[Jm2310]

I feel like I am letting everyone in my life down. My parents still view me as the cause of all their financial trouble (costed them a lot of money when I was first diagnsosed 19 years ago). I didn't turn out to be anything great, my dad had high hopes that I would go to college and have a career, not just be a stay at home/homeschool mom. He expected me to make good money and help save them from their financial problems (yes he said as much). I used to be so smart he said.

I can't keep a friend around long, either I say something offensive during an episode, or I hold them accountable for their actions. I'm sorry if someone says they'll be here at this time on this date, I expect them to show up. Is that so wrong?

I'm letting my children down. We homeschool, so they don't socialize much. I have extreme social anxiety so I'm not taking them to meet up with people. We are getting better at getting our school work done, so that's good.

I don't think most people are good, I find something wrong with most people. They either lie, steal, are on drugs (not the prescription kind) or are just plain old fashioned stupid. (Not you guys though, you all have been great!!)

I'm not the wife my husband deserves, I never want physical contact unless I'm manic and that's only if I'm the over the top happy manic not the angry raging manic I tend to be. We hardly ever fight unless I'm not wanting any and he does, which is very often. We also argue because I need more help around the house. By the time we get schoolwork done and some chores, I'm done, I can't do anymore. He feels that because I'm home all day, the kids and I should be able to do all the housework. It just doesn't work that way.

Yes, I'm having my own pity party today.

Jm2310, it's just fine to have a pity party occasionally, but I'd like to reassure you that I see what you listed as being quite productive in significant ways. I can certainly imagine what a huge responsibility homeschooling must be. You say you are getting the school work done with them. That's a big thing! You say you are doing some chores on top of that? That's a lot more than many of us can do when even mildly depressed. I never had children. Though I have worked full-time in the past, I've been on disability for years now. Again, what you are managing now is, to me, a big deal! Even if you couldn't do the homeschooling, or even the chores, it would be understandable because you have an illness. Illnesses suck! Mental illnesses can suck even more than physical illnesses, because so many people just don't understand. Try not to despair about that fact. We ARE here to support you. We do understand.

I'm sorry that your parents are putting a guilt trip on you. That is not fair! There are millions of people in this world (i.e. in most of Europe) that do not end up with financial troubles because of illness. They have universal health coverage. Unfortunately, in the US we don't. Even with health insurance, co-pays add up. I can't even imagine the financial burdens on people without health insurance. Why should a person in a country where health coverage isn't free be made to feel a guilt that those in, say, Czech Republic, never would? That's not fair.

The world can seem a scary place full of mean people, but it's not that scary, and most people aren't mean, and I'm saying that as a lifetime resident of the NY-NJ-PA Tri-State area, where the people aren't always known for being ultra friendly, and can seem aggressive, comparatively. But I understand how a social anxiety can make it seem that that is so. Do you go to any therapy? If you don't, that could be a first step in exposure therapy to help alleviate social anxiety.

Can your husband ever take your kids to any kind of child's event? I'm assuming he works full-time, but so do most mothers nowadays, and they do it. I'm sure that as you feel more comfortable stepping out of the house, you'll be able to expose your children to others. It takes time.

My husband works full-time with me on disability. He helps me with some chores. How old are your kids? Can they help you with any chores? Being assigned chores is good for kids. Can you make that part of your learning day? Some day they will want to move out of mom and dad's home. They need to know how to do laundry, how to fold it, how best to load a dishwasher, etc. Maybe you can put on some music (as part of a music "class") and make a game out of who can dust the most furniture before the song ends. Maybe they could get some kind of mini reward for winning. My assumption is that they're not toddlers. If not, they can reach a lot of the furniture. I know I have no children, but I was a kid at one point, and my siblings and I all did plenty of chores.

[Loveandkindness]

I've really been struggling to get through winter this year. I have an emotionally abusive family member who has been making it harder than I feel I can tolerate. I don't know if anyone can relate or is even going through something similar but I would really like to not feel so alone in all this...

[sarahsweets]

It is very hard to stay home with the kids while a spouse works and also feel like you owe everyone an explanation about why you do not work and why its ok. ( my personal view- People admire other people who raise animals noting how much time and energy goes into keeping those animals alive. Well I am raising humans- and they need way more support than animals to stay alive!)
I have been home with my kids for 17 years now. And believe me when I tell you that those dreams you have of how much easier and better it will be when they are older- are just wishes. The older a kid is, the more they need their parents- even my 23 year old away at school needs me.

Originally Posted by Jm2310

I feel like I am letting everyone in my life down. My parents still view me as the cause of all their financial trouble (costed them a lot of money when I was first diagnsosed 19 years ago). I didn't turn out to be anything great, my dad had high hopes that I would go to college and have a career, not just be a stay at home/homeschool mom. He expected me to make good money and help save them from their financial problems (yes he said as much). I used to be so smart he said.

That is SOOO mean! Seriously mean. Do not listen to him. Pretend its just noise.

I'm letting my children down. We homeschool, so they don't socialize much. I have extreme social anxiety so I'm not taking them to meet up with people. We are getting better at getting our school work done, so that's good.

I do think you should try and get them to do something with other peers. One of my concerns with homeschooling was if I would be a good teacher and how were they going to learn skills for navigating people.

I don't think most people are good, I find something wrong with most people. They either lie, steal, are on drugs (not the prescription kind) or are just plain old fashioned stupid. (Not you guys though, you all have been great!!)

I believe most people are fair- some more opportunistic and some who are more altruistic and some who fall smack dab between the two. I am an alcoholic and i work with a lot of addicts and alcoholics now, some of whom have felonies and served time in prison. I go into the womens' prisons too. I do not think they are all bad people- just bad choices mixed with a lot of childhood stuff, etc and they chose drugs and alcohol. Outward criticism can happen sometimes when focusing on our own business- the inside- is too painful or difficult. It is much easier to label people stupid or bad then it is to wonder about who I am and what I want to do with my life.

I'm not the wife my husband deserves, I never want physical contact unless I'm manic and that's only if I'm the over the top happy manic not the angry raging manic I tend to be. We hardly ever fight unless I'm not wanting any and he does, which is very often. We also argue because I need more help around the house. By the time we get schoolwork done and some chores, I'm done, I can't do anymore. He feels that because I'm home all day, the kids and I should be able to do all the housework. It just doesn't work that way.

I think couples counseling would help. Many husbands think that a wife home with the kids should be doing it all because, after all, they have a job, with a boss and paycheck..important stuff to do like paperwork and phone calls,and people to answer to! Well so do you. You have an unpaid job that is 24/7. I am sure you have paperwork of your own- forms, bills, the overdue fines on a library book- calls to make like the doctor, dentist, random c/s reps that screwed up your bill; you answer to people too- the very needy, on the go, still learning people that want all your attention at the same time- and those are the basics- also toss in chores and errands and shopping/dropping/picking something up for someone somewhere AND you get no breaks, you never clock out, you eat standing up and cant take five minutes to breathe. Oh and lets not forget about when one of those important people wakes up at night or rover has to take a pee at 3am. You see what I mean? (hope my sarcasm cheers you up)

[Jm2310]

Originally Posted by Loveandkindness

I've really been struggling to get through winter this year. I have an emotionally abusive family member who has been making it harder than I feel I can tolerate. I don't know if anyone can relate or is even going through something similar but I would really like to not feel so alone in all this...

You are definitely not alone! Sorry I don’t have any words of wisdom for you right now.

[pirilin]

Life is the most precious gift that we receive.

Maybe you are paying too much attention to others.
And are negleting the most important person in your life.
You. Without you, there's nothing.

Cheers.