[Wander]

Very reluctantly saw my T today as I am sure someone(s) in authority are out to control and manipulate me. He told me he could do nothing for me if I didn't trust him and wouldn't work with him. When he asked why I was even there I explained I was testing to find out if he was one of them. As terrified as I was I felt able to speak more half way in.

Once I opened up about my imminent plans to end my life as this situation is impossible to escape from he mentioned hospital but said 'you'd probably be against that', to which I agreed. How can I put myself in treatment with one or more of those out to harm me? Yet my only solution is to end my life. I sat there tearing my hair out. I am trapped.

Near the end I somehow got through the million screams of NO and contradictory thoughts and broke down. I wanted to live but have seen my death and know I will do it in the next two days. On this he had to act. He is contacting my pdoc who I now see tomorrow. If I don't show up the police will be after me!

I am ****ing terrified. I am still sure someone or ones are controlling me and they are in the medical profession. I want to live but have seen my death. It seems inevitable. I am going to play along but the first sign of mischief and I am running.

[cashart10]

Oh Wander...I’m so sorry for your suffering and I so desperately wish I could give you a real hug! You are so very beautiful, inside and out and you deserve all the happiness in the world! Please cooperate with your pdoc! We need you and we love you here!

All my love,
Sarah

[Wild Coyote]

I hope seeing your pdoc will be helpful.
Please be safe.

WC

[liveforsummer]

Wander

[Under*Over]

I had similar happen to me a while ago. I know its not the same situation as you but... it all worked out for me in the end. Im still here adn Im doing better.

It sounds like things are pretty rough for you. I know its hard to trust when you have just... that sinking fear in your stomach telling you not to- but I really do think everyone is trying to help you just make things... a little bit easier.

Take care of yourself and try not to get too anxious. Just take it one step at a time

[~Christina]

Please stay safe , your Pdoc might just have a reasonable way to help you.

Oh Wander, I am so sorry you are suffering so. PLEASE stay safe.
I hope I am not over-stepping to offer a reality check. You are not trapped. I strongly believe you are in the throes of paranoia run amok. Which may be making you feel trapped, but you aren't, so please don't do anything dreadful. Please try to suspend your suspicion and let them help you. They are not there to harm, but to help. You trust us here at PC, don't you? We can assure you that this is true (that they are there to help, not harm). If you do, before too long you'll be able to look back and see it for what it is -- paranoia, not an accurate assessment of the situation.

We wish you only the best. Please consider this, stay safe and get help, ok?

[Wander]

Saw pdoc. My mother caught on I was not doing well so wouldn't even let me drive myself to the appointment. Pdoc assessed me an immediately arranged a bed and got my mother to take me to the hospital over the road. Now I am admitted and in my room. Trapped and very frightened. Told my nurse on intake that I don't feel safe here as someone is out to get me. She was surprised and told me the usual, 'you'll be safe here'. She has no idea how I feel.

My pdoc immediately gave me 10mg of Zyprexa and 10mg of Diazepam. I feel nothing after an hour. My pdoc will come in later to officially admit me but apart from that all I can do is distract myself.

[Victoria'smom]

Good luck!

[skiguy18]

Originally Posted by Wander

Saw pdoc. My mother caught on I was not doing well so wouldn't even let me drive myself to the appointment. Pdoc assessed me an immediately arranged a bed and got my mother to take me to the hospital over the road. Now I am admitted and in my room. Trapped and very frightened. Told my nurse on intake that I don't feel safe here as someone is out to get me. She was surprised and told me the usual, 'you'll be safe here'. She has no idea how I feel.

My pdoc immediately gave me 10mg of Zyprexa and 10mg of Diazepam. I feel nothing after an hour. My pdoc will come in later to officially admit me but apart from that all I can do is distract myself.

Hopefully the meds kick in soon and you can get some sleep. Take time to recoup and relax while inpatient. Hugs

Sending best wishes and looking forward to your feeling better

[cashart10]

Please feel better soon.

[BipolaRNurse]

You are in the right place at the right time. I hope they can stabilize you quickly so you can feel better sooner rather than later. Good luck, and keep us posted as you're able. ((((HUGS))))