Why bother?

I was thinking about going to group today because I'm still struggling, but what good will that do other than get me out of the house for a few hours? It's not like I'll have a chance to talk because they'll spend a whole hour trying to talk to a guy that showed up drunk or high or whatever or maybe they'll just talk to the girl that doesn't want to be talked to. Certainly they won't talk to me because why would they? I'm a hopeless, worthless piece of trash and if I could be helped I would have been helped by now.

Do you find any of the conversations helpful or therapeutic, even if you don't talk?

rarely...

I'm feeling pretty low myself. I can see why you don't want to go if you feel won't be able to benefit from being there. I don't blame you for feeling that way.

That said, can you arrive early and let the coordinator know how you are feeling? I think it's perfectly okay to complain about someone who showed up drunk/high. I know everyone has their struggles and I don't judge anyone for getting drunk or high, but I personally think that is disruptive to the group, disrespectful, and unfair to those who want to participate. There is AA and NA for alcoholics and addicts, which that person could go to instead. And there are even general addiction groups that are options for them. (I hope I'm not sounding mean, but that's just how I personally feel.)

The other thing is... you mentioned a girl who gets talked to even though she doesn’t really want to talk. Do you think that maybe she is showing signs of distress, depression, etc that people are picking up on, and that's what they're talking to her? If so, do you think that maybe you are good at hiding your emotions and maybe they don't suspect a thing? Some people wear their emotions on their sleeves, while others do not. I think it is natural for others to want to help someone who is visibly struggling. In that same vein, if they don't "see" much of a struggle or any struggle at all, then they may have no idea.

Am I off base here? I don't mean to be offensive. I'm just trying to figure out why maybe they don't talk to you.

I know I have flat affect and flat vocal tone regardless of mood. My therapist even said that it is extremely difficult to assess my mood unless I am wildly manic. Even my severest depressions she can't pick up on. But that's just my experience.

When I was in group we had a method of claiming time before we got started. There was a check in where the facilitator asked each of us a few questions and during that time we could say whether or not we had something specific to discuss. Maybe you can find a way to claim time. The goal is put out there how you're feeling and what you're going through without worrying about how the group responds. They may connect to it, they may not, but getting it out is part of the value. Your struggles are no less important than anyone else's.

Do you not see the parallels between yourself and the guy who is high and the girl that doesn't want to be talked to? You can use those scenarios to share about yourself as you have recently shared some of those characteristics. Your circumstances might be different, but I see the similarity.

I've found in iop/php you often get more out of groups the more you put in. So the more you participate and speak up the more help and therapeutic value you'll get out of it.

See in my group we're supposed to start at 4 but we don't really start until 5 and then one person takes up the whole hour until it gets disrupted because somebody baked brownies or something else they're probably poisoning because we're all burdens. I should eat those ****ing brownies and maybe my wish to die will come true.

I also don't show my emotions on my sleeve. Maybe I should just cut the crap out of myself and walk in bleeding and make myself cry and maybe then they'll get it through their thick skulls I'm struggling.

Are there any other geoups you could go to? Or maybe it would be a good idea to tell the group how you feel, maybe they dont realize that they arent being fair when it comes to how they are dividing their attention.

Hi spikes. I agree with fern about catching the therapist before the group and letting them know that you haven't had time to speak lately, and that you really need it. I know from many of your posts here that you need the time. If you're willing, you can even ask that "brownie time" be limited so more people can speak. Really, "brownie time" need not even happen until lunchtime. If your therapist doesn't take that feedback into consideration, you might want to send a note to the IOP Director. I would. I know that many people feel reluctant, but speaking up does often make a difference.

Doesn't your IOP have a dual diagnosis group? Or an addictions group? If not, they really should. I understand fully how addicts can take up a lot of time. I was in dual diagnosis IOPs on a few occasions. I remember complaining to my husband about how the group talk was solely about addictions and barely about what triggers it...the mental health aspect. Well, not everyone self-medicates with a substance. A lot of us exhibit our mental unwellness in other ways, including stuffing it or keeping it secret, or some type of self-harm, etc. I am glad that your therapist has encouraged the quiet girl to speak up. But it sounds like you've been forced to be a bit quiet lately, too. There are always the not so quiet ones that try to claim all of the time. A good therapist should be able to facilitate the groups appropriately so that doesn't always happen.

Again, I understand IOPs/PHPs. I've attended them 12 times in the past, some lasting months. Some of the therapists were great and some sucked.

I didn`t find group that helpful . But that was mostly my fault. I don`t like sharing my feelings and I`m a pretty shy person so talking about my feelings to a room full of strangers is difficult for me. I know it`s not healthy but I tend to keep everything on the inside. I hope you are able to get the attention you need and you get a chance to speak. Good luck Spikes.