Bipolar check in #37

MOOSE, I cannot find one of your posts! I'd wanted to let you know you are not alone.

I went to the eye doctor today and found out I have no significant cataracts. Turns out I have extremely dry eyes and they gave me the wrong prescription last year on my contacts and glasses. Much relieved!

I also found out that I’ve been using my insurance cards correctly for the past 13 years. A close relative convinced me that I had given the wrong insurance for all this time and I had visions of angry doctors and hospitals suing me and possibly mentioning insurance fraud. Much relieved!

Doing pretty well. My NP told me to try melatonin with lavender added in for my 5 hours of sleep at night. I’ll try it. She also mentioned Marconi Union’s Weightless for anxiety since it’s supposed to drop anxiety, cortisol and blood pressure. I understand you aren’t supposed to drive to it. I’ll try it out.

Warm wishes to all and many hugs to those that are struggling.

So irritable and agitated. It is uncomfortable and makes being with others difficult. It is a beautiful day today. I have housework to do but I might walk along the beach later. I really want to hide in bed but I’m trying to stay positive and be active. My mood is dark. I’m very broody. With my mind constantly reminding me of all the negatives, and filling me with paranoia it is a struggle to override that all and be zen. Still, I will try.

Hugs to all. I rarely reply to anyone but I do readmost posts. You are all awesome.

I’m glad there’s no cataracts , dry eye is terrible and does make it hard to see.. I keep bottles of eye drops everywhere around the house and car.

I hope the melatonin helps you sleep , you need more than 5 hours, I’ve never heard of the other things, I’ll have to look into them.

Are you as sick of this never ending heat wave as I am ???

Hugs!

Maybe the day being a beautiful one will help you feel even a bit better, a walk on the beach sounds lovely

Rustle, rustle, rustle. That's what the mice are doing in my walls.

I bought a diffuser with peppermint oil on amazon because apparently those f***ers HATE the smell of peppermint. Too bad it comes on Sunday, with no option to do 1 day shipping.

I've confirmed it is mice rather than squirrels, bats, or raccoons because I hear the squeaks. Ughhhh. This diffuser can't come soon enough!!

Still stuck in depression. I've had worst days, but been taking increased klonopin. Disappointed my friend never returned my text inviting her to get together. It takes alot for me to reach out to others when in need since I isolate alot. It's ok though. Just plan on resting this weekend. I'm sure there is plenty to do, but I have no motivation.

We have trouble every damn winter field mice are always trying to get inside, yes they have gotten in the walks, that scratching drives me bonkers.. hopefully the peppermint will help them head to other areas of the apartment building.

Once you can get you place straightened out do let the management know.

I found the last time I was in a depressive episode I was also using my Xanax to deal but then I realized that sometimes when depressed and taking a benzo it can possibly make it worse.
Benzos are a “ depressant” so just something to think about

I really hope you get a break soon. I’m sorry about your friend not getting back to you

Thanks. I am hoping the peppermint scares them away.

I basically got 3 hours of sleep last night because the scratching scared me. It started getting closer and closer to my bed. They were just moving in the direction of my bed, RIGHT BEHIND MY HEAD. It was freaking me out.

I tried putting on nature sounds to put me to sleep, but the rustling was right by my head, so it didn't work no matter how loud I made it... Ugh.

I am going to my parents' house this weekend, so hopefully I will be away from that torture for a while.

I came to work today! I’m dreading it but I feel calmer. I talked with RS last night about the self harm thoughts and he was really supportive. He says he’s not going anywhere no matter what. I hope that’s true. So far he’s shown it to be true so that’s good.

I’m going to talk to my principal today and let her know what’s going on. Just to get a dialogue started. She’s a great person so I know she won’t shame me or anything.

I hope I can make it through the day. I think I can. I have a three day weekend coming up. So that’ll be nice.

I started Mirapex a couple of days ago. I'm starting at a really small dose so no side effects so far.

I'm feeling the same - low - but not really low so I guess that's good.

Work is busy and stressful but the weekend is coming. I'm on call though so hopefully nothing goes wrong. I might have to work for a few hours on Sunday afternoon.

My son is doing better after his anaphylactic reaction several days ago. He's got to be really careful now. And he's going to be traveling through southeast Asia where peanuts and milk are really common and people there don't have an awareness of allergies.

I have also found that increasing benzos worsens depression for me.

Please take care, Raven.

I hope and pray your son will travel without incident.

I am glad you've gotten a start on Mirapex. i hope you will feel better soon.

It's fantastic you've been without side-effects so far! (Many become ill on very low doses. Mirapex always has low doses. ) I hope this continues to go well for you!

I remain very hopeful for you!

I'm doing pretty good. The meeting at my college went well. So hopefully I'll be able to get the paperwork from my doctor and therapist soon and get back in for the spring semester.

I'm exhausted. Slept all night then fell asleep for 3 more hours after taking my morning meds today.

I'm still stuck in last nights dream. There was a cousin's picnic on my dads side of the family. The first half was relatively innocuous. People coming, lots of big expensive cars and limos. Lots of food. The venue tho, that was different it was on a lake or river. Half the family was on one branch, the tables were in the water you used a canoe to go from one table to the other. I was hungry but they were out of food. Oh the food was so vibrant, the salads so green with red red strawberries and other vegetables. The bowls were all wooden. I rowed up river to get food but it was gone, rowed back down and there was a few spoonfuls of lentils left. Then I went back up stream and they were playing cards, but with pills. I was sitting in a wing back chair in the river at the long table and on the wing of the chair was a sticker that had the name of a drug I'd never heard of and 25mg. I knew somehow that it was a psych drug. There was a tall young grey haired woman sitting next to me that came with a cousin. She had a handful of stickers for a different drug, also a psych drug, she almost had a flush with the same drug but different dozes. I leaned on her and tried to get her to talk telling her I knew how big pharmaceutical companies worked but no dice. I was delt into the game.......then I woke up. I still feel like I'm sitting in that wing chair in the water with a psych drug stuck to my chair. A feeling of doom

Well, hubby and I are home from our vacation. I'm generally glad. However, when I got home and checked our voice messages on our landline vmx, my brother said that my dad is in the hospital yet again for the same thing he's been in the hospital for (4 plus times, or 7 - however you want to count them) this year. The biggest problems for him are that he desperately wants to continue drinking (albeit moderately) for the rest of his life, and obviously he can't. Plus, he refuses to seek intensive help after his hospitalizations (i.e. AA, IOP/PHP, therapy, and psychiatrist). If he gets out with no after care or AA, he's going to end up in the hospital again, and again, or until he dies. It sounds sad to write that, but that's the reality.

I called my brother back as soon as I got the message, and we are frustrated by or even resigned to the whole situation never improving. We can't MAKE him get better. Our WANTING him to get better doesn't encourage him to try.

My brother gave me my dad's room number in the hospital. In response, I asked him "What am I supposed to say to him that I haven't already said." Basically, my dad has cried wolf. I will offer to take him to an IOP near me, but that's about it. As for visiting him frequently, I will do that but not if I find him drinking again. If I do, I will stop visiting. If he ends up in the hospital yet again, I'll again offer to take him to an IOP near me.

Don't think I'm being cruel here. I am not asking my father to do anything I haven't done many times over. I DID go to IOPs/PHPs and AA many many times. I have had a psychiatrist and therapist I've seen regularly since. Effort means something.

I sure am!!!! What is going on? Going to a football game tonight wishing I needed a light sweater instead of a tank top.

Hugs!

For what it's worth, I don't think you're being cruel at all. In fact, quite reasonable.

Thank you.

I saw the GI doctor today. He didn't really say anything about what he thinks is going on. He ordered a thyroid test and scheduled an endoscopy and colonoscopy for Oct. 21. I'm dreading that but know it is necessary. I wish he'd had some theory for what this is but understand he needs more information to make a diagnosis.

3 more weeks until we hopefully know something.....

Yes going to your parents is a great idea. Are you guys still watching Game of thrones series??

I’m so glad your returning to college courses is coming along well.

I hate getting a lot of sleep yet still be exhausted.

Just wanted to check in. Not sure I have much to say or update you on. I will be working on a project all weekend but am hoping to schedule some social time, too. I have felt a bit stressed, trying to keep things in perspective. I need to get back into my PT exercises. I stopped due to a flare up of pain and now everything feels worse so maybe I need to do those stretches again.
I am also trying to work on anger I have been occasionally feeling that I don't find to be productive. Even if the initial cause made sense, ruminating just isn't getting me anywhere. Once I get a minute I am going to read all the replies in my post about emotional regulation, thanks everyone.
Here is the meditation on anger I found useful if anyone's interested:

You have such amazing creative dreams ! I’m so jealous.