[still_crazy]

ok. im here in Bipolar territory because my actual, "real" diagnosis (if there is such a thing) is 'Schizoaffective," mostly depressed...the manic episode was a doozy, though. anyway...

i get the sense im stuck being a 'mental patient,' albeit a blessed one, in the sense that i get more breathing room than most mental patients 'round here.

so...gratitude. more gratitude, less attitude. good idea. and yet...

im actually more normal now than ever before. despite all that came before, even my iq estimate is up to snuff..more importantly, i can apply my intelligence much better than in years past.

but im labeled. in conservative, red state USA. i dont know that blue state progressive USA would be any better. i might be in a state hospital up north, honestly.

few people care about the 'severely mentally ill.' what ive found as a person in recovery from all that came before...

the community, society as a whole, helps keep us sick...

and now, i cannot move, so im sick indefinitely, by virtue of being labeled.

ugh. i might delete this later.

[Nammu]

And suicide is a top 10 killer in USA and where are all the ads for beating it? The stigma is real.

[still_crazy]

im not suicidal. i just feel...blah. kinda trapped in the role of always sick 'mental patient.'

[Blue_Bird]

Sorry you're struggling

I lived in a rural place in the mid south for many years and it was very difficult living there with a mental illness, there definitely is a lot of stigma and small town gossip and crap, it was very hard to fit in there with schizoaffective and also being an outsider or "yankee" from NY. I moved back to NY and it's much easier here, people are more understanding and there are a lot of good services and opportunities for those of us dealing with mental illness

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by still_crazy

the only other people i know with schizoaffective or schizophrenia are -miserable- , and im thinking a lot of it is the culture of the community. canary in a coal mine...is that the saying I'm looking for? I'm down to 2 daily psych drugs, gabapentin as needed...take tons of antioxidants...and its almost as if...my recovery="uppity mental patient" (long story).

blah. ok, thanks, everyone. :-)

I am with you and your POV (or perhaps my POV is a bit different?) in that I wonder how much of our "mental illness" is caused by trauma and not accepting people's differences including allowing people to be theirselves including some harmless behaviors (some are harmless and some are not) that mental illnessness like schizophrenia cause. My understanding (and experience) is that if you too heavily medicate, we become zombies unable to accomplish anything. The mind is a complicated thing. I wonder if having some mania, psychosis, and other symptoms might help some people eventually accomplish something? Perhaps these states could give some great insight? Though there is a place for psych drugs when these symptoms cause real problems.....

[still_crazy]

i think i live in a sick community...and, not to blame everyone else, but...i was "sick" from a young age, so its kinda like...thanks, everyone, for creating a 'mental patient,' and then making my life miserable. blah.

[~Christina]

I think that finding a good Therapist so important.

I struggled ( and still do at times) trying to understand that my illness isn’t ALL of me.

When we are not stable and everything is a struggle we blame Bipolar or X diagnosis . It’s natural to do so.

But we aren’t always just “Bipolar” we eat , sleep, work, do chores, talk to family and friends etc etc etc.

We are just people going about life.

A good Therapist can help us realize we are not just our diagnosis.

[fern46]

It definitely changes things. Even the people who love me and accept me the most see me differently now. I don't blame them. My behavior was extreme even if it was out of my control. I just wish I could go back so they would see me as the same strong woman they saw me as before. Now I imagine they view me as a survivor, but a little bit broken. People don't understand fully and feel sorry for me. I feel like they also think its my fault to a degree. They are scared for me that I'll lose my grip on reality again. I'm afraid too, and if I'm honest with myself I see myself differently now as well. It is still difficult to accept the new normal. It still feels surreal.

I'm not sure that my location has anything to do with how people view me. I think I need to focus first on fixing how I view myself. The rest is really out of my control.

[Hummingbird1950]

Fern ~ I was diagnosed just a month ago at age 68. My "new normal" is now being redefined, like you, in how I see myself.


You are not broken. Here is my favorite saying that I want to share with you "strong at the broken places".


That is a very healthy remark "I think I need to focus first on fixing how I view myself. The rest is really out of my control". I agree with you on this. Coming to the realization that we cannot control how others view us is a difficult one. Our sense of reality may be different than how others see us, but the most important thing is how we see ourselves. We are the one living with the ups and downs and strange feelings that are out of our control at times. So, control can be an issue for us.... letting go of control over what others think of us and gaining control over our changing moods.


Keep remembering that you are "strong at the broken places"

Birdie

Originally Posted by fern46

It definitely changes things. Even the people who love me and accept me the most see me differently now. I don't blame them. My behavior was extreme even if it was out of my control. I just wish I could go back so they would see me as the same strong woman they saw me as before. Now I imagine they view me as a survivor, but a little bit broken. People don't understand fully and feel sorry for me. I feel like they also think its my fault to a degree. They are scared for me that I'll lose my grip on reality again. I'm afraid too, and if I'm honest with myself I see myself differently now as well. It is still difficult to accept the new normal. It still feels surreal.

I'm not sure that my location has anything to do with how people view me. I think I need to focus first on fixing how I view myself. The rest is really out of my control.

[Hummingbird1950]

I wish there were new healthier terms to live by other than "mental patient". That term makes me shudder.


I feel your pain about "trapped in the role of always sick 'mental patient.'

At the age of 68, it suddenly dawned on me that I have been sick all these years and no medication has helped. I had hoped, unrealistically, that I would be cured. Each medication I took, I thought would cure me. No one shared with me that this is a lifetime illness that can be treated but not cured. Why did it take 68 years to learn this?


I hear you Still

Birdie

Originally Posted by still_crazy

im not suicidal. i just feel...blah. kinda trapped in the role of always sick 'mental patient.'

[fern46]

Originally Posted by Hummingbird1950

Fern ~ I was diagnosed just a month ago at age 68. My "new normal" is now being redefined, like you, in how I see myself.


You are not broken. Here is my favorite saying that I want to share with you "strong at the broken places".


That is a very healthy remark "I think I need to focus first on fixing how I view myself. The rest is really out of my control". I agree with you on this. Coming to the realization that we cannot control how others view us is a difficult one. Our sense of reality may be different than how others see us, but the most important thing is how we see ourselves. We are the one living with the ups and downs and strange feelings that are out of our control at times. So, control can be an issue for us.... letting go of control over what others think of us and gaining control over our changing moods.


Keep remembering that you are "strong at the broken places"

Birdie

I like that. It reminds me of how bones can heal stronger at break points. Thanks Birdie!