamomile tea, I know I am weird. Thanks for the suggestion bobby, glad that it helped you!

I took the regular melatonin and let it dissolve in my mouth which it took forever!!!!! Tonight I am going to chew it into pieces and try to let them dissolve. I pulled out my pill boxes for 2 weeks so I can get the tapering straight. She gave me 15 more pills today with no refills.
I remembered later last night that I used to get restless leg syndrome and the klonipin took that away. Maybe that was a side effect of one of the meds that I take. Will see if it comes back, I hope not.


Kay, I was given the name of the therapist who agreed to see me. I am to call her on monday as she is on vacation this week. I guess I will see what she has to say, apparently there is a non religious AA meeting that she knows about....I am not interested in the 12 steps so will try to go one time and see how it is run. It would be nice to have a sponsor though. Her charge is $120 an hour. She would see me every 2 weeks. Well I can't afford that.

Since jeff has been away...I have gone out.
I don't like to be alone.
Have eaten too much. Drank too much.
I pulled a big bunch of climbing wicked vines out of a bush in the front yard and a couple of wasps came flying out, I must have disturbed them.

What happened to the me that was dieting and going to the gym??????
I am now in the obese category and have a 40 inch waist which is extra hard on your heart.
heavy sigh
bizi

[raspberrytorte]

Hi bizi! I like reading your thread and seeing what you're up to. I don't have any dieting advice as I've gained about ten pounds.

Maybe you could try drinking just once a month and consider it a treat?

[bizi]

Originally Posted by raspberrytorte

Hi bizi! I like reading your thread and seeing what you're up to. I don't have any dieting advice as I've gained about ten pounds.

Maybe you could try drinking just once a month and consider it a treat?

thanks raspberry!
unfortunately I am an alcoholic.
It is either all or nothing for me.
I am calling a substance abuse specialist on monday.
Will see what she has to say.
bizi

[bizi]

just poured 5 beers down the drain.
Yesterday, I had 10-11 lost track. I did not even feel drunk! My tolerance had gotten so high.
Today is day 1.
I call the substance abuse counselor on monday to see if I can start some real therapy with an expert/specialist.
I also weighed myself.
188.3....I am really going to watch my carbs again and lose some of this weight. It is a repeated cycle. I stop drinking then diet and lose some weight then start drinking again and regain all that I lost.
I must break this cycle.
bizi

[bizi]

today is day 1....and I already want to drink. sigh

I won't though.

but my internet time has been out the roof so to speak.
at least I did a little yard work...it is all so overwhelming.
I neglected the yard for so long...it used to be so pretty now it is over grown and awful looking.
sigh
I spoke with a friend of mine she told me of a couple of AA meetings that are non religious. so that is great! It meets twice a week...wed and sat. nites at 6pm.

This friend of mine has been sober for 12 years. She said she would get me a counselors phone number who works with results based therapy.
Sounds good to me.
My psych doctor gave me the name and number of a therapist from an out patient facility that does utilize a 12 step program, which I am not interested in doing.
bizi