Bipolar check in #39

Hi there!

New to check in. Today I had a therapy session with my mom which actually went well (surprisingly). I also had enough energy to bake for my church. I decided to make my homemade coffee brownies today. I really enjoy baking when I am stressed cause I could get my mind off of the stress.

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Yes, Mary is my loving wife, and more, she's my girlfriend -- we still hold hands wherever we go -- and my stability, and our favorite thing is just being together.

I'm so glad to see you post here, randal! I've always valued your lovely presence.

It does sound like you have a busy week ahead. I'm glad your sweetheart will join you.

I hope is a good conversation, family dynamics can be so confusing especially while young

That's awesome! And I love baking too, it's very relaxing

I hope that your able to get a lot of work done more quickly that you are thinking : hug:

I realize I've been a little quiet in this thread lately, and a little briefer than usual elsewhere. I'm OK, but not my usual self. I wish it was already Thursday of next week. I don't look forward to some obligations that are coming up. Last night we went to my husband's friend's house for dinner. I had to take an Ativan beforehand. It was not enjoyable, I'm afraid to say. We owe her a dinner at our house, but after that I told hubby to rather meet her at restaurants alone without me. This may sound terrible, I know. She's nice and I'm nice to her, but we wouldn't ever become friends. We're so different in a way that causes discomfort, likely for both of us.

I just realized that November is upon us. That means I need to buy at least a couple gifts for hubby. His birthday is in November and he also has a "name day". Does anyone here know what I mean by a "name day"? In my husband's country of Czech Republic, people usually get something on their name days. It's usually something small, but my husband is such a little boy in that he likes big gifts. I just have no idea what to get him. He has everything, in my view. I asked him to share his Amazon Wish List and one item was about $120 and the other $220. I was hoping for some in the $20 range. My Amazon Wish List has a mini muffin pan on it for $14.99 and a pair of scissors for $12.65. Really what I would love would be new curtains and shades for the upstairs. Hubby likes to help pick these out. That makes decision-making hard because we never agree on things like this. I sometimes wish I had a husband that let "the wife" decide on some of the home decor.

We essentially took last week off, trying to handle things but this week is going to be busy. I'm stable but unmotivated.

How is Miguel doing MM?

Hi depressedIRL21,
Welcome to the Bipolar Check-In Thread!

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking!

It's wonderful when therapy sessions with moms go well.
Baking for your church! Sounds yummy!
We have some bakers/cooks around here!

So glad you are joining in with us!

It's nice to have you posting again. You are missed when you are away!
I had to laugh as you'd written about your husband being a little boy wanting big gifts.

Does he listen to music and/or talk radio, TEDTalks/other, on his own?
If so, does he have a set of wireless earbuds? It is likely he has a pair, or two, but just incase, I thought I'd mention this. These are readily available at Amazon in all price ranges. Almost everyone I know has been expressing a desire for a pair or even a second pair since last Christmas. They were sold out everywhere during the holidays (last season.). I thought I'd try to help out.

I've been going crazy on Amazon. I need a new watch. There are certain functions I need to be on the watch. There are so many choices and I cannot make up my mind!

I loved it when my H involved himself in decorating the house. He has a knack for it. He does better with it than do I. Infact, I do not know who will decorate my next home! Count your blessings, sweetheart!
Love Ya!

Hello all. Checking in. I think SAD has descended but I’m not sure. My mood is up and down. Very frustrating. Nothing interesting going on as I’ve been isolating.

I’ve been in a lot of physical pain for months now but because of the insurance screw up I was afraid to get it checked out. I’m going tomorrow for my leg pain and the pinched nerve in my elbow and then for the other on November 5th. I am very worried that it might be serious and I’d like to ask for well wishes, good thoughts or prayers that everything checks out ok.

Warm wishes to all for a peaceful week ahead and hugs to those that are struggling.

I think I am behind at work, too. It's stressing me out, but one of my projects requires lots of concentration and even some abstract thinking and I am new to the type of work. So, when you throw in the attention issues, anxiety, depression etc I just find it hard because I have whole days I struggle to make progress on the project. I hope you make your goals and don't have to work too hard for too long.

I think it makes absolute sense that they can go have dinner and you just not have to deal with it.

My husband and I always do cards for Birthdays for each other. I usually bake a cake and make one of his favorite meals .. He usually tries to save a bit here and there so we can go to a lil family restaurant for a burger and fries ... with tip it’s 20.00. More times than not I go ahead and cook one of my favorite meals. haha. If there is something one of us want we just save up and get it.

My husband and I can usually narrow things down to a few choices, at that point he usually lets me decide. We did go back and forth seems like forever deciding on a paint for the guest room, I finally said I’ll let you pick whatever you want. It’s the guest bedroom I don’t live in it lol

I have noticed you have been a bit quieter. I’m always around if you wanna talk

I’m sorry SAD might be messing with you. Do you think you can schedule a day to go do X ? I really need to have something to look forward too.. I don’t think allowing yourself to isolate too much is going to be good for you Do you have a light box?! Are you able to siend 15-20 mins each day out in the sun?? I also have to take a strong vitamin D supplement, as low levels can contribute to depression

Oh wow.. I didn’t know you had medical things that need attention. Yes please do get it checked out. Prayers and good vibes coming right to you

I have been struggling for a while... because my husband has serious health problems and then my own too. I need to just fully accept that “ this” will be our new “ normal”

I think I have always thought maybe I can find something to truly help my pain and I could go back to work to increase our monthly income. But it just isn’t going to happen, not to mention I’d lose my health insurance and drug plan.

So yeah...I need to be kinder to myself while I accept such big changes in our lives.

Christina
Yes, please do be kind to yourself. Why oh why is it so hard to do that?! (I'm the same way, and it's such a challenge!)

Feeling sooooooo much better after some watching pleasure -- the new "Breaking Bad" movie! Yay Jesse! I haven't watched anything in about six weeks and it's so good to get back to it and i have much more confidence in a full recovery now that i have restored my TV + computer set-up so i can watch on my big screen again with big sound. It takes up a lot of room in my tiny living room but it's so worth it. Watching is just not the same on a small screen and if i have to wade around things in my living room, whatever. It's not the end of the world!

I've been depressed a good bit lately, just staying in bed all day. Yesterday I had a birthday party and tomorrow I have a family session with my therapist so that'll keep me occupied at least.

We're spending a lot of time just playing card games. He's no better/ no worse. He's frustrated and thinks meds are stupid for taking 6-8 weeks to kick in. He hasn't really said anything alarming but we haven't really asked. He has limited access to harmful things and my husband is awake until he is sleeping. I am awake when he wakes up. I really wish there were more options.

Hopefully the feelings of depression eases up soon. Do you normally struggle this time of the year? At least get out the sun daily to soak up some sun 15-20 mins can help, I also take a strong vitamin D suppliment. Many people get alit I’d help using a light box.

Hope your session goes well

I've always hated the lack of sun in fall/winter but I don't really recall being particularly depressed that time of year. I definitely should get more sun though, vitamin D and all that.

Why, oh why, is my body so sensitive to medication changes? Eighteen days ago I reduced my Lithium dose by 1/12 (I am trying to taper off if it). All fine for a week so I reduced it by another 1/12th. During the following week I became plagued with anxiety. Then on day fourteen the nausea, headaches, and sweating kicked in bad so I increased my dose by 1/12th in hope the symptoms would pass. Well the anxiety is less, and headaches gone, but the nausea and stomach issues have worsened. All this from reducing my dose by 1/12th. It is going to take months to get off of Lithium!

Sigh ... I also have a chronic sore left hip and now because I have only been able to sleep on my right side for six months my right arm is sore. So last night I wanted to curl up in a ball to quash the nausea but could only lay on my back. I got back up twice as I couldn’t sleep. Read about 1/3 of ‘Gone Girl’. At least I could read. Reluctantly I ended up taking seroquel to sleep and got five hours.

This morning my stomach is better but fragile. I can barely eat, and I can’t take my vitamin/supplement tablets as taking all those tablets made me much worse yesterday. It’s like my stomach can’t digest well. At least I can keep my meds down. Today is an organisation day, and maybe I will re-pot my plants. I know I will read more. ‘Gone Girl’ is addictive.

All these physical and medication issues are trying to push me down. Sometimes I want to lash out in frustration, but what would that achieve? Instead I’m focusing on the fact that my bipolar is under control, I am finally free and safe, and now have a chance to turn my life around. I’m still thinking about returning to university to finish my English (with some photography and journalism) degree. At my age it will be difficult to fine work in the best of circumstances so the degree may be useless. I’m 43. I was hoping to write articles, and sell photos. I need to be creative in finding an income source that fits my mental and physical issues. The Disability Pension here in Australia is impossible to live off long term. Especially if you pay for private health insurance, which I do, so you have access to far superior treatment.

Sorry, I’m rambling. It’s nearly 11 am so I better get my day going. Sending hugs to all who need, or want, one.

My weekend turned out ok. I made it though the various gatherings.

I spoke to some people about my books and hobby, which was nice.

Our disabled relative and friends are happy we brought them together and want to do it again soon.

The celebration that just finished is called Diwali (pronounced dee-va-lee). It's as significant as Christmas and lasts a number of days. There's lots of cooking involved using simple ingredients like rice, lentils, vegetables, and milk (not all in one dish but in many different dishes) so now we have lots of home made snacks and sweets around.

I didn't participate in making any of the food this year, but my younger son did. Hopefully next year will be better and I'll be more engaged.

But I felt ok for the important parts so I say that's a win this year.

Wild Coyote and Christina, thanks for the suggestions. Christina, what you do with your husband on birthdays would be my first choice.

Hugs to all! I'm sorry I can't write more right now.

I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. I am going to see my dad with my sister today. I'm thinking about calling the operations director for my volunteering at NAMI to tell her I can't manage the drive every week. I still want to offer volunteering, but more for events closer to home, which most of the big ones are. I wish they hadn't moved their office further from my house. I wish DBSA had daytime groups. They are much closer.