Bipolar check in #39

Totally agree they should split the time and leave it alone. I hate the time change.

In response to your voiced concern about making ends meet, I'd written something like: you make good decisions and will be fine!

While you are very bright and do make great decisions, this does not earn you a better income. We can all be very bright, can make excellent decisions and resources can still fall short!

I do know. I had lived on disability pay only, while living alone, for many years.
it's brutal! I'd often felt hopeless.

My heart goes out to anyone in this boat.

I will,again, be dealing with similar issues as the divorce moves forward and I will lose medical coverage, drug coverage, dental coverage, etc. It doesn't seem quite right that I'd be the one losing benefits. yet, that's the way it's set up!!!

Much Love to You, ~Christina!

I am sorry that you will lose your benefits......
keeping you in my thoughts.
(((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

Am sorry for your pain and lungs not cooperating.
Thank you for your support. It means a lot.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
May I ask you what meds you have tried for sleep?
bizi

Thanks hun

Your current situation and losing your health benefits medication and dental should just NOT be allowed. Not at all !!

Life is just so unfair

I honestly have tried practically anything and everything over especially the last 10 years.

Whether I’d be an actual sleep med Or AP, AD if they actually do work they burn out within a couple months at most.

Was another reason I wanted a psych Med long vacation in hopes that one day something might help.

Right now I just take a 1mg Xanax ,I was taking 2 and often taking a gabapentin 900mg while I was on oral steroids, it helped me get an hour or 2 every couple days.

I can’t tell you how many times as a small child my mother would take the leather strap to me if she found me awake at night. I just could not sleep but I learned very quickly to appear sleeping if I heard her get up in the night

I have never once sleep more than 6 days in a row, and that’s getting 4-5 hours a night at most. I honestly wouldnt know how to act if I did sleep like most people roaming the earth.

My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine taking beatings in my own bed, for failing to sleep..

It sounds like you're a candidate for "sleep anxiety," which works against any approach to sleeping?

I am told I have this (by a sleep specialist). Mine is from my father chronically having very violent episodes throughout the night(s). It's quite disheartening. I do not consciously feel any anxiety; there's more of a reticence to let go and to sleep. It feels like a very unsafe thing thing to do. :I also have night terrors.

I do believe it's possible to overcome any "sleep anxiety," should you have any. I just have not yet found an approach which works for me yet.

.

Edit: It's likely pain is also interfering with sleep.?

Hi Christina. I have experienced such attitudes about disability, as well. Even from my own brother, to a degree. He makes such statements about "others on disability/etc" or "leeches on society" but doesn't directly say these things about me. But obviously many others would.

It is hard to explain to some people how hard it is to be adequately functional to work. Such people may see you looking generally normal. I think they expect you to only be in bed or foaming at the mouth? Some people will never get it.

Thanks for asking about the troubling memories I mentioned a while back. I've put them out of my mind for now, but do plan to write about them.

All of you are constantly in my thoughts - warm wishes for strength and resilience.

This morning I have good news of my sister. While I was out walking the dog (without my phone) she sent me a text about planning a menu for Thanksgiving. This is so reassuring. In the subsequent conversation, we set up a time for a phone call after I get home from work today.

Don't worry I didn't feel interrogated from your post! I think the reason why is cause I felt overwhelmed cause there was soooo many people there plus also I am a bit socially awkward so I was having trouble conversing.

Am feeling a bit down from how sick I feel. I had a bad breakfast which didn’t fill me up, surprise. I’m just counting down till noon when I can reasonably have leftover chili. It won’t fill me up despite being high In protein and fiber. It didn’t last night. I’m so tired of this. I really feel for the people on here who are sick all the time, esp Christina and wild coyote. You two are rock stars! I’ve only felt sick for a few months and it’s really getting me down.

I’m taking my son to the trampoline park today. Will be fun for him. Not me. I don’t jump. I have no energy for that. But I do have to follow him around. He won’t let me just sit In the parents section. I don’t feel comfortable with that anyway. I am very protective of him.

He’s currently bringing every damn thing out of his room to put in the living room, which really annoys me because I hate clutter. But he’s having fun and he’s not on his iPad all day. So I’ll let it slide.

Great news! So happy for you. I know you are relieved. Planning for Thanksgiving is a good sign as is setting up a phone call.

At the laundromat. Will be nice to have some clean clothes! I finally got some sleep. Feeling pretty good.

So I decided to move up my therapy appointment to today since I am still feeling anxious and my mood has been low. I hope that talking to her will make me feel alittle better and that she gives me tools for my anxiety.

I am so extremely relieved to read this, Daonnachd!

Oh yea! Those are very encouraging things! I am so glad for both of you.

You know, my friends. I live in one of the richest countries in the world. Most people in my country call it "the best country in the world", which I find a little obnoxious, but understand most people love their native land, so to them it is. I love my country very much, too, so see it as the best, in most ways. However, responding to the conversation between Wild Coyote and Christina, I, too, think there is ZERO reason why anyone in the United States should be without medical coverage. It's not a privilege, in my view. It's a human right. Why do so many countries on continents like Europe have universal healthcare, and not us? Are they so much richer than those in the United States that they can manage it, but the US can't? Do those countries care more about their fellow citizens than the US citizens care about those who can't afford coverage? Why are the citizens in my husband's European country more than happy with their universal healthcare, than we are with our Aetna (big friggin name) insurance coverage? Why do they pay so much less than we do for the same procedures? Why do their citizens not end up in the poor house when they have major medical procedures? Why are they so lucky, but my husband and I have to struggle and worry about not being able to handle our medical issues in the future? Or retire. Ever! Why can they remain in their home areas, but my husband and I have to leave our home in the next few years because we can't afford to live where we do anymore?

So, should we "leave my country" because we complain about the status quo? "Love it or leave it??????????????" Yes, my husband was born in a European country, but my ancestors date back to the early 1700s in the state that I live in. But even if I didn't have my husband, I would still be impoverished and unable to afford healthcare if I lost my SSDI tomorrow. I would no longer be able to afford my doctors and medications, unless my brother (who refers to some people on disability as "leeches") or my sister helps me out financially. And can they really pay these bills? And really big bills? Or would I find myself in a situation where I die?

I vote. I vote for what I think serves my interests and the majority's interest the most. I will always vote in the elections for my country. I write my congressman/women and senators. That's as much as I can handle now. I'm otherwise at the mercy of the system. However, if I can't live a reasonable life in my country in the future I will go, unless things change for the better. I will have to be the one saying "Good riddance!" to a flawed country that doesn't take care of all of its citizens sufficiently.

People in my country ask "Where are you going to get the money to fund universal healthcare?" Well, there are a hell of lot of places to get the money. The fact is, there is a hell of a lot of resistance to taking money from some places vs. others. And those "others" are not doing me one lick of good.

So, my husband and I may be moving to France in a couple years because we have fears about the future. Believe me when I say, that there would be plenty of people in my country saying "Good riddance!" to me and my husband. Nice, huh?

This is a capitalist country and unfortunately the electoral vote is screwed toward the rich. It is not a one person one vote country. The rich are statistically more selfish and do not support medical benefits for all. I'm sorry that leaving you country is a very real possibility just so you can get basic care.

I wish the electoral college was abolished, but obviously there's great pressure not to do so, for obvious reasons. Thanks for bringing that up, Nammu, and for your kind words.

I go through this , too, sometimes.

I often find the noise in crowds troublesome. I cannot always hear someone next to me, talking to me; I hear someone across the room instead!

I do get anxious, too., sometimes. It can depend upon the situation and upon who might be present.

I hope your therapist is helpful to you today!

Oh, Fantastic!
I have been very concerned about you, her and your whole family.
Thanks so much for the update.
I hope the visiting goes well and all have a great time this upcoming holiday!
You are a great guy, an amazing father, husband and brother, I am sure!

I feel so good on the days I finish up my laundry!
SO glad you've slept!

BirdDancer, Thanks so much for writing this post!
You have written on a very important topic.

I can recall, when I first became ill, waiting for disability approval and selling almost everything I had owned in order to get by until I had SSDI approval. Then, things were not much better. It was a HUGE source of ongoing stress and anxiety, trying to figure out how to have a roof over my head, trying to pay for medical care, pay for meds, pay for food and utilities, etc.

I have had some relief for awhile, since being married. I will, however, end up back in that mode of trying to make ends meet again, as soon as the divorce is final. I am not looking forward to it. A lot of wonderful people have to deal with this and there is no reason I should be immune from dealing with it. There ARE reasons NOBODY should have to deal with this.

I have known of several people who had gotten too weary and have given up .

People on disability have gone through stringent reviews/investigations. They are not pulling the wool over anyone's eyes! While this ill/disabled, we must live under tremendous and chronic stress just trying to meet basic needs.

I have friends who have very, very little and have been able, so far, to hold onto their small home. However, recently a hospital took them to court over a bill and threatened to put a lien on the only thing this couple has left, the roof over their heads. It's disheartening, to say the least.

I could go on and on, but won't.

My heart goes out!

Thanks, BirdDancer!

Wow! I just got done writing a 4-part (3,500 word total) story series for my blog. I wrote all of this since maybe 1 pm today. I still need to reread it for editing, but I will post at least "Part 1" tomorrow afternoon. I need to find photo images for at least the post headers. I've been thinking about this series for a couple days now. I actually referenced two of the stories yesterday in this thread. The first part and maybe the fourth are a little scary. All could be potentially triggering for some. All have references to some bipolar behavior, though bipolar disorder is not the main story in all. I've named the story series "Four Bouquets of Flowers".

Tomorrow morning, I meet my sister to go to visit my father. I'm not looking forward to that. I will then have to rush home and then go in the opposite direction to my therapy appointment. I'm glad I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday. This is too much running around for me. Too much stress. Too much of a lot of things.

Wild Coyote, I care about you and everyone else here, very much. We are particularly vulnerable. I do, however, want to say that there are many people who are not disabled that struggle greatly because they can't afford proper medical care. Many don't even get the stupid Aetna that I referenced. Many work for a company/people that don't offer insurance. There are many people out there too proud to complain. There are many people who have to make choices between food and shelter and many other basic necessities in life. Many people have to accept alternative treatments because they can't afford certain ones that might be more beneficial. It's terrible!

You know, I used to be a frequent world traveler, but it is very stressful for me nowadays. The thought of having to perfect a language that I haven't studied for years is frightening to me. I hope, very much, that things improve greatly here. It would be wonderful if I didn't have to move.

Some people live from pay check to pay check and not that well. Do you know that many people in my state are paying $10,000 per year in property taxes alone? And I'm not talking big houses with big property. I love New Jersey. As I wrote, my family has been in this state for centuries. I can't count on some big inheritance to "save the day". My parents retired in their 50s. That would be a pipe dream to most.