My summer

I am not sure who you saw, but I think they should take you more seriously, it's not all about looks and as you said can deteriorate fast. I had that exact problem when I developed an eating disorder, that I declined quick. Three months is a long time. I know it's hard when we aren't mentally well, but if you think you need more help I hope you will continue to seek help for the ED, and not let someone tell you you are okay if you know that it is becoming more severe. I hope the caseworker is helpful.

Besides changing clinics there's really nothing I can do but wait and find the courage to show my very new T the first time I meet her my food chart. My GP is checking my weight every 2 weeks. My husband even told me he wants to say "Relax, you're loosing weight it's okay." but "he knows that's not what it's about." So what I hear from everyone is: "Relax, you're loosing weight it's okay." So maybe I'm over-reacting, maybe it is okay. I told him the reason why I stress is because I don't want this to become a fight between us. He assured me as things progress he may get concerned but that we're both different people now. That he understands fighting with me will just make it worse. He likens flare ups to cheating on him. So there's that. If I haven't lost a significant amount of weight by Friday I plan to start exercising again. I think I'm going to just drop it and stop fighting so hard. Then pick up the fight when it does become a problem. Everyone including my own head is telling me it's okay. So maybe it is?

You know your body and mind best. Do what your gut tells you to do.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
You are stronger than you know.

If you have an active eating disorder, and are concerned it's flaring up then that's a good reason to seek help in my opinion. As bizi said, you know yourself best. EDs are tricky, they try to lie and tell us we're not bad enough off and should give into them more. Also, I get how confusing it can be when people say you seem well when you are not, that happened to me before when I was mentally unwell last year. Other people aren't in our minds and bodies and so we know best, though.
You deserve help, and I hope your therapist turns out to be a great fit and can help you with this and anything else you need to work on. EDs are problems regardless of the numbers and whether or not everyone can see the problem right away. Please take care!

I couldn't even finish a whole sandwich today. Usually I'd just have half but I wouldn't/didn't eat anything before that. My husband wants me to eat little things throughout the day but that's too hard. I'm just going to give up on sandwiches. I'm really trying to convince myself I'm okay or it's just the gastritis like everyone says but other then the eating disorder I'm doing really well. We'll see how this week progresses.

So I found a gastroenterologist for end of November. Me and H fought this morning, I knew it was coming. He's disappointed and I'm making him into a liar by not making good choices. This was because I waited him out to cook breakfast. IDK what to do. I'm failing at this whole normal thing. I can't stand fighting but I don't know how to stop. It's not like he doesn't win. How do you know when you're getting depressed and when it's just situational? I can't fight all summer.

I made up for the fight by laying in bed while he napped and making dinner. This sucks I hate this.

Now I'm alone and it's starting to get dark and I'm starting to get paranoid. I hate being alone.

Does he work at night? why are you alone?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Does he work at night? why are you alone? He had to help my nephew who's moving. He's home now and nothing bad happend. I thought I was better than this BS because I'm able to let him sleep when I'm awake. Yes it use to be if I was up he was. I didn't expect that and all the horrible thoughts.

We’re getting complaints about Miguel almost daily. He’s unintentionally getting himself in trouble with his professor. He’s depressed. I have no idea how he’s going to handle camp. He’s even calling saying he did x. Why is so and so mad at him now? Almost daily. It’s not anyone's fault. I just feel bad and worry about his future. He’s a senior next year and trying to get into a university. We’ve had to do screen sharing to get his work done as his attention span is gone. It never has been there but I thought it has gotten better. I was wrong. I’m so worried for him.

I have a week before I can start eating normal again. I’m hopeful my ED will be better when I can eat whatever I want.

Not quite sure I understand but that is ok, just wanted to offer you a hug.
(((((HUG)))))
bizi

Miguel's only has a year before going away to college. His friends and room mates aren't going to call us if he's doing something that bothers them and he's just doesn't seem to care (when really he doesn't get it.) We can't screen share and talk when he's working to keep him on task. It's bad we didn't realize how bad things were for him because we deal with it 24/7 as things happen.

I'm paranoid that I'm not loved today, it's a sucky feeling

Sounds like he doesn't want help.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

There's no reason for me to feel confused, stressed, and anxious. H got up at 3. I haven't told him anything that is going on with me. IDK, I see new T in 10 days. She's going to hate me too just like the last 3 did. I don't want to waste T's time just sitting there, ending conversations unintentionally. It's not like she can see me a lot so I guess I'm worth $X every month. Maybe group therapy so I don't have to talk. People scare me though. I don't even talk to cashiers. If I do I apologize. Hell I talk to H through text. This silence is killing me. I need to cut my hair really, really short. This is so uncomfortable. I feel nothing and guilt at the same time. WHY CAN'T I JUST TALK? I'm typing this but there's no way I could actually say any of this. It's not worth the fight and talking. Maybe therapy isn't right for me. Every three months for meds are fine. (Until I get paranoid) . Maybe I'm not a severe as I think I am. Maybe what I'm feeling is normal, I spent so much time on this post and it says nothing. That's why I erased my other post in the check in. If I'm depressed I wish it was the sleepy , flu like one. Not the one where I'm stuck "behaving" for fear of consequences.

Maybe you haven't found the right therapist/therapy? The therapist I saw as a teenager and then the one I saw for a couple of months last year just didn't make me comfortable even after a period of time. I felt like they disliked me, too. Finding the right therapist was great for me, I feel comfortable with her and like I can work with her. I wonder if you could explain that you are not comfortable telling them things, and then maybe they can help you get to that point. Or, you could write stuff down? I hope you find treatment that works.

I use to write stuff down for my WV T but ever time I've wrote here IOP is mentioned. Last T said my writing is dramatic. I get in trouble either way so there's no point. I'll ask new T. I'll print out an old chart and show her. So not to show her what's going on now.

I’m wondering.. have you done any DBT Therapy?

You can look up a lot on line , but maybe order a workbook online? They have many on Amazon less than 20 bucks a piece.

Since you struggle so much to be verbal with most everyone it might be a starting point in regaining your “ voice”

Just a thought

No, I'll pick up a DBT work book this month.

So I went to see new T. She resigned. So did my son's therapist. So now they're down to two therapist the sucky one and my husband's. It sucked because she seemed like a good one. She kept me talking, figured out I'm deeply depressed. She kept asking me my stressors. Told me my opinions are valid and my son needs to actually hear my spoken voice. My homework is to find something that makes me happy every day even if it's small. Now I can wait until they find a new therapist or two which could take months or I could go back to my old clinic or call my insurance and find a new one. IDK what I want to do, Do I take a break? maybe therapy just isn't for me.

Oh no, I am so sorry your therapist resigned. It's hard to find one that' s a good fit I think and that's such a shame you have to start over. Could that therapist maybe recommend someone? Maybe you could call your insurance and then look up the therapists online and then check out their reviews and/or speak with them on the phone first to make sure they are worth trying out? Maybe you could find one that does DBT if you are interested in pursuing that. Teletherapy could maybe be an option to look into if you're in an area with very limited options (I don't know much about it, though).
I would say that if you were having a good experience with the last therapist it's a positive sign therapy could work for you, just a matter of finding the right one. Your mental health is worth it, you are worth it!