Something's wrong

I do think some of your symptoms provoke anxiety, secondary to your psychotic and/or hypomanic symptoms/experiences.

I disagree with her. Some of your symptoms are hypomania, in my very humble opinion. I write this because you also have told me you feel you might be hypomanic. I think this person who takes the calls and diagnoses you is doing a gross disservice. I am sorry, Blue. It must feel horrible to have her finally call and then to immediately dismiss your concerns.

No wonder you feel it's futile to call your pdoc.

Can you contact your therapist if you feel you need to do so?

We are here for you!

Well that just sucks. She missed the boat completely Bluebicycle. I'm no expert, but it really doesn't sound like anxiety to me. Given everything you've said it sounds more like Hypomania with a touch of psychosis. I know many don't like the P word, but I'm not sure what else to say. I hope the benadryl helps. Benadryl works in the brain similarly to an antipsychotic actually.

You seem more like you have energy to burn and racing thoughts than nervousness and worry. I feel like she should have done more to help you. I wish that Thursday appointment was an option, although I know you feel like the doctor is equally useless.

Keep checking in. You're doing so many great things for yourself by staying home and attempting to get the help you need from professionals. I wish it had worked out that they actually helped.

Thanks fern and WC.

I am starting to feel like I don't belong to this reality. I am trying to fight off the feelings that say I am not a part of this world, but the more and more I think of it, the more I feel like I don't belong.

I don't feel right. I am having difficulties telling what is part of reality and what is not. Like, "is my hand a hand? Or is it a hologram?"

Maybe I should take some Benadryl to knock myself out. F*** work.

Please call your therapist, who is able to help facilitate contact with your pdoc. Please call her again now,

I can't call her because she is out of the office. Her last appt is at 1:30pm everyday except Thursdays, which I think she ends at 10am.

The only thing I can do is talk to the therapist on call, and I have no clue who that is going to be. Also, the after hours service sucks because no matter what I say to the answering service, it is never considered an "emergency," and thus I can't talk to anyone.

blue, based upon what you've posted on this thread you are experiencing an emergency state!!

I'll be blunt. Driving at the speeds you've mentioned is not only horribly dangerous, it is indicative of mania. Like MAJOR mania.

You need psych help. Get somebody to listen to you. I've found that when I am really serious about needing help I say so - I start with, "I need help, please!"

Call someone. Call them all. Beat on the door until someone opens it. And keep us posted.

Blue, I agree with BethRags!

Call and tell the answering service: I need help NOW!!!

If they say anything that sounds like they are creating an obstacle, simply repeat yourself again and again!

We care and are here for you!

I think I'm just going to call in sick to work tomorrow. F*** work.

I'm about to call the after hours service. Wish me luck... and hopefully they don't refuse me.

good luck blue! keep us posted.

I experienced feelings exactly like that. I remember what it was like. You are a part of this reality though. You do belong. However, your mind is playing very serious tricks on you and you need some help. This kind of thinking spiraled way out of control for me very quickly.

I'm not exactly what the right steps are to take here. If it were me, I'd be checking myself in IP because this kind of thinking led to very dark places when it happened to me.

I did spend a lot of time looking for patterns when I got better. My experiences felt so unique and I wanted to help myself understand them better. I have now experienced a couple of people in IP in psychosis as well as a few people here feeling the same way. We have all experienced derealization. It is a pattern of psychosis. Try to keep fighting. YOU ARE A PART OF THIS REALITY.

Good luck. I'm sending good thoughts that someone listens. If they tell you something that doesn't resonate tell them it doesn't sound right and go over your symptoms again. This is not anxiety to be controlled with benadryl. It is more serious than that. I agree with Beth. Make them listen. You're being very brave. I am inspired by your strength.

I am so sorry that you just can’t get anywhere with your treatment team. Since they are just so unreachable maybe once things get stable again you can look into finding a better team??

I real do fear for your state of mind, you have a lot going on at once and of course sleep is imperative to us staying stable. Does benedryl help you sleep ? Can you mange any side effects, if you have any ? Does it make you sluggish the next day?

Please please if things get worse would you consider going to the ER ? It would give you an out for work tomorrow as most employers are understanding and you could get a medical note for a couple days to cover time off.

If you do go in I fear greatly about your ability to drive safely. Driving so fast I’m sure was an adrenaline rush but it can lead to horrific consequences on many levels. If you must go into work could one of your parents possibly drive you?

I’m always here if you need a shoulder or ear.

Please stay safe

Hi blue! it's been awhile now. Am wondering how it is going?

I hope all is well?

Sorry. I was so drowsy that I doze off. I meant to take a 1 hr nap before calling because I knew I'd fall asleep if I talked to someone, having stayed up for nearly 2 days straight. But all I could manage was 2 hrs... ugh

And yes, I think you are right, Christina, that I may need another pdoc. I do not know why this guy doesn't care.

I don't know if I could go to the ER. I don't know what they could even do for me.

I'm not going into work tomorrow anymore. Everything around me feels weird and unusual... Unfamiliar. I feel like I am a hologram.

And thanks, fern, for your words of encouragement.

The Er would be able to help you with your inability to sleep, many medications they could give you.

I have gone a few times in the past because I had gone 4-5 days with virtually no sleep and all meds I had weren’t helping. I know one time an Er doctor realized how desperate I was for sleep and gave me a dose of morphine as my benzo had no effect on my being frantic and twitchy from no sleep and a larger dose IV of Ativan “ I think” there is a benzo called Halcion and it will knock you flat out, it’s not prescribed often although my Pdoc has me on it fir a couple years at one point.

Of course my husband was with me, no way I would have been safe to drive there and legally they can’t give you those meds knowing id need to drive.

Could your parents help you if you just can’t function any longer with no sleep ? Maybe stay with them for a few days ? I know it’s helped you in past to not be alone.

I so hope your able to sleep tonight and it be a deep restorative sleep

Hey Blue, It's just after 2 am. Checking in on you. I hope you are sleeping peacefully.

That's good to know the ER can help. I suppose I can go if I don't get much sleep. I got 4 hrs last night (albeit 4hrs of broken sleep).

As for my parents -- I don't want to bother them. My grandma is getting a mastectomy tomorrow and my mom is trying to play catch up at work before the surgery. (She runs her own business.) She's been pulling all nighters. So the only one who could help me is my dad. I *could* stay with them, though, I suppose. That's an option indeed.

We'll see how today plays out after my therapist calls me back.

Sorry. I should have posted when I kept waking up... Didn't mean to keep you all in the dark...

I'm waiting for my therapist to call back. She gets in at 6:45am ish and leaves by 2:30pm everyday (except Thursdays). Hopefully she calls me back sooner rather than later. She has called me before at like 6:45am, so I won't count that out, and it's now almost 6:40am.

I would * like* an appt, but she's usually booked solid. She likes to offer "emergency" appts sometimes, whereby she'll stay for an extra hour or so to see someone who desperately needs to see her when she doesn't have any slots left, but even then, people take those slots up. So, I'm pretty much SOL unless I can see another therapist who I've never seen before, but I don't know how to see another therapist. Idk if she has to put in the request or not.

I think you would be considered an emergency.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Good morning! I didn't feel left in the dark. I was checking in just incase you were awake and needed anything.

Yeah, I'm fine. Just irritable as f***. And pissed that none of my treatment team seems to care about me. They probably don't give a f*** and just look forward to the paycheck. They're the kind of people who would probably piss on my grave if I died.

Feeling and expressing anger about the inability to get adequate help through your care providers is very healthy!!!
I am glad to see you are angry and are expressing your anger!

That said, you need them to tweak your meds, unless you are going to seek that type of assistance elsewhere?
It appears as though you need a tweak as soon as possible. You don't want to lose your job or hurt your standing there.

Do you think you can channel your anger by using that energy to help you to get in touch with your therapist and/or your pdoc? It seems you trust your therapist more. Call her!

I hope I am not antagonizing you. I care and I want to see you get better as soon as possible I do not want something detrimental happen in your life because of this.

I'm sorry you're not getting the help you need right now. Did your therapist ever call back? I hope they do, if not maybe you can call before they leave for the day and explain you feel you need help now not later. As others said there's always the ER. I hope you continue to try to keep yourself out of situations that could lead to actions your would regret like driving. Stay safe and check in as much as you need!

I've called my therapist 3 times. Well, left her voicemail 3 times. She has not responded to a single one of them, and there is no voicemail message thing that says she's out of the office. So, I'm led to believe she doesn't care either.

Kinda sucks when you try to reach out for help and then no one cares. Like, what's the point in even seeing mental health providers if they're just going to ignore you because they don't care?

I'm sorry she hasn't responded. I would hope she'd call back quickly in this kind of situation. Is she usually responsive to calls? Is there anyone at a front desk you can reach to check if she's received the voicemails?