Bipolar check in #37

Thanks. Since Lithium has already messed with my thyroid and the Bipolar has been calm I decided it is time to get off it before it does anymore damage. Unfortunately it does help me by controlling dangerous impulsivity, and dulling extreme emotions so it was a carefully considered call. As I have a tonne of coping skills and a good professional support network my pdoc and I decided it was worth a go. I am hoping this turmoil is just a phase and I will be well soon.

As for coming off other meds I am planning to start coming off benzodiazepines once I’m stable off Lithium. I hate how addicted I am to them (ten years on them this time), and what they do to my memory and cognition. I’m in no rush though. Ziprasidone (Geodon) has worked wonders for me so I will stay on that.

And yes I have a bee in my bonnet about meds and would rather be on none. Still, I am trying to do this rationally and safely. I want my brain back.

My episodes don’t follow a seasonal pattern so it’s not that. I’m sure coming off of Lithium has tipped the balance in my brain temporarily. I can get through this. It is just painful feeling so deeply again; in good and bad ways. I see my T shortly so will discuss all this with him. Thanks again for your support.

Gah !! I’m so sorry your still struggling with G.I. problems like this, I sure hope they can figure out a way to help you quickly.

I hope you will soon beable to get out , but I’m sure your mom would understand if the gift is late due to your health.

Feel better

Cristina, I hope you get some sleep tonight.
sorry you are on alert so to speak....
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Thanks Bizi

I dont want to take my meds anymore

I was hearing voices last night... I slept 11 hours, too, so it's not like I heard things because of a lack of sleep.

Fortunately, the voices didn't say anything bad. They just said random words that I couldn't make sense of (and I prefer it that way if I'm going to get voices).

I am hoping to have a good, productive day again today. Monday and Tuesday were good for me, so I'm hoping today will be good as well.

Even though I am glad that my last two days have been productive, I am still feeling depressed. I want the depression to go away, but I realize it will take some time.

I'll be leaving for my volunteering in 15 mins. I had trouble getting up this morning, but I did a lot already, despite (breakfast on table, ironed three things, full shower, made hubby's lunch). I don't have as much dread about it, this morning, as I had yesterday. We'll see how it goes. I wish their office was closer to my home. It's about 40 mins away in fairly heavy and aggressive driver traffic.

When I help NAMI with events, they will be closer to home. All of their event sites are just 20 to 25 minutes from my house.

Well zero sleep despite 4 Xanax through out the night. I’m zooming

Hope everyone has a great day

You have a great attitude today. That will serve you well. You're doing something worthwhile for yourself and your community today. I hope it works out that you can enjoy it.

I am glad things are manageable.
You keep on keeping on! Reminds me to do the same. I learn a lot from you, Blue.

A 40 minute drive to volunteer would feel a bit much for me, too.
I hope you have a rewarding day!

Maybe zoom to my house for dinner?

I really hope you're able to sleep soon, you've hardly gotten any in like a week

Got quiche in the oven. Hope it turns out. I made it a bit different than the recipe called for. My sister is coming today to be here when the housekeeper mum is hiring stops by.

I've been sleeping quite a bit the past two days. Which is good for me because I was barely sleeping for over a week. I feel much calmer. I was going to do laundry today but really don't feel like it so I'm doing it Friday. Went to the library and got some books and an audio book. I've never listened to an audio book before so that should be fun. Going to lunch with my friend tomorrow. I've been studying Italian and drawing a lot. Need to start studying anatomy, so I can improve my art.

Time to make a pot of decaf coffee, I've been somewhat chilly lately.

Hope everyone is doing okay/and gets better if not

Hope you have a good time volunteering today. 40 minutes is a long drive

Quiche turned out good, the smoky chicken and bacon gave it a good flavor. Dishes done, just waiting on the housekeeper.

My volunteering today wasn't nearly as painful as I thought. Fern and others, thanks for the little friendly push yesterday! I won't volunteer next week because hubby and I are going away for a week.

I stopped by the store to pick up a few things. On my way to a shop next to the grocery store, I saw my psychiatrist, but he didn't see me. Then when I was heading to the grocery store, he passed me coming out. We smiled at each other. He said a nice enthusiastic "Hello!" and I returned it saying "See ya soon!" I have an appointment with him later today. It's always a joy seeing him!

In the store I went to before the grocery store, I bought some cookies. That place is very expensive being "gourmet", and in my overpriced town. Soon before I left the cashier/clerk, an elderly woman came up beside me and told two of the clerks that, for the second time (two visits), her espresso was cold. In response, they just stared at her, with rather chilly looks on their faces, and said nothing. The lady and I waited a few seconds. Still, no response to the lady’s feedback. I was distressed at the lady’s poor treatment and asked the two clerks why they wouldn’t apologize or thank her for her feedback. For a moment, I wondered if they perhaps didn’t understand her, though the lady’s English was quite clear, and she had their attention. Then, one of the clerks said something like, "It's not our fault, it's the machine." That confirmed to me that at least one clerk clearly understood the whole exchange. I didn't say anything more to clerks, but when the elderly lady, her young companion, and I left the shop, I apologized that she received poor customer service. They seemed to appreciate my statement. When I got home, I sent this story to the manager of the store.

I believe clerks are underpaid. I will vote to have minimum wages increased and tip good service. However, customer service must be at least "good" in the customer service industry.

At the pharmacy picking up some extra/PRN Haldol. Just saw pdoc. Told her about my vivid horror hallucinations. Im seeing her again in one month- Fall is my worst time of year- been hospitalized most of the time then. If they continue Im to call her. Havent had any in a few days. Edit: scratch that- had one on the way home.

I’d love tooooo !!!!!

Yeah I really need a sleep coma ! anytime now would be great.

"I am trying to move forwards in my life but keep getting stuck."

Wander, It's so true! You do keep trying to move forward and you repeatedly get disappointed. Yet, you have not given up.
I really admire you for all you go through and how you keep a positive attitude.

It can be very sad and very frustrating to feel like our friends and family are putting some space between them and us. It can feel very disappointing that we cannot share as much as we feel we might need to share with just anyone; yet, at the same time, it is important to chose carefully the people we open up to.

Maybe it feels like there is absolutely nobody left with whom you can relate? Are there any groups around with whom you might relate? Any therapeutic groups? Any social groups?

Has your significant other been well enough to support you?

I hope you do not feel so all alone.. i hope you will locate some people who deal with some of the same obstacles as you and are happy to share with you.

We are always here for you; yet, it is nice to have support IRL, too.

Oh no! I am sorry this continues to be a problem for you. It has been a long time now or so it seems. So glad you have an appt with a GI specialist soon!

I hope things settle down and you feel well enough to go get your mom's present.

I am sorry you are having a rough time.
Many of us feel the same about meds, so you are not alone in this!

Smells great!
I love quiche!