I'm sick of being on meds. I want to go off them permanently.

I'm tired of being groggy and stupid. I'm just a huge idiot when I'm on meds.

I want to wean off them and go back to how I was living. I was fine the way I was, albeit a little angry. I just want to be free instead of chained down.

My BP is mild and manageable without meds, so I don't know why I even started meds. I guess I didn't know any better when I first started meds. I now think meds were a mistake.

Agreed. I tapered myself off Clozaril over the past month and I'm much better now.

[MickeyCheeky]

Unfortunately meds are the only option for some, bluebicycle... it's impossible to function without them. However, I agree that meds may not be necessary for everyone. Different methods work for different people. Have you talked to your Pdoc about this? Perhaps you can reach an agreement. Sending many hugs to you

I agree with MickeyCheeky, including her suggestion to have a serious talk about this issue with your psychiatrist. Ultimately, you do have a choice on this issue, but I'd like to emphasize that going off medications cold turkey is often a very unwise move. Patience is tough, but important.

To answer your question, medications are not a mistake for me. They are crucial to my mental well-being. And when I write "well-being", I mean sanity and safety from the illness.

Depression can be quite severe for people with both bipolar type 1 and 2. It can be dangerous and torturous! Mania can be equally dangerous for people with bipolar type 1, or for me, even more dangerous and torturous, especially if it is mania with mixed features. Even hypomania can be quite problematic for many people. Hypomania may not turn into hospitalizations, but it can cause various losses that are regretted severely. Just like mania with mixed features, hypomania with mixed features can be terribly rough. Psychosis? That is something that just must not be left unmedicated, in my opinion.

When I was a younger woman, my severe episodes were fewer and further between than they became when I grew a little older, meaning 30s and 40s. They were also less disabling. For me, my illness is my disabler, NOT my medications, like many people want to say. I won't say that medications aren't or can't be more disabling than the illness for some people, but that needs to be carefully figured out. So often people start to forget what brought them to the point of the diagnosis and treatment. So often the misery of the illness fades into distant memories.

Before I accepted my diagnosis and proper bipolar treatment, I tried to self-medicate, but with alcohol. Self-medicating with alcohol, drugs, or other unhealthy supposed "coping" tools can be extremely destructive and dangerous. I know very few people who succeed well in self-medicating mental illness with such things. Perhaps it seems to work initially, but it is like playing with the devil.

I tried a couple of times to quit meds cold-turkey. It landed me in the psych hospital those two times, and more times because of kindling and other factors. I had a nephew who quit his bipolar medications at around 22 years old. For a couple years life seemed much better, but then his illness came back with a vengeance. We lost him before he could even get back on a therapeutic dose of a moodstabilizer again. It was just one week after his 9th hospitalization.

Possible trigger:

I don't blame my nephew for wanting to go off the medications he took before he quit them. They were not effective medications, and caused him pretty rough side effects. I've had such medications, too, but I pushed for changes rather than giving up on them. The patience, persistence, and tolerance worked for me. I'm alive and feeling pretty happy, other than missing my nephew dearly. I will always miss him, for the rest of my life. He's never coming back. Ever! Ever! Ever! He will never experience what I experienced - eventual remission and alleviation from working hard with my doctor to find a good medication cocktail. I don't blame him. I blame his illness and the bad luck of making a wrong decision, a thing we all do at times. Unfortunately, some pay more of a price for one (or more) than others.

[Travelinglady]

I wish the docs hadn't thrown all the meds they did at me. One finally admitted I was overmedicated. And if I hadn't taken an antidepressant, then I guess I wouldn't have had a manic attack that put me on the road I'm on.

If I could, then I wish I could start over. I still think I'd take some meds, but...

[Nammu]

Oh I've felt like that at times especially back in the bad ole days when the Pdocs were throwing ADs at me which just put me into mixed episodes. Somewhere along the bumpy road I got education and refused to switch wildly nilly and insisted on going off everything and limiting meds to one at a time. Found out ADs are a no no for me and I'm on one AP and 2 add ons. Works for me and I'm scared of possible consequences if I go off, like roller coster moods and delusional thinking.

[Wild Coyote]

There are definitely times I want off ALL meds, including my meds for chronic pain. As BirdDancer has mentioned, I then must consider why I am on them in the first place. Once I think of how it was before meds (not prior to illness onset), I reconsider and work with my doctors to try to tweak meds to minimize side-effects.

I hope you will work through this with your therapist and your pdoc. You are a super intelligent person and you never come across as lacking cognitively in any way; yet, only you know how it is for you.

With Love and Admiration,

WC

[Pookyl]

Nope. I bounce aggressively between being very manic and being very suicidal. For me not taking meds would be a mistake.

[~Christina]

Sure I want to dump them , but my family and I deserve the best I can be/feel.

When we go into a hellish episode once we come out we tend to get foggy about how bad our episodes really are , least things are fuzzy for me.

Meds are optional for everyone of course but maybe taper meds with your Pdoc approval and if need be.

Please stay safe

[Guiness187055]

I wish I didn't have to take meds but they keep me somewhat stable. I am a mess without them.

It didn't start well. When I admitted having suicidal feelings to my husband and we looked into treatment, the only cost effective thing seemed like going to a psychiatrist. He took my history (I was 48 and had never been on psych meds and had not thought about anything "psychological" since the Psychology 101 class I had taken when I was 18). Then he wrote a couple of precriptions and said, "This will make you feel better." It did but it made me manic and I never told him/didn't understand what was happening. I had a full time job and was taking care of a lot of things at home. I wasn't introspective enough and was completely isolated (did not tell anyone at work about my problems). Three and a half years later--when we both were unemployed--I made the decision to stop taking my medications cold turkey then couldn't get an appointment when I realized stopping was a mistake. Thirty days after going cold turkey--I made my one and only attempt that nearly killed me. I will never attempt again--I now know when I need help and have a better psychiatrist. I do take drugs. I do it because I don't want to put my family through another ordeal again.

[Christopher1990]

I hate psych meds. I feel like they've robbed my youth. I was basically force fed them at 13, perhaps we could of taken a different route.

What I do know is that now what I know, the bigger mistake was going off meds. And chances are i'll probably go there again.

the choice is yours. but for some people that choice can literally mean life or death

[yellow_fleurs]

I have only taken two meds for my moods--lexapro and lamictal. Those were "mistakes" in a way because I had bad reactions, in particular to the lexapro. I know this is expected with bipolar disorder, but the fact that I had an unusual reaction the lamictal as well makes me question what is up with how I respond to meds. I don't know if things will be better if I find the right meds, but I am now realizing that my anxiety, situational stress, and patterns of not taking care of myself are exacerbating my mood disorder. So, I am probably going to see if therapy helps me first. Despite some serious symptoms I have had, I don't get full blown mania or psychosis or anything. I think if I had those symptoms I think I would definitely want to be on meds. It's a tough choice, though.

[BipolaRNurse]

Taking meds sucks. But my life sucked even worse before I started on them, and I hate it when I get it in my head to experiment with them because it NEVER ends well and I wind up on even higher doses. So no, they are not optional for me, I must stay on them or risk having everything go to hell in a bushel basket.

[Tucson]

I understand the frustration. I do not like meds at all but they are necessary for me. For instance, if I am not properly medicated, I end up going into severe debt. I end up driving recklessly. I did get into one accident because of this. I can get so depressed that I have absolutely no energy to get off of the sofa. I hope to have a job soon that I will need to be functional and reliable for one hundred percent of the time. This means I do not have the luxury of going off of my meds and feeling miserable.

I have gone over your previous posts in order to see how you have been doing on meds. We tend to be short-sighted when we really want off of our meds. Here is what I found. I am quoting you here.

“ I'm completely fine with my current AP, as it does its job perfectly...”, “How do I express my desire for an antidepressant increase?”, “ I had suicidal thoughts yesterday night that wouldn't go away.”, “I have bipolar 1 w/ psychotic features”, “My therapist broke into my apartment and started yelling things at me, but I couldn't see her anywhere. She was telepathically yelling at me”.

I understand that it is your choice. I respect that. However, does this sound like a person who can do without meds? Just a rhetorical question.

Just be careful with the decisions that you make, OK? Your decision can impact both your quality of life, and that of others.

PS I am sure we will support you either way. Nothing here is meant to be hurtful towards you.

I go back and forth. One minute I love all the positives about my meds. The next I'm ready to flush them down the toilet.

I'm currently weighing benefit vs cost and trying to make my decision about how I want to live my life.

[Blueberrybook]

I was on depression & anxiety medication when I weaned off meds pre-pregnancy and during most of my pregnancy. I'd say I was 6 months weaning off the meds and the pill. I got pregnant very quickly, the 2nd month trying.
And though there were hormones at play for sure, I did not get any of my creativity back, which sucked, and it's not like I had a leap back with my intelligence either (though it is common to get "mommy-brain" when pregnant, making you forgetful and feel like you have less cognition; it's a real thing researchers study and all). I was even worse off meds. Of course, I was diagnosed with post-partum depression almost instantaneously after the birth. I was very depressed a lot of my pregnancy, which caused the OB to prescribe me Zoloft and Xanax the last month or so.

[Victoria'smom]

I hate meds and will only take ODT or injections. Have you thought about injections? that way it's not a constant reminder? Have you talked to your therapist about this?

[Unrigged64072835]

I have to take meds for quite a few things. I don’t like taking any of them. But I wouldn’t like the consequences of not taking them either. I’m sure my husband and daughter wouldn’t.

Originally Posted by spikes

Agreed. I tapered myself off Clozaril over the past month and I'm much better now.

Change my mind. I'm trying to find someone to prescribe an AP and maybe something for sleep now. I don't understand why I have such difficulty finding real help, but I also don't understand why I can't trust anyone who tries to help. I'm glad I got off Clozaril, but I probably should have figured out a way to get some other med.

[Sporty McDaniel]

In my experienced opinion, and I've had decades to think about this, the fix for my problems has never been meds, although I've taken plenty (and are taking some now), the fix has always been fix the factors that caused my mental illnesses in the first place. My bipolar II is induced; anyone would have gotten it if they had had my life...

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Sporty McDaniel

In my experienced opinion, and I've had decades to think about this, the fix for my problems has never been meds, although I've taken plenty (and are taking some now), the fix has always been fix the factors that caused my mental illnesses in the first place. My bipolar II is induced; anyone would have gotten it if they had had my life...

Hello Sporty McDaniel,

Welcome to PC!
I hope you will find the information and the support you may be seeking.
So glad you are making yourself at home.
I hope to see you around the forums!

WC

[Curlynurse1]

I know how you feel... I’m slowly tapering off mine and I feel better clearer happier

[bpcyclist]

I would definitely be in the ground without mine. No question about it.

[*Beth*]

What I wish is that I had not had to take so many meds to find the few that really worked. A few years ago I wrote out a list of all the medication I've either tried or stayed on and it came to around 35 meds. That made me feel sad and worried.

For the six or so meds that have really helped, though, I am grateful for them. I suppose that, like almost everyone with BD, I would love to live in a perpetual state of mild hypomania. But that, of course, doesn't work. Before too long I've morphed into a vile mania or into a deep depression.

My personal goal with meds is to be stable and to allow some of the "nicer" hypomanic tendencies to have at least a bit of say in the matter. I do not, for example, want to lose my ability and will to be creative.