Bipolar check in #39

I honestly have tried practically anything and everything over especially the last 10 years.

Whether I’d be an actual sleep med Or AP, AD if they actually do work they burn out within a couple months at most.

Was another reason I wanted a psych Med long vacation in hopes that one day something might help.

Right now I just take a 1mg Xanax ,I was taking 2 and often taking a gabapentin 900mg while I was on oral steroids, it helped me get an hour or 2 every couple days.

I can’t tell you how many times as a small child my mother would take the leather strap to me if she found me awake at night. I just could not sleep but I learned very quickly to appear sleeping if I heard her get up in the night

I have never once sleep more than 6 days in a row, and that’s getting 4-5 hours a night at most. I honestly wouldnt know how to act if I did sleep like most people roaming the earth.

Wild Coyote, I care about you and everyone else here, very much. We are particularly vulnerable. I do, however, want to say that there are many people who are not disabled that struggle greatly because they can't afford proper medical care. Many don't even get the stupid Aetna that I referenced. Many work for a company/people that don't offer insurance. There are many people out there too proud to complain. There are many people who have to make choices between food and shelter and many other basic necessities in life. Many people have to accept alternative treatments because they can't afford certain ones that might be more beneficial. It's terrible!

You know, I used to be a frequent world traveler, but it is very stressful for me nowadays. The thought of having to perfect a language that I haven't studied for years is frightening to me. I hope, very much, that things improve greatly here. It would be wonderful if I didn't have to move.

Some people live from pay check to pay check and not that well. Do you know that many people in my state are paying $10,000 per year in property taxes alone? And I'm not talking big houses with big property. I love New Jersey. As I wrote, my family has been in this state for centuries. I can't count on some big inheritance to "save the day". My parents retired in their 50s. That would be a pipe dream to most.

I'm still sick, but I saw my doctor today. He says I have a bad cold and the beginnings of a sinus infection. No treatment yet, since it might clear up on its own.

I mentioned almost blacking out and having to sit for 2 days. He said that likely was caused by my severe dehydration. He listened to everything and offered an EKG test but said it's not necessary unless I wanted it. I skipped it.

I have to go back to work tomorrow because my work computer is broken. I was working on it and it just switched itself off and has not come on again since.

I've become obsessed with something these past several days. I need to try to cool it before it gets out of hand. There's no money involved but there's time and a lot of it. The problem: I feel good when I'm doing it. I guess I like feeling good and am overdoing it now.

I missed about 3 hours sleep during the past couple of nights, probably because of the time change. I hope things settle down.

Hi Christina. I have experienced such attitudes about disability, as well. Even from my own brother, to a degree. He makes such statements about "others on disability/etc" or "leeches on society" but doesn't directly say these things about me. But obviously many others would.


It is hard to explain to some people how hard it is to be adequately functional to work. Such people may see you looking generally normal. I think they expect you to only be in bed or foaming at the mouth? Some people will never get it.


Thanks for asking about the troubling memories I mentioned a while back. I've put them out of my mind for now, but do plan to write about them.

Am feeling a bit down from how sick I feel. I had a bad breakfast which didn’t fill me up, surprise. I’m just counting down till noon when I can reasonably have leftover chili. It won’t fill me up despite being high In protein and fiber. It didn’t last night. I’m so tired of this. I really feel for the people on here who are sick all the time, esp Christina and wild coyote. You two are rock stars! I’ve only felt sick for a few months and it’s really getting me down.


I’m taking my son to the trampoline park today. Will be fun for him. Not me. I don’t jump. I have no energy for that. But I do have to follow him around. He won’t let me just sit In the parents section. I don’t feel comfortable with that anyway. I am very protective of him.


He’s currently bringing every damn thing out of his room to put in the living room, which really annoys me because I hate clutter. But he’s having fun and he’s not on his iPad all day. So I’ll let it slide.

You know, my friends. I live in one of the richest countries in the world. Most people in my country call it "the best country in the world", which I find a little obnoxious, but understand most people love their native land, so to them it is. I love my country very much, too, so see it as the best, in most ways. However, responding to the conversation between Wild Coyote and Christina, I, too, think there is ZERO reason why anyone in the United States should be without medical coverage. It's not a privilege, in my view. It's a human right. Why do so many countries on continents like Europe have universal healthcare, and not us? Are they so much richer than those in the United States that they can manage it, but the US can't? Do those countries care more about their fellow citizens than the US citizens care about those who can't afford coverage? Why are the citizens in my husband's European country more than happy with their universal healthcare, than we are with our Aetna (big friggin name) insurance coverage? Why do they pay so much less than we do for the same procedures? Why do their citizens not end up in the poor house when they have major medical procedures? Why are they so lucky, but my husband and I have to struggle and worry about not being able to handle our medical issues in the future? Or retire. Ever! Why can they remain in their home areas, but my husband and I have to leave our home in the next few years because we can't afford to live where we do anymore?


So, should we "leave my country" because we complain about the status quo? "Love it or leave it??????????????" Yes, my husband was born in a European country, but my ancestors date back to the early 1700s in the state that I live in. But even if I didn't have my husband, I would still be impoverished and unable to afford healthcare if I lost my SSDI tomorrow. I would no longer be able to afford my doctors and medications, unless my brother (who refers to some people on disability as "leeches") or my sister helps me out financially. And can they really pay these bills? And really big bills? Or would I find myself in a situation where I die?


I vote. I vote for what I think serves my interests and the majority's interest the most. I will always vote in the elections for my country. I write my congressman/women and senators. That's as much as I can handle now. I'm otherwise at the mercy of the system. However, if I can't live a reasonable life in my country in the future I will go, unless things change for the better. I will have to be the one saying "Good riddance!" to a flawed country that doesn't take care of all of its citizens sufficiently.


People in my country ask "Where are you going to get the money to fund universal healthcare?" Well, there are a hell of lot of places to get the money. The fact is, there is a hell of a lot of resistance to taking money from some places vs. others. And those "others" are not doing me one lick of good.


So, my husband and I may be moving to France in a couple years because we have fears about the future. Believe me when I say, that there would be plenty of people in my country saying "Good riddance!" to me and my husband. Nice, huh?

Wow! I just got done writing a 4-part (3,500 word total) story series for my blog. I wrote all of this since maybe 1 pm today. I still need to reread it for editing, but I will post at least "Part 1" tomorrow afternoon. I need to find photo images for at least the post headers. I've been thinking about this series for a couple days now. I actually referenced two of the stories yesterday in this thread. The first part and maybe the fourth are a little scary. All could be potentially triggering for some. All have references to some bipolar behavior, though bipolar disorder is not the main story in all. I've named the story series "Four Bouquets of Flowers".


Tomorrow morning, I meet my sister to go to visit my father. I'm not looking forward to that. I will then have to rush home and then go in the opposite direction to my therapy appointment. I'm glad I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday. This is too much running around for me. Too much stress. Too much of a lot of things.

Wild Coyote, I care about you and everyone else here, very much. We are particularly vulnerable. I do, however, want to say that there are many people who are not disabled that struggle greatly because they can't afford proper medical care. Many don't even get the stupid Aetna that I referenced. Many work for a company/people that don't offer insurance. There are many people out there too proud to complain. There are many people who have to make choices between food and shelter and many other basic necessities in life. Many people have to accept alternative treatments because they can't afford certain ones that might be more beneficial. It's terrible!


You know, I used to be a frequent world traveler, but it is very stressful for me nowadays. The thought of having to perfect a language that I haven't studied for years is frightening to me. I hope, very much, that things improve greatly here. It would be wonderful if I didn't have to move.


Some people live from pay check to pay check and not that well. Do you know that many people in my state are paying $10,000 per year in property taxes alone? And I'm not talking big houses with big property. I love New Jersey. As I wrote, my family has been in this state for centuries. I can't count on some big inheritance to "save the day". My parents retired in their 50s. That would be a pipe dream to most.

Daylight Savings Time. Wow! Makes a big difference here. I may need a med adjustment.


Tomorrow, I have the first of four doctor’s visits/tests scheduled for this week to get these pains figured out. I’m looking forward to getting this resolved although the process of getting there leaves me reluctant. Anyway, chin up and positive thoughts! I’m going to meet M halfway Saturday so I’ll keep my mind focused on that.


Warm wishes to all for a good night of rest and a peaceful Tuesday.

Ok day so far. Managed to have a shower and feel all squeaky clean.

Dunno why it’s so hard to do something that always makes me feel so good afterwards.

It’s another day of doing nothing much. I really need to come up with some plans. I’m beginning to find stability a little dull.

I'm still sick, but I saw my doctor today. He says I have a bad cold and the beginnings of a sinus infection. No treatment yet, since it might clear up on its own.

I mentioned almost blacking out and having to sit for 2 days. He said that likely was caused by my severe dehydration. He listened to everything and offered an EKG test but said it's not necessary unless I wanted it. I skipped it.

I have to go back to work tomorrow because my work computer is broken. I was working on it and it just switched itself off and has not come on again since.

I've become obsessed with something these past several days. I need to try to cool it before it gets out of hand. There's no money involved but there's time and a lot of it. The problem: I feel good when I'm doing it. I guess I like feeling good and am overdoing it now.

I missed about 3 hours sleep during the past couple of nights, probably because of the time change. I hope things settle down.

I used to take .5mg of klonipin and I slept great.
Then pdoc decided that because I drank I should not have the benzo.
sigh
now I take melatonin and visteril and ear plugs!!!!....it works.
Sorry you struggle so.
(((((((HUGS)))))))
bizi

My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine taking beatings in my own bed, for failing to sleep..


It sounds like you're a candidate for "sleep anxiety," which works against any approach to sleeping?


I am told I have this (by a sleep specialist). Mine is from my father chronically having very violent episodes throughout the night(s). It's quite disheartening. I do not consciously feel any anxiety; there's more of a reticence to let go and to sleep. It feels like a very unsafe thing thing to do. :I also have night terrors.


I do believe it's possible to overcome any "sleep anxiety," should you have any. I just have not yet found an approach which works for me yet.


.


Edit: It's likely pain is also interfering with sleep.?

All of you are constantly in my thoughts - warm wishes for strength and resilience.

This morning I have good news of my sister. While I was out walking the dog (without my phone) she sent me a text about planning a menu for Thanksgiving. This is so reassuring. In the subsequent conversation, we set up a time for a phone call after I get home from work today.

Hi!


You've not been feeling well for seemingly quite some time now.

I am not surprised your MD had some findings. I hope you feel better soon!


As I understand things, Mirapex might cause some "obsession" "and/ or (or some type of a "compulsion." Please do run this by your pdoc!


Additionally, Mirapex might also cause some insomnia.


Please report these experiences to your pdoc.

Even if your Mirarapex is now playing a role in current symptoms, most pdocs will simply decrease the Mirapex ..


As always, my best to you and to family.

Thanks WC.

I missed another 3 hours sleep again. As you mentioned I think it's the Mirapex.

I see my pdoc in a couple of weeks but I might have to make an earlier appointment.

All the best to you and wishing for a speedy recovery for your mother

Well I did our grocery shopping for the month today , 2 different stores! It’s so exhausting.. I do still need to go to feed store and get Dog food it’s much cheaper and a better quality that what we use to buy at Hellmart.

I’m making a big pot of chicken noodle soup tomorrow, very easy and will make at least 3 maybe 4 meals for us, it freezes really well. I am grateful it’s getting cold so chili and soups are so welcome !!!

One of the biggest factors to my insomnia and my T agrees I had one of “ those uncles “ between age 4 and 6 maybe 7. I heard the “ if you tell your parents I’ll kill them deals”

So I have a flat out fear of sleeping, I have done enormous work in Therapy about it all. But it can only help so much. It’s something that I just have to live with. Sucks.

I’m sorry your father had violent episodes